Ask Me Anything

[Fallguy20]

I just got out of a 6 month rehab program in not-so-sunny California for drug issues and as a sex addict. I have kinda given up on the hope that im ever going to be "normal", but I feel like I am definitely healing and walking forwards from negativity of all kinds.

I don't play basketball anymore, injuries just have left me crippled which kinda left me depressed. I turned to distractions, which turned into habits, which turned into addictions. I had nothing left. Still don't really... but I feel like I have myself again. Every single morning I wake up, pray, read scriptures, do a minimal amount of exercise (all before leaving my room), and then go to the mirror and just look at myself. This is where I tell myself, "today is going to be a great day", and then recommit to living clean.

Its given me a simple philosophy: Do good, feel good.

Little things I didn't care about before, now I appreciate. Its like the things you don't hold sacred you lose... health, family, values, anything.

My hope for y'all is that you can ask yourself the question, "What would I do if I knew I couldnt fail?"

Cause for a long time, the only thing I deeply wanted was to live, and I really wasn't. And I don't want anyone else to feel like that... this is one thing that helped me.

So ISH, its good to be back. For awhile anyways.

[Smook A.]

LeBron + http://s.pikabu.ru/images/big_size_comm/2013-07_5/13746562454957.jpg = ?

[ImKobe]

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[Fallguy20]

http://sneakernews.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/seth-macfarlane-x-nike-lebron-8-summary.jpg



And It Looks Like About 7 Pieces... Before... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q6Ti9xCX_M)

[gigantes]

I just got out of a 6 month rehab program in not-so-sunny California for drug issues and as a sex addict. I have kinda given up on the hope that im ever going to be "normal", but I feel like I am definitely healing and walking forwards from negativity of all kinds.

I don't play basketball anymore, injuries just have left me crippled which kinda left me depressed. I turned to distractions, which turned into habits, which turned into addictions. I had nothing left. Still don't really... but I feel like I have myself again. Every single morning I wake up, pray, read scriptures, do a minimal amount of exercise (all before leaving my room), and then go to the mirror and just look at myself. This is where I tell myself, "today is going to be a great day", and then recommit to living clean.

Its given me a simple philosophy: Do good, feel good.

Little things I didn't care about before, now I appreciate. Its like the things you don't hold sacred you lose... health, family, values, anything.

My hope for y'all is that you can ask yourself the question, "What would I do if I knew I couldnt fail?"

Cause for a long time, the only thing I deeply wanted was to live, and I really wasn't. And I don't want anyone else to feel like that... this is one thing that helped me.

So ISH, its good to be back. For awhile anyways.
do you have someone to talk to on a regular basis about this stuff?

[cos88]

i have a few questions for you dear sir:


1. what if pinocchio said ''my nose will now grow''?
2. the first man to milk a cow, what was he doing?
3. if the devil punishes bad people does he make him a good person?
4. orange: the fruit has the color name or the color has the fruit name?
5. do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
6. why is there a D in fridge but no D in refrigerator?
7. if tomatoes are a fruit isn't ketchup a smoothie?
8. is there another word so synonym?

[Fallguy20]

I seriously just got back, so im looking for a local sponsor for both. They have an alumni/followup guy who they say will call every month, and ive tried to open up to some relatives that I wasn't so close to before.

But now that ya mention it and I get thinking, I should prolly give my old highschool basketball coach a call. Good guy, see what he's up to...



1. what if pinocchio said ''my nose will now grow''?
It would grow. It would be infinitely small, you would be unable to measure it even after a day. But as it flips back and forth between truth and lie, you will have that infinitely small fraction of a second where it does start to grow.

2. the first man to milk a cow, what was he doing?
I believe that cows (certainly not anything domesticated as we know today) were actually not the first animals to be milked, and therefore the practice had been in place with other animals. He simply said, "hey, why not a cow?"


I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?

3. if the devil punishes bad people does he make him a good person?
Two thoughts:
1) Do bad people deserve punishment? Do two wrongs make a right?

2) If you believe in duality, everything having its opposite, than you could say that maybe he doesn't necessarily punish, simply invite and entice to do bad and suffer the natural consequences. I think its safe to say (especially in light of what ive been coming through recently) that the worst torment he could inflict wouldn't hold a candle to what we can inflict on ourselves, with guilt and heartache and regret and everything else we would have at the end of our lives knowing what could have been.

So... perhaps the devil is inside of each of us. Maybe we are both that good person and that bad person. Just throwing that out there.

4. orange: the fruit has the color name or the color has the fruit name?
I would say the color, because the color was there first. HOWEVER!!! I was interested and wikipediad it and found myself to be wrong.


The word orange entered Middle English from Old French and Anglo-Norman orenge.[2] The earliest recorded use of the word in English is from the 13th century and referred to the fruit. The earliest attested use of the word in reference to the colour is from the 16th century

5. do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
George Bush looks at gay midget porn and says, "there isn't even a cabinet in here..."

6. why is there a D in fridge but no D in refrigerator?
A refrigerator is too coldhearted to let me take a pass at it and give it the D. A fridge isnt so uptight.

7. if tomatoes are a fruit isn't ketchup a smoothie?
Agree. As an aside, I have a friend who said he went to this guys house and ate with his family. They poured ketchup into a cereal bowl and would all dip their fingers and lick it repeatedly during family conversation. They must like dat smoothie.

8. is there another word so synonym?
None that I know of. I like to use hyphens a lot and pretend like its all still one word, so perhaps you'd let "that-thing-that-means-that-other-thing" slide.

[KobesFinger]

1) What do you do when you leave your room?
2) If you picked up a girl and had a one night stand, would you relapse?

[Fallguy20]

1) I always try to stay with or around people. I used to need serious alone time, but now it doesn't feel right because I don't feel like I can trust myself. Right now I have my roommate sleeping on the couch right over there, but I am painfully aware that I am a couple clicks away from something that could start me on something destructive... old acquaintances, porn, perscription or other drugs... whatever.

When I leave, I go to the library. I am looking for a job. I helped out with Meals on Wheels on Thursday and should be doing that Tuesdays also. I get seasonal depression real bad, so now that the weather is turning nice finally I try to stay outside on the grass a lot. I write a little bit, I try to keep a journal. I am considering going back to a small JC not far, but I think it will have to wait until im more settled. I don't want to push myself into something that will stress me out too quick... but yeah, I just want to move forward.

2) ... I really think so.

I think I would feel horrible after, but I would feel like everything was all for nothing. I know that everyday is a new beginning and so long as everyday in every way we get just a little bit better, the day was not wasted. But I think I would be disheartened. Maybe I could convince myself it was a one time thing, but then one would turn into two, and two into three, and so on... That's just how it goes. And some of the girls ive used in the past really got hurt because they thought I actually loved them. One of them I do still, very much, but at the time when it comes down to sex its not about love in your mind... its only about gratification, and she becomes an object. I feel like it was a very abusive relationship, simply because she equated the physical to love, while I never did... it was in the quiet moments together that I realized I loved her.

Woah, tangent... sorry.

[cos88]

nice answers, you're like my ex girlfriend you just know anything. why do you think KobesFinger writes on the right side ?

[KobesFinger]

1) I always try to stay with or around people. I used to need serious alone time, but now it doesn't feel right because I don't feel like I can trust myself. Right now I have my roommate sleeping on the couch right over there, but I am painfully aware that I am a couple clicks away from something that could start me on something destructive... old acquaintances, porn, perscription or other drugs... whatever.

When I leave, I go to the library. I am looking for a job. I helped out with Meals on Wheels on Thursday and should be doing that Tuesdays also. I get seasonal depression real bad, so now that the weather is turning nice finally I try to stay outside on the grass a lot. I write a little bit, I try to keep a journal. I am considering going back to a small JC not far, but I think it will have to wait until im more settled. I don't want to push myself into something that will stress me out too quick... but yeah, I just want to move forward.

2) ... I really think so.

I think I would feel horrible after, but I would feel like everything was all for nothing. I know that everyday is a new beginning and so long as everyday in every way we get just a little bit better, the day was not wasted. But I think I would be disheartened. Maybe I could convince myself it was a one time thing, but then one would turn into two, and two into three, and so on... That's just how it goes. And some of the girls ive used in the past really got hurt because they thought I actually loved them. One of them I do still, very much, but at the time when it comes down to sex its not about love in your mind... its only about gratification, and she becomes an object. I feel like it was a very abusive relationship, simply because she equated the physical to love, while I never did... it was in the quiet moments together that I realized I loved her.

Woah, tangent... sorry.


Its all good ISHBro, you're being productive and trying to distance yourself from that which could send you back down the wrong path. I admire that:applause:

[Jasi]

Damn Fallguy20, long time no see.
Last time I read you were going to have a long period of study-or-something within the LDS community, am I wrong ?
Now you talk about drug and sex addiction?
What happened in between?

[Ass Dan]

Internet porn, drugs, religion.

3 crutches that will save or kill you.

how much wanking were you doing and how many and of what kind of drug did you take?

I ask this because the LDS shit Jasi is talking about is a red flag, they may want to make you feel broken so they can fix you.

Everyone jerks it in front of the computer and everyone likes to alter their reality, how out of control were you?

[I<3NBA]

i have no questions to ask. just a few words of support and advice.

1. always be positive.
2. stay away from people from your old lifestyle. those that did drugs with you and shit. relapse will be likelier if they are around.
3. if you don't have one yet, look for a job so you can get busy. but try to get a job you'd like doing. nothing to push you into relapse more than work stress.
4. write a journal/blog of your past life and relate it to your present. helps keep you in perspective and gives you new insight about yourself.

[Fallguy20]

Jasi, yeah I served a mission not too long ago. I don't regret it, I met amazing friends and did a lot of service and helped people out a lot. I didn't get a lot of support in transitioning home which didn't help, but I can't exactly blame anybody for that.

It started like anything I guess... just small little things, starting with caring what people thought about me more than what I thought about myself. Its amazing how things change at that point. Everything I did became hollow, and when I started small little things that led to larger things it didn't bother me because I could keep it under wraps for awhile.

I even worked as a mentor for awhile to at-risk youth during part of the beginning times, not considering the hypocrital ethical concerns... simply because I said, "ah it doesn't hurt anybody". I resigned after I realized that I was crossing the same boundaries I would hope to keep others from.

A lot of self esteem went out the window there, a lot of depression set in, and then the small things turned into larger until my life was unmanageable.




Dan I agree, and I am glad that I got pushed over the edge honestly, otherwise I would have limped along for my entire life I suppose.

For drugs, it started with 420. Then at a party I caved to peer pressure (but still chose) to drink, and that went very badly. I could still manage, but then I turned into a shotgun sinner as it were, binge for a couple days and then be good for a week or two. During the binges I did a lot of stuff... meth was easiest, partially because of the availability. Never did heroine, but might as well have.

I feel very strongly that if you want to be happy, you have to be happy with yourself. Even if you don't have any moral problems with alcohol or weed, they don't exactly always leave you tip top (well, alcohol for sure). Those small little bits of dissatisfaction in myself... I don't know, slowly wore on me? I don't know how to explain it as things progressed, but I always promised myself I wouldn't let this be me by next month. Of course, that month never came.

Sex came into play after various online encounters with porn, of course. Eventually though I found a girl who really liked me. Things I never would have considered doing became normal as boundaries were checked off one by one. Eventually we stopped seeing eachother. But I pursued other women, mostly playing the field. Its amazing how you can find so many people wanting the same thing if you look for it... And then it became no holds barred.

It was to the point where I always had porn on my cellphone and I would be constantly looking at it throughout the day. When I wasn't, I was planning or thinking about how I was going to get my need filled. Everything revolved around that... I would say that sex addiction was more powerful and destroying than drugs actually. Wouldn't have thought about it like that. But here we are.

So yeah, I was out of control by anybodies standards. I guess I feel like I have a strong moral compass. I don't disagree with the values I was brought up with, then walked away from before I served a mission. I don't feel like im guilt tripped, mostly just feel like that's not a bad way to live. I think the things the LDS teach are really top notch, I hope my kids have the kind of ideal values they do a good job instilling in kids. Did it wreck me? Not really. I still feel friendly towards the LDS, but wont be back for a little while. I know im not going to any other church when I do decide to make the healing step of religion a part of what I do.



I<3NBA, good advice. Its the positivity im really working on. I feel like ive really been conditioned over the course of years really to see things negative. I got my heart broken when I was just a kid (some here on ISH might even remember), and that started a series of negative thinking. I really am open to ideas of how to stay positive! Im not the best at digging myself out of a negative attitude, but I am not too bad at starting the day with one.

[Jasi]

You always came across to me as a good, intelligentible and likeable guy.
I am sure you can overcome the difficulties.
Only advice I can give you is think about those two moments when you look back at what you did with your talents/energy/ability, and could very much regret to find nothing left in your hands: the end of each day, and the end of your life.

[Bandito]

So how does it feel to not to have to take it up the b*tt for 6 months? :lol



But in all seriousness how does it feel to be back on your everyday life?

[Milbuck]

Two parter here.

1) How big is your dick?

2) Would be willing to PM pics?

[Fallguy20]

Only advice I can give you is think about those two moments when you look back at what you did with your talents/energy/ability, and could very much regret to find nothing left in your hands: the end of each day, and the end of your life.

That I appreciate. I think about that, but not as much as I should. I try really hard to focus on the carrot and not the stick, but truly, honestly, addictions are kinda like sitting in a bathtub full of diarrhea. You don't want to be there, but for some reason you feel like poison never hurt so good. Its the negative that gets you out of the bathtub. Its the positive that keeps you out once your good.



Bandito, im still a little hesitant... like, I want to do so much but im almost apprehensive about the possibility of making a mistake. Still, it feels good to know that right here, right now, as I type this... I am okay. That feels amazing. This is life right here. And I am enjoying living it.



Prof, I know a certain level of conditioning and upbringing has everything to do with my perspective. Really, how could it not? I feel like I have a strong moral compass, certainly that was influenced by religion. Im sure that compass contributed to the anxiety I felt. So yes, I suppose you could go with the negative angle that religion forced me off the deep end... but I wouldn't go there myself.

I can't say what would have happened if things had been different. Part of my steps have been to get in touch with the Creator, one in your mind that has no real affiliation with any denomination or theology. As I did I found new understanding and meaning, a new relationship with him because I saw myself differently. I feel affirmed in self-evident truths, principles like integrity and courage and humility and temperance and patience. These feel like truths. They also so happen to be things that I learned in part due to my upbringing and religion. So I am grateful I learned them like I did.

I have come to the conclusion that all religion is good at some level. Like something in it is true, and that's why people stick with it. Even Satanism talks about self love and worth, which are based around true principles in ways. That's kinda far out there for my tastes, but so be it.


What was I saying again? TL;DR im sure...

But yeah, I have a strong addictive personality. Even ISH has been addictive in the past. I remember posting 50 times a day, checking and rechecking... actually, what im doing now is kinda similiar. Im going to evaluate that.




Millbuck, no one would believe me if I said. And no.

[knickballer]

1) How many people have you slept with?
2) Any male encounters?(have you ever considered?)
3) When you were at your worst how many times were you fapping/having sex a day?
4) Was it easy for you to get laid?
5) Do you pay for sex?


I know the questions are very personal but I'm a tad bit curious now..(no homo)

[Trollsmasher]

1 horsesized duck or 10 ducksized horses?

[PullupJay]

What do you believe in?

What is your biggest passion?

What fascinates you?

[Fallguy20]

I hear ya Prof, its all good and I know exactly what ya mean.
:cheers:

My rules and limits are essentially do or don't, as I don't really have a moderation button anymore. Even something like video games. It leads to a bit of a simpler life, but I look at it as the consequences for my previous actions.



Knickballer,
1) How many people have you slept with? over 20 partners in a yearlong period.
2) Any male encounters?(have you ever considered?) No never, its never been an interest. I was approached about gay for pay and turned it down one time, didn't even think twice.
3) When you were at your worst how many times were you fapping/having sex a day? Well I would indulge in a binge, and during those I could be 5+ times a day. Looking back, I didn't even have the normal masculine desire at that point anymore when you do it that much for a week at a time, and its that clearly dark part of you and your mind that just keeps you there. I once bled through my urethra and thought nothing of it, kept going, had sex later that night. That should have freaked me out. But... hmmmm.
4) Was it easy for you to get laid? You'd be surprised how easy it is to find places where the expectation is to walk out of there (or stay there) with somebody. Its not like im some smooth talker, but I may have been slightly above average as far as the other guys who frequented such places. There was only two women I would have ever even considered real girlfriend materiel. Only one that I hoped to have a real relationship with.
5) Do you pay for sex? I never did. Unless you call buying dinner (McDonalds dollar menu) paying for sex. I think that there is something also about the chase that meant something to me... buying it (outside of porn) was too... I dont even know what.


Trollsmasher, this is the best question I have ever been asked! Aaaaaand I think im going to go with 10 ducksized horses :) Why? I guess I like the idea of having my own little flock (herd?), especially if one were to die.


Pullupjay,
What do you believe in? I believe that there is a Creator who actually cares about us. I believe that we have the gift of choice to be (not always to do) what we want in this world. I believe that no good effort is wasted, but that you may never ever see the "results" of it. I believe that you really are whatever you think you are. And I believe that happiness is found with others, and that if you are going to be whole you have to rely on them.

What is your biggest passion? Im still figuring that out. My roommate had me watch the Secret Life of Walter Middy, and it made me realize that I don't really know what im passionate about. So like in my op, I have started asking myself what I would do if I knew I couldn't fail. I would like to be a freelance journalist, going to hotspots around the world and finding out what is real... the freedom intrigues me, writing has always been an interest, and I feel like what I could do could end up actually helping people in a way.

But I guess at the end of the day (now that I think about it), that last reason truly is it... people are my passion. And someday I want to sponser and help other people through the kinda stuff im going through right now. Just gotta get through it first.

What fascinates you? The way peoples mind works. Psychology. Why did you do this? How did you learn that? Why are you the way you are???!!?!? And mostly its because at the end of the day, I want to discover why I do the things I do and why I am the way I am.

Now can I ask you a question? Why did you ask me those three questions?

[Bandito]

Bandito, im still a little hesitant... like, I want to do so much but im almost apprehensive about the possibility of making a mistake. Still, it feels good to know that right here, right now, as I type this... I am okay. That feels amazing. This is life right here. And I am enjoying living it.


:cheers:

[Lamar Doom]

damn josh, you worry me buddy. I hope you can keep your shit together, I feel like age is going to help you with a lot of this shit. I'm sorry to hear your injuries slowed you down and I'm glad you made it out of rehab unscathed and seemingly motivated. I hope you'll know that drugs and sex (even to excess) aren't an unusual part of many young men's lives and it's nothing to beat yourself up over. give yourself some credit man, you're not a back sliding loser if you jerk off to porn sometimes, don't let your church judge you for lust, it's natural. You can't just surround yourself with people full time because you don't trust yourself, even saying that makes it more of a reality for you so don't think of yourself as weak or dangerous to yourself in that way. You gotta be comfy being by yourself and like who you are. I feel like you're probably over thinking a lot of shit. I feel like you need to really work on how you see yourself and be careful with what you let become part of your identity. Keep up the exercising, get into movies and music that turn you on, find a craft that you enjoy (singing, playing an instrument, making shit out of wood/metal, dancing, acting, drawing, clay, whatever) and hone it. Don't spend all your time in your head or looking in the mirror trying to reassure yourself that everything's ok. Everything will be ok. You're a good dude, you've had an interesting life, you're gonna find love and live a long life. Stay up homey.

[Done_And_Done]

As one who has some experience in the addictions field, I commend you for seeking help and following through with your program. Did you complete it in its entirety? I'm presuming this isn't your first stint, seeing as how long term rehab isn't usually issued right out of the gate.

Are you now connected with a counselor? 12-step? What is your game plan to maintain your sobriety?

Apologies if you've already laid out your strategies...

[CelticBaller]

is op a fgt?

[Bandito]

Did you saw a pink sock in your sex adventures?

[Shabba Ranks]

Bro do you even lift ?