Anyone know anything about voodoo?

[Legend of Josh]

I do. Over the weekend I became a master voodoo champion. If there were a title belt, it'd be around my waist right about now. It was so easy to acquire my super ghoulish skills. I'm a natural in the wicked arts. I can summon evil spirits, transform cuddly kittens into ferocious lions, and of course, I ****s with them voodoo dolls.

Late Saturday night, I had just finished a grueling tutorial on VD|Dolls 101. I was anxious to put my wicked badassness to the test.

:mad:

First! I had to get me some grubby grub grub to quiet the stomach rumblings. Tummy ache. Needed to pacify the belly of the beast.

:(

So I'm rollin' through the Wendy's drive-thru. Strike 1 - it took them way too damn long to even acknowledge I was at the menu. Strike 2 - I could hear them horse playing while supposedly getting my taco salad ready. Strike 3 - they forgot to give me any sour cream.

:rant

So I rolled right back on around that drive-thru. I was mean muggin' like a sumbeech. Slammed on the breaks at the pick-up window. Dumb fat bit*h standing there still horse playing and giggling. Then she noticed my face, seen how pissed off I was, and she had the nerve to laugh. She's laughing covering her mouf and pointing right at me. I was lost for words.

So instead of telling her what was going to happen, I just got one last good stare on at the whale and starting burning tires out of there. I rushed home, speeding with my sinister grin in the rearview mirror. Shit was about to be on.

You damn right. I made a voodoo doll of the Wendy's bit*h. Just like her, the doll had mammoth melons from hell - and just to make things interesting - I super-glued mountain top nipples. BWHAAHAHAHA. Then I drove back.

I parked at a distance and had my handy telescope in the glove box. Sure enough, here it is 12:17 AM and she's still up in there ackin' a foo. I said to myself, I'll teach this Wendy burger flippin' **** not to forget my sour cream.

:no:

I put the telescope down put the voodoo doll up to my face, and I bit the left nipple off. I got all giddy because I could see blood gushing all over the cash register and window. Then I bent the doll forward, so Wendy woman was leaning out the window screaming for help.

"HELP ME! HELP ME!" ... she screamed. I got out my car and from atop the hill where I was parked I yelled "how 'bout next time you don't forget my sour cream" ... she replied "WE AIN'T GOT NO GOT DAMN SOUR CREAM!" ... "PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

:facepalm

Oops, my bad.

[boozehound]

I thought you were a Christian? Syncretic blendings with Yoruba mysticism are a no-no.

[Done_And_Done]

So does this mean you're gunna revamp your coined phrase to

"Baby Voodoo doo drips" ?

[PowerGlove]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_9D9pE-Paq5w/TNwUM9D-glI/AAAAAAAAB48/apKDcGt_5NM/s1600/Cliff_Notes_Your_Post.jpg

[Legend of Josh]

A couple hours later; 3:33 AM to be exact - I ventured into the deep dark woods of Stokes county North Carolina. I tied a blindfold over my eyes like a ninja turtle, only I couldn't see shit. However my voodoo senses were heightened and I was an unstoppable force to be reckoned with.'

In the middle of the forest, I sat down indian style. Equipped with a butter knife in one hand, spatchula in the other. I summoned all the forest critters to attack me relentlessly. They started coming in all directions. North, South, East, West - they sent the best of the best. Raccoons doing high flying Lu Kang bicycle kicks, squirrels and their tiger uppercuts... a fu*king deer tried to duck its head and ram me from the back but I flipped my spatchula backside and smacked it on the head and it somersaulted and back flipped.

After about an hour of ongoing attacks, it stopped. I took off the blindfold and there was a graveyard of bloody critters all around. There's no doubt in my mind it was my destiny to be the best damn voodoo master, ever. All them critters I killed, I will forever be the keeper of their cuddly souls. I will torture them and haunt the living hell out them. They will have nightmares of rainy nights that flood the woods and wash up all the land and their grand critters will drown in the floods.

I am now one bad ass voodoo dude. You don't want to mess with me. No way, sir.

:no:

[Go Getter]

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c126/Ucantbserious/boring.jpg

[Legend of Josh]

You're just jelly of my voodoo enlightenment. If I wanted to, I could harness your soul into a Good Guy doll. My skills put Charles Lee Ray to shame.

[Go Getter]

I hear Creole women can bury your draws in the yard so you can't leave the house to cheat on them.

My great grandmother believed in voodoo or "roots"...she told my pops to never let someone cut your hair at their house because they could use it on you.

[AirGauge23]

I hear Creole women can bury your draws in the yard so you can't leave the house to cheat on them.

My great grandmother believed in voodoo or "roots"...she told my pops to never let someone cut your hair at their house because they could use it on you.

And putting their menstrual blood in your food/drink. There's a lot of shit that can be done to harm. Better be careful with who you get in bed with.

[Go Getter]

And putting their menstrual blood in your food/drink. There's a lot of shit that can be done to harm. Better be careful with who you get in bed with.
Heard that one as well.

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

yeah man people f*kk with u all the time.

in pakistna they have these transvestites that go door to door asking for money. and if u obviously look wealthy, then you're expected to cough up some change.. and if u don'ttt

Along comes a curse called a baduwa. It can range from losing your luggage, to casting a posses

LoJ some follow up questions.

What did you have to sacrifice to attain these powers?

Of all things you could've done to Wendy Beluga why'd you directly choose to rip off her areola? you could've just smashed the back of her knee, thus making her fall down for the rest of the night. Cheap but effective.

What's up with attacking all the animals? You're supposed to use them as allies aren't you. Pretty sure foxes don't like good human beings. PRETTY SURE deer would gladly aid you in helping to prevent their ungulate cow buddies from being slaughtered and made into 99 cent cheeseburgers.

I know you've got great dark powers. But with great dark powers. Comes Light Responsibility. Heavy Light Responsibility.

[Nick Young]

:biggums:

[East_Stone_Ya]

I hope the only reason Josh ain't posting is that he is going through rehab