My main problem:Self Confidence/Conformity.

[EMERE]

Some of you might know me by that thread I made awhile ago about that girl I was planning on picking up on, some of you might not know me at all, anyways it doesn't really matter if you know me or not, but I hope I'll get some reasonable responses as appose to troll like comments.

I'm 20, now when you think about people that old what instantly pops off in your head? I'm gonna list all the things I'm not, driven to get money, driven to **** bitches, driven to everything that life has to offer basically. So where do I fall? Well you didn't have to think twice to know the answer: I'm a virgin, with little to no friends at all, I'm supposedly going to college, but I have no goals that I would like to accomplish, its as if I was back in High School, I just go to go I guess:confusedshrug:. I usually ride the bus, and when I get off my classes I go to my house immidietly to play video games to pass my time, and no I'm not rich, its not why I do this.

I just want to know how to speak confidently and just live a happy life, with a girl to **** as apposed to a toilet paper smothered in my sperm. Today I was in class, and the professor usually walks around the whole class to check all of our math problems, and he corrects you pretty loudly and the whole class can hear, whenever he approaches me I feel anxiety, I feel like I'm gonna get everything wrong, I feel tense, my whole body feels tense when his correcting me, therefore I make mistakes even when he tells me I'm doing this wrong.

I want to be the guy that speaks with confidence to him, I want clarity. I want to see the light, the light. What things should I do to improve myself?

[red1]

Cut the porn out. Dead serious. All of the issues you are describing are typical symptoms of overstimulating your brain's dopamine receptors. Lack of confidence, lack of ambition, inability to speak clearly and all of that shit. Research that shit.

[EMERE]

Cut the porn out. Dead serious. All of the issues you are describing are typical symptoms of overstimulating your brain's dopamine receptors. Lack of confidence, lack of ambition, inability to speak clearly and all of that shit. Research that shit.Okay I'm gonna research that, and I do watch quite a bit of porn, as a matter of fact, I sometimes spend hours watching clips:lol but is that it? I mean porn is bad, but is that the thing that's causing my troubles?:confusedshrug:

[red1]

Okay I'm gonna research that, and I do watch quite a bit of porn, as a matter of fact, I sometimes spend hours watching clips:lol but is that it? I mean porn is bad, but is that the thing that's causing my troubles?:confusedshrug:
Im telling you for a fact. Hit the gym stop jerking off and you will be good in no time.

[Levity]

Do you have trouble with eye contact?

and if you do, thats something you should work on because it goes hand in hand with self confidence. just continue working on that, while speaking clearly and audibly.

the more you practice it, whether it be with friends, adults, professors, or girls, the better you will become at it and your self confidence will be more and more apparent.

[Draz]

Confidence is everything. I've gained confidence probably two years after high school. Without confidence you will be unsure of who you are. Your identity is everything and is key to making impressions on society. Be aggressive when facing challenges and set your ambitions and goals to be chased vigorously.

Don't forget who you are, don't change, for no one as well. Just update yourself. Consider it a firmware or software update. Give yourself the confidence enough to remove insecurities. We need the ability to communicate with people, without being social you're sort of missing out on many important aspects of life.

[KobesFinger]

EMERE?!?!?!?! How did it go with that chick bruh? I remember in that thread I was giving you advice then all of a sudden you disappeared.

What these guys have said is right. Cut out the porn and pick up a hobby. If you don't already, start playing basketball. You'll get in better shape and it's a team game so you have to communicate. This will help with your communication and if you get good you'll feel better. Even if you're trash, your body and fitness will improve so that will help you gain self confidence.

[alenleomessi]

drugs

[EMERE]

Im telling you for a fact. Hit the gym stop jerking off and you will be good in no time.I'm actually not fat, I'm not necessarily in bad condition, sure I'm a home hermit most of the time, but I do care somewhat about my physic, not to an extent as the more confident guys that have muscle and all of that, but I go for runs most nights, I usually feel pretty weird jogging too, I'm quite embarrassed to jog past people, so that's why I changed my usual jogging sessions at night. But the porn thing, I'll cut it off.

[kc16]

Yea I agree with most of the stuff thus far, not gonna lie I went through a similar situation like you but not to your extent EMERE. When I was working at my first job it changed me drastically simply due to interacting with different types of people at my job. Sometimes I do go through that phase of worrying too much about something but it is not as bad as before. Try getting a job or going out more. I don't know if you are good at sports but if you are try going to the rec or getting a gym membership, you can make friends there.

[alenleomessi]

if you have a friend ( any friend really doesnt matter if he is dumb or fat ) go on a little adventure or something.. get away from your town take a bus or something, get drunk or high and just relax and try stupid things.. whats the worst that can happen to you, you are gonna take a punch or spend a night in jail? pff

[EMERE]

Do you have trouble with eye contact?

and if you do, thats something you should work on because it goes hand in hand with self confidence. just continue working on that, while speaking clearly and audibly.

the more you practice it, whether it be with friends, adults, professors, or girls, the better you will become at it and your self confidence will be more and more apparent.I usually try to avoid social interactions most of the time, but with the people that I know pretty well, that being the few friends I have, I speak without a problem at all, its just with the people I don't know that I'm not able to maintain eye contact, hell I can't even maintain eye contact with the few friends I have sometimes. With strangers, I feel anxiety inside whenever I have to talk to them. It just feels terrible.

[red1]

I'm actually not fat, I'm not necessarily in bad condition, sure I'm a home hermit most of the time, but I do care somewhat about my physic, not to an extent as the more confident guys that have muscle and all of that, but I go for runs most nights, I usually feel pretty weird jogging too, I'm quite embarrassed to jog past people, so that's why I changed my usual jogging sessions at night. But the porn thing, I'll cut it off.
It doesnt matter if you're not fat. Working out will help with all of the issues you mentioned.

[EMERE]

Confidence is everything. I've gained confidence probably two years after high school. Without confidence you will be unsure of who you are. Your identity is everything and is key to making impressions on society. Be aggressive when facing challenges and set your ambitions and goals to be chased vigorously.

Don't forget who you are, don't change, for no one as well. Just update yourself. Consider it a firmware or software update. Give yourself the confidence enough to remove insecurities. We need the ability to communicate with people, without being social you're sort of missing out on many important aspects of life.I agree with everything you said, that's why I want to change.

[EMERE]

EMERE?!?!?!?! How did it go with that chick bruh? I remember in that thread I was giving you advice then all of a sudden you disappeared.

What these guys have said is right. Cut out the porn and pick up a hobby. If you don't already, start playing basketball. You'll get in better shape and it's a team game so you have to communicate. This will help with your communication and if you get good you'll feel better. Even if you're trash, your body and fitness will improve so that will help you gain self confidence.Long story short: I ended up being denied to, as soon as I saw her exiting the building that our class was on, I approached her and before I said anything she said she had to hurry up to get to her next class because she had another final, it was basically a lie I figured, my aurora basically scared her away.

Funny thing is, I started playing soccer matches with the friends I have, and we got on a team and everything, but I was making too many mistakes and they'll always yell at me and I would feel bad, they would always take me out. I have a very weak mind.

[EMERE]

drugs:oldlol: No, I don't drink nor will I ever attempt drugs:lol

[EMERE]

Yea I agree with most of the stuff thus far, not gonna lie I went through a similar situation like you but not to your extent EMERE. When I was working at my first job it changed me drastically simply due to interacting with different types of people at my job. Sometimes I do go through that phase of worrying too much about something but it is not as bad as before. Try getting a job or going out more. I don't know if you are good at sports but if you are try going to the rec or getting a gym membership, you can make friends there.I'm planning on getting a job, I had one when I was 19 but I ended up quitting 4 days later since it was too much pressure, but I'm gonna attempt at getting one, no matter what the pay is.

[KobesFinger]

Long story short: I ended up being denied to, as soon as I saw her exiting the building that our class was on, I approached her and before I said anything she said she had to hurry up to get to her next class because she had another final, it was basically a lie I figured, my aurora basically scared her away.

Funny thing is, I started playing soccer matches with the friends I have, and we got on a team and everything, but I was making too many mistakes and they'll always yell at me and I would feel bad, they would always take me out. I have a very weak mind.


Ah, you play football. What position? I used to play left wing in secondary school, up to year 10 or 11th Grade in America. Watch games with good players who play your position and watch what they do: their positioning and what they do with the ball when they get it. You'll get better.

I kind of felt similar to you. I started playing full court 5 on 5 with 3 guys who play on a team together and are much better than me + 1 randomer. When I make mistakes they chew me out but I take it on board because I know I'll improve.

[EMERE]

if you have a friend ( any friend really doesnt matter if he is dumb or fat ) go on a little adventure or something.. get away from your town take a bus or something, get drunk or high and just relax and try stupid things.. whats the worst that can happen to you, you are gonna take a punch or spend a night in jail? pff:oldlol: There's really no telling what would happen to me if I was in jail, with a bunch of intimidating criminals, who have done many terrible things:biggums:

[Budadiiii]

Long story short: I ended up being denied to, as soon as I saw her exiting the building that our class was on, I approached her and before I said anything she said she had to hurry up to get to her next class because she had another final, it was basically a lie I figured, my aurora basically scared her away.

Funny thing is, I started playing soccer matches with the friends I have, and we got on a team and everything, but I was making too many mistakes and they'll always yell at me and I would feel bad, they would always take me out. I have a very weak mind.
:roll:

No question about it. You're a weird mother f*cker.

I wish you luck though.

[EMERE]

Ah, you play football. What position? I used to play left wing in secondary school, up to year 10 or 11th Grade in America. Watch games with good players who play your position and watch what they do: their positioning and what they do with the ball when they get it. You'll get better.

I kind of felt similar to you. I started playing full court 5 on 5 with 3 guys who play on a team together and are much better than me + 1 randomer. When I make mistakes they chew me out but I take it on board because I know I'll improve.Usually they make me play defense, since there's really good players in the middle and upfront. That is exactly the type of mentality I wanna have, the one you have, instead of feeling like a little baby with its feelings hurt:lol

[Levity]

its just with the people I don't know that I'm not able to maintain eye contact, hell I can't even maintain eye contact with the few friends I have sometimes. With strangers, I feel anxiety inside whenever I have to talk to them. It just feels terrible.

and thats who you have to work on in with to make the best strides. once you can comfortably talk to strangers while maintaining eye contact, anxiety will diminish more and more.

start by practicing on someone easy. like cashiers at stores, or waiters and waitresses.

[EMERE]

:roll:

No question about it. You're a weird mother f*cker.

I wish you luck though.:lol Hey man, she just just a bitch:cry:

[alenleomessi]

man if couple of ronaldo wannabes yell at you what do you think its gonna happen if you had a hot gf and went to a club with her.. dozens of guys will hit on your chick and will be eyeballin' you.. you will feel even more uncomfortable..

you need to look intimidating

in order for that to happen you need to get a tattoo on a visible place ( not your face obviously), you need to start lifting asap and get some supplements ( not necessarily steroids ), you need to shave your head and grow some facial hair

[EMERE]

and thats who you have to work on in with to make the best strides. once you can comfortably talk to strangers while maintaining eye contact, anxiety will diminish more and more.

start by practicing on someone easy. like cashiers at stores, or waiters and waitresses.Okay Okay so this is what I'll do:

Cashier:(Instantly gives me eyes contact) Hello sir, did you find everything okay?
Me:(I always have my head down and give zero eye contact at all, and I always try to avoid answering) Yes I did find everything good(I say this with confidence)

Like that?

[EMERE]

man if couple of ronaldo wannabes yell at you what do you think its gonna happen if you had a hot gf and went to a club with her.. dozens of guys will hit on your chick and will be eyeballin' you.. you will feel even more uncomfortable..

you need to look intimidating

in order for that to happen you need to get a tattoo on a visible place ( not your face obviously), you need to start lifting asap and get some supplements ( not necessarily steroids ), you need to shave your head and grow some facial hair:oldlol: Not sure about the tattoo part and the shaving part, but I agree on the lifting part. I'm pretty slim, in order to feel better about myself I need to become this muscular guy who looks intimidating.

[shlver]

The most important thing you need are goals, long term and short term. Your short term goals should be cutting out or significantly reducing any extraneous activities that do not improve yourself like video games, staying at home, *********ing excessively, watching porn for hours, etc. Once you cut out these activities, you will discover you have a lot of free time which should be devoted to improving yourself daily. Set daily goals that improve different aspects of your life and really commit yourself to accomplishing them. As you set real goals and accomplish them, you will improve yourself and naturally gain confidence.

[EMERE]

The most important thing you need are goals, long term and short term. Your short term goals should be cutting out or significantly reducing any extraneous activities that do not improve yourself like video games, staying at home, *********ing excessively, watching porn for hours, etc. Once you cut out these activities, you will discover you have a lot of free time which should be devoted to improving yourself daily. Set daily goals that improve different aspects of your life and really commit yourself to accomplishing them. As you set real goals and accomplish them, you will improve yourself and naturally gain confidence.What am I gonna do if I cut my computer hours? I basically wake up in the morning and surf the web, and after that I go and catch the bus to go to school, but other than the daily trips to college, my time is on the computer. What could I do, any suggestions?

[Draz]

I'll give you an example of working with your insecurities. I was once insecure of how skinny I was, scrawny, didn't think I was on the level of most men my age. I grew up small, never got bullied so I wouldn't be able to tell how much pain I could of been in within that category.

Now, I made a difference. I hit the gym 4-5 times a week. I see progress. I do this not just for appearance but for MYSELF. Whatever YOU do, do it for YOURSELF. Everyone starts small, Rome wasn't built in a day. Doctors don't become doctors in a day.

Everything takes time, there's a procedure to growing, learning, adapting, and experiencing. My experiences will differ from yours. Your experiences will differ from everyone else's. There's only so much you can relate to people. Give yourself the confidence boost of your life. Believe you're the best you can be, and best you can when you put yourself in that potential category.

[red1]

I'll give you an example of working with your insecurities. I was once insecure of how skinny I was, scrawny, didn't think I was on the level of most men my age. I grew up small, never got bullied so I wouldn't be able to tell how much pain I could of been in within that category.

Now, I made a difference. I hit the gym 4-5 times a week. I see progress. I do this not just for appearance but for MYSELF. Whatever YOU do, do it for YOURSELF. Everyone starts small, Rome wasn't built in a day. Doctors don't become doctors in a day.

Everything takes time, there's a procedure to growing, learning, adapting, and experiencing. My experiences will differ from yours. Your experiences will differ from everyone else's. There's only so much you can relate to people. Give yourself the confidence boost of your life. Believe you're the best you can be, and best you can when you put yourself in that potential category.
You matured a lot from when you first started posting. Good job man

[Draz]

What am I gonna do if I cut my computer hours? I basically wake up in the morning and surf the web, and after that I go and catch the bus to go to school, but other than the daily trips to college, my time is on the computer. What could I do, any suggestions?

Waking up in the morning surfing the web, the constant interaction with technology has nothing to do with you as a person or can be much of a flaw. Not in this generation, it's grown to be apart of most individuals life. It's ordinary to do that. What you should do is the things that qualify doing at your age. Get a job, apply for many jobs. Get a degree. Video games, limit them.Television, limit the kiddy shit. Focus on more news. Understand how bad people have it around you, in other countries. Be aware.

Spend time learning more, educating more. Stay after school catching up what you didn't understand in college. Make sure you aren't texting in class, something I've lately done. I put my phone away completely in Biology and I learn so much more, the subject became interesting enough to stay focused.

Give yourself something to do. Occupy yourself. Don't ever get caught doing nothing, there's ALWAYS something to do. Thankfully for me I have a girlfriend who does everything with me, i.e working out together. Hit the gym. Get a few girls numbers, work on your game.

Occupy yourself.

[highwhey]

You really need to get past worrying about what others think of you. Speak your mind, and smile. I think you'll be surprised at how many people will smile back at you, especially white people.

But similar to what others have said, set small and reachable goals. Every milestone you hit will be a great boost of confidence. Working out is freaking awesome because of the natural high (endorphins being released naturally).

Working on your character and personality can be difficult because progress will not present itself in a physical form but it's probably one of the best forms of improving your life.

In my case, I used humor to break out of my shell. For some reason people find me funny in real life. Anyhow, it was a bridge that allowed me to become better with socializing.

[Draz]

You matured a lot from when you first started posting. Good job man
Haha.. thanks.. It's important to assist people with confidence as much as you could. You can possibly be saving a life, or lives. I've seen so much disasters occur because people don't believe in themselves. As people, in some way, more than ever because of technology and social networks we should be able to help in some way.

Watching someone go in a depression or denying themselves, robbing themselves, I feel robbed, because I was once there and didn't have much to work with myself.

OP, you need to benefit from the pain. I benefit from it. When I'm working out, I take all the hate, I hear voices from people that said he's too small, he's too skinny, he's never going to get there, I hear voices. Those voices propel me to do an extra pull, an extra pound, an extra inch from that extra mile. Some people get strength through that. Find your way of gaining strength.

[Draz]

You really need to get past worrying about what others think of you. Speak your mind, and smile. I think you'll be surprised at how many people will smile back at you, especially white people.

But similar to what others have said, set small and reachable goals. Every milestone you hit will be a great boost of confidence. Working out is freaking awesome because of the natural high (endorphins being released naturally).

Working on your character and personality can be difficult because progress will not present itself in a physical form but it's probably one of the best forms of improving your life.

In my case, I used humor to break out of my shell. For some reason people find me funny in real life. Anyhow, it was a bridge that allowed me to become better with socializing.

:oldlol:

I was very anti-social in High School. Now, I'm one of the most outgoing, down to earth, sociable human beings you can discover. It's one of the reasons why I have many friends, and long lasting friendships because they enjoy having a relationship with me enough to come back. Girlfriends, they can't get enough of me, because PERSONALITY is GOLD.

As much as one can work on their looks, personality is something you either have it in you, deep, deep, deep, down inside, or you just don't have it. I'm sure you aren't one dimensional. You have plenty to offer. With that said, I look forward to a productive year from you.

[red1]

Draz you would make a great mother. Very loving and supporting lmao I kid I kid

[shlver]

What am I gonna do if I cut my computer hours? I basically wake up in the morning and surf the web, and after that I go and catch the bus to go to school, but other than the daily trips to college, my time is on the computer. What could I do, any suggestions?
I don't know. It's your life, figure out what you want to improve and set your goals accordingly.

[Draz]

Draz you would make a great mother. Very loving and supporting lmao I kid I kid
:roll: :roll: :roll: :pimp:

[The_Yearning]

Wasn't Draz that dude that made a thread crying about his gf having naked pics of herself online and went and showed his mother about it?

[highwhey]

:roll: :roll: :roll: :pimp:
MILF

[Rojogaqu11]

1. Learn to accept yourself as your are RIGHT NOW.

-You are young, man. Don't be in a rush to meet any supposed deadlines in romance or sex cause there really aren't. Don't worry about how others are faring in life right now. Everybody has insecurities. There are some who are confident because of what they've accomplished and some because of what has been given to them. In them learn to accept yourself so that you can learn to love yourself.

2. Accepting yourself means understanding that you are who you are but that you also can be what you can be.

-Any type of confidence comes from knowing the value or strength in what makes you who you are. What identifies you? Is it playing video games? A room that is filthy? Is it making good grades? Maybe having a generous heart? etc.
How much value do yo place in those things?
Once you figure out how much value you are placing in each of the things that make you who you are right now, then you can start gauging if you need to make adjustments in what makes up your self-image.

3. Understand that anything that brings real and solid confidence to yourself is also worth admiring.

-Like I said, some people are "confident" because they are the best basketball players in their neighborhood, or because they are tall, etc. Those things change with time. So instead of trying to get your self-worth from trivial things, get it from understanding what makes you special as a human being. Even Lebron James will not be able to play ball some day, but it's not the skill that he has that may bring him confidence, but understanding that he's been privileged today to be a healthy and athletic individual with specifics skills and traits that in today's context allows him to enjoy many luxuries. But even so, that can fade away in an instant. So if he's wise, he will place more value in his family, friends and loved ones, (those that appreciate who he is more than what he does) than in things that can change.

4. It's all about the time you invest in the type of person you want to become.

-You want to be confident? Why? Because you want a woman? Because women like confidence? Why? Because confidence usually means security? you're getting it?. What women really want is someone assured of themselves, like you know.. real men.

That's why you work hard on it, cause that's what we do. Research what confident people have in common. You'll be surprised how many different things make people confident. Young people tend to act more confidently than they really are because they want to impress others. I say just forget about others. I'm old enough to tell you that time is only good if you do something with it.

-"It's better to try to achieve something great and fail at it, than try to achieve nothing and succeed at it."

5. Be a MAN.

-Simple as that.
You have to see yourself as the man you are not to know the man you will be if you stay like that. So be the man you want to be, right now.
-You want to be known as the guy that plays video games, then keep at it. That goes with everything else too.
-You want to be ignorant about any type of romantic relationship. Then by all means act and do what children do. After all, children are the ones that shy away from any type of friction, stress or pain. They are lazy by nature, don't know how to be patient, don't put any time or work in anything that doesn't provide instant gratification unless forced to. They do not understand failure or that the world does not revolve around them, or that they will experience loss and rejection.

So in essence, stop "feeling" sorry about yourself. I mean I understand you, I've been there. But I can judge by what you said that you've placed too much focus on what others are doing and trying to fit to the mold, and not becoming the person you'd like to become.

Others are driven by money, easy women, etc. but it seems to me that you want to get something more than that but at the same time do not want to put any effort into getting it. So I say, who cares about them. You're not competing with anybody but your own lack of assertiveness.

continued.

[Rojogaqu11]

To finish, I'll give you some good tips like others have done. Some are gonna sound stupid because you're not a kid, but seriously, you got to test your manliness:

-Be a morning person. Go to sleep early, wake up early. No excuses.

-Build serious muscle. By that I mean, test the limits of your own body. Gotta get that testosterone up. Gotta become the man that any woman would like to have by their side when things get tough. In essence, be a healthy male that is not a boy.

-Build your intellect and wisdom. More than becoming strong physically, it's way more important to becoming someone with a mind that can think, create, articulate, produce and nurture with quality. Strong enough to take a woman and potential family under your leadership.

-Seriously, stop looking at women as pieces of meat in a meat market. Know them as persons before you get any ideas. In the end, you gonna be linked to someone who will have as many mistakes, defects, and insecurities as you do or more. If you aren't attracted to women as a whole human being, you gonna get tired of them when your hormones aren't raging. So learn to be around them. Get female friends who you are absolutely not attracted to to begin with. Don't be afraid of the prospect of "falling in love" with them cause they ugly to you. I mean, who reallly cares if the person you love is ugly? Seriously. Stop being shallow. Women are not idols. Not even close.

-Speaking of hormones. Stop *********ing. In fact, stop deliberately searching for ways to build up your sex drive, cause once you're working out and thinking like a man towards women, I promise you all that controlled sex drive is gonna come out as pure and ubber masculinity when you talk to them or anybody for that matter. You will know that you're a dominant, content, and self-assured person in any type of interaction, romantic or not. Women are gonna be the one trying to get you hooked, but by then you gonna know how to choose. Seriously, you control yourself. Don't feel bad if you fail tho. You are man not a machine. But you gonna get there naturally.

Respect women, seriously. You don't need no stupid games to have women fighting for you to notice them. There's billions of insecure women in the world, they may or may not have an excuse for that in our time, but us men?? C'mon.. any two dumb kids can have sex if their hormones match their ignorance and insecurity. See past that cause you don't want the baggage that comes after that. You want to be a real man with a real woman, no matter your ages.


-Start doing the things that real men do. Stay awake longer and work harder. Fix things. Lift things. Lead. Protect. Care for the less fortunate. Speak up. Go the extra mile. Stay busy with important matters. Occupy yourself in a life of service. Go and die for something worth dying. If you are the quiet type, don't take that as an excuse for not doing all those things. You just gotta pick your spot as the sharpshooter in the team. It usually means that when you speak you probably score 3 points instead of 2. You know what I mean.

-Become friends with couples in great relationships. The longer they've been together the better. As you will learn to understand what makes their bond work. If your parents fit that description, by all means, stop being a shy little boy and ask them directly for advise. They probably know you more than you think they do. I cannot emphasize enough how much this can help you, and even if your parent don't really fit that mold, they're still your parents, and adults that can talk to you with more honesty and most of the time with your best interest at heart.

-Learn to have fun with and around people. Now, I didn't say go and have fun in your favorite multiplayer video game. I said with and around people. A very small number of physical interactions begin with long-distance conversations. I would say that if you really want to have some kind of relationship where physical interaction is involved any time soon, you have to put the computer and xbox away for now, and get to work on meeting people. Don't feel pressured to get a girlfriend just know. Just learn to have fun around women and enjoy their company as people who have value. Don't be uptight, but don't be scandalous. Find a middle ground where you are you, people know you, and you are a little vulnerable with them because you've shared with them about you. As you grow as a man this is easy because you're proud of who you are and what you can provide.

-Lastly, nothing is ideal. Learn to forgive yourself when you fail. I don't know what you believe but I personally believe in God. My life without faith is meaningless because we will all die in the end, and we don't know when that will happen. So, a hope of a better life makes me understand that, although we won't be perfect in this life, in the next one everything will make sense. So I won't try to preach to you but I can tell you that none of the previous advice I've given is even worth anything without saying that what really makes a difference in my life is understanding who God is, who I am as human being, and what the world we live in means to us as humans. I know that these days God isn't the coolest subject we can talk about, but what really gives me confidence above anything in the world is knowing what God has done for me through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. So no matter what I do, or who I become, the relationships I make, I have confidence that God is in control, for this life and the next.


-PS. A business course can help you become confident, because only confident people can convince others that they need a product or service. So I would advise you as a side thing to learn to understand what makes people want to get this and that. Not to become manipulative, but to understand that sometimes you have to sell an image that represents who you are. This is a great free business communication ebook (https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.saylor.org/site/textbooks/Business%2520Communication%2520for%2520Success.pdf&sa=U&ei=W0kqU-nXE6SRygHm8oHwAg&ved=0CAUQFjAA&client=internal-uds-cse&usg=AFQjCNGYK19qBXdslmHAGA-bALiyjSHzXQ) that you can take a look. It's many pages but it really is a fast read.

Good luck young man. God willing you still got plenty of time to become a a great man.

[KevinNYC]

I would give you two pieces of advice.

One is practice confidence. For short periods of time, stand tall, look people in the eye, smile and greet them. See how changing your physicality changes your mindset. If you are feeling "man they are going think something is off with me" when you meet someone, you're probably given off terrible physical signals which people are picking up on and which only reinforces your social anxiety.

Here's an exercise, when you go for your night runs, pick a store and buy a gatorade there every night. It will be a short period of time to interact with strangers. They will get used to you being around and you should use this time to act like the person you want to become. Have you heard the term "fake it until you make it?" That is based on the psychological truth that carrying your body in and upright and open way makes you feel better. So every night go into the store feeling calm and no worrying than others can see through you. After a few nights start greeting the guy behind the counter. Even something fairly meaningless, like "Hey, how's it going?" Small talk kind of stuff. Use this exercise and build on it. Try more than one store or longer periods. After you leave and are running again, think about what went well. Then you use this feeling in other situations.


The second piece of advice is get with some girls while you're in college. There's lot of girls out there who feel the same anxieties you do. Lots of girls who are also spending a lot of their time online. Find out a way to connect. Put yourself out there. Even if you get shot down a couple of times, it's confidence building exercise you can build on. Maybe look into some real times clubs at school.

You ever see that show the Dog Whisperer? The basic point of the show is to fix the dog, he almost always has to fix their owners. Dogs read body language super well and if they don't think you're in charge, they will take charge. He always says that dogs respect someone who is both calm and assertive. So dogs don't like those who are anxious and weak and also macho idiots who are have a different sort of weakness.

Check this episode out at 13 minutes in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOKNAVq37E0

This woman has four French Bulldogs who have taken over life because she let them. He basically address her anxiety through her body language.

I have a French Bulldog and I wish I had one when I was a younger, single man. You would not believe how easy it is to meet women when you are walking a cute dog. It also makes you way more social that you usually are. So maybe you should borrow a dog and walk it around campus.

[EMERE]

Waking up in the morning surfing the web, the constant interaction with technology has nothing to do with you as a person or can be much of a flaw. Not in this generation, it's grown to be apart of most individuals life. It's ordinary to do that. What you should do is the things that qualify doing at your age. Get a job, apply for many jobs. Get a degree. Video games, limit them.Television, limit the kiddy shit. Focus on more news. Understand how bad people have it around you, in other countries. Be aware.

Spend time learning more, educating more. Stay after school catching up what you didn't understand in college. Make sure you aren't texting in class, something I've lately done. I put my phone away completely in Biology and I learn so much more, the subject became interesting enough to stay focused.

Give yourself something to do. Occupy yourself. Don't ever get caught doing nothing, there's ALWAYS something to do. Thankfully for me I have a girlfriend who does everything with me, i.e working out together. Hit the gym. Get a few girls numbers, work on your game.

Occupy yourself.I guess it all depends how I use the computer, I mostly use it for useless things, such as to play games and watch movies. It's just that i've become too accostumed to the hermit life, ever since junior high i have rushed from school to my house just so i could be on the computer. I'm really gonna have to put a lot of effort into changing, because like you guys said, valuable things are often not handed to you, you have to work for them. Thanks for all the advice you've given, Im happy that you changed.

[EMERE]

I don't know. It's your life, figure out what you want to improve and set your goals accordingly.
True

[Draz]

Wasn't Draz that dude that made a thread crying about his gf having naked pics of herself online and went and showed his mother about it?
Someone was trying to ruin her reputation. I blew it out of proportion lol

[EMERE]

To finish, I'll give you some good tips like others have done. Some are gonna sound stupid because you're not a kid, but seriously, you got to test your manliness:

-Be a morning person. Go to sleep early, wake up early. No excuses.

-Build serious muscle. By that I mean, test the limits of your own body. Gotta get that testosterone up. Gotta become the man that any woman would like to have by their side when things get tough. In essence, be a healthy male that is not a boy.

-Build your intellect and wisdom. More than becoming strong physically, it's way more important to becoming someone with a mind that can think, create, articulate, produce and nurture with quality. Strong enough to take a woman and potential family under your leadership.

-Seriously, stop looking at women as pieces of meat in a meat market. Know them as persons before you get any ideas. In the end, you gonna be linked to someone who will have as many mistakes, defects, and insecurities as you do or more. If you aren't attracted to women as a whole human being, you gonna get tired of them when your hormones aren't raging. So learn to be around them. Get female friends who you are absolutely not attracted to to begin with. Don't be afraid of the prospect of "falling in love" with them cause they ugly to you. I mean, who reallly cares if the person you love is ugly? Seriously. Stop being shallow. Women are not idols. Not even close.

-Speaking of hormones. Stop *********ing. In fact, stop deliberately searching for ways to build up your sex drive, cause once you're working out and thinking like a man towards women, I promise you all that controlled sex drive is gonna come out as pure and ubber masculinity when you talk to them or anybody for that matter. You will know that you're a dominant, content, and self-assured person in any type of interaction, romantic or not. Women are gonna be the one trying to get you hooked, but by then you gonna know how to choose. Seriously, you control yourself. Don't feel bad if you fail tho. You are man not a machine. But you gonna get there naturally.

Respect women, seriously. You don't need no stupid games to have women fighting for you to notice them. There's billions of insecure women in the world, they may or may not have an excuse for that in our time, but us men?? C'mon.. any two dumb kids can have sex if their hormones match their ignorance and insecurity. See past that cause you don't want the baggage that comes after that. You want to be a real man with a real woman, no matter your ages.


-Start doing the things that real men do. Stay awake longer and work harder. Fix things. Lift things. Lead. Protect. Care for the less fortunate. Speak up. Go the extra mile. Stay busy with important matters. Occupy yourself in a life of service. Go and die for something worth dying. If you are the quiet type, don't take that as an excuse for not doing all those things. You just gotta pick your spot as the sharpshooter in the team. It usually means that when you speak you probably score 3 points instead of 2. You know what I mean.

-Become friends with couples in great relationships. The longer they've been together the better. As you will learn to understand what makes their bond work. If your parents fit that description, by all means, stop being a shy little boy and ask them directly for advise. They probably know you more than you think they do. I cannot emphasize enough how much this can help you, and even if your parent don't really fit that mold, they're still your parents, and adults that can talk to you with more honesty and most of the time with your best interest at heart.

-Learn to have fun with and around people. Now, I didn't say go and have fun in your favorite multiplayer video game. I said with and around people. A very small number of physical interactions begin with long-distance conversations. I would say that if you really want to have some kind of relationship where physical interaction is involved any time soon, you have to put the computer and xbox away for now, and get to work on meeting people. Don't feel pressured to get a girlfriend just know. Just learn to have fun around women and enjoy their company as people who have value. Don't be uptight, but don't be scandalous. Find a middle ground where you are you, people know you, and you are a little vulnerable with them because you've shared with them about you. As you grow as a man this is easy because you're proud of who you are and what you can provide.

-Lastly, nothing is ideal. Learn to forgive yourself when you fail. I don't know what you believe but I personally believe in God. My life without faith is meaningless because we will all die in the end, and we don't know when that will happen. So, a hope of a better life makes me understand that, although we won't be perfect in this life, in the next one everything will make sense. So I won't try to preach to you but I can tell you that none of the previous advice I've given is even worth anything without saying that what really makes a difference in my life is understanding who God is, who I am as human being, and what the world we live in means to us as humans. I know that these days God isn't the coolest subject we can talk about, but what really gives me confidence above anything in the world is knowing what God has done for me through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. So no matter what I do, or who I become, the relationships I make, I have confidence that God is in control, for this life and the next.


-PS. A business course can help you become confident, because only confident people can convince others that they need a product or service. So I would advise you as a side thing to learn to understand what makes people want to get this and that. Not to become manipulative, but to understand that sometimes you have to sell an image that represents who you are. This is a great free business communication ebook (https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.saylor.org/site/textbooks/Business%2520Communication%2520for%2520Success.pdf&sa=U&ei=W0kqU-nXE6SRygHm8oHwAg&ved=0CAUQFjAA&client=internal-uds-cse&usg=AFQjCNGYK19qBXdslmHAGA-bALiyjSHzXQ) that you can take a look. It's many pages but it really is a fast read.

Good luck young man. God willing you still got plenty of time to become a a great man.Thank you for all that advice, I dont view women as pieces of meat though, Im a virgin so you can understand how frustrating it can be, but i simply want a girlfriend who i can cuddle with.

I cant get any lowe then this,i can only go up now.

[EMERE]

I would give you two pieces of advice.

One is practice confidence. For short periods of time, stand tall, look people in the eye, smile and greet them. See how changing your physicality changes your mindset. If you are feeling "man they are going think something is off with me" when you meet someone, you're probably given off terrible physical signals which people are picking up on and which only reinforces your social anxiety.

Here's an exercise, when you go for your night runs, pick a store and buy a gatorade there every night. It will be a short period of time to interact with strangers. They will get used to you being around and you should use this time to act like the person you want to become. Have you heard the term "fake it until you make it?" That is based on the psychological truth that carrying your body in and upright and open way makes you feel better. So every night go into the store feeling calm and no worrying than others can see through you. After a few nights start greeting the guy behind the counter. Even something fairly meaningless, like "Hey, how's it going?" Small talk kind of stuff. Use this exercise and build on it. Try more than one store or longer periods. After you leave and are running again, think about what went well. Then you use this feeling in other situations.


The second piece of advice is get with some girls while you're in college. There's lot of girls out there who feel the same anxieties you do. Lots of girls who are also spending a lot of their time online. Find out a way to connect. Put yourself out there. Even if you get shot down a couple of times, it's confidence building exercise you can build on. Maybe look into some real times clubs at school.

You ever see that show the Dog Whisperer? The basic point of the show is to fix the dog, he almost always has to fix their owners. Dogs read body language super well and if they don't think you're in charge, they will take charge. He always says that dogs respect someone who is both calm and assertive. So dogs don't like those who are anxious and weak and also macho idiots who are have a different sort of weakness.

Check this episode out at 13 minutes in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOKNAVq37E0

This woman has four French Bulldogs who have taken over life because she let them. He basically address her anxiety through her body language.

I have a French Bulldog and I wish I had one when I was a younger, single man. You would not believe how easy it is to meet women when you are walking a cute dog. It also makes you way more social that you usually are. So maybe you should borrow a dog and walk it around campus.im gonna mostly concentrate in small conversations for now, ive noticed that people feel unsettled whenever they conversate with me, even my cousin tells me that I get tense and he feels that tension when his around me. He once took me and his girlfriend to the movies, after the movie was done he decided to take a trip to the restroom and me and his girlfriend were just there, I started freaking out, i seriously felt like running out of there. I didnt even try to make conversation with her, she felt my tension and she went to sit by herself and kinda giggle. Damn that has to be the worst experience of them all.

[KevinNYC]

im gonna mostly concentrate in small conversations for now, ive noticed that people feel unsettled whenever they conversate with me, even my cousin tells me that I get tense and he feels that tension when his around me. He once took me and his girlfriend to the movies, after the movie was done he decided to take a trip to the restroom and me and his girlfriend were just there, I started freaking out, i seriously felt like running out of there. I didnt even try to make conversation with her, she felt my tension and she went to sit by herself and kinda giggle. Damn that has to be the worst experience of them all.

Yeah, tense people make other people tense. But you're not alone. Tons of folks feel like that from time to time. I had a friend I knew who was single for a while and then got a girlfriend. She and her girlfriend came to a party we were having and we were all excited to finally meet her because we really liked my friend* and we were happy she was with someone she liked. It was a make your own pizza party. The girlfriend was fine for a bit, but at one point she touched a hot pan and screamed. She wasn't hurt bad, but for the rest of the night she stayed in the backyard and wouldn't come into the house because she was too nervous that every one would think she was an idiot. She made a giant, giant deal out of something that was small and something everyone else had forgotten.

You should look into this (https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/).


*Actually now that I think about it, my friend was quite a wierdo herself, but she was never defensive about it and totally open about who she was and cheerful that pretty much everyone liked her.

[DetroitPiston]

This is a hobby I've gotten into recently, but it;s been a big help. Look for a climbing gym in your area, if you're in college, your school's gym might have one.

Why? Because nothing builds up your confidence like scaling up a wall that's about 30-50 feet high. Because if you want to meet people, this is the easiest way to do it. Don't have a partner to belay you? Walk up, introduce yourself, say you need someone to belay you, and most of the time, they'll oblige. Go bouldering, you don't need ropes, and it's a very sociable sport. Made a lot of friends that way because of bouldering. Climbers in general are some of the most laid back people you'll meet.

In addition to the sociable aspects, you get strong (Not bulky but ripped), you can stare at chicks asses while they climb and not get called out on it, and you forget about your problems because you're working your brain as well.

How did it work out for me? I met some people, one of them needed someone to belay them, did that, ended up going on a few dates with the lady. I have a buddy that I climb with regularly and afterwards we got get a drink or so.

I remember being in your position a while back, it's not fun, all you have to do is be willing to change it. Good luck, and as my dad would tell me, have fun.

[KingBeasley08]

Best way is to focus on making yourself a healthier and cultured person. Don't care about what other people think but get yourself into a position where you like how you look, the shape you're in. Confidence has a lot to do with how you view yourself. Once you become more secure in who you are, you'll notice that talking to women and making connections with people becomes a lot easier.

[Swaggin916]

You think you have to change yourself in order to pull girls, but in reality you don't want to. Do not try to sacrifice who you are, share who you are, and don't worry too much about what happens.

These are just biological forces combining with societal pressures driving you to think this way... but you don't have to be a slave to them.