Really feel like the wife doesn't love me anymore

[Groovy Kat]

Things haven't felt right in a while. I feel like I try and she keeps on hating me no matter what. I think that I love her but it honestly feels like I would be better off single. We have a daughter together and that's the main reason we dont really consider divorce. I keep hoping it will get better but I'm starting to lose hope.

She won't even kiss me really anymore. She just says she's not really into it anymore. I'm not happy but I want to be happy with her for the sake of our daughter and we really did have something at first.

She says that's she's depressed and she really hasn't been the same since she had our daughter a little over a year ago. I dont know if I should just give up or what. Anyone have any advice or personal experience with this?

[CelticBaller]

You could talk to her.
or you could talk to a bunch of strangers on a basketball message board

Smh OP

[branslowski]

I can help you. Just answer these questions first:


Is she fat or ugly?

Did the birth of the baby make her fat? If so, have you touched her less?

Are you good in the sack?

[Jameerthefear]

My parents seem like that too. Hope it gets better for you OP. Don't really have any helpful advice though.

[JerrySteakhouse]

Sounds like before you met each other you guys weren't happy with your own lives. Then you met each other and tied your happiness to your relationship, once things cooled down that happiness faded and you come to a realization that you were just infatuated about being a certain way with this girl and it didn't materialize so you're disappointed. You gotta be happy with yourself and your own life as a person before someone joins it. Just be you, do what makes you happy and she will find you more attractive. Stop supplicating to her needs because you see it slipping. The dating/relationship game never stops, you can't let yourself go. You gotta be the type of guy who is happy being himself. If you WERE happy before you met her, then be THAT guy again.

[Groovy Kat]

Sounds like before you met each other you guys weren't happy with your own lives. Then you met each other and tied your happiness to your relationship, once things cooled down that happiness faded and you come to a realization that you were just infatuated about being a certain way with this girl and it didn't materialize so you're disappointed. You gotta be happy with yourself and your own life as a person before someone joins it. Just be you, do what makes you happy and she will find you more attractive. Stop supplicating to her needs because you see it slipping. The dating/relationship game never stops, you can't let yourself go. You gotta be the type of guy who is happy being himself. If you WERE happy before you met her, then be THAT guy again.

I don't really know who I was before I met her. We were both young (I was 19 she was 18). I feel like Ive changed quite a bit since Ive gotten a real job and matured. I'm not happy when I spend time with her because its just forced.

[Groovy Kat]

You could talk to her.
Tried that a million times. Always turns into an argument about who's doing what wrong ect.

[JerrySteakhouse]

I don't really know who I was before I met her. We were both young (I was 19 she was 18). I feel like Ive changed quite a bit since Ive gotten a real job and matured. I'm not happy when I spend time with her because its just forced.
Honestly, I don't know the whole marriage thing but I know a girl needs space/freedom so they can miss you, just saying. And life doesn't have to be so serious, if you aren't happy, change it. The goal of life is happiness and the only way you achieve that is by doing what YOU want, be selfish but also have a sense of right/wrong. I think you know what you have to do, but just want some clarity because you're on the fence...

[gigantes]

Tried that a million times. Always turns into an argument about who's doing what wrong ect.
what's wrong with having an argument about such things?


if you're both annoying each other in subtle ways then it's going to come out somewhere. a big part of marriage is about working through that stuff, or so they say... listening well and finding mutual solutions.

[RoundMoundOfReb]

Things haven't felt right in a while. I feel like I try and she keeps on hating me no matter what. I think that I love her but it honestly feels like I would be better off single. We have a daughter together and that's the main reason we dont really consider divorce. I keep hoping it will get better but I'm starting to lose hope.

She won't even kiss me really anymore. She just says she's not really into it anymore. I'm not happy but I want to be happy with her for the sake of our daughter and we really did have something at first.

She says that's she's depressed and she really hasn't been the same since she had our daughter a little over a year ago. I dont know if I should just give up or what. Anyone have any advice or personal experience with this?

"rather be from a broken home than in one" - Dr Phil

[dkmwise]

She says that's she's depressed and she really hasn't been the same since she had our daughter a little over a year ago.

Having a child changes everything. What is your dynamic as far as who works and who watches the child? She could be resentlful you're not doing enough with the child or she may feel bad about herself that she's not being a good enough mother. Could also be a hormone imbalance, pregnancy can take a huge toll on a women's body.

[AintNoSunshine]

Are you fat?

Is she fat?

[Lakers Legend#32]

Fat has a way of ruining marriages.

[JimmyMcAdocious]

Fat people problems.

[Myth]

Couples therapy. Do it.

[MavsSuperFan]

ISH and sensitivity :facepalm :facepalm :facepalm

have you dudes never been in a real relationship? damn you all are cold:(

OP when did you start having problems?

Have you considered if this is postpartum depression?
Have you guys considered counselling?

It could be anything, sometimes something as simple as a chemical imbalance.
Few tips:
Try to think of what you feel upset about in your relationship, perhaps she has similar concerns.
You need to talk with your wife, dont let her make you fight. Prepare yourself for screaming/insults/provocations. Dont give in. and try to articulate what is wrong with your relationship.

Finally, you arent doing your child a lot of good just staying together because of her. There are many studies that show that although a happy household is better for child development than a single household, unhappy hostile household creates a lot of stress for children. The only thing here is sometimes the mother is bitter and tries to deny access to the children. our divorce laws are extremely prejudicial against the father.

[#number6ix#]

A child isn't really a reason to stay with someone... Growing up around a toxic relationship can be more detrimental to a child than you guys be divorced... If you tried and you feel like you've done the best you could to make your marriage work and its still in the dumps it's time to call it quits

The next step would be talking to your wife about a trial separation and the possibility of the marriage coming to a end... Life's to short to be unhappy everyday

[no pun intended]

Things haven't felt right in a while. I feel like I try and she keeps on hating me no matter what. I think that I love her but it honestly feels like I would be better off single. We have a daughter together and that's the main reason we dont really consider divorce. I keep hoping it will get better but I'm starting to lose hope.

She won't even kiss me really anymore. She just says she's not really into it anymore. I'm not happy but I want to be happy with her for the sake of our daughter and we really did have something at first.

She says that's she's depressed and she really hasn't been the same since she had our daughter a little over a year ago. I dont know if I should just give up or what. Anyone have any advice or personal experience with this?
Sounds like postpartum depression.

[AI Thornton]

Sorry to hear that OP. I don't have any better advice than anybody but I hope things get better.

[Fawker]

grandma wives look so disgusting to share a bed with. they just let go of themselves and look like afro headed males.

[I<3NBA]

ask yourself first what you want in your life (aside from a happy marriage and a happy family) what i mean is, if you're single, what would you be doing? if you have a job, do you like it or do you wish to do something else? find out what you'd like to do for the rest of your life and then pursue it. my guess is, you're unfulfilled because you're not doing what you'd really like to do. perhaps you're a frustrated artist, or a frustrated chef, or lawyer, or whatever. point is, your unhappiness is spilling over into your marriage life. fix yourself first. if you're out of shape, exercise and get in shape. then just ditch your job and say fk all and pursue your dream job. don't think about what your wife will say or what will happen to your daughter. most times, if you fix yourself, your home life will improve. be angry enough to do something about your life.

when you're happy about yourself, it tends to spill over into other aspects in your life. you treat your wife better, you get angry less, you are more understanding. basically, everything that your wife might be needing from you lies in fixing yourself.

you can't love others, unless you can love yourself. so fix yourself first in a way that you will love yourself and will be happy about yourself. you'll be amazed at how much it will change your marriage. your wife will be attracted to you once again, your sex life will be better, and you will have a loving family again.

- from experience

[iamgine]

This is why they have couples counselling/therapy.

Heck if you don't wanna pay for it talk to your priest/local church. They are trained for this kind of stuff too.

[cuad]

Shouldn't have got married when you were 19, idiot.

[SpurrDurr]

Postpartum depression, it's pretty common but this seems to be a severe case so she needs to see a therapist.

Check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression

[Nick Young]

whyd you get married in the first place doe?

[eurobum]

You need to divorce her ASAP, stay in your daughter's life but move on with your love life.

Things won't change. You were basically kids when you met, you guys don't love each other and will only keep each other miserable if you stay together. On top of that down the line one of you will encounter a new love and someone will be cheated on.

Divorce. And also the advice about being happy with/by yourself before you hitch is also golden. Divorce and then apply that advice.

[senelcoolidge]

Have a nice family outing. If you have a daughter don't give up so easily. You have to think about your daughter. If you get divorced she will probably end up being a stripper or doing porn. Talk like two adults..get to the problem.

[Groovy Kat]

I'm hoping its just a bad case of postpartum depression. I'll see if she will go to the doctor.

[eurobum]

Because growing up with your parents being in a loveless marriage does wonders to you.

Tell her you want a divorce because you don't feel she loves you anymore and the spark is gone.

One of two things will happen. 1) She will realize she does love you and she will make an effort to save your marriage. 2) She will accept, in time move on like you and hopefully you will not become enemies = happy divorced family.

The key is not becoming enemies, but if she doesn't love you and isn't crazy (IS SHE CRAZY?) then it won't happen. Most likely she is crazy though as 90 % of the female gender. If she is crazy there is a 3) She neither loves you but don't want you to move on (for many reasons, maybe because she can't move on herself and wants to drag you down to her level) in which case you will become enemies and 'happy divorced family' will be tough to attain.

Good luck, bro.

[Myth]

Because growing up with your parents being in a loveless marriage does wonders to you.

Tell her you want a divorce because you don't feel she loves you anymore and the spark is gone.


:facepalm

You don't threaten divorce a year after having a child because your wife is depressed. That first year is supposed to be hard as shit. Parents don't get sleep, parents don't have energy for a "spark," women get postpartum depression. You work on that shit. That is why I said couples therapy. Will the marriage work out? I have no idea, but threatening divorce before trying to work shit out is just stupid at the point the OP is at.

[rufuspaul]

Is the OP Meticode?

[Rolando]

Because growing up with your parents being in a loveless marriage does wonders to you.

Tell her you want a divorce because you don't feel she loves you anymore and the spark is gone.

One of two things will happen. 1) She will realize she does love you and she will make an effort to save your marriage. 2) She will accept, in time move on like you and hopefully you will not become enemies = happy divorced family.

The key is not becoming enemies, but if she doesn't love you and isn't crazy (IS SHE CRAZY?) then it won't happen. Most likely she is crazy though as 90 % of the female gender. If she is crazy there is a 3) She neither loves you but don't want you to move on (for many reasons, maybe because she can't move on herself and wants to drag you down to her level) in which case you will become enemies and 'happy divorced family' will be tough to attain.

Good luck, bro.

This guy knows. Do as he says.

[nathanjizzle]

you know, you have to actually work hard at marriage for it to work.

[fiddy]

Is the OP Meticode?

I thought Meticode already divorced/lives separated with his wife.

[niko]

I thought Meticode already divorced/lives separated with his wife.
I'm not surprised, he was one of those always reaching. Every time he mentioned his wife, he had to say she was the most beautiful woman ever, she was a virgin when he met her, she never looked at anyone, Beyonce? Dog, not like his wife...so much reassurance.

My friend who did the same thing had a second family on the side. :lol

[2LeTTeRS]

A child isn't really a reason to stay with someone... Growing up around a toxic relationship can be more detrimental to a child than you guys be divorced... If you tried and you feel like you've done the best you could to make your marriage work and its still in the dumps it's time to call it quits

The next step would be talking to your wife about a trial separation and the possibility of the marriage coming to a end... Life's to short to be unhappy everyday

You say this as if things will get better after a divorce. Trust me normally it doesn't. Fighting over how all your possessions will be split is not a good way to starting a good friendship.

Also you have to realize that she will most likely get his kid and if she pursues it will get child support as well. I can't speak for the OP but I couldn't imagine not seeing my son everyday, and from what I hear having the courts involved dealing with child support seems like pure hell.

With that being the case I say fight as hard as you can to make things work.

[DeuceWallaces]

April 2013

:facepalm

[2LeTTeRS]

Postpartum depression, it's pretty common but this seems to be a severe case so she needs to see a therapist.

Check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression

Not sure man. That's the first thing people say when they hear things changed after a pregnancy; but I'd say 90% of the time its just the extra stress that having a kid brings into the picture. I am by no means an expert but I'd say its normal to see these symptoms from time to time after having a baby:

- Low or no energy,
- Becoming easily frustrated, and
- Feeling inadequate in taking care of the baby
- Exhaustion

However if you are starting to see these symptoms though look out it just might be Postpartum Depression:

- Sadness
- Hopelessness
- Low self-esteem
- A feeling of being overwhelmed
- Guilt
- Sleep and eating disturbances
- Inability to be comforted
- Emptiness
- Anhedonia
- Social withdrawal
- Decreased sex drive

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

Look up

Alex Loyd's Healing Codes
and
Sifu Anthony's Qigong.

Get her to do the exercises 2X a day. I don't care if you yell at her to do it. Get her to fukking do them. Period. Expect results in 304 weeks after consistent practice.

Your. F*cking. Welcome.

[hateraid]

Why are most of you initiating a seperation/divorce?
Are any of you that suggest that married?

It's disheartening that the first insticnt society has today is that if their's a problem, just turn your back on at and sweep it under a rug.

The FIRST thing you should do is seek a mediator. Marriage counseling, church leader, anyone who can listen without siding. They will not only identify where the problem areas are, but also challenge your wife into identifying her flaws.


Also you have to realize that she will most likely get his kid and if she pursues it will get child support as well. I can't speak for the OP but I couldn't imagine not seeing my son everyday, and from what I hear having the courts involved dealing with child support seems like pure hell.

10000%
Judging from most of these posts some of you aren't parents either. This alone would want me to work harder at making my marriage work.
Not only the bond between a child but the bonds created with family you are seperating as well

Work on it kiddo. 1 year is not a great time frame to assess that this marriage won't work out

[rufuspaul]

Look up

Alex Loyd's Healing Codes
and
Sifu Anthony's Qigong.

Get her to do the exercises 2X a day. I don't care if you yell at her to do it. Get her to fukking do them. Period. Expect results in 304 weeks after consistent practice.

Your. F*cking. Welcome.


:oldlol:

[pinhead]

Pump her sister.

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

:oldlol:

Not joking Grandpa.

Check it out and at least.. experiment with it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1Vk1fIODAk

It's based off of curing Soldier's PTSD I think and forgiveness. It's very Christian based alongside Energy ideas and feels like a weight's been lifted off your head and you're in bliss. Like I've gotten into fights with previous friends and relations have been mended from this, also I generally feel healthy despite never eating organic and having terrible sleeping habits lol.

http://flowingzen.com/4645/the-3-golden-rules/

This is an ancient Chinese Energetic Art that keeps you nimble and stress free and oozing virility. If the lady realizes she needs to stop thinking and stop getting into silly feedback loops of depressive thoughts and in her body and in the present, she'll slowly start to heal herself.

Total Cost: Zero ****ing dollars. And Zero cents.
Total time: 21 minutes.
Bang.

And my dear Rufus Theodore Ignatius DaVinci you'll need a few tricks to remain your lovable Southern self as the Golden Age approaches thee.

Willpower above all.

[rufuspaul]

You're going to make some woman a very interesting husband indeed J$.

[Swaggin916]

Talk, talk, and talk some more until you guys find out what is really up. It's normal to be depressed after having a kid... So much responsibility. Find out what she needs from you and see if you guys can team up, come up with a plan, and tackle this together... if you can do that, it should give both of guys a type of teamwork high that will really help your relationship. If you guys are still friends and enjoy being around each, some simple adjustments and a little effort are likely all that's needed.

[-p.tiddy-]

Postpartum depression, it's pretty common but this seems to be a severe case so she needs to see a therapist.

Check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression
what I was thinking

[imdaman99]

Half the marriages end up in divorce nowadays because they quit too soon. instead of trying to make it work, they give up. Well I am against that, you can't always assume she is at fault, sometimes you gotta look in the mirror and figure out what's changed about you.

If nothing, than yes talk to her. Try to do some romantic shit, bring home flowers or cook her something or take her out on a date. TRY everything out before you ask her for a divorce. Kids that come from broken homes aren't exactly at an advantage over their friends. But others are right, broken home would probably be better than a home where the parents hate each other and it's obvious.

Never been married, so I don't know as much as the others. But don't give up too soon. Give love a chance.

Good luck :cheers: Let us know what happens.

[tontoz]

I have a cousin who lost interest in sex for months after giving birth and it was a factor leading to a divorce. The other factor is that her former husband is nuts, as we have learned since the divorce. Plus she is a little off herself.

I'd give it another some more time to see if she gets back to normal. However it sounds to me like you just got married too young and may be better off going your separate ways.

[MadeFromDust]

I'm guessing there is a spiritual void in that house