Need some advice on a relationship

[UtahJazzFan88]

Okay so I need some dating advice since all already got my friends advice, but anyway here it goes...

So I've been kinda unsuccesful with girls, a bit socially awkward for a while, but I think I've changed that quite a bit over the past year... so my friend hooks me up with this girl who's a virgin (as am I) on a date... and we go to this haunted house and I feel like we do hit it off fairly well... we were holding hands, kissed once, then she was kinda grabbing my chest at the haunted house, and then we go eat, and then we drive them home, I ask for her number and she gives it, then I ask for a kiss goodbye which she does...

So we text for a couple weeks because she's really busy with school, I feel like we are hitting it off pretty well with our texts although I think out of the like 14-16 days we texted between dates, she texted first that day like 3-4 times which kind of is telling a bit to me... so I got the 2nd date (or real 1st one alone).

The date happens, I pick her up, we go go-karting which was sorta my idea, we hit it off decently and she did like to talk a lot, etc etc. Which was cool, we go do our activity of go-karting which was really fun, she acted and seemed interested, so we get back into the car and so I decided to kiss her on the cheek and she acted really uninterested and kinda cold about it, she asks "are you okay?" or something like that... which was weird.

We then go see Bad Grandpa, she did seem to still talk and seem interested, the movie was good, we held hands in that and I kinda tried touching her a little bit (not anywhere sexually, just kinda like a messaging lol), we had fun at the movie although she was in a bit of a hurry to run out I thought... we go back to the car and talk for a bit as I am about to drive her home... I then ask her on the way home if she was interested in a relationship at all and she basically said no, it was awkwardly silent for a bit, and then when I'm at her house dropping her off, she asks for a kiss goodbye, and then texts me like 45 minutes later saying she had a really great time, etc etc etc.

The next day, I kinda talk to her more via text, and then she says that night that she isn't ready for a relationship, and just wants to be friends, and she didn't want to hurt me that wasn't her intention.

So I said I was okay with it even though I really wasn't, and then basically from there it's been me texting her and yeah she has been texting back a bit, but I don't really feel like she is interested in me that much anymore. Although she did seem a little bit concerned when she asked me how I was doing after I texted her, and I said I was stressed out.

What do I do from here? Like I said we're both pretty inexperienced I think, we're both virgins so I really don't know. I'm really ready to move on to with another girl possibly this Saturday, I'd like to get some sort of answer from her soon.

[LEFT4DEAD]

Dont text her first ever again, and if she doesnt want to text you too, than just leave it. See how would she react if you stop chasing her. Thats always the answer.

[Balla_Status]

You were doing fine until you asked about being interested in a relationship on the second date. I wouldn't look for a relationship at all. If it happens, it happens. #1 priority is to have fun.

Also, call her instead of texting all the time in between dates (in the future). It's cool to leave a couple texts every now and then but let her know when you plan to call her so she has something to look forward to and plan around so she'll actually answer.

You'll get better dude. I was a lot like you a couple years back.

Get on the other girl this weekend.

[ace23]

She's trying to let you off easy. Stop texting her.

On to the next one.

[Myth]

She potentially saw you as too needy for asking a for a relationship on the second date (how old are you guys btw, this seems to change with different ages). Some girls really do want a relationship but they get scared off if they feel the guy is rushing a relationship. Others really don't want a relationship and want to just have fun, in which asking for a relationship will scare them off because they don't want to feel like they are misleading you. Either way, asking for a relationship too early is generally not a great idea. If the topic of relationships in general comes up early, you could say something like "Of course anybody I date is because I am trying to see if it will develop into a relationship." That way you aren't putting the label on too early, but your intentions to develop into a relationiship are clear.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Just as a background, I'm 19, and she's 18. I was way different in high school than I am now. I had low self-esteem, just didn't really try to go after girls in high school. Now I like to do fun things, party a bit, a lot more social than I was in high school. She's really busy with school.

She doesn't seem like she has a ton of experience with dudes either though so I dunno. She did say in her text that night when she "wasn't ready for a relationship and she just wanted to be friends", that she would love to hang out sometime. So I feel like there is still some feelings there, and that's why I don't think I should give up yet. Maybe just stop texting her for 3-4 days, see what happens, if she doesn't text, then maybe move on. I kind of do want to find out if she had/has feelings and that if she does we could at least start to hang out and talk more, but she probably is too nice to admit it. I just don't want to quite give up on it yet.

My friend who is dating one of her good friends keeps saying just to not give up on it yet and keep talking to her as a friend, but I just don't feel like I can do that.

[Jailblazers7]

First off, it is fine to be the one to send the first text but don't do it often. As a rule, I pretty much don't have text message conversations with girls anymore because it is counterproductive. Text message conversations can smother people with too much attention. All the shit you are talking about via text are either 1) a waste of time (hey, whats up, yeah im just bored watching tv, etc.) or 2) something that would be better as a phone call or face to face. You want to get to know each other through actual face to face conversation because that gives you a chance to connect with each other.

I think you should probably chill with the relationship talk (which kind of obviously freaked her out). I would wait a couple weeks without contacting her much and then schedule another date in like a month. That way you can kind of prove that you aren't too clingy right now. Either that or just walk away and chalk it up to experience. It sounds to me like she is into you but wants something more casual and fun. Maybe a relationship will develop organically if you guys hit it off but I wouldn't bring it up in conversation.

[Scholar]

Maybe just stop texting her for 3-4 days, see what happens, if she doesn't text, then maybe move on. I kind of do want to find out if she had/has feelings and that if she does we could at least start to hang out and talk more, but she probably is too nice to admit it.

My friend who is dating one of her good friends keeps saying just to not give up on it yet and keep talking to her as a friend, but I just don't feel like I can do that.

Not "maybe," it's "definitely."
If she doesn't text you in that 3-4 day span, you have to move on. I obviously can't speak on her behalf, but it should be obvious she has lost interest. It could be because she found you to be needy or it may be because she has other options she finds more intriguing. Girls can be like that, dude. They won't even let you know what they're up to. It could be as simple as she has been talking to another dude while talking to you, too, and she isn't sure which one of you two to date, but she wants to still hang out with you because she wants to keep you open as an option. Again, I can't guarantee that this is what's happening, but it seems plausible. It happens. And now it's time you do the same.
Start talking to other girls. There's no need for you to just speak to this one.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll give her time to text back, if she doesn't, move on. I do think she is into me still, but sounding needy, clingy, and desperate isn't going to do it so I agree with you guys I HAVE to stop contacting her until she comes back to me first.

My only problem here is I think I fell for her way too fast due to the fact I've barely had any experience at all with girls (ala my low self esteem issues in high school). So it's hard to just stop texting her because it makes me happy when I do text her, it's going to be tough but I guess I'll have to suck it up I guess.

And one more thing, I believe two days after that night when she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, I said I was really sorry (yes being needy and desperate, but I felt like I had to say it to clear things up) for being overdramatic and rushing her into some kind of relationship, and she did say it was ok and it was totally fine, but like I said I think she's just trying to be nice about it.

[ace23]

Delete her number so you're not tempted to text her.

[Nick Young]

you blew it with her. No worries though. delete her number and stop contacting her. On to the next one.

Don't waste hours of your life pining over a girl you havent even phucked.

[Le Shaqtus]

Just leave it, if she said she's not interested there's no point in sticking around. It'll just make you look desperate.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Just leave it, if she said she's not interested there's no point in sticking around. It'll just make you look desperate.

She didn't necessarily say she wasn't interested though, just said she wasn't ready (which could be the same thing but you never know), but I agree I need to stop looking desperate.

[glidedrxlr22]

As a few have already said, don't text her. Let her feel you're drifting away. She'll come to you.

Back in my younger days I was in a similar situation as yours. When she mentioned "friends" I calmly told her that that was not what I was looking for. She was taken aback, but I had to say it. Eventhough I didn't get the girl, I was proud of myself for not getting sucked into the friend zone and possibly risk staying there for the long haul.

[longtime lurker]

Just as a background, I'm 19, and she's 18. I was way different in high school than I am now. I had low self-esteem, just didn't really try to go after girls in high school. Now I like to do fun things, party a bit, a lot more social than I was in high school. She's really busy with school.

She doesn't seem like she has a ton of experience with dudes either though so I dunno. She did say in her text that night when she "wasn't ready for a relationship and she just wanted to be friends", that she would love to hang out sometime. So I feel like there is still some feelings there, and that's why I don't think I should give up yet. Maybe just stop texting her for 3-4 days, see what happens, if she doesn't text, then maybe move on. I kind of do want to find out if she had/has feelings and that if she does we could at least start to hang out and talk more, but she probably is too nice to admit it. I just don't want to quite give up on it yet.

My friend who is dating one of her good friends keeps saying just to not give up on it yet and keep talking to her as a friend, but I just don't feel like I can do that.

Friendzone is the kiss of death my friend. Stop paying her attention and she'll be the one contacting you. Move on to a next chick(multiple chicks) that's the best way to not get attached to one girl. You learned your lesson, never admit you like a woman first, she probably liked you but as soon as you mentioned a relationship you stopped being a "challenge". You said you had low self esteem, well work on improving yourself, hit the gym, pick up some new hobbies and slowly start building up your confidence.

[Bandito]

Op something similar happened to me and payed off in my particular situation. She became my first gf and we were together for awhile. If you like her just keep that line of communication open and hope for the best. Just dont expect. Nothing out if it because in the end she might just not like you as a man. You can keep talking and hanging out with her but remember that theres plenty of fish in the sea.

[edb33]

I see it differently. Seeing as how she is a virgin I think she said that because she was scared relationship leads to sex in your mind. Does she know you are also a virgin? I don't think it is a interest problem but rather a communication problem. I do agree don't smother her with first contact every time but still contact her and do still go on "dates". Don't over think it all just have fun, if it is meant to turn into a relationship it will, if it doesn't you still had fun in the process. Not everything needs to have a label and not every experience needs to be mapped out

[Crown&Coke]

Don't seem too eager to rush into a relationship, to girls that might come off as something else.

She is a virgin so her thought process is also different that what the normal 18 year old might be

But probably scale back on the amount of texting and such.

And definetly don't act like a prick because she doesn't want a reletionship. Lots of guys tend to go this route and it's not the best way to go.

And if you become her friend, you are not going be become the boyfriend. It don't work that way. And if she wants to be friends, make her ass pay for the movie next time

[Goldrush25]

You came off as too needy. I know it's counterintuitive, but when women get exactly what they want, when they want it, they don't want it anymore. They want to have to work for your affection and title as "girlfriend." You just gave it to her without her having to sweat it out.

Once you're in the friendzone (and most guys can speak from experience) it's over. Just move on and remember this lesson.

[UtahJazzFan88]

I see it differently. Seeing as how she is a virgin I think she said that because she was scared relationship leads to sex in your mind. Does she know you are also a virgin? I don't think it is a interest problem but rather a communication problem. I do agree don't smother her with first contact every time but still contact her and do still go on "dates". Don't over think it all just have fun, if it is meant to turn into a relationship it will, if it doesn't you still had fun in the process. Not everything needs to have a label and not every experience needs to be mapped out

Yeah. I didn't tell her that though.

[longtime lurker]

The worst thing any man can do is get fixated and caught up with one girl. Move on and start dating other girls, you might find one even better than this one. Keep in touch, but make it periodic and keep things short and sweet.

[2LeTTeRS]

Once you're in the friendzone (and most guys can speak from experience) it's over. Just move on and remember this lesson.

You think so? Maybe that's the case when your young; but the older I get the less I believe this. I can name at least 3-4 co-workers that I've gotten close enough to that I'm sure things would pop off on the right day (with possibly a little alcohol involved) if I made the first move.

[glidedrxlr22]

Some guys get fixated because they feel they can do no better especially when they're not good with the ladies. So when you finally get one to sorta be interested then it's not easy to let go if it doesn't work out.

[code green]

You think so? Maybe that's the case when your young; but the older I get the less I believe this. I can name at least 3-4 co-workers that I've gotten close enough to that I'm sure things would pop off on the right day (with possibly a little alcohol involved) if I made the first move.

Then you never officially got friend-zoned. The right opportunity just hasn't come up. I don't think the friend-zone is impossible to escape, but the only way I've ever seen it overcome is a step back and making positive changes to your life. Hit the gym, date around, get a better job, etc.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Interesting, so I talked to my friend and his girlfriend (who is good friends with her), and it sounds like I'm basically a Plan B option (I've been) at this point. She really likes this one guy more it seems and has for a while before we met earlier this month and it seems like I'm basically the back-up option, so that's why he is suggesting just to be friends with her until she breaks it off with the other dude, but I'm not going to sit around and play games while she decides to do with the other dude.

[Goldrush25]

You think so? Maybe that's the case when your young; but the older I get the less I believe this. I can name at least 3-4 co-workers that I've gotten close enough to that I'm sure things would pop off on the right day (with possibly a little alcohol involved) if I made the first move.

Maybe neither you nor your co-workers have framed the situation as a friendship. I'm talking about when the woman comes out and says "I want us to be friends" it's usually a nail in the relationship coffin. In my experience women don't ever say that to someone they want to be intimate with.

Only when the guy radically changes his situation like someone else says, moving up in life, dates other women, develops a ton of social proof, then the woman may realize that she let a good thing go. But that's all in theory, I've never seen it done personally.

[GOBB]

Interesting, so I talked to my friend and his girlfriend (who is good friends with her), and it sounds like I'm basically a Plan B option (I've been) at this point. She really likes this one guy more it seems and has for a while and it seems like I'm basically the back-up option, so that's why he is suggesting just to be friends with her until she breaks it off with the other dude, but I'm not going to sit around and play games while she decides to do with the other dude.

Smart man. :cheers:

[UtahJazzFan88]

Smart man. :cheers:

Me or my friend? Wasn't sure what you were quoting haha. But I'm not going to play games because if she really does like me she'll text me. I'm the badass mother ****er here not the little boy toy that she's going after. :oldlol: I'm already hanging out with a chick tomorrow night so really it's her deal.

[KingBeasley08]

you blew it with her. No worries though. delete her number and stop contacting her. On to the next one.

Don't waste hours of your life pining over a girl you havent even phucked.
This. It's not a big deal. Plenty of fish in the sea. Always a lesson in every experience OP :cheers:

[riseagainst]

Me or my friend? Wasn't sure what you were quoting haha. But I'm not going to play games because if she really does like me she'll text me. I'm the badass mother ****er here not the little boy toy that she's going after. :oldlol: I'm already hanging out with a chick tomorrow night so really it's her deal.

She labelled you as a second option. So why would you wait for her to break it off, which might not even happen? Just keep her as a 2nd or 3rd option in case something does happen, then just keep her as a f)ck chick on the side. Meanwhile find someone else who's actually into you.

[longtime lurker]

Interesting, so I talked to my friend and his girlfriend (who is good friends with her), and it sounds like I'm basically a Plan B option (I've been) at this point. She really likes this one guy more it seems and has for a while before we met earlier this month and it seems like I'm basically the back-up option, so that's why he is suggesting just to be friends with her until she breaks it off with the other dude, but I'm not going to sit around and play games while she decides to do with the other dude.

:cheers: see you've already made a better decision than 95% of guys out there in the same situation. All women play these games, cut your losses and when the other guy fvcks up she'll come running back to you.

[UtahJazzFan88]

:cheers: see you've already made a better decision than 95% of guys out there in the same situation. All women play these games, cut your losses and when the other guy fvcks up she'll come running back to you.

Yep. It's her loss. It is kind of funny that she is/was talking to me and actually did go out on a date when she likes this other guy. That's telling to me.

[KingBeasley08]

I'm actually really impressed as well. Most of the guys who make these kind of threads prove that they're clingy as fvck and have no idea what to do. You don't need advice cuz you're doing the right thing

[ispin69]

Never get fixated on just one girl. Talk to many girls.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Never get fixated on just one girl. Talk to many girls.

Not going to lie, it's sorta hard for me right now because I'm out of high school, but I'm starting school again in January so I hope that will really help again. My friends are helping me a bit and I think I'm getting better at it, but I'm in a bad situation where I live in a fairly small town that is kind of out of the way from the big towns here in Utah so it's hard for me to find someone else at the snap of a finger.

But I did delete her number out of my phone.

[Myth]

Not going to lie, it's sorta hard for me right now because I'm out of high school, but I'm starting school again in January so I hope that will really help again. My friends are helping me a bit and I think I'm getting better at it, but I'm in a bad situation where I live in a fairly small town that is kind of out of the way from the big towns here in Utah so it's hard for me to find someone else at the snap of a finger.

But I did delete her number out of my phone.

2 months from college? Shit, you don't even need to worry about girls right now. Don't put ***** on a pedistal. Just relax, hang with friends, play some video games and sports. Really, your best play right now is to spend 2 months getting in the shape of your life so you make a great first impression at the start of school (and really, you don't even need to do this, but it is more productive than waiting on the 1 local girl). Once college starts, then see what you can find out there.

[UtahJazzFan88]

2 months from college? Shit, you don't even need to worry about girls right now. Don't put ***** on a pedistal. Just relax, hang with friends, play some video games and sports. Really, your best play right now is to spend 2 months getting in the shape of your life so you make a great first impression at the start of school (and really, you don't even need to do this, but it is more productive than waiting on the 1 local girl). Once college starts, then see what you can find out there.

To be fair, it's just basically a local college, however I do think it could at least help me out and meet new people.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Alright, so I caved in (troll if you want I don't care) and decided to text her yesterday as a friend, I know a lot of people are saying cut contact, but I just had to at least get some more clarity with her.

Anyway, I asked her what's up, she replied instantly that she was going somewhere with her family, I engage in a little bit of small talk conversation...

Then I straight up tell her I have something to tell you, I told her that "I am glad we are still talking because I do enjoy talking to you, hopefully we can at the very least get to know each other more". She still replies saying "she would like to be friends. Maybe it'll change, maybe it won't, but I'm sorry if I gave you mixed signals or anything."

I told her that yeah I would like to be friends if you would like to be (I do and don't want to just be friends), and I told her I was sorry for putting her through this crap. She said I don't have to apologize it's all good.

Then I totally just come out and say "I will be honest with you, if you really aren't that interested you can tell me because I did get some mixed signals and maybe that's because your a really nice girl". She replies back saying that "It's not you I am just messed up. And I don't know how you feel"

I told her that she wasn't messed up and that she is a really nice and smart girl. She replies saying that "I am though. I didn't mean to give you mixed signals I'm so sorry. It was shocking when you asked me that though" (referring to ask to be her boyfriend).

I continued to tell her that she wasn't messed up at all, your a strong girl with feelings, and I admitted that I asked her way too quickly to be her boyfriend and that I didn't even get to know you enough.

She just replies "Thanks." I keep talking and tell her "No problem. you are not messed up at all don't ever believe that. I said it was my fault because of my inexperience." She just says "It's ok." and then I say "Thank you for the conversation I'm glad it could clear things up." And she says "Anytime and thank you."

I said yep last night and we haven't talked since then.

What do I do? I'm in a really interesting situation, I think it is mostly due to the fact she likes another guy but the guy is probably really not that interested in her enough, but I do not know her well enough to really know what is going through her head.

The longest I've gone without her actually texting me is one day. She does text me back most of the time so I'm confused, really confused right now. It just hasn't been cut and dry for me to just absolutely STOP texting her because she is so confusing to figure out right now.

[Jailblazers7]

You don't need to totally stop but just don't text her back for like a week or two. It gives you time to detach yourself a bit and evaluate things and it will help to show her that you aren't some desperate guy sitting around waiting on her.

[ace23]

:facepalm

I thought you deleted her number.

[Balla_Status]

Goddamnit

[Reef]

Alright, so I caved in (troll if you want I don't care) and decided to text her yesterday as a friend, I know a lot of people are saying cut contact, but I just had to at least get some more clarity with her.

Anyway, I asked her what's up, she replied instantly that she was going somewhere with her family, I engage in a little bit of small talk conversation...

Then I straight up tell her I have something to tell you, I told her that "I am glad we are still talking because I do enjoy talking to you, hopefully we can at the very least get to know each other more". She still replies saying "she would like to be friends. Maybe it'll change, maybe it won't, but I'm sorry if I gave you mixed signals or anything."




You need to read the bolded part over and over again. You need to understand that you have NO shot with her. It will never happen. MOVE ON.

[ace23]

Didn't you have a date last night anyway? Why are you still thinking about this bitch?

[Swaggin916]

You're just making everything worse. Look at all this shit:

1. She says 'friends', and 'maybe it'll change'.
2. She tries to placate you.
3. She claims she's messed up.
4. You validate her by saying 'You're great'

She basically friendzones you, but says maybe it'll change. Tries to make you feel better so you stay on the line... Then she gets self-deprecating to bring you into compliment mode.

She's using you mofukka.

Real talk.

Just trying to save you some time and potential pain man. Nobody needs to be a plan B. Everybody is worth a plan A... or if you aren't plan A, then if they don't always come back to you at the end of the night or ask you to come save them then they aren't worth putting energy into relationship wise... That loyalty/in love factor just ain't there.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Didn't you have a date last night anyway? Why are you still thinking about this bitch?

They had something else pop up, that date wasn't really my idea.

And yeah, it is ****ing stupid to just not move on, which is what I'm really trying to do, but my luck with women right now in my life is so bad that I'm just really down on myself right now, I get satisfaction when one actually talks to me. Maybe I really do need to hit the gym again to get my confidence back up right now.

[Nick Young]

They had something else pop up, that date wasn't really my idea.

And yeah, it is ****ing stupid to just not move on, which is what I'm really trying to do, but my luck with women right now in my life is so bad that I'm just really down on myself right now, I get satisfaction when one actually talks to me. Maybe I really do need to hit the gym again to get my confidence back up right now.
Not maybe.. Definately. Do it. Sign up now.

[J.101]

OP you gotta make some changes and not seem so needy. If you had gone cold turkey and she msg'd u its different but since you caved and saying "Sorry" etc you've messed it all up brah.

Hit the gym, get out do something/anything else coz it ain't ever gon work out with this girl unless you're happy getting strung along.

[Swaggin916]

They had something else pop up, that date wasn't really my idea.

And yeah, it is ****ing stupid to just not move on, which is what I'm really trying to do, but my luck with women right now in my life is so bad that I'm just really down on myself right now, I get satisfaction when one actually talks to me. Maybe I really do need to hit the gym again to get my confidence back up right now.

The gym will help but more needs to be done too. Mold yourself into a whole person and then you will look at things a lot differently. Girls will be much more attracted to you as well... but it doesn't phase you because you don't need them. At that point, instead of being excited at any girl talking to you, you will start analyzing whether she is good for you or just a distraction. A lot of guys like women who will fuel their fire and help them focus on their goals, but I personally would rather be with another whole person with their own goals that way every moment I spend with them is genuine. To each their own though.

[2LeTTeRS]

Alright, so I caved in (troll if you want I don't care) and decided to text her yesterday as a friend, I know a lot of people are saying cut contact, but I just had to at least get some more clarity with her.

Anyway, I asked her what's up, she replied instantly that she was going somewhere with her family, I engage in a little bit of small talk conversation...

Then I straight up tell her I have something to tell you, I told her that "I am glad we are still talking because I do enjoy talking to you, hopefully we can at the very least get to know each other more". She still replies saying "she would like to be friends. Maybe it'll change, maybe it won't, but I'm sorry if I gave you mixed signals or anything."

I told her that yeah I would like to be friends if you would like to be (I do and don't want to just be friends), and I told her I was sorry for putting her through this crap. She said I don't have to apologize it's all good.

Then I totally just come out and say "I will be honest with you, if you really aren't that interested you can tell me because I did get some mixed signals and maybe that's because your a really nice girl". She replies back saying that "It's not you I am just messed up. And I don't know how you feel"

I told her that she wasn't messed up and that she is a really nice and smart girl. She replies saying that "I am though. I didn't mean to give you mixed signals I'm so sorry. It was shocking when you asked me that though" (referring to ask to be her boyfriend).

I continued to tell her that she wasn't messed up at all, your a strong girl with feelings, and I admitted that I asked her way too quickly to be her boyfriend and that I didn't even get to know you enough.

She just replies "Thanks." I keep talking and tell her "No problem. you are not messed up at all don't ever believe that. I said it was my fault because of my inexperience." She just says "It's ok." and then I say "Thank you for the conversation I'm glad it could clear things up." And she says "Anytime and thank you."

I said yep last night and we haven't talked since then.

What do I do? I'm in a really interesting situation, I think it is mostly due to the fact she likes another guy but the guy is probably really not that interested in her enough, but I do not know her well enough to really know what is going through her head.

The longest I've gone without her actually texting me is one day. She does text me back most of the time so I'm confused, really confused right now. It just hasn't been cut and dry for me to just absolutely STOP texting her because she is so confusing to figure out right now.

As soon as I saw you responded again I couldn't help but yell "noooooooooooo." We've all been there before though man, trust me it gets better :cheers:

[Jailblazers7]

As soon as I saw you responded again I couldn't help but yell "noooooooooooo." We've all been there before though man, trust me it gets better :cheers:

Yeah, pretty sure everyone has gotten hung up on a girl they shouldn't have when they were 18-19 years old. It is a learning experience for sure.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Yeah, I'll just move onto another one, but I'm not going to cut her out of my life totally, I'm going to stay on good terms with her as a friend at least. I haven't texted her since Saturday, won't plan on texting her for a week or two, then ask how she is doing and try to stay on good terms.

[JerrySteakhouse]

*Just read first post...

NEVER ask a girl to be exclusive with you. NEVER. That is the female's job. Make her CHASE you, don't text too much, make her initiate and don't come on too strong...

[JerrySteakhouse]

Yeah, I'll just move onto another one, but I'm not going to cut her out of my life totally, I'm going to stay on good terms with her as a friend at least. I haven't texted her since Saturday, won't plan on texting her for a week or two, then ask how she is doing and try to stay on good terms.
If you want this girl, don't be her friend. It shows you are weak. Don't ever show a women you care about them till you have ****ed her. Trust me it just shows insecurity and neediness. Women like a guy whois feelings are unclear, be indifferent. If she doesn't want you, you say "Ok, no biggie... Call me if things change"... Strongest negotiation position is being able to walk away and mean it, so when you say it, don't run back to her. Show her you're a man that doesn't NEED her, not just a little boy who would do anything to have her. Never be a friend, unless you truly just want to be just a friend. Don't be one of her gay-male friends, do you really want her to talk about her dates with other guys while in the back of your mind you are being hurt by it?

If you DO take the friends route and actually want this girl, make her invest in you. This means spending A LOT of time with her. Once she has no other guy in her life and she spends a lot of time with you, then you can flip the script and tell her you want more, if not, you can't continue the friendship. Then see how she reacts there. But let her know you got options and girls are chasing you, not directly but indirectly... I don't recommend this approach because you would be deep in the friend zone and it is putting WAY too much effort on a girl who doesn't deserve it. There are soo many girls killing to be in a relationship with a good dude, those girls will never be half-assed like this one. They will be chasing you and if you act like a man they will be all over you. That is when it gets fun and you have to be careful to not break these girls hearts.

We all been there though man, and honestly you will meet better girls if you put the effort in approaching girls. Never get attached or strongly emotionally invested in a girl till she does in you. And watch out for girls on the rebound because they can act all interested and actually aren't, and if you fall for them, you are gonna be dealing with that for awhile...

[KingBeasley08]

You're just making everything worse. Look at all this shit:

1. She says 'friends', and 'maybe it'll change'.
2. She tries to placate you.
3. She claims she's messed up.
4. You validate her by saying 'You're great'

She basically friendzones you, but says maybe it'll change. Tries to make you feel better so you stay on the line... Then she gets self-deprecating to bring you into compliment mode.

She's using you mofukka.
This. I am disappoint OP

[kNicKz]

Yeah, pretty sure everyone has gotten hung up on a girl they shouldn't have when they were 18-19 years old. It is a learning experience for sure.

aint that the truth...

[UtahJazzFan88]

If you want this girl, don't be her friend. It shows you are weak. Don't ever show a women you care about them till you have ****ed her. Trust me it just shows insecurity and neediness. Women like a guy whois feelings are unclear, be indifferent. If she doesn't want you, you say "Ok, no biggie... Call me if things change"... Strongest negotiation position is being able to walk away and mean it, so when you say it, don't run back to her. Show her you're a man that doesn't NEED her, not just a little boy who would do anything to have her. Never be a friend, unless you truly just want to be just a friend. Don't be one of her gay-male friends, do you really want her to talk about her dates with other guys while in the back of your mind you are being hurt by it?

If you DO take the friends route and actually want this girl, make her invest in you. This means spending A LOT of time with her. Once she has no other guy in her life and she spends a lot of time with you, then you can flip the script and tell her you want more, if not, you can't continue the friendship. Then see how she reacts there. But let her know you got options and girls are chasing you, not directly but indirectly... I don't recommend this approach because you would be deep in the friend zone and it is putting WAY too much effort on a girl who doesn't deserve it. There are soo many girls killing to be in a relationship with a good dude, those girls will never be half-assed like this one. They will be chasing you and if you act like a man they will be all over you. That is when it gets fun and you have to be careful to not break these girls hearts.

We all been there though man, and honestly you will meet better girls if you put the effort in approaching girls. Never get attached or strongly emotionally invested in a girl till she does in you. And watch out for girls on the rebound because they can act all interested and actually aren't, and if you fall for them, you are gonna be dealing with that for awhile...

I got so attached so her because she does send so many mixed signals. And I don't understand the statement, "I didn't mean to give you mixed signals, I'm so sorry. It was shocking when you asked me that though." That statement is just head scratching because when I asked on the date if she was interested a relationship and she said no, she kissed me goodbye, then like 30 minutes later she texted me and said she had a great time and wished me goodnight.

And when I did cave in and text her as a friend on Saturday, she replied like instantly. I don't get it at all, there's times it seems like she's kind of scared, times she doesn't seem interested, and times she is interested.

I haven't texted her since then (Saturday) though. The more I think about it, the more it kind of seems like she's using me a bit, but I don't know her situation 100% enough.

[Out_In_Utah]

I got so attached so her because she does send so many mixed signals. And I don't understand the statement, "I didn't mean to give you mixed signals, I'm so sorry. It was shocking when you asked me that though." That statement is just head scratching because when I asked on the date if she was interested a relationship and she said no, she kissed me goodbye, then like 30 minutes later she said she had a great time and wished me goodnight.

And when I did cave in and text her as a friend on Saturday, she replied like instantly. I don't get it at all, there's times it seems like she's kind of scared, times she doesn't seem interested, and times she is interested.

I haven't texted her since then (Saturday) though. The more I think about it, the more it kind of seems like she's using me a bit, but I don't know her situation 100% enough.

The fact that you are still posting about this shows that you are not moving on yet. You need to get her out of your mind somehow. Find something else that you are really in to and use it frequently as a distraction that makes you happy (video games, sports, movies, whatever). If it is a hobby you like time will go by and you will stop caring. Hope that is useful.

[UtahJazzFan88]

The fact that you are still posting about this shows that you are not moving on yet. You need to get her out of your mind somehow. Find something else that you are really in to and use it frequently as a distraction that makes you happy (video games, sports, movies, whatever). If it is a hobby you like time will go by and you will stop caring. Hope that is useful.

I'm not going to just completely get over it overnight, I'll admit it. Today was good because I didn't even really start thinking about it until I got to work (I'm stocking shelves at Walmart right now to pay for school, it's not a fun job anymore and gives too much time to think).

The best way for me to get over her IMO is to just find another girl, but that a lot easier said than done right now...

[UtahJazzFan88]

Hmmmm funny, you guys were right about that one... haha haven't talked to that chick in over 3 months and I don't plan on it.

Anyway. Funny dillema. Started talking to this chick on a site a few months ago, off and on for a few months, I was really busy with school so I really didn't have any time to meet up for any of that and I didn't realize she liked me as much as she did (or at least I thought at the time)...

Anyway so last month I hit her up thinking okay maybe she was into me, then I basically give up figuring she has a boyfriend... so she hits me up last week wanting to chill and some some bowls, I was down. So we smoke, etc etc etc, chick is chill as hell, I think I maybe(I was talking to her off and on for 3 months so I don't think I was moving that fast) jump the gun, but I make a move for a kiss and she says "no, I have a boyfriend". While we were chilling that day for a few hours, she makes no mention of a boyfriend, and says "my friend, and my other friend Mike" which I thought was funny. So after she leaves and I leaves after she basically denied me, she texts me and says "sorry, I just don't rush into things".

Honestly, I was kinda pissed about the situation. So I overreacted and said that I wasn't sure if I was willing to deal with drama of just being a friend while she has a boyfriend, and she kinda got mad and said "so dudes and girls can't be friends"? And I said I just didn't want to start any drama. So for a few days she basically ignores me, then she walks into my work (I work in retail while going to school) NOT SURE IF COINCIDENTALLY or not with her boyfriend, and the guy just so happens to be in the same graduating class as me. So I text her and just tell her "you know you and your boyfriend can come smoke sometime if you want", she was pretty much down for it I guess...

So what do I do here? Is there anything to do? I'm really not sure what her intentions have been at all... I know I'm just probably getting friendzoned and maybe I have been the whole time (sorta figured I might be a little bit, but then again... mixed signals) But I'm content just being friends with her because she is chill as hell as a person (although the games she's played aren't cool to me), and she has hot friends, but what do I do here?

[glidedrxlr22]

"you know you and your boyfriend can come smoke sometime if you want", she was pretty much down for it I guess..

Young fella....no.....:facepalm

[UtahJazzFan88]

"you know you and your boyfriend can come smoke sometime if you want", she was pretty much down for it I guess..

Young fella....no.....:facepalm

I really don't care lol. I have other chicks I can talk to, but this was interesting to me. She knows my intentions lol. All that's gonna do is gonna get the boyfriend jealous or mad eventually. From the people I know, the guy can get pretty jealous. So I'm just gonna let him screw it up. The boyfriend didn't know anything about me and her talking until maybe yesterday, even if she did tell him yet. She has hot friends though too so that's why it's a plus to me.

[glidedrxlr22]

Just don't get sprung on this one. As long as there are other options I suppose you can play around. I wouldn't have gone this route....drama? boyfriend? No thanks.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Just don't get sprung on this one. As long as there are other options I suppose you can play around. I wouldn't have gone this route....drama? boyfriend? No thanks.

Challenge for me haha. I agree. Don't get sprung on the chick which I obviously won't unlike the first chick in this thread. Like I said I'm talking to other chicks, but this chick does stand out a little bit more. I just think it's a weird situation. This chick wanted to hangout the day after I made a move on her, then when I did make a move on her, she ignored me for a few days. Maybe she just likes leading guys on for all we know...

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

You were doing fine until you asked about being interested in a relationship on the second date. I wouldn't look for a relationship at all. If it happens, it happens. #1 priority is to have fun.

Also, call her instead of texting all the time in between dates (in the future). It's cool to leave a couple texts every now and then but let her know when you plan to call her so she has something to look forward to and plan around so she'll actually answer.

You'll get better dude. I was a lot like you a couple years back.

Get on the other girl this weekend.

Literally all the advice you need condensed. Nice work Hawk. Luv reading your posts.

Girls are scared and uncomfortable around
- responsibility
- obligations
- neediness

So always keep a playful vibe and some distance.

Assume she is interacting with other guys because she is interacting with other guys ready to monkey branch.

Once she invests a lot and stirs it up then work from there. You're going to have to define exactly how much consistent girlfriend like behavior you expect from her before becoming more intimate.


Are you married? Nope. You have no commitment to her and any idea of you entrapping her makes you look like a clingy dweeb and takes away her freedom.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Literally all the advice you need condensed. Nice work Hawk. Luv reading your posts.

Girls are scared and uncomfortable around
- responsibility
- obligations
- neediness

So always keep a playful vibe and some distance.

Assume she is interacting with other guys because she is interacting with other guys ready to monkey branch.

Once she invests a lot and stirs it up then work from there. You're going to have to define exactly how much consistent girlfriend like behavior you expect from her before becoming more intimate.


Are you married? Nope. You have no commitment to her and any idea of you entrapping her makes you look like a clingy dweeb and takes away her freedom.

Trust me I'm keeping distance from her lol. She said she wanted to smoke on her days off (and I might be going to a party anyways instead haha), I'm not as needy as I once was in this thread. I'll let her chase after me on this one if she is even interested that way.

And who knows, it isn't the end of the world if I never end up in a relationship with her, but who knows, maybe FWB's could be good as well. I personally think it is a bad idea that the boyfriend is okay with her hanging out with a guy he doesn't really know or trust at all lol.

[Godzuki]

Okay so I need some dating advice since all already got my friends advice, but anyway here it goes...

So I've been kinda unsuccesful with girls, a bit socially awkward for a while, but I think I've changed that quite a bit over the past year... so my friend hooks me up with this girl who's a virgin (as am I) on a date... and we go to this haunted house and I feel like we do hit it off fairly well... we were holding hands, kissed once, then she was kinda grabbing my chest at the haunted house, and then we go eat, and then we drive them home, I ask for her number and she gives it, then I ask for a kiss goodbye which she does...

So we text for a couple weeks because she's really busy with school, I feel like we are hitting it off pretty well with our texts although I think out of the like 14-16 days we texted between dates, she texted first that day like 3-4 times which kind of is telling a bit to me... so I got the 2nd date (or real 1st one alone).

The date happens, I pick her up, we go go-karting which was sorta my idea, we hit it off decently and she did like to talk a lot, etc etc. Which was cool, we go do our activity of go-karting which was really fun, she acted and seemed interested, so we get back into the car and so I decided to kiss her on the cheek and she acted really uninterested and kinda cold about it, she asks "are you okay?" or something like that... which was weird.

We then go see Bad Grandpa, she did seem to still talk and seem interested, the movie was good, we held hands in that and I kinda tried touching her a little bit (not anywhere sexually, just kinda like a messaging lol), we had fun at the movie although she was in a bit of a hurry to run out I thought... we go back to the car and talk for a bit as I am about to drive her home... I then ask her on the way home if she was interested in a relationship at all and she basically said no, it was awkwardly silent for a bit, and then when I'm at her house dropping her off, she asks for a kiss goodbye, and then texts me like 45 minutes later saying she had a really great time, etc etc etc.

The next day, I kinda talk to her more via text, and then she says that night that she isn't ready for a relationship, and just wants to be friends, and she didn't want to hurt me that wasn't her intention.

So I said I was okay with it even though I really wasn't, and then basically from there it's been me texting her and yeah she has been texting back a bit, but I don't really feel like she is interested in me that much anymore. Although she did seem a little bit concerned when she asked me how I was doing after I texted her, and I said I was stressed out.

What do I do from here? Like I said we're both pretty inexperienced I think, we're both virgins so I really don't know. I'm really ready to move on to with another girl possibly this Saturday, I'd like to get some sort of answer from her soon.


Stop texting her, stop calling her, cut off all contact. Seems to me like you were making too much effort and people get spoiled by that and start thinking they got you if they want, and their head gets big like they're going to see what else is out there and keep you as a fall back. If she really likes you she'll miss the attention and start calling and texting you and ask you why you've been ignoring her, and just be like "well you weren't interested in a relationship and i am so i'm moving on".