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Dro
04-29-2014, 01:44 PM
Bonzi Wells Releases Independent Report on “Jail Blazers” Locker Room Culture
http://slumz.boxden.com/f16/bonzi-wells-releases-independent-report-on-jail-blazers-locker-room-culture-must-read-2067783/


“It was madness. I’ve never seen anything like it. You think some of these guys had off the court issues? It was ten times worse inside the locker room. Some of these guys made Incognito look like Gandhi.”

These are just some of the words in the 550-page independent report released by former Portland Trail Blazers guard Bonzi Wells on the culture inside the Trail Blazers locker room. Wells played for the Trail Blazers from 2000 to 2003, the pinnacle of the time period in which the Trail Blazers were coined the “Jail Blazers” due to countless legal incidents off the court involving multiple players. The Leaveit2Divac investigative team has acquired the document and scoured the contents to provide the most shocking and disturbing incidents revealed by Wells. Here are some of the excerpts that got our attention:

“Two words: Ruben Patterson. It was 2001, my second year with the team, when he was brought on. Everyone knew about his past; he was a registered secks offender for the attempted[..] of his kid’s nanny. These guys wouldn’t let him forget it. The worst was Shawn Kemp. At least two or three times a week, Shawn would bring in a briefcase full of pictures of his kids’ nannies. I’m talking hundreds of pictures of nannies, each one of them different and extremely graphic. Shawn was even in some of them. He would just dump them in front of Ruben’s locker and usually say something like, “I would’ve run train over your nanny.” He even snuck out of practice once when Coach Cheeks wasn’t paying attention to fill Ruben’s locker with nanny pictures. Thousands of nanny pictures came pouring out. I had just a$sumed Shawn went to take one of his customary coke breaks, but this almost sent Ruben over the edge. At this point, Shawn became legitimately concerned for his safety. He even sought out extra security personnel for himself and all of his kids that he knew of.”

Ruben Patterson

However, this wasn’t even the worst that Ruben got:

“One time Damon [Stoudamire] caught Ruben jerking it to a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. The guys wouldn’t let him live that down. He was Lubin’ Ruben after that. Rasheed [Wallace] and Zach Randolph were relentless. Those two made his life hell, calling him Lubin’ Ruben every chance they got. Ruben once told me he was contemplating “taking them out in front of everyone in the locker room,” but I talked him out of it. I told him he would probably miss and hit Steve Kerr.”

Ruben got the worst of it, but he wasn’t the only one:

“Darius Miles. Where do I even start with him? He got it pretty bad too. There were multiple times that Rasheed would run into the locker room completely nak3d, point to his genitals, say “Look, the second biggest bust in the room!,” and then look directly at Darius. Zach and Derek Anderson thought this was the funniest thing. He once even did it on the court when Coach Cheeks wasn’t looking. Come to think of it there were a lot of instances in which Coach Cheeks wasn’t looking. He was oblivious. Try imagining having Stevie Wonder as a basketball coach. That was what it was like.”

Darius Miles missing an uncontested slam dunk.

However, these incidents pale in comparison to this one:

“For the most part, the veterans weren’t subjected to this type of stuff. Pippen, Kerr, Arvydas Sabonis, Dale Davis; these guys were respected. Maybe Rasheed would call Arvydas “Saboners” every once in a while, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. However, the worst incident I can remember involved a respected vet. In 2002, some of us were in the gym before practice when Zach and Jeff McInnis got into a shouting match over hookers or something. This type of stuff happened like every other day so most of us just ignored it. Zach just lost it and fired a 5 lb. plate at Jeff. He missed way high and hit veteran center Chris Dudley in the back of the head. He had no idea what hit him. Zach actually felt pretty bad about it; Rasheed thought it was hysterical. Duds was out cold and we had no idea what to do. Antonio [Daniels], Arvydas, and Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje carried him to a massage table and laid him face down so anyone who saw him would just think he was waiting to get a massage. I had about 20 or 25 extra headbands in my locker so I just started wrapping those around Chris’ head to try to stop the bleeding. He woke up about 30 minutes later wondering what happened and why he was wearing 15 headbands. We just blamed it on Lubin’ Ruben. Duds was a real team player and didn’t want this to be a distraction so he just let it go.”

Lubin Ruben:lol

JordanL
04-29-2014, 01:47 PM
This is pretty much fanfiction. Bonzi and Darius, for instance, were never on the same team.

EDIT:

Not that it isn't funny or plausible. I don't think Bonzi is making it up, I think the website is.

oarabbus
04-29-2014, 01:48 PM
Come to think of it there were a lot of instances in which Coach Cheeks wasn’t looking. He was oblivious. Try imagining having Stevie Wonder as a basketball coach. That was what it was like.”

:roll:

Im so nba'd out
04-29-2014, 01:48 PM
lol thats awful

DMV2
04-29-2014, 01:52 PM
The OG Kobestopper got sticky hands. :lol

Dro
04-29-2014, 01:53 PM
This is pretty much fanfiction. Bonzi and Darius, for instance, were never on the same team.

EDIT:

Not that it isn't funny or plausible. I don't think Bonzi is making it up, I think the website is.
I just added the link, my bad I forgot...

Dro
04-29-2014, 01:54 PM
Remember when Lubin Ruben was the Kobe stopper?

Dro
04-29-2014, 01:56 PM
This is pretty much fanfiction. Bonzi and Darius, for instance, were never on the same team.

EDIT:

Not that it isn't funny or plausible. I don't think Bonzi is making it up, I think the website is.
They played together on the 03-04 team...Darius was traded twice that season, the Blazers being the 2nd team he played for and he played 42 games for them that year...

DuMa
04-29-2014, 02:12 PM
just confirms that Rasheed is probably the funniest teammate ever

oarabbus
04-29-2014, 02:13 PM
just confirms that Rasheed is probably the funniest teammate ever


Remember when Zbo accidentally gave Shawn Bradley brain damage? Hilarious!

ShackEelOKneel
04-29-2014, 02:15 PM
So real or fake?

keep-itreal
04-29-2014, 02:16 PM
wow that is ridiculous.......

Dro
04-29-2014, 02:17 PM
So real or fake?
Actually..I want to believe its real but there's a chance it might be fake from what I read on another forum...But its very believable...I give a 60-40 chance its real...

kc16
04-29-2014, 02:32 PM
I don't believe this at all but if this is true that locker room was beyond awful.

Done_And_Done
04-29-2014, 02:40 PM
Lubin Rubin might be the single greatest nickname ever invented in the history of ever...

LONGTIME
04-29-2014, 02:48 PM
That team was a absolute mess. Still can't believe/forget that 2000 WCF choke job.

Rake2204
04-29-2014, 02:53 PM
I'd love for all of this to be real, but I feel we should all know better. That said, I don't think that means we can't hereby alter Ruben Patterson's primary nickname from Kobe Stopper to Lubin' Ruben.

Dro
04-29-2014, 02:54 PM
I'd love for all of this to be real, but I feel we should all know better. That said, I don't think that means we can't hereby alter Ruben Patterson's primary nickname from Kobe Stopper to Lubin' Ruben.
Yes, Lubin Ruben has to stay....

Brokenbeat
04-29-2014, 03:00 PM
[QUOTE]He even snuck out of practice once when Coach Cheeks wasn

Rake2204
04-29-2014, 03:01 PM
Anyhow, that story got me all reminiscent, so here's a run down on some of the Jail Blazers' actual documented dust ups:

Patterson: A registered sex offender who was arrested for felony domestic abuse against his wife at the time. He also attempted to rape his children’s nanny.

Randolph: Managed a DUI and punched out Patterson during practice, breaking his eye socket. He was as one of the laziest players in the NBA. The cops were even studying Randolph’s MTV “Cribs” episode because known felons appeared to be lounging at Randolph’s house.

Stoudamire: Multiple marijuana charges, including speeding while under the influence and trying to gain access through an airport metal detector with 1.5 ounces of the drug wrapped in aluminum foil.

Woods: Marijuana charge and was also arrested for animal abuse because of participation in a dog fighting operation.

Kemp: Had to leave the Blazers mid-season to enter rehab for cocaine and alcohol abuse. Has fathered seven children out of wedlock (and the number is actually thought to be higher).

Wells: “They [the fans] really don’t matter to us.”

Wallace: Aside from his record for most technical fouls, he also threatened a ref after a game (Although, it was Tim Donaghy, so in retrospect…)

Derek Anderson: The swingman was once “spotted in 2005… going through a drive-through window at McDonald’s while his team was playing a game at the Rose Garden.”

Darius Miles: Used the “N” word toward his coach Mo Cheeks, which Cheeks found offensive, suspended by the league for dope smoking.

And this excerpt:


“Whenever the Blazers sign a player to a 10-day contract the equipment manager provides the player with a free set of team-issue luggage. Sort of a welcome gift. Nothing incredibly fancy, but it’s way better than the stuff I have. So Omar Cook is signed a couple of years ago, and the luggage is placed in front of his locker.

Cook was flying in from out of town, so he’s not there yet. Ruben Patterson, the team’s registered sex offender, sees the luggage, knows Cook isn’t around yet, and Patterson basically just decides he’s going to abscond the luggage. He just rips the name tags off and takes it. Nobody says a word, either. It’s not anything violent, but it demonstrates the lack of decency and respect that permeated.” http://elitedaily.com/sports/where-the-hell-are-the-portland-jail-blazers/

Separately, I feel like I recall a Sports Illustrated Sign of the Apocalypse referencing Qyntel Woods being pulled over and attempting to use his own basketball card as identification.

BoutPractice
04-29-2014, 03:03 PM
I had just a$sumed Shawn went to take one of his customary coke breaks
:roll:


when Zach and Jeff McInnis got into a shouting match over hookers or something. This type of stuff happened like every other day so most of us just ignored it
:roll:

And then there was Lubin Ruben...

D-FENS
04-29-2014, 03:16 PM
I'm dying here :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

D-FENS
04-29-2014, 03:18 PM
Woods: Marijuana charge and was also arrested for animal abuse because of participation in a dog fighting operation.


You forgot this:
http://www.theprobasketballtalk.com/2011/03/bozo-classics-qyntel-woods.html

Trying to use his basketball card for ID when pulled over by cops for speeding and weed position

GoRapz
04-29-2014, 03:20 PM
Man I would love to be in the same locker room as ZBo and Rasheed Wallace :lol

Rake2204
04-29-2014, 03:34 PM
You forgot this:
http://www.theprobasketballtalk.com/2011/03/bozo-classics-qyntel-woods.html

Trying to use his basketball card for ID when pulled over by cops for speeding and weed positionHa, yeah, I'd mentioned that in the original post, but at the bottom, so it's probably easy to overlook. Thanks for the link though, I didn't have an official reference prior. Good stuff.

Jailblazers7
04-29-2014, 03:39 PM
You forgot this:
http://www.theprobasketballtalk.com/2011/03/bozo-classics-qyntel-woods.html

Trying to use his basketball card for ID when pulled over by cops for speeding and weed position

:oldlol:

Definitely my favorite Jail Blazers story.

Dro
04-29-2014, 04:19 PM
Multiple marijuana charges, including speeding while under the influence and trying to gain access through an airport metal detector with 1.5 ounces of the drug wrapped in aluminum foil.
LoL, this fool didn't know aluminum would cause detection?:facepalm

Also, this fool tried to take an OUNCE through the airport?:lol

Let me try to take a zip through the metal detector:oldlol:

Crown&Coke
04-29-2014, 04:43 PM
Sheed's infamous "No we smoked it all up"

:bowdown:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/basketball/news/2002/11/26/blazers_follow_ap/

oarabbus
04-29-2014, 04:45 PM
LoL, this fool didn't know aluminum would cause detection?:facepalm

Also, this fool tried to take an OUNCE through the airport?:lol

Let me try to take a zip through the metal detector:oldlol:


:roll: :roll: :roll:

Dude coulda just packed a few grams and then reupped when he landed :oldlol:

Godzuki
04-29-2014, 05:08 PM
i'm not that surprised. lots of stuff happens in the locker room or practices that can be real funny or messed up playing any sport, so long as you have clowns on your team. and every team has at least one clown...this Jailblazers squad had all types of characters so i'm not that surprised.