joe
01-24-2014, 07:56 PM
I'm wondering if other people have gone through this. I'm currently 25. I went through some really traumatic events at age 14, and from there I went down a waterfall just trying to stay afloat. Depression, suicidal thoughts, acting really wild, having wild friends, etc.
It took a long time for me to get back to feeling normal. Years. But once I did, I looked back and realized I wasn't normal, I was a completely different person. And I didn't like a lot of the changes I'd made. I was a lot more serious. Took myself more serious. Couldn't joke as easily. Had way more trouble making friends. Took offense to things. Way more interest in "serious" topics like economics and psychology. To contrast, I used to consider myself the class clown, never took things seriously, impossible to offend, didn't judge others.
I tried for a while to "go back" to who I was, but it was gone. I've learned that's impossible, but now I wonder if there's somebody new I want to be. I want to change, but I don't know into what. I just know my personality feels.... not like me. I feel like so many of my mental processes are adapted from circumstances around me, things from my past, but aren't natural. I feel I had a totally different personality when I was a kid, before I became so influenced by things outside of myself and my own observations.
Does anyone relate to this? "Turn the music up, let me know that I'm sane!"
tl;dr - How much have you changed throughout your life? Are there parts of your own personality that you feel you don't like or don't belong?
It took a long time for me to get back to feeling normal. Years. But once I did, I looked back and realized I wasn't normal, I was a completely different person. And I didn't like a lot of the changes I'd made. I was a lot more serious. Took myself more serious. Couldn't joke as easily. Had way more trouble making friends. Took offense to things. Way more interest in "serious" topics like economics and psychology. To contrast, I used to consider myself the class clown, never took things seriously, impossible to offend, didn't judge others.
I tried for a while to "go back" to who I was, but it was gone. I've learned that's impossible, but now I wonder if there's somebody new I want to be. I want to change, but I don't know into what. I just know my personality feels.... not like me. I feel like so many of my mental processes are adapted from circumstances around me, things from my past, but aren't natural. I feel I had a totally different personality when I was a kid, before I became so influenced by things outside of myself and my own observations.
Does anyone relate to this? "Turn the music up, let me know that I'm sane!"
tl;dr - How much have you changed throughout your life? Are there parts of your own personality that you feel you don't like or don't belong?