Are you OK with you wife/GF hanging out with her ex?

[DaHeezy]

My family took a trip to go see our families (we came from the same home town) and something got brought to my attention which pretty much irked me. My wife's ex boyfriend happens to be a close family friend to my wife's side. So close in fact his mom was in our wedding entourage. Since I wanted to hang with my family and she with hers we spent a lot of our time apart. Since my parents lived there, my son mainly stayed with us.

What I noticed was my wife's ex spent a lot of time around her. Hung out at their families house, took her out to where ever she neededn even took her to the airport to see her off. The kicker is they never really broke up, she just moved away. Is it wrong for me to be bothered by this?

First I'd like to make a request that the dumbasses get their cheating comments out of the way, because I know they're itching to try and be funny. Then I'd like the honest opinions

[Clippersfan86]

My family took a trip to go see our families (we came from the same home town) and something got brought to my attention which pretty much irked me. My wife's ex boyfriend happens to be a close family friend to my wife's side. So close in fact his mom was in our wedding entourage. Since I wanted to hang with my family and she with hers we spent a lot of our time apart. Since my parents lived there, my son mainly stayed with us.

What I noticed was my wife's ex spent a lot of time around her. Hung out at their families house, took her out to where ever she neededn even took her to the airport to see her off. The kicker is they never really broke up, she just moved away. Is it wrong for me to be bothered by this?

First I'd like to make a request that the dumbasses get their cheating comments out of the way, because I know they're itching to try and be funny. Then I'd like the honest opinions

Here's something I learned. If your partner respects you... they won't go out alone with an ex for hours at a time. They will invite you along ALWAYS and never meet up with them alone.

Not to be the bearer of bad news but if she was 1 on 1 with him multiple times for sustained periods of time, chances are high they were hooking up dude.

[Tarik One]

My family took a trip to go see our families (we came from the same home town) and something got brought to my attention which pretty much irked me. My wife's ex boyfriend happens to be a close family friend to my wife's side. So close in fact his mom was in our wedding entourage. Since I wanted to hang with my family and she with hers we spent a lot of our time apart. Since my parents lived there, my son mainly stayed with us.

What I noticed was my wife's ex spent a lot of time around her. Hung out at their families house, took her out to where ever she neededn even took her to the airport to see her off. The kicker is they never really broke up, she just moved away. Is it wrong for me to be bothered by this?

First I'd like to make a request that the dumbasses get their cheating comments out of the way, because I know they're itching to try and be funny. Then I'd like the honest opinions


Wait. You want honest opinions, but none suggesting cheating? :rolleyes:

[DaHeezy]

Here's something I learned. If your partner respects you... they won't go out alone with an ex for hours at a time. They will invite you along ALWAYS and never meet up with them alone.

Not to be the bearer of bad news but if she was 1 on 1 with him multiple times for sustained periods of time, chances are high they were hooking up dude.

I don't think they were ever alone, it was the matter of he was always around. Dude would drop what he was doing even if she needed to go to the grocery store, picked her up to take her to my parents, it was ackward.

I appreciate you being honest and tactful about it.

[DaHeezy]

Wait. You want honest opinions, but none suggesting cheating? :rolleyes:

Honest yes, being a smartass about it no. Why did I rain on your parade to make a smartass coment?

[Thorpesaurous]

I believe your people call it a "Hhhho-Pah!!"

[-p.tiddy-]

My family took a trip to go see our families (we came from the same home town) and something got brought to my attention which pretty much irked me. My wife's ex boyfriend happens to be a close family friend to my wife's side. So close in fact his mom was in our wedding entourage. Since I wanted to hang with my family and she with hers we spent a lot of our time apart. Since my parents lived there, my son mainly stayed with us.

What I noticed was my wife's ex spent a lot of time around her. Hung out at their families house, took her out to where ever she neededn even took her to the airport to see her off. The kicker is they never really broke up, she just moved away. Is it wrong for me to be bothered by this?

First I'd like to make a request that the dumbasses get their cheating comments out of the way, because I know they're itching to try and be funny. Then I'd like the honest opinions
yes you are...I wouldn't have that

I would tell her she needs to move on..."pick one"

sucks you would have to force that on a female, but it is what it is



I personaly wouldn't have my girl "hanging alone" with most males...I am a male, so I know how we think...some girls might be like "oh don't be silly we are just friends..."...uh no, that is just a guy that wants to f*ck you but hasn't had the balls to try yet.

[Dolphin]

Your wife gets a pass because you clearly haven't talked to her about this....but it appears that you need to set up some clear boundaries. I would never be ok if my wife spent that much alone time with an ex (you say they were never alone, but then say he drove her to grocery store...that is ALONE. More than enough time alone at that).

I know you don't want to hear anything about cheating....but do you realize how many affairs start by a spouse going back to their hometown and re-visiting past loves?

If you were smart you would mention to her how this makes you feel uncomfortable in a non-confrontational manner.

Don't know your wife so I will give her the benefit of the doubt....but I wouldn't trust this guy EVER. Even if your wife hasn't done anything stupid, how do you know years later when this dude has smoothly weaseled his way back into her heart, she won't then do something stupid? Get this guy out of your lives as much as makes your comfortable.

Also, has this been going on in previous visits to your hometown?

[DaHeezy]

yes you are...I wouldn't have that

I would tell her she needs to move on..."pick one"

sucks you would have to force that on a female, but it is what it is



I personaly wouldn't have my girl "hanging alone" with most males...I am a male, so I know how we think...some girls might be like "oh don't be silly we are just friends..."...uh no, that is just a guy that wants to f*ck you but hasn't had the balls to try yet.

I hear you. In my situation though they cut it off about 16 years ago, but because their families are so close he's bound to pop up

[-p.tiddy-]

I hear you. In my situation though they cut it off about 16 years ago, but because their families are so close he's bound to pop up
oh hell, that's a really long time


I still am not sure I would be okay with my girl spending long amounts of time alone with any man though...

[Tarik One]

He's slowly working his way back into her good graces and he's using the fact that there was no real closure to his advantage. He'll wait until that perfect moment when she's vulnerable (argument w/spouse, family tragedy, etc) to make his move.

Just hire someone to shoot him and get it over with

[DaHeezy]

Your wife gets a pass because you clearly haven't talked to her about this....but it appears that you need to set up some clear boundaries. I would never be ok if my wife spent that much alone time with an ex (you say they were never alone, but then say he drove her to grocery store...that is ALONE. More than enough time alone at that).

I know you don't want to hear anything about cheating....but do you realize how many affairs start by a spouse going back to their hometown and re-visiting past loves?

If you were smart you would mention to her how this makes you feel uncomfortable in a non-confrontational manner.

Don't know your wife so I will give her the benefit of the doubt....but I wouldn't trust this guy EVER. Even if your wife hasn't done anything stupid, how do you know years later when this dude has smoothly weaseled his way back into her heart, she won't then do something stupid? Get this guy out of your lives as much as makes your comfortable.

Also, has this been going on in previous visits to your hometown?

I'm actually OK with discussing cheating. I've come to an acceptance with it that it is a possibilty in any relationship and people need to prepare for it. Not that it will happen, but with the way society is everyone should be aware. Obviously if I did find out it happened it would be a different story.

From previous visits he was never really around, his family was, and I was always curious to meet this gent, as this was my wife's last ex. Don't know why he decides to be around all of a sudden, but if it is with intent to bang my wife, then dude is pretty ballsy.

You're right though, I do got to set the boundaries, but in this case it's more difficult since we have the family friend issue. That coupled with the fact I hate the female reaction when you discuss these issues. They take it like you're automatically accussing them of cheating

[DaHeezy]

He's slowly working his way back into her good graces and he's using the fact that there was no real closure to his advantage. He'll wait until that perfect moment when she's vulnerable (argument w/spouse, family tragedy, etc) to make his move.

Just hire someone to shoot him and get it over with


Haha, dude is in a different city, if he's going through the trouble of setting that up kudos to him. No married woman is worth that!

[DaHeezy]

I believe your people call it a "Hhhho-Pah!!"


What kind of "people" do you think I am? :lol

[DCL]

hell no.

if i got back together with an ex for just lunch or whatever, i'd definitely make some aggressive moves to get some. otherwise... why the hell would i ever bother to keep in touch? LOL

[-p.tiddy-]

hell no.

if i got back together with an ex for just lunch or whatever, i'd definitely make some aggressive moves to get some. otherwise... why the hell would i ever bother to keep in touch? LOL
yeah, there are VERY few straight men that go out to eat with women who aren't interested in something more...we think with our ***** for the most part.


never in my life have I called a girl and said "oh hey Sally, let's do lunch and catch up okay!!!" without other secret intentions

[IcanzIIravor]

yeah, there are VERY few straight men that go out to eat with women who aren't interested in something more...we think with our ***** for the most part.


never in my life have I called a girl and said "oh hey Sally, let's do lunch and catch up okay!!!" without other secret intentions

This. Dude was trying to dip a toe in the water to see how cold or warm it is. She may have no intentions at anything other than friendship, but he is doing that for one reason only.

[glidedrxlr22]

This story reminds me of Owen Wilson's character in the Meet the Parents movies.

How did you know he was hanging around her alot. Does she know you know?

[DaHeezy]

This story reminds me of Owen Wilson's character in the Meet the Parents movies.

How did you know he was hanging around her alot. Does she know you know?

I was thinking the same thing

She told me. Plus he'd show up with her to my parents or wherever we were going out. She said it was cause he'd always offer

[Gundress]

Man up......tell your wife how you feel uncomfortable.

Sadly, thing that your wife's ex probably think you're a b!tch cause you are okay with it or too soft mfer.

Honestly, I don’t think it is ok at all. It is not a matter of trust - it is a matter of respect.

What you need to do is telling your wife how you feel and tell her stop seeing her ex-bf when you asked her to so if she listens to you and stop seeing her ex-gf then she has respect for you. What is more important, your current relationship or your past ones? ask her that.

[PowerGlove]

op, go hang out with your ex.

[verylegit]

[quote=Gundress]Man up......tell your wife how you feel uncomfortable.

Sadly, thing that your wife's ex probably think you're a b!tch cause you are okay with it or too soft mfer.

Honestly, I don

[DCL]

op, go hang out with your ex.


haha. right on.

[DaHeezy]

op, go hang out with your ex.

My ex's are all married and aren't allowed to see me.

Irony

[PowerGlove]

My ex's are all married and aren't allowed to see me.

Irony
:eek: :roll:

That pretty much sums it up. I would have a conversation with her. Some woman do stuff without really thinking its inappropriate.

[nathanjizzle]

Hi daheezy, this story sounds very suspicious. Maybe you can clear up a few things and everyone might get a better understanding.

you guys are spending time apart in the same town? who decided upon this? how often do you see her and she sees your kid.

also you have alot of information of what this guy is doing, who is giving you this information and are you asking them about him?


you seem like your older but are you aware the "ways" of the woman?

[nathanjizzle]

First I'd like to make a request that the dumbasses get their cheating comments out of the way, because I know they're itching to try and be funny. Then I'd like the honest opinions

also that paragraph shows that your in denial and dont want to believe the truth that she could be cheating on your family. Denial is the worst, to the point that a credible person could tell you she was in the same bedroom alone with her ex for hours and you would still believe she wasnt cheating.

[Dave3]

These 2 facts are slightly alarming:


What I noticed was my wife's ex spent a lot of time around her. Hung out at their families house, took her out to where ever she neededn even took her to the airport to see her off.

and


The kicker is they never really broke up, she just moved away.

At the end of the day you know her better than any stranger on the internet, but that's not good combination.

[ALBballer]

No absolutely not. Who wants to be friends with their ex? That would be awkward as hell unless you are trying get some. OP confront your wife about it

[DaHeezy]

also that paragraph shows that your in denial and dont want to believe the truth that she could be cheating on your family. Denial is the worst, to the point that a credible person could tell you she was in the same bedroom alone with her ex for hours and you would still believe she wasnt cheating.

Your conclusion is false. Please read thread thoroughly before commenting

Also to answer your previous post, we have family in the same town, so she spent time with her family, me with mine. We spent SOME time apart, not all of it.

[boozehound]

As long as its hanging out with others (not holing away with just each other for hours), I dont see the harm. I can see how it would bother you, but there is a reason she married you and not him.

[DaHeezy]

As long as its hanging out with others (not holing away with just each other for hours), I dont see the harm. I can see how it would bother you, but there is a reason she married you and not him.

Gentlemanly approach. That's how I initially handles it, but once the thought was planted it grew on me. I trust her, but at the same time I'm uncomfortable with it. I definately don't trust this fella

[DCL]

you need to seriously stamp some "hell no, you aint doing that" rules on your woman.

but do it nicely. :oldlol:

[Dolphin]

Gentlemanly approach. That's how I initially handles it, but once the thought was planted it grew on me. I trust her, but at the same time I'm uncomfortable with it. I definately don't trust this fella

I said earlier that driving her to the grocery store or to your parents house is more than enough time for things to happen....but I would still give her the benefit of the doubt UNTIL you start hearing about how they were alone for hours at a time (as boozehound said) or if random "white lies" start appearing out of no where for no reason at all. Still talk to her about how this makes you feel (#1 way to avoid a terrible situation is good communication), but if lies or stories start appearing then I'd become seriously suspicious.

[NYballin]

most guys like that are snakes in the grass just waiting for the females boyfriend to slip up so they can take their place. The fact that he would drop whatever he is doing to go just to take her to the grocery store sounds suspicious like hes just using every opportunity to try and ease his way back with her.

[DaHeezy]

I said earlier that driving her to the grocery store or to your parents house is more than enough time for things to happen....but I would still give her the benefit of the doubt UNTIL you start hearing about how they were alone for hours at a time (as boozehound said) or if random "white lies" start appearing out of no where for no reason at all. Still talk to her about how this makes you feel (#1 way to avoid a terrible situation is good communication), but if lies or stories start appearing then I'd become seriously suspicious.

Well it's definately not currently progressing since dude lives in another city. It was a one time occurance. It never happens in our normal home situation. But it is something I will encounter her with during our next visit. Except this time instead of me with my fam and she with hers, I'll spend half with hers and the other half she with my fam

[johndeeregreen]

My family took a trip to go see our families (we came from the same home town) and something got brought to my attention which pretty much irked me. My wife's ex boyfriend happens to be a close family friend to my wife's side. So close in fact his mom was in our wedding entourage. Since I wanted to hang with my family and she with hers we spent a lot of our time apart. Since my parents lived there, my son mainly stayed with us.

What I noticed was my wife's ex spent a lot of time around her. Hung out at their families house, took her out to where ever she neededn even took her to the airport to see her off. The kicker is they never really broke up, she just moved away. Is it wrong for me to be bothered by this?

First I'd like to make a request that the dumbasses get their cheating comments out of the way, because I know they're itching to try and be funny. Then I'd like the honest opinions
Girlfriend? Absolutely, I wouldn't be cool with that. Wife? I would hope by this point you have enough trust in your wife and/or would be able to talk to her about your concerns, thus neutralizing the situation basically.

[AirTupac]

yeah, there are VERY few straight men that go out to eat with women who aren't interested in something more...we think with our ***** for the most part.


never in my life have I called a girl and said "oh hey Sally, let's do lunch and catch up okay!!!" without other secret intentions

You're 100% right.

[Andrei89]

Your GF wants you because maybe your a better man with her and her ex is a douche.

However the ex was better in the sack so she gets some nasty time with him from time to time

[NoName22]

You share that wife.

[ukplayer4]

sounds like youve got a pretty mature approach to it. i dont agree with some people saying stuff like- they were alone for enough time for it to happen so it probably did- thats bullshit imo and doesnt mean anything.

i think we all know that cheating in alot of relationships becomes almost an unavoidable thing in most long,long term relationships anyway but theres various ways to handle it. you could talk to her and let her know this bothers you and why- but i wouldnt throw around words like "this is about respect" and all that bullshit. if theres one thing for sure i know its that you cannot make someone want to be with you or not want to be with someone else, that has to come from them and being strict about things does not serve you well in the long term imo. hopefully you have the respect in the relationship anyway.

what you could do, if you are suspiscious- and as you live together this is very feasible- be a bit private detective about it and check her phone messages, listen to calls, email? it sounds sneaky but it is better to be sure of these thiungs before you accuse. i dont actually see anything too morally wrong about this as if there is nothing to hide you wont find anything. dont get caught tho, dont even do it if there is a chance you might get caught. if you find some message or clue that suggests she has/might do something with the guy you can use this to your advantage. you can have conversations in which you imply that she is behaving differently or your suspiscions have been aroused etc. see how she reacts to that, will certainly give her something to think about and if shes keen to stay with you she will probably at this point shut off communications with that guy as she will think you are able to read her or her behavious has changed etc- this has actually worked for me before.

[Joey Zaza]

We can't watch our wives 24/7...you are lucky if you can watch them 2-3hrs a day. Whether its an ex, a friend, a friend's husband, the math teacher, or she meets Charlie Sheen on the street one day, if a wife is going to cheat, she's going to cheat. If not, then not.

Spending time with an ex-won't change that. Mr. Ex is not soooo smooove that he's going to overcome her self-control.

Talking with her and setting ground rules won't either (she knows the ground rule, don't sleep with other guys).

[-p.tiddy-]

We can't watch our wives 24/7...you are lucky if you can watch them 2-3hrs a day. Whether its an ex, a friend, a friend's husband, the math teacher, or she meets Charlie Sheen on the street one day, if a wife is going to cheat, she's going to cheat. If not, then not.

Spending time with an ex-won't change that. Mr. Ex is not soooo smooove that he's going to overcome her self-control.

Talking with her and setting ground rules won't either (she knows the ground rule, don't sleep with other guys).
it is still important to even them that they see you care about that though...they like to know they can create a little jealousy in you, makes them feel happy

if they think you don't give a shit what they do, they might test you till they can get some emotion out of you.

[Harrison_Barnes]

No I wouldn't be okay with it. I trust my girl and all but its disrespectful to hang out with an ex, especially without talking about it first.

[verylegit]

We can't watch our wives 24/7...you are lucky if you can watch them 2-3hrs a day. Whether its an ex, a friend, a friend's husband, the math teacher, or she meets Charlie Sheen on the street one day, if a wife is going to cheat, she's going to cheat. If not, then not.

Spending time with an ex-won't change that. Mr. Ex is not soooo smooove that he's going to overcome her self-control.

Talking with her and setting ground rules won't either (she knows the ground rule, don't sleep with other guys).
definitely set the ground rules

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/8042/kitchenso.jpg

[sick_brah07]

definitely set the ground rules

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/8042/kitchenso.jpg


:roll:

[sick_brah07]

Trust NO woman

[DaHeezy]

We can't watch our wives 24/7...you are lucky if you can watch them 2-3hrs a day. Whether its an ex, a friend, a friend's husband, the math teacher, or she meets Charlie Sheen on the street one day, if a wife is going to cheat, she's going to cheat. If not, then not.

Spending time with an ex-won't change that. Mr. Ex is not soooo smooove that he's going to overcome her self-control.

Talking with her and setting ground rules won't either (she knows the ground rule, don't sleep with other guys).

I got ur pov. But what rock did u crawl out from? Welcome back

[Gundress]

The way you said it so there more chance that your wife f*cked her ex-bf....I mean...look at how you responds froom this thread and what the f*ck did you do then before you make the thread?


LETS BE REAL MFER...YOU ASKED US FOR ADVICE MFER ON THIS BOARD MFER.....THINKING ABOUT IT.

Wife and her ex-wife?.......THEY ****ED EACH OTHER FOR REAL. WHY DO YOU THINK THEY KEPT DOING IT\.....TO HANG OUT AND WHAT DID YOU DO? NOTHING CAUSE YOU DIDN"T SAY NOTHING TO THEM BUT U ONLY ASKED US THIS BOARD..INSTEAD OF YOUR WIFE..EVEN YOU SAID THEY DIDN"T BREAK UP SO WHAT MAKE YOU SAY THAT MFER? IF THEY DIDn't BREAK UP THEN WHY SHE MARRIED TO YOU? WHAT IS THEY DIDN"T BREAK UP BUT MARRIED U..WHAT IS THAT MEAN?

[Patrick Chewing]

http://paultheking.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/nop.jpg

[Nick Young]

Honest yes, being a smartass about it no. Why did I rain on your parade to make a smartass coment?
You're EXTREMELY insecure and defensive about this, look man trust your instincts they are usually right when it comes to these things.

[DaHeezy]

You're EXTREMELY insecure and defensive about this, look man trust your instincts they are usually right when it comes to these things.
How does that make me insecure? Because I don't tolerate idiots? Look how smoothly this thread went because of that request (which the exception of that nitwit gundress whom I will address).
I've already stated that I'm comfortable hearing about cheating. If you read on alot of posters have even suggeted that happened. Have I attacked them in any way? Have I been defensive once? Point it out and I'll agree with your post.

Put up the idiot blocks and people get so sensative

[PowerGlove]

come on, i know you had to talk to her about it by now, how did it go?

[IcanzIIravor]

We can't watch our wives 24/7...you are lucky if you can watch them 2-3hrs a day. Whether its an ex, a friend, a friend's husband, the math teacher, or she meets Charlie Sheen on the street one day, if a wife is going to cheat, she's going to cheat. If not, then not.

Spending time with an ex-won't change that. Mr. Ex is not soooo smooove that he's going to overcome her self-control.

Talking with her and setting ground rules won't either (she knows the ground rule, don't sleep with other guys).

I disagree to a degree. Women like knowing their man is that into them. They want to know that you care. Letting her do whatever the hell she wants, even if it bothers you, is sending the wrong signal. You can trust her and still express concern about the ex. She may not see ill intentions with what he is doing, but he isn't helping her because he is after a Nobel Peace Prize. Sometimes expressing concern can take off a persons blinders and keep them out of a potential situation that can become awkward.

[bada bing]

I disagree to a degree. Women like knowing their man is that into them. They want to know that you care. Letting her do whatever the hell she wants, even if it bothers you, is sending the wrong signal. You can trust her and still express concern about the ex. She may not see ill intentions with what he is doing, but he isn't helping her because he is after a Nobel Peace Prize. Sometimes expressing concern can take off a persons blinders and keep them out of a potential situation that can become awkward.

yep. clearly u speak from experience in terms of how to handle women. they dont like it when they are given a free pass to everything. they want to know that a man cares about them and is willing to fight for them or protect them and at times has limits.

as for me, no way in hell do i allow my GF to hangout with her ex. no way in hell am i okay with that kind of bs. not over protective but i am okay with her hanging out with her male friends. but never her ex. u dont want sparks flying or some fcked up shit ot happen.

plus the only reason a woman may start to hangout with her ex again is prolly she has feelings for him or she i trying to make u jealous.

[Scholar]

definitely set the ground rules

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/8042/kitchenso.jpg

:roll:

I am going to use this pic some day in another forum. Lol

[Harrison_Barnes]

definitely set the ground rules

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/8042/kitchenso.jpg

Hahaha, repped. :cheers:

[Applause]

definitely set the ground rules

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/8042/kitchenso.jpg

:applause:




http://paultheking.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/nop.jpg

:applause:

[verylegit]

:applause:





:applause: FCK YES. always wanted to get one of my posts approved by applause gimmick.

next on the list:
Spell&Grammar
Wild E. Coyote

[Day La Ghetto]

im in the exact kind of situation.

the girl that im seeing has a kid with her ex boyfriend and needs rides to work and school from him(she dosen't have a car) and he gets the kid half the time . So they're alone together all the time. She says she hates him and wouldnt want him around except for she wants the kid to be with his father and she wont file child support if he just gives her rides to school/work .

im not official with her for that reason

the thing i learned the other day is she gave him a key so he can watch the kid at her house since he lives with his parents. ive just ignored her since. should i be ok with this?