Fallguy20
04-21-2009, 01:07 AM
WARNING, LONG READ! Last nights run was crazy, so much so that I wrote the following when I got back from the run, and while looking back over it the math doesnt exactly add up, this shits poetry man...
Its late right now... about 2:45 by my watch... time has stopped... its just me here... alone... I just got back in from a late night run through the Raintree subdivision and beyond. It was nice, quiet and peaceful, with only the sound of my footsteps as they briskly slapped the unforgiving concrete beneath my feet and only my shadow to serve as a running buddy. I saw no cars and besides one painfully shrill note from a pretentious owl, everything was still. Still, that was the loudest run ive ever had.
I took a watch out of habit and I estimate that I ran about a 12 mile loop to go with around a 110:52 time. Thats a good run, but I felt like I was flying... felt like I had all the strength I would ever need... felt like the breaths I took were only to convince myself I was still alive. I only ever felt this way one other time, and if im lucky these two cases will be special enough that they will remain the ONLY two ever.
I had alot of time with myself on this run... I considerd alot of things... mostly useless, others mundane, some im ashamed to admit were even on my mind... But eventually, I found myself angry. I can honestly say ive never been more furious in my entire life. The world around me, the shadows that run away from the light, myself, the people who mean good but usually just bring everything down... all of it just slammed into me like a tidal wave of emotion, and all of it made me want to run faster and go farther.
As I quickend my pace and coverd more ground out to a road ive never been before, I kept thinking about what I said to her... "run away with me... just you and me"... I ran faster still
I got out to Roosevelt and I hung a right towards the downtown... there was some life around here, only too unsure of itself to impede my progress or impose itself upon anything else that may or may not have existed in the night air. I had a song going through my head that matched my stride, matched my breathing, matched my thoughts...
"cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort..."
I was tired... I had been running for well over an hour now, a long distance cross country workout during the later part of the season, but here I was: out of shape, no purpose, without any idea where the hell I was going...
I found my way through fields, old forgotten greenbelt paths and across pavement that echoed my pulse. I just kept going, further then ive ever gone on a single run perhaps...
I stopped running... I stopped my watch... Time stood still... I kid you not, everthing in my body wanted to keep running, wanted to keep going... I stumbled forward with all the kinetic energy that was still inside me, willing me forward even when every other running mechanic had shut down. During that time, laying on the grass right next to the curve in 12th where the dentists office is, I sat.
You would be surprised how many cars are on that road at 1:15 at night... honestly, you would. I thought about the people in the cars, and I asked myself if they were ****ed up like me... insomniacs to the core, ambitious, self-righteous, narcissitic and underachieving despite the very best of intentions... I couldnt answer... everybody is different and who am I to give the strangers hidden behind windshields a lable most would sooner bury.
It wasnt fun there... I had stayed warm before as I was running, pumping my arms and keeping my legs moving, but now I was hungry, cold and tired... and I still had a good hour home assuming I kept the same pace as I had starting out. I wanted to sit and just wait for the dawn... maybe even sleep... but I got up.
...
Why the hell did I get up? I was happy there, sitting on the grass, thinking, not being worried about what was going on in my or others lives, not trying to figure it all through my head as the sums refused to add up... still, i got up and pushed myself away from somthing that had made me really happy in a long time...
ha... like i havent done that before...
That was my problem... I wasnt happy where I was, I wasnt happy where I was going... stuck in the middle is a tricky thing, because you see a way out, but when your influenced by what you see on both sides of you, you tend to travel off the given path.
And so I ran, in a soaking wet t-shirt and sweatshirt, beaten and broken down, same as always but just a little bit worse for the wear and tear. I thought about how I would get home... I decided to go halfway to where some family of mine lives and I would let myself in and crash there for the night... I got there, but I didnt stop... I had a chance, and I kept going.
I was feeling my legs again, willing the air into my lungs, telling my legs and calves to kindly shut the f*ck up as I just kept going... my grandparents lived a few miles down the road and I figured I would stop there... I didnt.
I made it the whole way from my house to the middle of nowhere an back again.
The end was the easiest... I knew how far I had to go... I knew that it was just a few more streets, one more back ally way and a shortcut through a field. That doesnt mean I didnt need to will myself in the end, its just that it wasnt as hard upstairs as it could have been.
I threw my cloths into an empty laundry basket and kicked off my shoes, but I looked at the watch that still hadnt been restarted since I had left 12th. It didnt matter now, what time was, because hell, even as im writing this I can tell you that the difference between 4 hours and 4 days is only a drop in the bucket...
Time stood still...
for one last run back, time stood still and I got exactly what I had been going for. I wasnt angry, I didnt want to run away, I didnt feel like I was pressed for time. Im tired, ill give you that, but nobody can say I waste my sleepless nights. even now, 3:38... ive accomplished more in one nights work then I ever would have in the day...
ya bi*ch
Its late right now... about 2:45 by my watch... time has stopped... its just me here... alone... I just got back in from a late night run through the Raintree subdivision and beyond. It was nice, quiet and peaceful, with only the sound of my footsteps as they briskly slapped the unforgiving concrete beneath my feet and only my shadow to serve as a running buddy. I saw no cars and besides one painfully shrill note from a pretentious owl, everything was still. Still, that was the loudest run ive ever had.
I took a watch out of habit and I estimate that I ran about a 12 mile loop to go with around a 110:52 time. Thats a good run, but I felt like I was flying... felt like I had all the strength I would ever need... felt like the breaths I took were only to convince myself I was still alive. I only ever felt this way one other time, and if im lucky these two cases will be special enough that they will remain the ONLY two ever.
I had alot of time with myself on this run... I considerd alot of things... mostly useless, others mundane, some im ashamed to admit were even on my mind... But eventually, I found myself angry. I can honestly say ive never been more furious in my entire life. The world around me, the shadows that run away from the light, myself, the people who mean good but usually just bring everything down... all of it just slammed into me like a tidal wave of emotion, and all of it made me want to run faster and go farther.
As I quickend my pace and coverd more ground out to a road ive never been before, I kept thinking about what I said to her... "run away with me... just you and me"... I ran faster still
I got out to Roosevelt and I hung a right towards the downtown... there was some life around here, only too unsure of itself to impede my progress or impose itself upon anything else that may or may not have existed in the night air. I had a song going through my head that matched my stride, matched my breathing, matched my thoughts...
"cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort..."
I was tired... I had been running for well over an hour now, a long distance cross country workout during the later part of the season, but here I was: out of shape, no purpose, without any idea where the hell I was going...
I found my way through fields, old forgotten greenbelt paths and across pavement that echoed my pulse. I just kept going, further then ive ever gone on a single run perhaps...
I stopped running... I stopped my watch... Time stood still... I kid you not, everthing in my body wanted to keep running, wanted to keep going... I stumbled forward with all the kinetic energy that was still inside me, willing me forward even when every other running mechanic had shut down. During that time, laying on the grass right next to the curve in 12th where the dentists office is, I sat.
You would be surprised how many cars are on that road at 1:15 at night... honestly, you would. I thought about the people in the cars, and I asked myself if they were ****ed up like me... insomniacs to the core, ambitious, self-righteous, narcissitic and underachieving despite the very best of intentions... I couldnt answer... everybody is different and who am I to give the strangers hidden behind windshields a lable most would sooner bury.
It wasnt fun there... I had stayed warm before as I was running, pumping my arms and keeping my legs moving, but now I was hungry, cold and tired... and I still had a good hour home assuming I kept the same pace as I had starting out. I wanted to sit and just wait for the dawn... maybe even sleep... but I got up.
...
Why the hell did I get up? I was happy there, sitting on the grass, thinking, not being worried about what was going on in my or others lives, not trying to figure it all through my head as the sums refused to add up... still, i got up and pushed myself away from somthing that had made me really happy in a long time...
ha... like i havent done that before...
That was my problem... I wasnt happy where I was, I wasnt happy where I was going... stuck in the middle is a tricky thing, because you see a way out, but when your influenced by what you see on both sides of you, you tend to travel off the given path.
And so I ran, in a soaking wet t-shirt and sweatshirt, beaten and broken down, same as always but just a little bit worse for the wear and tear. I thought about how I would get home... I decided to go halfway to where some family of mine lives and I would let myself in and crash there for the night... I got there, but I didnt stop... I had a chance, and I kept going.
I was feeling my legs again, willing the air into my lungs, telling my legs and calves to kindly shut the f*ck up as I just kept going... my grandparents lived a few miles down the road and I figured I would stop there... I didnt.
I made it the whole way from my house to the middle of nowhere an back again.
The end was the easiest... I knew how far I had to go... I knew that it was just a few more streets, one more back ally way and a shortcut through a field. That doesnt mean I didnt need to will myself in the end, its just that it wasnt as hard upstairs as it could have been.
I threw my cloths into an empty laundry basket and kicked off my shoes, but I looked at the watch that still hadnt been restarted since I had left 12th. It didnt matter now, what time was, because hell, even as im writing this I can tell you that the difference between 4 hours and 4 days is only a drop in the bucket...
Time stood still...
for one last run back, time stood still and I got exactly what I had been going for. I wasnt angry, I didnt want to run away, I didnt feel like I was pressed for time. Im tired, ill give you that, but nobody can say I waste my sleepless nights. even now, 3:38... ive accomplished more in one nights work then I ever would have in the day...
ya bi*ch