View Full Version : If Jesus was an NBA player...
JerryWest
11-12-2013, 01:16 PM
What would his stats be? :confusedshrug:
Fallguy20
11-12-2013, 01:20 PM
Something tells me he would be a dime dropper / show stopper. Kinda Steve Nash-esq, with uber redonkulous passing trying to make his team better while being the floor general.
14 ppg, 3 rpg, 8.7 apg, 0 blks
fpliii
11-12-2013, 01:20 PM
What would his stats be? :confusedshrug:
27.4/5.7/5.1 on 56% TS% as a starter.
Chuckbrook
11-12-2013, 01:20 PM
http://blacksportsonline.com/home/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/russell-westbrook-disgusted-with-reporter.jpg
Levity
11-12-2013, 01:21 PM
0 steals a game. the boy wouldnt break his daddys commandments.
Theoo
11-12-2013, 01:21 PM
113 ppg , 67 rpg , 0.1 apg , 0 tpg , 50 bpg. he well turn gaterade to wine and all players well be drunk as a fk**
USABall
11-12-2013, 01:24 PM
Since he is the savior, his buzzer beater conversion rate would be 100%.
Would play injured and never miss a game. Has no problem carrying the team on his back
JerryWest
11-12-2013, 01:24 PM
113 ppg , 67 rpg , 0.1 apg , 0 tpg , 50 bpg. he well turn gaterade to wine and all players well be drunk as a fk**
:roll:
RoundMoundOfReb
11-12-2013, 01:26 PM
inb4 someone posts ray allen's stats
USABall
11-12-2013, 01:27 PM
Jesus would be afraid of flying, would be alien to him
MavsSuperFan
11-12-2013, 01:30 PM
Jesus was jewish, he would have owned an NBA team rather than play one one
KrizMiz
11-12-2013, 01:33 PM
just to get you a better image of the guy: my granny always told me jesus was 6'7
CanYouDigIt
11-12-2013, 01:38 PM
1.2 ppg 0.3 rpg 0.7 apg in the NBA
100 ppg 40 rpg 20 apg in Euroleague
dunksby
11-12-2013, 01:39 PM
He would basically be Ricky Rubio, lots of assists and steals. He would also be a poor shooter since he never could get any of his females pregnant.
Chicago Brawls
11-12-2013, 01:40 PM
He would play under the name Michael Jordan.
Derivative
11-12-2013, 01:41 PM
"Michael Jordan is God in basketball shoes" - Larry Bird
KyrieTheFuture
11-12-2013, 01:43 PM
Just look up Ray Allen's career stats
Edit: DAMN I got beat
Yankstar
11-12-2013, 01:48 PM
http://www.nba.com/playerfile/kobe_bryant/
tomtucker
11-12-2013, 01:58 PM
0 steals a game. the boy wouldnt break his daddys commandments.
:oldlol:
Teanett
11-12-2013, 01:58 PM
he'd be the first gay player on an nba roster
tomtucker
11-12-2013, 01:59 PM
He would play under the name Michael Jordan.
and get a hell of a tan ?
CanYouDigIt
11-12-2013, 02:01 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ IZ YO PUNK AZZ BTCH AZZ SAYNG GOD IZ AZN?!?! :mad:
rustycage
11-12-2013, 02:03 PM
You guys don't know who the real Jesus (http://hardwoodparoxysm.com/2013/11/04/andre-drummond-is-convinced-that-gigi-datome-is-jesus/) is...
Nuff Said
11-12-2013, 02:16 PM
and get a hell of a tan ?
Still believe Jesus was white huh.
LakersDaBEst
11-12-2013, 02:18 PM
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/053/9/3/Godbe_Bryant_by_hfs991hfs.png
tomtucker
11-12-2013, 02:24 PM
:roll:
Still believe Jesus was white huh.
:roll:
tomtucker
11-12-2013, 02:24 PM
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/053/9/3/Godbe_Bryant_by_hfs991hfs.png
thou shall not rape ............??
Yankstar
11-12-2013, 02:36 PM
thou shall not rape ............??
thou shall... :roll:
inclinerator
11-12-2013, 02:42 PM
he'd put up good stats but still get nailed for it after the game
MavsSuperFan
11-12-2013, 03:07 PM
Still believe Jesus was white huh.
Jesus was an from israel/palestine he would probably look like the people who live there now. He would look like an arab.
he'd put up good stats but still get nailed for it after the game
http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4074/4814014643_b2e1da67c5_z.jpg
ralph_i_el
11-12-2013, 06:28 PM
Jesus was probably like 5'2" he'd be out of the league in a day.
SyRyanYang
11-12-2013, 06:32 PM
He would basically be Ricky Rubio, lots of assists and steals. He would also be a poor shooter since he never could get any of his females pregnant.
by same logic we'd think dwight is a great shooter:coleman:
Psileas
11-12-2013, 06:58 PM
The real question is if he'd make Bird claim "that was God disguised as Jesus".
Mayweather
11-12-2013, 07:08 PM
He would be unreal as an NBA player.
TimmyDuncan
11-12-2013, 07:31 PM
He'd suck at BasketBall.
He would be the Michael Jordan of Water polo though
Eric Cartman
11-12-2013, 07:34 PM
He would be unreal as an NBA player.
I think he would be the real deal, but would not be godly.
russwest0
11-12-2013, 08:32 PM
If Jesus was an NBA player, he wouldn't exist. Just like real life
inclinerator
11-12-2013, 08:49 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnI6ig3sgz4
andremiller07
11-12-2013, 09:05 PM
He would not be very good all his shots would get nailed to the board
poido123
11-12-2013, 09:15 PM
He would have the passing skills of Magic, the basketball IQ of bird, the athleticism and ruthlessness of Jordan, the scoring ability of Kobe, and the power and stength of a Shaq. He would have a bit of Lebron James thrown in there to boot :rockon:
Dictator
11-12-2013, 09:27 PM
Jesus's signature move would be the water walk.
CarlosBoozer
11-12-2013, 09:36 PM
MVP!
Most Valuable Prophet :bowdown:
AintNoSunshine
11-12-2013, 09:39 PM
http://www.nba.com/playerfile/ray_allen
MetsPackers
11-12-2013, 09:59 PM
- mother would be unable to explain who fathered him
- be friends with even his enemies
- be crucified by those who hated what he stood for
- no killer instinct
http://0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/vg/image/1340/90/1340904752213.jpg
I<3NBA
11-12-2013, 10:02 PM
- mother would be unable to explain who fathered him
- be friends with even his enemies
- be crucified by those who hated what he stood for
- no killer instinct
http://0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/vg/image/1340/90/1340904752213.jpg
holy fk we have a winner! :roll: :roll: :roll:
Clifton
11-12-2013, 10:08 PM
The story of Jesus as told in the Gospels is the greatest comeback story of all time. He would be the type to get pounded in big games but then have a 20 point fourth quarter, force overtime, and then just score every time he touched the ball from that point on.
Or you could take it from the Resurrection onward, through Acts and early Church history until the Middle Ages, which would make him... Magic Johnson. Beats you with his teammates and with a well-deserved smile on his face.
no pun intended
11-13-2013, 02:21 AM
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zoP1oBONNWU/TNGfpRueHxI/AAAAAAAAANg/54FeOYiNMkY/s1600/nbaelite11cover.png
alec613
11-13-2013, 02:36 AM
1.5 ppg , 2.6 rps , 25.9 apg , 0 blks , 0 stls
PickernRoller
11-13-2013, 02:52 AM
What would his stats be? :confusedshrug:
81pts per game. So I guess Jesus took over Kobe's body once.
Micku
11-13-2013, 02:58 AM
He's already playing. He just goes by the name of Jesus Shuttlesworth.
http://i.cdn.turner.com/nba/nba/.element/img/2.0/sect/statscube/players/large/ray_allen.png
He already performed miracles on the court. Didn't you see game 6 of the NBA 2013 Finals? I think that was his most impressive miracle yet.
DFish24
11-13-2013, 03:06 AM
He already played and his miracle was saving Lebron's Career with one shot.
Ancient Legend
11-13-2013, 03:27 AM
If Jesus was an NBA player he would have:
MJ's fadeaway and hang time.
Kobe's shooting range.
Scottie Pippen's man to man defense.
Michael's perimeter defense.
Magic's passing.
Isiah's Thomas' handles.
LeBron's vertical.
Carmelo's jab step.
Kareem's sky hook.
Hakeem's blocking timing.
Steph Curry's quick release.
Rodman's rebounding ability.
Barkley's reckless abandon.
Tony Parker's speed.
And probably be 6'10-270 lbs.
LakersDaBEst
11-13-2013, 03:33 AM
If Jesus was an NBA player he would have:
MJ's fadeaway and hang time.
Kobe's shooting range.
Scottie Pippen's man to man defense.
Michael's perimeter defense.
Magic's passing.
Isiah's Thomas' handles.
Vince Carter vertical.
Carmelo's jab step.
Kareem's sky hook.
Hakeem's blocking timing.
Steph Curry's quick release.
Rodman's rebounding ability.
Barkley's reckless abandon.
Tony Parker's speed.
Shaq's strength in the post
And probably be 6'10-270 lbs.
Fixed
andgar923
11-13-2013, 03:54 AM
He would play under the name Michael Jordan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uqQtui0330&list=FLRVLmlXJhDAaEOLFZ4WqTHw&index=176
reppy
11-13-2013, 04:57 AM
Christ Returns to NBA (http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-returns-to-nba,1996/)
After a two-year hiatus, Jesus Christ returned to the NBA last night, taking the court with his former team, the Atlanta Hawks. Christ, who quit the sport in May 1994 to focus on spreading His message of universal love and compassion, made His triumphant return last night against the Bulls, just in time for Easter Sunday.
http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/1996/Jesus-Dunking_jpg_250x1000_q85.jpg
:lol
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