OT: girlfriend wants me to move in with her

[bokes15]

Upsides/Downsides. :oldlol: I'm only seeing downsides here to be honest. My situation is, when I lost my job I moved out of my apartment because I was uncertain of when i'd be able to pick up another one. So i'm currently with a friend (in his parents house) while I stack some money up to be on my own again. She just wants to move out of her parents house because I guess they don't get along. And she found a nice, two bedroom apartment, said I could even have my own bedroom if I wanted and she'd pay the first/last/deposit because her parents are willing to help with that.

So far, this is what i've concluded. I've lived with a girlfriend before and it killed our relationship. Nowhere to hide, had to see each other all the time, basically had to either report where I was going or have her be upset with me. The sex became far less frequent because it wasn't like "ok, he's coming over on X day, i'm gonna be ready for him" type of thing. It was like oh he's always here I can give it up once a week or so and that should be good enough. Or hold it out when I get mad at him.

The benefits are a short list. Basically the place is beautiful and i'd be saving a ton of money there. But then there goes my life and what I like to do for fun outside of when she's around. Only reason i'm strongly considering it is because the people at the place i'm currently staying are pressuring me to get out and this is an easy way out. But i'd like to hear some other people weigh in, because I already know what my friends will say when I present them with this same scenario. :lol :coleman: :biggums:

[Chamberlain]

If your gut reaction is saying no, and you have reasons to back it up, I'd stay put for now.

How long have you been together?

[Prodigy]

At the same time you have to be considerate of your friend and not trouble his parents. If I were you I'd just bite the bullet and hope for the best. If you can't live with her for even a few months then you had no future with her anyways.

[FCardelle]

Last time you lived with your girlfriend it didn't work. Learn from your mistakes and do some things differently this time.

[bluerap]

At the same time you have to be considerate of your friend and not trouble his parents. If I were you I'd just bite the bullet and hope for the best. If you can't live with her for even a few months then you had no future with her anyways.


Agree with this. Don't know how old you are but at some point you will want to make a relationship work long-term. If this isn't the one than moving in will help to expedite the break up so you can find someone you really click with.

[Toni]

Relationships are a complete waste of time until you are happy with yourself and where you are in life. Based on your previous posts bokes, I think you need to resolve other issues before creating a more complicated relationship with your significant other.

Seems like you have a good thing going where you see each other when convenient and there are far less complications. You have already experienced what co-habitation has to offer with this girl and you didn't like that routine.. so what makes you think this will change? That right there should give you a glimpse into the future and what you're setting yourself up for long term.

Keep your distance and always keep a few on the line. It doesn't sound like you are ready for this so just KISS for now (Keep It Simple Stupid!!)

[bokes15]

To answer the previous questions, i'm 24 going on 25 in October. She's 22, turning 23 in November. We've been seeing each other for about 6 months now.

[SESSEL15]

Being completely counter-productive and somewhat ****, I find it semi-odd that you voice your life issues on a basketball forum. Don't blast me for being honest.

[FCardelle]

Not the oddest thread in this forum at all.
I remember several people asking for job advice, posting real own photos, posting his car with the windows broken... even somebody asking for the Raptors being moved to Quebec!!! :confusedshrug:

[Toni]

Not the oddest thread in this forum at all.
I remember several people asking for job advice, posting real own photos, posting his car with the windows broken... even somebody asking for the Raptors being moved to Quebec!!! :confusedshrug:

Still pissed about my car getting smashed up tho :facepalm

[bokes15]

I've posted a few things here non-basketball related over the course of the 6 years i've been here, not many, but a few. But honestly at this current point and time I posted this for some opinions and mainly because it's the off-season (for Raptors basketball anyways) and I don't watch baseball. Nothing much else to talk about. You're entitled to your opinion though, but I still see no problem with my posts or if anyone else has any to put up that are similar, which they have.

[DJMason]

Not to drop the 'M' word here, but marriages between people who have co-habited before hand have statistically higher likelihood of failure than those where the two lived appart before tieing the knot.

Obviously you're not gunning for marriage, but as far as I see it the key supposed benefit of moving in with a significant other is to see if she is wifey material (I guess you save some rent, but at the cost of freedom). Apparently even by that perspective it's a mistake. Men lie, women lie, numbers don't.

[Toni]

Not to drop the 'M' word here, but marriages between people who have co-habited before hand have statistically higher likelihood of failure than those where the two lived appart before tieing the knot.

Obviously you're not gunning for marriage, but as far as I see it the key supposed benefit of moving in with a significant other is to see if she is wifey material (I guess you save some rent, but at the cost of freedom). Apparently even by that perspective it's a mistake. Men lie, women lie, numbers don't.

I think you might be slightly confused about the statistics you have read. I can show you many peer-reviewed literary articles from well known journals that objectively show otherwise. Apparently, co-habitation between couples allow the two to understand each other at a more intimate and private level before tying the knot. This will allow the two to predict how their marriage will transcend at that next level of building their life through financial and familial aspects of life together.

Perhaps the statistics you read show the couples that have gotten married post-cohabitation and have subsequently gotten divorced given the high rates of divorce in the 21st century in North America. However, this does not show the amount of couples who did not get married post-cohabitation as well.

Just something to think about. Some researchers do not see the full picture and focus on their skewed, positivist approach to their study.

[DJMason]

I think you might be slightly confused about the statistics you have read. I can show you many peer-reviewed literary articles from well known journals that objectively show otherwise. Apparently, co-habitation between couples allow the two to understand each other at a more intimate and private level before tying the knot. This will allow the two to predict how their marriage will transcend at that next level of building their life through financial and familial aspects of life together.

Perhaps the statistics you read show the couples that have gotten married post-cohabitation and have subsequently gotten divorced given the high rates of divorce in the 21st century in North America. However, this does not show the amount of couples who did not get married post-cohabitation as well.

Just something to think about. Some researchers do not see the full picture and focus on their skewed, positivist approach to their study.

Fair enough. The stats I read were basically assuming the next step to marriage is taken. Mainly, people who have lived together before marriage have a 48% higher chance of getting divorced once married than those who did not live together beforehand. It did not look into the benefits of realizing that the relationship won't workout and then breaking it off. Fun fact though, live in common law with someone for 3 years and depending on the situation if you have a messy breakup they can be entitled to support payments.

Maybe I'm too old fashioned but the way I see it is, if you really love someone and want to marry them you'll work out whatever quirks pop up living together, and if you don't love them that much moving in with them because it seems like the next step in the relationship (or because they're pressuring you as seems to usually be the case) and hoping that maybe you will love them that much is a mistake.

[FCardelle]

People that don't live together before marriage are religious people who won't divorce even if the marriage goes badly. This is an easy explanation to that stat.

[DJMason]

People that don't live together before marriage are religious people who won't divorce even if the marriage goes badly. This is an easy explanation to that stat.

Another fun fact, the divorce rate in America's 'bible belt' is higher than that elsewhere, and I've just attended an agnostic wedding from people who didn't live together and will again in August. I think there's more to the stat than religion. Mainly people get coaxed into marriage when they're already living together because "hey why not, nothing will really change". The problem is when they, like bokey, were also coaxed into moving in together for the same reason. Slippery sloap. I stand by you either want to marry a chick or don't. Keep your freedom while you can.

[RapsFan]

Yeah the religion part I don't think has much impact on the stats.

As for the thread, I think that if you're asking the question, on a forum or with your buddies, and don't have many reasons outside of rent to do it, the answer is a clear 'no' - at least to this observer.

[oamjad13]

Buddy, the first thing I would do is to move out of your friend's place. Be considerate and leave before they pretty much kick you out (that would affect ur relationship with ur friend and his/her family).

As for the girl, thats completely up to you but dont find excuses abt why it would not work and focus on why it would work.

Good Luck

[bokes15]

The situation is resolved. :oldlol: Me and that girl aren't together anymore, she has major issues. And i'm renting a room right now. It's not glamorous or anything but it's something I can manage for now while I build up to be on my own again.

[Legends66NBA7]

The situation is resolved. :oldlol: Me and that girl aren't together anymore, she has major issues. And i'm renting a room right now. It's not glamorous or anything but it's something I can manage for now while I build up to be on my own again.

Well there are plenty of women out there, anyways.

Just hope your living situation and future gets better man. That's really important right now.

[bokes15]

Well there are plenty of women out there, anyways.

Just hope your living situation and future gets better man. That's really important right now.
thanks man. :cheers: My living situation is what it is right now. I can deal with it in spite of the fact that it's a downgrade from my previous living arrangement before getting fired from my old job. BUT, what i'm most concerned about is that for one thing the Boston area has kind of worn on me, i'm ready to try someplace new. And secondly, i'm tired of doing entry level positions that really don't even use the degree that I paid so much money for so i'm at a crossroads as to whether to keep trying for better jobs or to look towards more schooling.