Female ish: How do you get out of a serious relationship?

[D-Rose]

This is my first long term relationship. Have been together almost 2 years now. My girlfriend has expanded my social skills and done a lot for me...but at the same time this relationship is so toxic. It's like trying to revive that road kill skunk over and over.

There's way too much details to tell but for the past year and a half this has sucked. She began as the sweetest girl ever and eventually has become so mean and down right self absorbed. I have been in this for so long because I'm too nice. I've always been too nice, probably why she has taken advantage of me and led her to change.

How do I let go? How do I mentally prepare myself to detach myself from someone who I've been with for two years? I know I love her so much, but I can't do this anymore. It's about time I muster up some damn self respect.

Thoughts?

(awaiting a tl;dr)

[Maniak]

talk about how you feel with her. dont pussyfoot around with someone you've been dating for 2 years. if that goes bad its just not meant to be.

i dont know.

[D-Rose]

We've had so many fights in the past and I have talked about a lot of this. We pretend everything is fine and move on when it's really not. She has no respect for me at all. Literally cusses at me and gets upset at everything. I just don't understand man...I do so much for her. But there's my problem. I'm not assertive and end up taking the flak. Sometimes she will go on a tirade about how much she hates me and wants to break up...that can't be normal? I just wish I had some balls.

[ElPigto]

We've had so many fights in the past and I have talked about a lot of this. We pretend everything is fine and move on when it's really not. She has no respect for me at all. Literally cusses at me and gets upset at everything. I just don't understand man...I do so much for her. But there's my problem. I'm not assertive and end up taking the flak. Sometimes she will go on a tirade about how much she hates me and wants to break up...that can't be normal? I just wish I had some balls.

Grow some balls brother. Always remember that you have a limited amount of time in this world and you will never know when you take your last breath. You owe it to yourself to not be a bitch, take a stand and let her know how you feel. If you want to stick around with her, tell her things have to change, otherwise don't be such a ***** and just get out of it.

Quite frankly, from what you said, it is probably best to get out. If she has no respect for you, then you shouldn't be in that relationship.

Let me go ahead and ask. Do you really love her or are you just afraid to be single again? Do you really need the company? What exactly do you love so much about her that you are willing to be her bitch?

[D-Rose]

Grow some balls brother. Always remember that you have a limited amount of time in this world and you will never know when you take your last breath. You owe it to yourself to not be a bitch, take a stand and let her know how you feel. If you want to stick around with her, tell her things have to change, otherwise don't be such a ***** and just get out of it.

Quite frankly, from what you said, it is probably best to get out. If she has no respect for you, then you shouldn't be in that relationship.

Let me go ahead and ask. Do you really love her or are you just afraid to be single again? Do you really need the company? What exactly do you love so much about her that you are willing to be her bitch?
It's not that I'm afraid to be single. I guess I have become very attached...barely ever hang out with others anymore. I really do care about her feelings and her emotions though. It would probably kill me inside to think that she's heartbroken or what ever.

The problem is that she doesn't think she's wrong. She has a major ego problem and doesn't even know it. It's just so sad that I've invested so much into this. But I wouldn't want this for the rest of my life.

[bmulls]

It's not that I'm afraid to be single. I guess I have become very attached...barely ever hang out with others anymore. I really do care about her feelings and her emotions though. It would probably kill me inside to think that she's heartbroken or what ever.

The problem is that she doesn't think she's wrong. She has a major ego problem and doesn't even know it. It's just so sad that I've invested so much into this. But I wouldn't want this for the rest of my life.

Judging by what you've said about her, if you try to bring these issues up with her yourself it's going to turn into a huge fight. You need an impartial 3rd party to hash it out. Get a mutual friend who is mature and won't take sides. Or even a counselor if you're that serious about it.

But if you're set on a break up don't keep dragging it out. It will be tough obviously but you owe it to her and yourself to end it and move on.

[ElPigto]

It's not that I'm afraid to be single. I guess I have become very attached...barely ever hang out with others anymore. I really do care about her feelings and her emotions though. It would probably kill me inside to think that she's heartbroken or what ever.

The problem is that she doesn't think she's wrong. She has a major ego problem and doesn't even know it. It's just so sad that I've invested so much into this. But I wouldn't want this for the rest of my life.

Do you think you can actually work it out? I tend to be a nice guy myself, but sometimes you have to learn to have some self respect. Don't worry about her broken heart. There is no point in continuing in a relationship like this if you are going to be unhappy. Imagine you marry her in the future and then you bring a kid into this world, would you think it's fair to put a kid through hers and your misery?

[D-Rose]

Judging by what you've said about her, if you try to bring these issues up with her yourself it's going to turn into a huge fight. You need an impartial 3rd party to hash it out. Get a mutual friend who is mature and won't take sides. Or even a counselor if you're that serious about it.

But if you're set on a break up don't keep dragging it out. It will be tough obviously but you owe it to her and yourself to end it and move on.
Thanks for the advice and you are right. She would engage in a shit storm. She's mad as hell. I'm a pretty calm and collected guy and it throws me off so bad.


Do you think you can actually work it out? I tend to be a nice guy myself, but sometimes you have to learn to have some self respect. Don't worry about her broken heart. There is no point in continuing in a relationship like this if you are going to be unhappy. Imagine you marry her in the future and then you bring a kid into this world, would you think it's fair to put a kid through hers and your misery?

That helps me a lot thinking about her if we broke up. I think it will work out if I keep biting the bullet and take all the shit and pretend it's all okay. I don't want to wake up in 10 years and regret this and hate my life.

Another thing..I got into this WAY too fast. I know all her family really well and it makes it even harder. I wish I'd had slowed the hell down.

[Reef]

If she doesn't let you put it in her butt she's not a keeper.

[D-Rose]

Need more details, do you live with her?

Always remember, you've got a wild card that you can play. You can go hard as f*ck with a guilt trip because of your leg.
Well we have basically been living together for a year and half now...meaning we have our own places but stay together almost all the time. At first I was too clingy and now it's her.

I certainly have tried to spend less time together and all that, but for some reason we end up being together again and have a fight every week or so.

And the leg thing certainly does help :lol

Another thing...I'm about 120 pounds, not fat by any means. This bitch has been on my ass for over a year to work out. I don't have any abs or pecs or much arm muscles. But I mean, i'm a normal looking dude. She throws this shit on me about "not wanting to do what will make her happy"...I have tried many many times to get into a workout routine but always fail bc i'm not committed to it. I mean...isn't that extremely superficial? I don't tell her to go get a boobjob just because I'm not happy with her appearance.

[Rose]

Drop her like a rock. You're in the prime of your life, no need to waste time being with a girl who doesn't make you happy.

Just say that all fighting has made you realize she's not the kind of girl you want.

[ElPigto]

Thanks for the advice and you are right. She would engage in a shit storm. She's mad as hell. I'm a pretty calm and collected guy and it throws me off so bad.



That helps me a lot thinking about her if we broke up. I think it will work out if I keep biting the bullet and take all the shit and pretend it's all okay. I don't want to wake up in 10 years and regret this and hate my life.

Another thing..I got into this WAY too fast. I know all her family really well and it makes it even harder. I wish I'd had slowed the hell down.

You can't go through life pretending things are okay. Trust me, it isn't worth it. You'll hate yourself for it some day. It doesn't mean you can't be happy, but it's not worth it to live with what ifs.

As I already mentioned, stop thinking about others for once and just think about yourself.

[D-Rose]

Thanks for the input guys. It helps a lot. I just can't believe I have killed my self esteem so much by letting her treat me this way. But, I'm only 21 dammit and have a full life to live!

[AintNoSunshine]

If you have actually made up your mind, nobody is pointing a gun by your head to stop you from breaking up with her.

Just tell her your reasons of breaking up and just go on your own way.

Key words is that you have to make up your mind.

Your are going to miss her or whatever, but that's just you not being used to be on your own. You will be fine after a while.

[Balla_Status]

You're too young to be dealing with this shit.

She is VERBALLY abusing you it seems like. People like to make excuses for this by saying, "she's a woman and that's what they do" but that's bullshit. If she really can't help it then she's mentally insane. Women can control their emotions but we've made excuses for it all these years so it's acceptable. You don't deserve to be treated like that. That is the same as men physically abusing women.

Drop her mate.

[RoseCity07]

I don't know what to tell you but I know one thing for certain. You can get over someone faster if you realize that your image of them isn't who they really are. So many times I've built up girls in my head to be perfect when in reality we have nothing in common and they're pretty boring.

If you find yourself realizing you only see her in an ideal light, that may help you deal with moving on. I realized after I went through a heartbreak that the girl I was really attached to was long gone. She was a different "version" of the person, a totally stuck up bitch version. The girl I first met might as well have a different body because they are nothing alike as people.

I hope that made sense. It's the best I got.

[ace23]

I initially gathered from the OP that he was requesting the advice of female ISH users.

[niko]

OMG you're only 21? Dude. Just be honest and tell her you don't want to see her anymore. If she hedges and argues tell her you have other people you want to see. That should kill that dead.

[niko]

I initially gathered from the OP that he was requesting the advice of female ISH users.
yeah but that's like waiting for unicorns to give you advice so we all ignored.

[KevinNYC]

We've had so many fights in the past and I have talked about a lot of this. We pretend everything is fine and move on when it's really not. She has no respect for me at all. Literally cusses at me and gets upset at everything. I just don't understand man...I do so much for her. But there's my problem. I'm not assertive and end up taking the flak. Sometimes she will go on a tirade about how much she hates me and wants to break up...that can't be normal? I just wish I had some balls.
It sounds like you won't have to worry about her broken heart as much as her brusied ego.

Also it might that your problems are beyond this relationship. You may want to use the end of this relationship to become more assertive about getting respect so that you can use in the next relationship.

[Jailblazers7]

I think one issue you might be having is that you got attached to an idea of where you thought this relationship would end up when things were going good. It's your first long-term relationship so you might be holding onto the hopes you had for this relationship and probably stuck around too long because of it.

Honestly, I think your best move here is to tell her that the relationship is unhealthy right now for you and you think a split is necessary. This experience is just part of growing up for most people.

[D-Rose]

Appreciate all the replies. I would definitely call her verbally abusive, not to mention all the psychological pressure. I do think I'm probably holding on to the thought of what ideally could be with us. But again, we moved way too fast. Met all of her family and know them like they're my own..doesn't make it any easier.

[nathanjizzle]

my ex ended our relationship by dating another person behind my back and then dropping off the face of the earth never to be seen or heard from again.

[step_back]

Do you think you can actually work it out? I tend to be a nice guy myself, but sometimes you have to learn to have some self respect. Don't worry about her broken heart. There is no point in continuing in a relationship like this if you are going to be unhappy. Imagine you marry her in the future and then you bring a kid into this world, would you think it's fair to put a kid through hers and your misery?

This is sound advice.

O.P why do you care about hurting her feelings by braking up with her? She clearly has no regard for yours.

Also is it fair to say this is your first girlfriend you've had?

[longtime lurker]

It's sounds like you're a beta, you need to alpha it up bro.

[D-Rose]

This is sound advice.

O.P why do you care about hurting her feelings by braking up with her? She clearly has no regard for yours.

Also is it fair to say this is your first girlfriend you've had?
I dated two girls before but those lasted less than a month. So yeah, pretty much my first so that's why I'm so foreign to this process.

[chosen_one6]

Start looking at other options and then break that sh(t off son.

[Burgz V2]

There is no easy way. Even terrible relationships are hard to break out of.

Just suck it up and tell her.

[step_back]

I dated two girls before but those lasted less than a month. So yeah, pretty much my first so that's why I'm so foreign to this process.

I'd say it's your first real relationship and the fact that it has lasted more than 2 years would explain why you feel so invested in it. Speaking from experience you really shouldn't feel bad about breaking up with someone who makes you unhappy. They certainly don't think twice about your feelings. By staying in this sour relationship you're hurting your chances of meeting the right woman.

My advice is break it off with her and don't contact her again, as hard as it might be don't let her have power over you (Which is what she has now). Go be single and go on a few dates, you're 21 years old you have many years to find the right woman. Staying with this one will just screw with your mind and turn you into a woman hater.

[D-Rose]

Ugh. One year later. Same old story. :(

It's so difficult, man. Even harder to break up now because of living together and have pets together as well. I can't live my life this way...if it's this bad now...wtf would the future be like?

Could use some more encouraging words, fellas. I need to end this somehow someway...and soon.

[imdaman99]

Dude wtf, you're still with her?

What keeps you going back? Because you're afraid of her being hurt? That's not cool man.

You need to create a fight and just end it. I was in a similar situation as you with my ex. I knew I didn't want to marry her, was with her for almost 3 years and just got into a fight with her. And then I said this is not going to work. I took the jump. At the time I was like HELL YEAH I DID IT. The next few days I was miserable. But I got back in touch with my best friend and we were miserable together just chillin and we shared our stories with exes and eventually you get over it. Just take the jump dude. Life is too damn short to stick with someone because you don't wanna see someone heartbroken. You're young as hell.

DO IT.

[Suguru101]

There is no encouragement. You know what you have to do.

Do it. Tell her you need a few months to yourself, or outright break up with her.

And if you don't feel comfortable doing it, if you don't like confrontation or change... Then tell her that she needs to behave in a different way towards you, or you have to answer back and not only act pissed, but really mad. She needs to see she is fvcking up.

If you can't tell her to change , or can't bring yourself to break up.....

Then you have become too dependant on her, in more ways than just emotionally. Read up on that topic, this is not the way you are supposed to be living life.

Not trying to be harsh man, just being honest.

[TheReal Kendall]

Just tell her. Y'all don't have kids so it shouldn't be that hard unless you just don't wanna say goodbye

[imdaman99]

Let me ask you, are you always miserable with her? Or is it just after a fight? Are there good times? Or even when you aren't fighting with her, you still feel trapped?

[D-Rose]

Let me ask you, are you always miserable with her? Or is it just after a fight? Are there good times? Or even when you aren't fighting with her, you still feel trapped?
Thanks for your advice in the post above as well....and not always miserable but I'd say a good 70% of the time.

It's all one big ****ing cycle. 2 horrible weeks, 1 great week, 2 horrible, etc etc. I mean it's to the point when she is so controlling over everything I do, beyond clingy, and not independent WHAT SO EVER.

I'm always on my toes afraid to make a mistake...it's terrible. It's even worse that she blames me for her being pissy/upset/total c*nt all the time. :hammerhead:

[CavaliersFTW]

End this horrible relationship right now, not tomorrow, not next week, tonight - right now, period. You're being a coward that's the only reason this thread is still alive. Get off the f*cking computer and tell her it's over.

[fsvr54]

You're 22 nikka, get out of this shite before its too late, too young for that.

As said before, you really got to look out for your best interests, and being with her seems to be pretty bad for you. Life sucks, don't make it worse, cut away from as much shit bringing you down as possible.

[ROCSteady]

Instigate a fight, have her get lubed up for a verbal assault of all of her hurtful transgressions and things she has done to harm you over the term of the relationship then punctuate with this EXACT motion and tone of voice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhkNLHictW8


... or maybe that's just what I would like to happen. Good luck tho

[Bandito]

Enjoy your wedding!!!

[KingBeasley08]

End it now. I hoped this got bumped so that you could say that it's over but this is bad. Tell the b*tch to kick the road.

[KingBeasley08]

Thanks for your advice in the post above as well....and not always miserable but I'd say a good 70% of the time.

It's all one big ****ing cycle. 2 horrible weeks, 1 great week, 2 horrible, etc etc. I mean it's to the point when she is so controlling over everything I do, beyond clingy, and not independent WHAT SO EVER.

I'm always on my toes afraid to make a mistake...it's terrible. It's even worse that she blames me for her being pissy/upset/total c*nt all the time. :hammerhead:
Yep, stop being a p*ssy bro. Life isn't that long and do you really wanna go through this for the rest of it. It sucks thinking about it but once you end it, it'll feel like a burden got lifted off you

[step_back]

Yep, stop being a p*ssy bro. Life isn't that long and do you really wanna go through this for the rest of it. It sucks thinking about it but once you end it, it'll feel like a burden got lifted off you

Sorry man but a year has gone by and you're still in this horrible relationship. Stop being a pu$$y and get on with it! Just say to her "I hate being in this relationship, it's over between us and I don't want to see you again".

If you want I'll do it for you?

[MJ(Mean John)]

I was in a very similar relationship. Man, it was just hard to break up because me and this girl had not much middle ground. We were ethier really happy or fighting like crazy. Was with her for 2 years and gotdamn, she annoyed the shit out me at times. Always F.ucken bitching about some shit is not nice enough (like a decent hotel or bar simply to watch a game) when I'm the one paying. It's like c'mon bitch. We are In Vegas to ****en enjoy shit and be out not stay in the f.ucken hotel. And we would stay at nice hotels, it just wasn't the top notch expensive AF ones. I saw no point. Were there for 3 days, we just need... Nvm. This is about you.


Bro, you need to just take a shot of alcohol before you tell her. It sounds like you're suffering from "there's a good moment every 2 weeks" tjat gives you hope and shit that you'll continue with This bullshit. I was in your shoes, you know how f.ucken much happier I am to NOT deal with this crazy annoying manipulating B!? F.uck man it's a new world. Never enjoyed being single so much and banging all types of chicks!

Do it man. Enjoy being 22. You'll hit 25, then 30 and be married with regret soon

[Nick Young]

We've had so many fights in the past and I have talked about a lot of this. We pretend everything is fine and move on when it's really not. She has no respect for me at all. Literally cusses at me and gets upset at everything. I just don't understand man...I do so much for her. But there's my problem. I'm not assertive and end up taking the flak. Sometimes she will go on a tirade about how much she hates me and wants to break up...that can't be normal? I just wish I had some balls.
Dawg she's probably borderline personality disorder. They just irrationally hate people for no reason, or irrationally idealize them and will never change without loads and loads of behavioral modification therapy. They have no concept of middle ground, or any concept that something might be their fault.

Does she avoid blaming herself for things? Does she ever take responsibility? Does she go back and forth and random from irrationally hating someone to liking them? Do you feel like you have to walk on egg shells around her in fear of her blowing up irrationally?

Rip this chick off like a bandaid and dont contact her. Just cus you been together 2 years you dont owe eachother anything. If she is making you feel bad about yourself its not a good relationship to be in. Talk to her, tell her why you're breaking up with her, delete her number and facebook.


Next comes the hardest part, she will come to you asking to get back together, acting very sweet and probably dressed in a short skirt. At this point you must be strong and tell her no.

That will likely bruise her ego enough to not contact you anymore. If you do hook up with her when she comes back begging, you will fall back in to the same pattern.

[Nick Young]

It's not that I'm afraid to be single. I guess I have become very attached...barely ever hang out with others anymore. I really do care about her feelings and her emotions though. It would probably kill me inside to think that she's heartbroken or what ever.

The problem is that she doesn't think she's wrong. She has a major ego problem and doesn't even know it. It's just so sad that I've invested so much into this. But I wouldn't want this for the rest of my life.
yep shes very likely borderline personality disorder. This bish is never going to change. I dated a girl like this once, sounds exactly like your one, only difference is I would call her out on bullshit when she tried to blame me for things I didnt do and I wouldnt be her bitch. But yeh everytime I tried to do something nice for her, like get her dinner somewhere nice or take her somewhere cool she'd just find some bullshit to complain about, and rarely said thank you as if she was entitled to shit.


I stayed with her longer then I should have because she was really hot and I tried very hard to convince her to get help, because I realized about a year in there was something messed up about her. But the fact she was hot and sex was good made me stick around a year too long, wound up dating that ho for 2 years sheeeit..

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN BRO! Its hard but its the right thing to do. There's no reason you should make yourself miserable just to appease this one psycho chick.

[Nick Young]

Appreciate all the replies. I would definitely call her verbally abusive, not to mention all the psychological pressure. I do think I'm probably holding on to the thought of what ideally could be with us. But again, we moved way too fast. Met all of her family and know them like they're my own..doesn't make it any easier.
dont let this ho guilt trip you or emotionally manipulate you. She's shone her true colours the past years, she's not going to change, she is happy who she is and doesnt see any problems in herself.

Yeah her family might call you or whatever, but just stop hanging out with them. Also you should tell them their daughter has psychological issues and needs treatment if they press you why you broke up with her.

GET OUT! GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN MAN! I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU HERE! Imagine a girl who doesn't yell at you and blame you for bullshit, imagine a girl who does nice things for you even 2-3 years after you know her, imagine a girl who doesn't put you down at every opportunity. There are millions out there, and loads of them are hotter then your current girlfriend. Go meet them bruh, but yeah be single for awhile first and play the field

[Nick Young]

Ugh. One year later. Same old story. :(

It's so difficult, man. Even harder to break up now because of living together and have pets together as well. I can't live my life this way...if it's this bad now...wtf would the future be like?

Could use some more encouraging words, fellas. I need to end this somehow someway...and soon.
holy shit asshole what are you doing! I didnt realize this was an old thread. SHEEEEIT SON! What the phuck were you thiking?!

[Balla_Status]

D-Rose, do you even have any friends anymore? I can't imagine anybody would want to be friends with a dude in such an unhealthy relationship. Probably can't stand to be around your gf.

[D-Rose]

D-Rose, do you even have any friends anymore? I can't imagine anybody would want to be friends with a dude in such an unhealthy relationship. Probably can't stand to be around your gf.
Not too many, honestly. But that may also have to do with being so busy at school. Any free time would be spent just relaxing.

[highwhey]

2015 thread: how do I divorce her?

End it right now bro, all the attachments you claim - her family knowing you well/living together - those are easily broken off. You really think her family wouldn't turn on you in an instant if it came to choosing sides?

[Nick Young]

Not too many, honestly. But that may also have to do with being so busy at school. Any free time would be spent just relaxing.
what the phuck is wrong with you? Are you content being miserable with the woman who is supposed to love you? Do you feel like you deserve this kind of abuse or something? Are you afraid you wont be able to find someone better? Holy shit just do something already, hell do it today. Just tell her its not working and to get the phuck out.

Otherwise you're gonna marry this abusive ho and live a life of MISERY. Is that what you want? You're only like 22. SHEEEIT.

[Nick Young]

2015 thread: how do I divorce her?

End it right now bro, all the attachments you claim - her family knowing you well/living together - those are easily broken off. You really think her family wouldn't turn on you in an instant if it came to choosing sides?
The chick is going to give a one sided point of view that paints her as the innocent victim no matter what, and the family will believe her. The chick thinks everything is A-OK and it probably will come as a genuine shock when/if you actually do grow a pair of balls and tell her its done. She will try to paint OP as a guy who just left her out of nowhere, and herself as a poor victim. SO PHUCKING WHAT? GET OUT OF THERE OP! THIS IS YOUR LIFE! Do you want your life to be dedicated to appeasing some abusive psycho bitch who will probably start cheating on you if she hasnt already?

[christian1923]

Give her a reason to dump you.

[KingBeasley08]

Young Sushi dropped a bunch of truth in this thread. Fix your life up now so you don't have to bump this thread again in a year saying that you're gonna get married and you're miserable

[Random_Guy]

ok bro, i was actually in a similar scenario. Im currently in a serious relationship like you, and a while back i just couldnt stand it anymore, so i let my girlfriend know how pissed off I was, and bascially I told her she either changes, or its over. That's my recommendation, if you two are fit for each other, then she will change for you. I think I am one of those conservatives( may be the only one, seeing as everyone seems to be pimps here :lol:) that believes in true love, and that women are not all bitches. And well if she, after hearing you out doesnt give a ****, then theres no problem in ditching her.
edit:she changed and our relationship is amazing

[veilside23]

i dont want to jump in ending your relationship because i think if you are really tired you would have done it last year. I think you just dont like the fact that she controls you. A healthy relationship doesnt mean everything has to click when you want it to be. Ive been married for 10 years now and until now my wife and i would argue even on the smallest things. But doesnt even affect neither .

Talk to her i am sure you know when is the best time to do so. Try to lay down your cards if she really loves you then she would change but we cant force people we love to change but like what ive said if she loves you she would change.

If your only way after this is to break up and cant say it straight . pack your things when she is out everything that was given to you leave it to her. write a letter and go to a friend's house or a family member where she cant find you .