Once there is a serious problem in a marriage, is it salvageable?

[hateraid]

I bumped into a parent of one of my son's classmates. We chatted for a bit and I noticed I hadn't seen his wife pick up the kids at school for a while. He says he's having problems with his marriage and she's staying at her parents for a bit.

Immediately I thought this guy is a goner. Although I've been married now for 10 years (as of April 1st this year) I have no faith once it gets to a stage where the marriage becomes a problem and the wife moves out the probability of making it work is extremely low. I've seen it all too much. When the women finds the problem big enough that she has to move out, there is no reeling them back. She's made up her mind at that point. Divorce rate is so high that I feel this is literally the end of the atomic marriage. It's to each their own.

[mr beast]

I bumped into a parent of one of my son's classmates. We chatted for a bit and I noticed I hadn't seen his wife pick up the kids at school for a while. He says he's having problems with his marriage and she's staying at her parents for a bit.

Immediately I thought this guy is a goner. Although I've been married now for 10 years (as of April 1st this year) I have no faith once it gets to a stage where the marriage becomes a problem and the wife moves out the probability of making it work is extremely low. I've seen it all too much. When the women finds the problem big enough that she has to move out, there is no reeling them back. She's made up her mind at that point. Divorce rate is so high that I feel this is literally the end of the atomic marriage. It's to each their own.


i think it really depends on what the problem is. sometimes women just like throwing a fit and all they want is for you to go grab them back. best of luck

[Akrazotile]

I bumped into a parent of one of my son's classmates. We chatted for a bit and I noticed I hadn't seen his wife pick up the kids at school for a while. He says he's having problems with his marriage and she's staying at her parents for a bit.

Immediately I thought this guy is a goner. Although I've been married now for 10 years (as of April 1st this year) I have no faith once it gets to a stage where the marriage becomes a problem and the wife moves out the probability of making it work is extremely low. I've seen it all too much. When the women finds the problem big enough that she has to move out, there is no reeling them back. She's made up her mind at that point. Divorce rate is so high that I feel this is literally the end of the atomic marriage. It's to each their own.


We may very well be nearing the end of the age of marriage, which would be a tremendous shift in the social evolution of mankind. What's really crucial to focus our national attention on, however, is homosexuals being allowed to marry each other in an age where divorce rates can reach up to 60% and many liberals consider marriage meaningless anyway. We need to make sure our news stories, national discussions, demonstrations, ballot measures, and so forth all reflect this critical national priority. Without exerting tremendous focus on this particular topic, I'm not sure our nation will survive.


You feel me dawg?

[~primetime~]

I remember reading a study of some sort that showed that when a marriage is broken up by the WOMAN cheating it is extremely rare for it to be salvaged, but that it is somewhat common for a marriage to be repaired when the MAN cheats.

The reason (according to the study) was because men cheat without their heart, it's just meaningless sex the majority of the time, but when women cheat it is usually with feelings attached, sex is different for them in most cases.

[Akrazotile]

I remember reading a study of some sort that showed that when a marriage is broken up by the WOMAN cheating it is extremely rare for it to be salvaged, but that it is somewhat common for a marriage to be repaired when the MAN cheats.

The reason (according to the study) was because men cheat without their heart, it's just meaningless sex the majority of the time, but when women cheat it is usually with feelings attached, sex is different for them in most cases.


Yep. This is the truth.

[KyleKong]

I remember reading a study of some sort that showed that when a marriage is broken up by the WOMAN cheating it is extremely rare for it to be salvaged, but that it is somewhat common for a marriage to be repaired when the MAN cheats.

The reason (according to the study) was because men cheat without their heart, it's just meaningless sex the majority of the time, but when women cheat it is usually with feelings attached, sex is different for them in most cases.

Women are all Stage Five Clingers.

[magic chiongson]

I bumped into a parent of one of my son's classmates. We chatted for a bit and I noticed I hadn't seen his wife pick up the kids at school for a while. He says he's having problems with his marriage and she's staying at her parents for a bit.

Immediately I thought this guy is a goner. Although I've been married now for 10 years (as of April 1st this year) I have no faith once it gets to a stage where the marriage becomes a problem and the wife moves out the probability of making it work is extremely low. I've seen it all too much. When the women finds the problem big enough that she has to move out, there is no reeling them back. She's made up her mind at that point. Divorce rate is so high that I feel this is literally the end of the atomic marriage. It's to each their own.
got married at april 1st..heh..hehe

[hateraid]

got married at april 1st..heh..hehe


:cheers:

I thought it would be hilarious and she liked the idea
April 1st 2004 civil wedding. I was with her for 8 years before that and I knocked her up. Had our Church/Family July 31 2004.

[~primetime~]

My 1 year is end of this month...we are spending a week in Paris, France

never been there, can't wait

[hateraid]

My 1 year is end of this month...we are spending a week in Paris, France

never been there, can't wait

Wow Paris? Nice lil gift for 1 year.

We're renewing our vows in August. Having a big family gathering and flying people in from all over the US

[~primetime~]

Wow Paris? Nice lil gift for 1 year.

We're renewing our vows in August. Having a big family gathering and flying people in from all over the US

we had a new born when we got married so this is really our honeymoon, we were pretty much forced to postpone it

congrats on 8 years and renewing :cheers:

edit...er 10 years!...18 TOTAL?...WOW

[cos88]

I bumped into a parent of one of my son's classmates. We chatted for a bit and I noticed I hadn't seen his wife pick up the kids at school for a while. He says he's having problems with his marriage and she's staying at her parents for a bit.

Immediately I thought this guy is a goner. Although I've been married now for 10 years (as of April 1st this year) I have no faith once it gets to a stage where the marriage becomes a problem and the wife moves out the probability of making it work is extremely low. I've seen it all too much. When the women finds the problem big enough that she has to move out, there is no reeling them back. She's made up her mind at that point. Divorce rate is so high that I feel this is literally the end of the atomic marriage. It's to each their own.


when the wife moves out to her parents it's just like when you are younger and you agree for a ''little break'' with your girlfriend. slim chances for a reconciliation, a little higher for marriage considering you are tied by a piece of paper.

also hateraid, be honest, the parent of one of my son's classmates is actually you and the reason the wife moved out is because she saw your chrome history and the fact that you are involved in a sexy man tournament here. she probably wondered why the hell you aren't in the babe tournament also, and only in the man one :confusedshrug:


that poor woman :(

[nathanjizzle]

how old are you OP. i thought you were in your young 20s

[nathanjizzle]

We may very well be nearing the end of the age of marriage, which would be a tremendous shift in the social evolution of mankind. What's really crucial to focus our national attention on, however, is homosexuals being allowed to marry each other in an age where divorce rates can reach up to 60% and many liberals consider marriage meaningless anyway. We need to make sure our news stories, national discussions, demonstrations, ballot measures, and so forth all reflect this critical national priority. Without exerting tremendous focus on this particular topic, I'm not sure our nation will survive.


You feel me dawg?

stop talking.

[GimmeThat]

It is salvageable. You can part on amicable terms.

As for the relationship?


I like crab cakes, I mean, who doesn't like crab cakes?

[rufuspaul]

My 1 year is end of this month...we are spending a week in Paris, France

never been there, can't wait



Spent my honeymoon in Paris. You'll have a blast.

[Jailblazers7]

We may very well be nearing the end of the age of marriage, which would be a tremendous shift in the social evolution of mankind. What's really crucial to focus our national attention on, however, is homosexuals being allowed to marry each other in an age where divorce rates can reach up to 60% and many liberals consider marriage meaningless anyway. We need to make sure our news stories, national discussions, demonstrations, ballot measures, and so forth all reflect this critical national priority. Without exerting tremendous focus on this particular topic, I'm not sure our nation will survive.


You feel me dawg?

I think it is all part of the same thing. Marriage is less of a social institution now focuses more on the interpersonal attitude between the two people. Marriage as "weaker" now because they are dependent on the combination of personalities and insecurities of two people instead of being a unity of families and communities that helped to support it. It's also why more people are concerned with gay marriage because the injustice of denying two people the opportunity to marry is felt more strongly than it was before.

[D-FENS]

Although I've been married now for 10 years (as of April 1st this year)

Your wife could have set up the best ever April Fool's Day joke.

[D-FENS]

I bumped into a parent of one of my son's classmates. We chatted for a bit and I noticed I hadn't seen his wife pick up the kids at school for a while. He says he's having problems with his marriage and she's staying at her parents for a bit.

Immediately I thought this guy is a goner. Although I've been married now for 10 years (as of April 1st this year) I have no faith once it gets to a stage where the marriage becomes a problem and the wife moves out the probability of making it work is extremely low. I've seen it all too much. When the women finds the problem big enough that she has to move out, there is no reeling them back. She's made up her mind at that point. Divorce rate is so high that I feel this is literally the end of the atomic marriage. It's to each their own.

And to answer the question, it is salvageable if both are committed to trying to remedy the issue.

[hateraid]

when the wife moves out to her parents it's just like when you are younger and you agree for a ''little break'' with your girlfriend. slim chances for a reconciliation, a little higher for marriage considering you are tied by a piece of paper.

also hateraid, be honest, the parent of one of my son's classmates is actually you and the reason the wife moved out is because she saw your chrome history and the fact that you are involved in a sexy man tournament here. she probably wondered why the hell you aren't in the babe tournament also, and only in the man one :confusedshrug:


that poor woman :(

What is a chrome history?

[Jailblazers7]

What is a chrome history?

Google Chrome history

[NoGunzJustSkillz]

What is a chrome history?
google chrome/ur browser history

[hateraid]

Google Chrome history

:lol
I literally thought it was a saying:facepalm

I still use firefox

[Lamar Doom]

http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1388246623l/270009.jpg

[Lamar Doom]

We may very well be nearing the end of the age of marriage, which would be a tremendous shift in the social evolution of mankind.

starts to make a really interesting post

[Myth]

As a couples therapist, I say absolutely. But it requires both being willing to work together and not resent each other for past mistakes. If you can't do that, you're pretty close to doomed. Working together and letting go are things that can change over time though as well.

[~primetime~]

PT, how's your wife feel about NDEs?
Lol she is fascinated with them just like myself, she even read "Proof of Heaven" which was written by neurosurgeon. Her and I have the exact same beliefs in that we are both very spiritual but don't associate with any religion.

Honestly I think it is a big reason we click so well, having similar spiritual beliefs (or belief in no spirit) is pretty important for a relationship I would say. I imagine a hard core atheist and someone who is spiritually sound would have problems down the road.

[~primetime~]

That's cool.

I think the disparate beliefs can work out, providing people are open enough. If either person cares so much that they have to 'save' the other, that's when problems come around.

Have fun in Paris man. Crush some escargot, cheeses, and crusty bread.
:cheers:

[dude77]

what do you define 'serious problem' ? her having an affair .. orally pleasuring some other guy, sucking off his sweaty ck and balls and getting her cnt pounded multiple times by said guy ? .. I don't think so no lol .. how would you be able to be close to her again knowing she was swallowing some other guy's seed behind your back ? only a cuckold could return to that

[JtotheIzzo]

We may very well be nearing the end of the age of marriage, which would be a tremendous shift in the social evolution of mankind. What's really crucial to focus our national attention on, however, is homosexuals being allowed to marry each other in an age where divorce rates can reach up to 60% and many liberals consider marriage meaningless anyway. We need to make sure our news stories, national discussions, demonstrations, ballot measures, and so forth all reflect this critical national priority. Without exerting tremendous focus on this particular topic, I'm not sure our nation will survive.


You feel me dawg?

Rapid fire:

Many conservatives are not interested in marriage either.

If you are single and successful, you have enough money and activities to fill your time, marriage and family often gets in the way.

You gotta want to have kids, and many men do not.

Marriage takes work, if you are not willing to eat a lot of shit and compromise your stance on a host of issues, you will fail.

Men get more crotchety as we age and women get batshit crazy.

The internet and access to tons more porn and hook ups make marriage for sex a moot point.

Girls more often than ever before want casual sex with no strings attached, sugar daddies, older dudes on the side, all of which fly in the face of traditional marriage.

[Akrazotile]

Rapid fire:

Many conservatives are not interested in marriage either.

If you are single and successful, you have enough money and activities to fill your time, marriage and family often gets in the way.

You gotta want to have kids, and many men do not.

Marriage takes work, if you are not willing to eat a lot of shit and compromise your stance on a host of issues, you will fail.

Men get more crotchety as we age and women get batshit crazy.

The internet and access to tons more porn and hook ups make marriage for sex a moot point.

Girls more often than ever before want casual sex with no strings attached, sugar daddies, older dudes on the side, all of which fly in the face of traditional marriage.

Yes. I agree with all that.

You and Lamardoom apparently did not look very closely at what I was saying.


I am not for or against gay marriage. I don't give a shit about it, and for all the reasons you just listed relating to the decline of marriage, I think the fact that countless hours and dollars have been spent on this issue by both sides while more important topics get cast aside is pitiful.


Gays are not allowed to be harassed, they're not allowed to be fired from their jobs for being gay, sodomy is not illegal, there is no gay tax. They're allowed to go about their business and live the exact same lifestyle that straight men are increasingly gravitating toward. To be honest, until we settle issues like economic fragility, urban violence, and costly wars, I think that's gonna have to be where we leave it for now. We don't need to focus national attention on MARRYING GAY PEOPLE.


Oh but wait! We have a Democrat in office, so nobody (on the left) is gonna criticize the war. The cities are filled with blacks, so nobody (on the left) is gonna criticize the violence. The economic handouts are being dished so the education system, financial deficits, immigration, obesity rates, can all take a holiday because WE GETTIN DAT OBAMA HEALTHCARE!!!!!

Shit's all good over here. Obama has us at war (I'm ok with that now, becuase he's a Democat). We aint gotta worry about expensive ass real problems, because for now he's throwin some bandaid entitlement money at that shit. He can play toy soldiers even though we hated it a few years ago, but now that we're under the impression he's giving us more handouts than Bush, we accept the trillion dollar war taking thousands of lives... but something is still missing. We're stupid and gullible and easily manipulated, but... we need to feel really important, and special, and righteous, and superior about SOMETHING... What can we focus on just to pass the time and inflate our sense of self importance??





http://darkroom.baltimoresun.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/AFP_Getty-511590700.jpg



WE NEED TO LET THESE GUYS GET MARRIED!!!!! AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE..... OHHHH BOY, YOU ARE THE MOST BACKWARD RETARDED STUPID REDNECK PIECE OF SHIT REPUBLICAN TRAILER PARK INCEST STUPID JESUS LOVER IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD, GAWWWWWDDDDD IM SOOOOOO SMARTTTTTTTTTTT

[hateraid]

I think it is all part of the same thing. Marriage is less of a social institution now focuses more on the interpersonal attitude between the two people. Marriage as "weaker" now because they are dependent on the combination of personalities and insecurities of two people instead of being a unity of families and communities that helped to support it. It's also why more people are concerned with gay marriage because the injustice of denying two people the opportunity to marry is felt more strongly than it was before.

I strongly agree wit this :applause:

[hateraid]

As a couples therapist, I say absolutely. But it requires both being willing to work together and not resent each other for past mistakes. If you can't do that, you're pretty close to doomed. Working together and letting go are things that can change over time though as well.

So answer me this, in your experience does it seem more likely that the husband want to reconcile but the wife has a tendency to be more resistant?
I find this the case when 3 of my closest friends divorced. It always appears that the wife either wants pursuit without any accountability in the failure and/or they fear that nothing will ever change.

It always seemed that the female takes the route of less effort

[Take Your Lumps]

You know how they say 50% of marriages end in divorce? That number is a bit misleading.

Repeat offenders skew those numbers a lot...first marriages end in divorce only about ~30% of the time nowadays. And for college educated women who have an independent income and marry after the age of 25 that number is closer to 20%. So there's that.

[~primetime~]

You know how they say 50% of marriages end in divorce? That number is a bit misleading.

Repeat offenders skew those numbers a lot...first marriages end in divorce only about ~30% of the time nowadays. And for college educated women who have an independent income and marry after the age of 25 that number is closer to 20%. So there's that.
right, I can remember reading that the % drops quite a bit based on age married...lots of youngsters getting married around age 20 who have little to no hope of making it work long term

[hateraid]

You know how they say 50% of marriages end in divorce? That number is a bit misleading.

Repeat offenders skew those numbers a lot...first marriages end in divorce only about ~30% of the time nowadays. And for college educated women who have an independent income and marry after the age of 25 that number is closer to 20%. So there's that.

I heard the number for first marriages is 60% end in divorce and it is higher in second and third. I'll research that...

[Draz]

Anything is fixable. As long as we live we can repair. However, what's happening is in this generation people have too much pride to repair.

If the person is truthfully ready to move passed their fears of starting over then nothing can stop a person.

[~primetime~]

most of what I see shows that the divorce rate has been trending down since 1980, was 43% in 2012...looks like it might have recently gone up though

also seeing that the median age for getting married has been on a steady rise since the 60s...people are waiting later and later now, average age for men is now 27, women 25

[GimmeThat]

40%-60% of the people cares more about freedom than social status

and for gays right now, freedom IS whether or not they get to embrace that social status

will it change, of course, it is all psycological and we are emotional beings


but just for kicks and giggles, if I was a liberal and I vote for abolishing marriage completely, instead of allowing gay marriage. am I not making the society better?

thought some people make get a kick out of that.

[DukeDelonte13]

40%-60% of the people cares more about freedom than social status

and for gays right now, freedom IS whether or not they get to embrace that social status

will it change, of course, it is all psycological and we are emotional beings


but just for kicks and giggles, if I was a liberal and I vote for abolishing marriage completely, instead of allowing gay marriage. am I not making the society better?

thought some people make get a kick out of that.


yeah forget about tax breaks, health benefits, intestate succession, hospital visits, etc. Gays just wanna get married cause its cool.

[GimmeThat]

yeah forget about tax breaks, health benefits, intestate succession, hospital visits, etc. Gays just wanna get married cause its cool.

Wait, Gays should have rights to that?

That was like a foreign idea just a few years ago!

[~primetime~]

40%-60% of the people cares more about freedom than social status

and for gays right now, freedom IS whether or not they get to embrace that social status

will it change, of course, it is all psycological and we are emotional beings


but just for kicks and giggles, if I was a liberal and I vote for abolishing marriage completely, instead of allowing gay marriage. am I not making the society better?

thought some people make get a kick out of that.
no, probably making society worse

pretty much a proven fact that humans benefit from both parents staying together early in life and the concept of marriage helps push that...

[Myth]

So answer me this, in your experience does it seem more likely that the husband want to reconcile but the wife has a tendency to be more resistant?
I find this the case when 3 of my closest friends divorced. It always appears that the wife either wants pursuit without any accountability in the failure and/or they fear that nothing will ever change.

It always seemed that the female takes the route of less effort

Tough to say, because in couples therapy, the motivation for pushing for couples therapy generally differs from males to females. If the female pushes for therapy, it is more frequently because they want to see something change in the relationship, and the guy is fairly likely to be resistant to the idea of therapy but only came at the insistence of the wife/gf. It is also more frequently that the woman is pushing for therapy in general, likely because of wanting to talk about emotional stuff while males in our society are more likely to avoid such emotions. If the male pushes for therapy, it often seems like a last resort to convince his wife/gf to not leave him.