Manute for Ever!
10-10-2009, 05:21 AM
I did my 'Top 20 Biggest B!tches in Cartoons/Comics' a week or two back (right here: http://www.insidehoops.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148554), but now, after a lengthy drunken conversation, it's the guys turn...
20. Pete
http://www.comictreadmill.com/CTMBlogarchives/2007Images/Day8BlackPete.jpg
Pete (also known as Black Pete or Peg-Leg Pete) was the nemesis of Mickey Mouse from way back in the Steamboat Willy days and then later became the sworn enemy of Donald Duck. Pete was large and ever the bastard, picking on Mickey and his friends for no real reason other than to show that he was bigger and stronger than the whiney little runts. He usually played an authority figure as well making himself all that much more of a thorn in the sides of our heroes. A monstrous amalgamation of a dog and Long John Silver, Pete proved that he was an even bigger bastard than we thought when he actually befriended Goofy in A Goofy Movie and in the spin-off series Goof Troop… probably all in a perverted attempt to make things purposefully awkward for the three loveable Disney icons during get togethers.
19. Cobra Commander
http://rashaunhall.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/cobra_commander.jpg
Take the greatest dictators of all time, pair them with The Phantom of the Opera, and then throw in the intelligence of Jessica Simpson, and you’ve got the chief nemesis of America and GI Joe, Cobra Commander.
We never really learned why Cobra Commander wanted to take over the world and why the entire membership of C.O.B.R.A. thought that this raspy and cowardly Nancy boy was the best choice to rule it, but never the less you have to admire Cobra Commander for his tenacity. Even when his own people got sick and tired of his ****, replaced him with a bigger badass and then changed him into a snake, he still came back with this dip**** schemes and ultimatums.
Oh, and if you were one of his pals, he had no qualms about leaving your butt behind to save his own.
18. Mumm Ra
http://www.geocities.com/enertron_matrix/pictures/Mumm-Ra.jpeg
Why did this guy hate the Thundercats so much? Was it because he landed on a planet he considered his own? It never stopped him from going after the Amazons or those retarded Ro-Bear Berbils things. Mumm Ra picked on The Thundercats for no good reason, sort of like little kids pick on the new kids in school. Instead of stealing lunch money, Mumm Ra wanted to steal Lion-O’s sword.
Later on in the series, with the addition of Mumm Ra’s faithfull pooch Ma Mutt, we learn that Mumm Ra hated the Thundercats simply because he was a dog person.
Plus, did anyone find it more than a little odd and disturbing that Mumm Ra - while in his weaker mummified form - basically paraded around naked with only a cape and some well-placed bandages to hide his shriveled shame?
I'm not saying anything, but I had an uncle who paraded out on his back porch wearing the same thing and he's not due for parole for another three years.
17. Daffy Duck
http://gryphonscry.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/duck-daffy.jpg
Yeah, I know. He’s a beloved Looney Tunes character and I'm sure I'll get tons of hate over this choice, but Daffy Duck the biggest bastard of the Looney Tunes bunch! Not even Yosemite Sam would stoop so low as to steal the spotlight from someone busting their ass to do a show or to steal a treasure from your best friend who accidentally stumbled upon it in a burrow. How big of a bastard do you have to be to make it so that the audience actually wants Elmer Fudd to shoot you?
I mean, for God’s sake, to save himself from the possibility that he might actually get shot during hunting season, Daffy was willing to murder… murder Bugs Bunny, the closest thing he has to a friend!
16. Bender
http://thevoidcomedy.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/bender.jpg
I love the guy, but his bastardliness knows no bounds. Now, you can argue that he is a machine and therefore immune to said accusations of bastarditude, but Bender’s bastardisity is apparent whether he is animal, mineral, or vegetable thanks to his scheming, thievery, and overwhelming ego.
What kind of a bastard steals from his friends that much? Tries to kill his friend’s pets? Sells nude pictures of his friends on the internet?
Granted, there are times when Bender saves the day, but in my opinion that makes him a loveable bastard rather than a plain old everyday bastard.
15. Mr. Cogswell
http://www.cartoonscrapbook.com/03pics/jetsons14.jpg
I know what you’re saying, “What about Mr. Spacely?” True, Spacely was a bastard, but for the premiere bastard of the future, you don’t look at George Jetson’s diminutive boss, but rather to his competitor, Mr. Cogswell.
So what makes Cogswell a bigger bastard than Spacely? Spacely may have been a foul-tempered tyrant who would fire George without a second thought, but Cogswell was a person of questionable morals who would probably molest Elroy without a second thought if he thought it might give him the smallest leg up on the competition.
Cogswell was well known for sending spies into Spacely Sprockets to steal all of Spacely’s greatest ideas. Why? Well, it’s obvious… Cogswell was one of those bastards who never got any great ideas on his own, so he had to steal them from other people. We’ve all run into these kinds of bastards before, especially here on ISH, and they are infuriating. The fact that Cogswell revels in the idea of being an idea theif only makes him that much more insufferable.
14. Doctor Zin
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/3512/zin.jpg
Doctor Zin was a charismatic leader that somehow managed to recruit hundreds if not thousands of people to his side and what does he do with that power? He picks on a couple of kids and their dog. What a bastard! Later on, he even got his own daughter to seduce Hadji so that he could screw with the Quests that much more. Not only is he a bastard, but he’s a lousy father as well and now poor little Hadji, still hung up on his love, can’t even fight Zin without popping a boner now.
Dr Zin has been a long-time enemy of the Quests. No one knows exactly who he is, where he comes from, or what his doctorate is in, but everyone knows that he wants to take over the world. (He's not shy about telling everybody who'll listen, and those who'd rather not.) Armed with a brilliant mind and seemingly bottomless pockets, Dr Zin is almost Dr Quest's evil twin…. His bastardly twin.
13. Flintheart Glomgold\
http://www.slurvemag.com/Season3/images/flintheart.jpg
The biggest bastard of Duckberg, no doubt, was Flintheart Glomgold. True, Scrooge McDuck might have been a little greedy, but Flintheart made him look like the Salvation Army.
This was the classic case of keeping up with the Joneses. If Scrooge got an airplane, Flintheart wanted a bigger airplane made out of gold. If Scrooge made a million, Flintheart wanted to make a billion.
Now, a little ambition is fine, but this feathery bastard actually went out of his way to sabotage and steal from his rival, enlisting the help of lesser bastards like The Beagle Boys or Magica DeSpell and, if he was successful in knocking Scrooge down a peg or two, he would come over and gloat about it.
12. Dungeon Master
http://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/350601174_1424999879.jpg
You want to talk about Bastards, I’ve got one of the more sadistic examples right here.
In the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon of the 80’s, four teens found themselves trapped in a mystical fantasy world guided only by the dwarfish Dungeon Master who they relied on to try and get home. Instead of telling them, “Go this way and get home,” this sawed-off little **** gave them riddles so convoluted that no one could solve them and continued to taunt them by saying he was going to send them home every week… only to watch in glee as their dreams shattered like glass.
Not to mention, he was the father of Venger, the villain of the entire story and was manipulating these kids to try and help redeem him. A sadistic and selfish little bastard who really didn’t give a rat's ass if the kids who trusted their lives to him got home or not.
11. Mooninites
http://www.electronic-chaos.com/events/mooninites300x220.jpg
What list of cartoondom’s biggest bastards would be complete without these two pricks? There is literally nothing that these two do that isn’t bastardly on one level or another and, let’s face it, when the Mooninites are involved… those are really big levels.
Usually, the Mooninites spend their time trying to corrupt the poor innocent Meatwad to their bastardly ways making them bigger bastards than they would be if they would just remain individual bastards.
I mean, they actually out-bastard Master Shake. Do you realize the amount of bastarditude it takes to pull that off?
Stay tuned for the top 10...
20. Pete
http://www.comictreadmill.com/CTMBlogarchives/2007Images/Day8BlackPete.jpg
Pete (also known as Black Pete or Peg-Leg Pete) was the nemesis of Mickey Mouse from way back in the Steamboat Willy days and then later became the sworn enemy of Donald Duck. Pete was large and ever the bastard, picking on Mickey and his friends for no real reason other than to show that he was bigger and stronger than the whiney little runts. He usually played an authority figure as well making himself all that much more of a thorn in the sides of our heroes. A monstrous amalgamation of a dog and Long John Silver, Pete proved that he was an even bigger bastard than we thought when he actually befriended Goofy in A Goofy Movie and in the spin-off series Goof Troop… probably all in a perverted attempt to make things purposefully awkward for the three loveable Disney icons during get togethers.
19. Cobra Commander
http://rashaunhall.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/cobra_commander.jpg
Take the greatest dictators of all time, pair them with The Phantom of the Opera, and then throw in the intelligence of Jessica Simpson, and you’ve got the chief nemesis of America and GI Joe, Cobra Commander.
We never really learned why Cobra Commander wanted to take over the world and why the entire membership of C.O.B.R.A. thought that this raspy and cowardly Nancy boy was the best choice to rule it, but never the less you have to admire Cobra Commander for his tenacity. Even when his own people got sick and tired of his ****, replaced him with a bigger badass and then changed him into a snake, he still came back with this dip**** schemes and ultimatums.
Oh, and if you were one of his pals, he had no qualms about leaving your butt behind to save his own.
18. Mumm Ra
http://www.geocities.com/enertron_matrix/pictures/Mumm-Ra.jpeg
Why did this guy hate the Thundercats so much? Was it because he landed on a planet he considered his own? It never stopped him from going after the Amazons or those retarded Ro-Bear Berbils things. Mumm Ra picked on The Thundercats for no good reason, sort of like little kids pick on the new kids in school. Instead of stealing lunch money, Mumm Ra wanted to steal Lion-O’s sword.
Later on in the series, with the addition of Mumm Ra’s faithfull pooch Ma Mutt, we learn that Mumm Ra hated the Thundercats simply because he was a dog person.
Plus, did anyone find it more than a little odd and disturbing that Mumm Ra - while in his weaker mummified form - basically paraded around naked with only a cape and some well-placed bandages to hide his shriveled shame?
I'm not saying anything, but I had an uncle who paraded out on his back porch wearing the same thing and he's not due for parole for another three years.
17. Daffy Duck
http://gryphonscry.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/duck-daffy.jpg
Yeah, I know. He’s a beloved Looney Tunes character and I'm sure I'll get tons of hate over this choice, but Daffy Duck the biggest bastard of the Looney Tunes bunch! Not even Yosemite Sam would stoop so low as to steal the spotlight from someone busting their ass to do a show or to steal a treasure from your best friend who accidentally stumbled upon it in a burrow. How big of a bastard do you have to be to make it so that the audience actually wants Elmer Fudd to shoot you?
I mean, for God’s sake, to save himself from the possibility that he might actually get shot during hunting season, Daffy was willing to murder… murder Bugs Bunny, the closest thing he has to a friend!
16. Bender
http://thevoidcomedy.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/bender.jpg
I love the guy, but his bastardliness knows no bounds. Now, you can argue that he is a machine and therefore immune to said accusations of bastarditude, but Bender’s bastardisity is apparent whether he is animal, mineral, or vegetable thanks to his scheming, thievery, and overwhelming ego.
What kind of a bastard steals from his friends that much? Tries to kill his friend’s pets? Sells nude pictures of his friends on the internet?
Granted, there are times when Bender saves the day, but in my opinion that makes him a loveable bastard rather than a plain old everyday bastard.
15. Mr. Cogswell
http://www.cartoonscrapbook.com/03pics/jetsons14.jpg
I know what you’re saying, “What about Mr. Spacely?” True, Spacely was a bastard, but for the premiere bastard of the future, you don’t look at George Jetson’s diminutive boss, but rather to his competitor, Mr. Cogswell.
So what makes Cogswell a bigger bastard than Spacely? Spacely may have been a foul-tempered tyrant who would fire George without a second thought, but Cogswell was a person of questionable morals who would probably molest Elroy without a second thought if he thought it might give him the smallest leg up on the competition.
Cogswell was well known for sending spies into Spacely Sprockets to steal all of Spacely’s greatest ideas. Why? Well, it’s obvious… Cogswell was one of those bastards who never got any great ideas on his own, so he had to steal them from other people. We’ve all run into these kinds of bastards before, especially here on ISH, and they are infuriating. The fact that Cogswell revels in the idea of being an idea theif only makes him that much more insufferable.
14. Doctor Zin
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/3512/zin.jpg
Doctor Zin was a charismatic leader that somehow managed to recruit hundreds if not thousands of people to his side and what does he do with that power? He picks on a couple of kids and their dog. What a bastard! Later on, he even got his own daughter to seduce Hadji so that he could screw with the Quests that much more. Not only is he a bastard, but he’s a lousy father as well and now poor little Hadji, still hung up on his love, can’t even fight Zin without popping a boner now.
Dr Zin has been a long-time enemy of the Quests. No one knows exactly who he is, where he comes from, or what his doctorate is in, but everyone knows that he wants to take over the world. (He's not shy about telling everybody who'll listen, and those who'd rather not.) Armed with a brilliant mind and seemingly bottomless pockets, Dr Zin is almost Dr Quest's evil twin…. His bastardly twin.
13. Flintheart Glomgold\
http://www.slurvemag.com/Season3/images/flintheart.jpg
The biggest bastard of Duckberg, no doubt, was Flintheart Glomgold. True, Scrooge McDuck might have been a little greedy, but Flintheart made him look like the Salvation Army.
This was the classic case of keeping up with the Joneses. If Scrooge got an airplane, Flintheart wanted a bigger airplane made out of gold. If Scrooge made a million, Flintheart wanted to make a billion.
Now, a little ambition is fine, but this feathery bastard actually went out of his way to sabotage and steal from his rival, enlisting the help of lesser bastards like The Beagle Boys or Magica DeSpell and, if he was successful in knocking Scrooge down a peg or two, he would come over and gloat about it.
12. Dungeon Master
http://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/350601174_1424999879.jpg
You want to talk about Bastards, I’ve got one of the more sadistic examples right here.
In the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon of the 80’s, four teens found themselves trapped in a mystical fantasy world guided only by the dwarfish Dungeon Master who they relied on to try and get home. Instead of telling them, “Go this way and get home,” this sawed-off little **** gave them riddles so convoluted that no one could solve them and continued to taunt them by saying he was going to send them home every week… only to watch in glee as their dreams shattered like glass.
Not to mention, he was the father of Venger, the villain of the entire story and was manipulating these kids to try and help redeem him. A sadistic and selfish little bastard who really didn’t give a rat's ass if the kids who trusted their lives to him got home or not.
11. Mooninites
http://www.electronic-chaos.com/events/mooninites300x220.jpg
What list of cartoondom’s biggest bastards would be complete without these two pricks? There is literally nothing that these two do that isn’t bastardly on one level or another and, let’s face it, when the Mooninites are involved… those are really big levels.
Usually, the Mooninites spend their time trying to corrupt the poor innocent Meatwad to their bastardly ways making them bigger bastards than they would be if they would just remain individual bastards.
I mean, they actually out-bastard Master Shake. Do you realize the amount of bastarditude it takes to pull that off?
Stay tuned for the top 10...