I'm a possessive boyfriend - what can I do?

[Bourne]

I don't do anything BAD (worst I've done in relation to this is snoop my girlfriends facebook once, phone twice, and email twice), but I'm still over-possessive.

Here is the skinny:

- my girlfriend is pretty and has a good body (#1 reason i didnt make this thread earlier is cuz people will think im bragging. im not)
- she likes to wear outfits that display this fact (not skanky whatsoever, but not plain clothes either)
- she is in another city until next september


See, I get a terrible feeling when I think about her dressing nicely and having boys gawking at her. I KNOW it's ok for her to dress that way - she's a girly girl and likes to look nice. But I catch myself being mad at her for wearing a tight skirt of something even though she only wore it to work!

I have zero fear of her leaving me, so that's not what this is about. I just hate the thought of guys checking her out, her dressing in a way that allows this, etc.

she's told me that guys have said she looks like a model (ugh... models look gross. my gf has a pear-type body shape, so dont get the wrong idea!), i found a message in her facebook messages from a guy calling her hot. i know it happens. but i also know there is nothing to worry about.


but i still feel like shit about it.

what can i do?

[kNIOKAS]

post pics.

[KissMySwag]

post pics.
:roll: :roll: :roll:

[8BeastlyXOIAD]

:roll: :roll: :roll:
:lol :lol :lol :lol

[Bourne]

haha i expected these comments!

hey guys, dont bother asking for pics. she hasn't sent me any since summer and she is too stressed from school now, lol! so if i cant get any, neither will you!


Anybody else feel over possessive like I do?

[The Big Skinny]

I don't do anything BAD (worst I've done in relation to this is snoop my girlfriends facebook once, phone twice, and email twice), but I'm still over-possessive.

Here is the skinny:

- my girlfriend is pretty and has a good body (#1 reason i didnt make this thread earlier is cuz people will think im bragging. im not)
- she likes to wear outfits that display this fact (not skanky whatsoever, but not plain clothes either)
- she is in another city until next september


See, I get a terrible feeling when I think about her dressing nicely and having boys gawking at her. I KNOW it's ok for her to dress that way - she's a girly girl and likes to look nice. But I catch myself being mad at her for wearing a tight skirt of something even though she only wore it to work!

I have zero fear of her leaving me, so that's not what this is about. I just hate the thought of guys checking her out, her dressing in a way that allows this, etc.

she's told me that guys have said she looks like a model (ugh... models look gross. my gf has a pear-type body shape, so dont get the wrong idea!), i found a message in her facebook messages from a guy calling her hot. i know it happens. but i also know there is nothing to worry about.


but i still feel like shit about it.

what can i do?

well then whats the problem. Even if you are with her 24/7, if she wears scantily clad outfits, then guys will look at her. You should take it as a compliment bro.

[Bourne]

well then whats the problem. Even if you are with her 24/7, if she wears scantily clad outfits, then guys will look at her. You should take it as a compliment bro.

She doesn't wear anything that could be called scantily clad. Just the opposite. But when you have an ass like that, a slightly-tight skirt looks great.

This whole 'taking it as a compliment thing' - wouldn't someone have to be extremely shallow to feel that way?

Bottom line, I don't like guys checking out my girlfriend. *I* am the one who helps her with her problems, listen to her day, drives to another city to see her, etc., not them - not them. I think being attractive is a very personal thing, AND I am a very loyal person, so put those together and I just think other guys should not get to look at her like that.

:confusedshrug:

I know I cant ask her to dress like a dump (again, she doesnt dress sexy, she is physically attractiveness and it shows through), nor can I limit her exposure. Not what I would ever consider doing that.

So how do I not get this huge anxiety when I think about guys getting to look at her?

[oh the horror]

she's told me that guys have said she looks like a model



Why is she telling YOU this?


How has that come up in conversation? I'd be a bit skeptical about a female, telling me about how OTHER men tell her how attractive she is.

[gts]

You should probably date ugly women until you're emotionally mature enough to handle the hotties

[Bourne]

Why is she telling YOU this?


How has that come up in conversation? I'd be a bit skeptical about a female, telling me about how OTHER men tell her how attractive she is.

I know what you're thinking. It's not that, haha

it was someone from her school telling their mutual friend, who then told my gf, while he was drunk, that she looks like a vietnamese supermodel. my gf thought it was funny cuz she really doesnt look like a supermodel at all cuz she is thick. i didnt find it funny, but that's the context she said it in

[macmac]

I know what you're thinking. It's not that, haha

it was someone from her school telling their mutual friend, who then told my gf, while he was drunk, that she looks like a vietnamese supermodel. my gf thought it was funny cuz she really doesnt look like a supermodel at all cuz she is thick. i didnt find it funny, but that's the context she said it in

You sound like you don't understand life.

[Captain Kirk]

I thought the title said "I'm a professional boyfriend", I'm no longer interested.

[Gundress]

STOP WHINING MAN


BE PROUD OF IT....YOU KNOW OTHER DUDE WOULD BE SAYING..."DAMN, THIS CHICK IS HOT.....THAT DUDE IS LUCKY TO BANG THAT CHICK IF SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND, WISH THAT WAS ME"

AND YOU POSTED THIS THREAD?....WTF IS THAT.......YOU"RE ACTING LIKE A B!TCH....I CAN SEE WHY YOUR GIRL FKED SOME ANOTHER


http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/3223/9ba7a663ae7e7b970c9bf2a.gif (http://img175.imageshack.us/i/9ba7a663ae7e7b970c9bf2a.gif/)

[Stuckey]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2274/2242132459_cfde3e7a6c_o.jpg

[Bird]

You're not an over possessive boyfriend.

If you were, you wouldn't let her dress in ANY way that hows off her figure.

You are an insecure boyfriend and someone who doesn't understand reality.

You say you aren't afraid of her leaving you, yet it bothers you that guys find her attractive and look at her because she is hot. If you weren't insecure, these things would not both you.

As for personal attraction being a "personal thing", um, no. Just, no. Your thoughts are personal. The way you look in PUBLIC, is, well, PUBLIC.

Learn yourself some life, kid.

[TonyJones]

I don't get why men become possessive of their women. Women will leave you about 67% of the time. You have no control over what they do.

No women will ever be yours. When you get with a woman its just "your turn" like riding a roller coaster at an amusement park.

Enjoy the ride and don't be so uptight about it all. One day we will all be dead. There is no reason to be stressed out about mundane BS.

[emsteez forreal]

PICS NOW

[Joshumitsu]

Quit whining.

If you're whiny, immature, insecure, and possessive, of course she's going to leave you. Why deny you and her the inevitable?

But if you're not any of those things, then don't worry about it. I know plenty of dudes who have attractive girlfriends and are also in long distance relationships. They're not needy and can manage themselves before they manage their relationships.

Respect yourself first.

[Patrick Chewing]

You're not an over possessive boyfriend.

If you were, you wouldn't let her dress in ANY way that hows off her figure.

You are an insecure boyfriend and someone who doesn't understand reality.

You say you aren't afraid of her leaving you, yet it bothers you that guys find her attractive and look at her because she is hot. If you weren't insecure, these things would not both you.

As for personal attraction being a "personal thing", um, no. Just, no. Your thoughts are personal. The way you look in PUBLIC, is, well, PUBLIC.

Learn yourself some life, kid.

this

[juju151111]

You cliam the reason for u to not post pics s because she hasn't sent u any in a while. Why don't you pot the old ones she sent u or are u full of it?

[Myth]

How long have you been dating her? How much of that time have you actually been living in the same area?

[Bourne]

You cliam the reason for u to not post pics s because she hasn't sent u any in a while. Why don't you pot the old ones she sent u or are u full of it?

You're not getting it... that was a joke. I would never post pics.

And this "full of it" accusation... why would I make an embarrassing thread to brag about something that I bet no one believes anyway?


Patrick Chewing:

The answer usually is insecurity, but I have a good argument. There are two types of events - guys checking her out, thinking stuff, whatever, and then there is actually asking her out, trying to buy her a drink, hit on her, etc.

When it comes to the second step, I'm not insecure at all. I know she won't do anything like that. It's the first part that I don't like. My mind makes big things out of the small things. THAT is the problem. Completely irrational. The whole "not wanting guys to look at your girl" doesn't have to be about insecurity. She is my girl and we love each other very much, so it bothers me that 'outsiders' can look at her the same way I do. Stupid, I know.

TL,DR: 2 things that can upset a boyfriend, and only one is related to insecurity. it's the other that bothers me

[Bourne]

To add: The most non-insecure person in the world can still not like guys checking out their girlfriend.

[Mark Madsen]

watch me fawk that ***** 2 or 3 times and then you'll get over it

[oh the horror]

Honestly I dont really care what a woman wears when she goes it.


I think you have to hammer the point home in your head that no matter what you do, or say.....if she WANTS to mess around on your, then she'll do just that, no matter what you do or say. It all depends on the quality of the partner you're with dude.


Or, maybe come to a conclusion that maybe you're not ready to be dating an attractive woman, that is going to be flooded with that attention?

[Myth]

I'm not insecure at all. I know she won't do anything like that. It's the first part that I don't like. My mind makes big things out of the small things.

Sorry to break it to you, but that sounds EXACTLY like insecurity.

[Myth]

To add: The most non-insecure person in the world can still not like guys checking out their girlfriend.

I disagree. The most secure guy would be flattered that he is with somebody desirable and not sweat guys checking his girl out because he knows she can handle herself.

You are expressing jealousy, which is rooted in mistrust and insecurity.

[beer]

Men who have greater vigilant mate-retention tactics (monopolizing time, limit mobility,) will have a greater chance of preventing their mates chance of extra pair copulating. you should increase these tactics during your partners time of high fertility(ovulation). From an evolutionary perspective, women should be attracted to certain types of men: i.e. those who are intrasexually competitive. If males partners are lacking in their attractiveness(honest display of good genes), power/status, and ability/willingness to display certain intrasexual competitive competence, then they are at a higher risk that their female partners will engage in extra pair copulation with males who exhibit these qualities.

[Rockets(T-mac)]

Let me guess you never look at other girls right?

[oh the horror]

Is funny, but the OP wants advice, but doesnt want to hear what people are telling him, and is in denial about the advice being thrown around.

"Im a possessive boyfriend - what can I do......but, be sure to give me what I WANT to hear"




OP, coming to terms with what exactly may be going on, is the first stage of changing it.



Dont kick yourself too hard though....you seem young and we all had growing pains.

[Sharp]

What are you, 15?

[SEEBASS1234]

accept the fact that you have a small weiner