US soccer jokes

[Blue&Orange]

They are so incredibly dumb, but i just saw two talk shows monologes making funny of soccer because US lost to germany and went through. :roll: Yes because all the teams making the playoffs in the US don't loose any game :lol


That's what happens when your most popular sport is a flaming pile of shit and you suck at the best and most popular sport, you got to keep reassuring yourself even if it makes you look like a retard.

[Nick Young]

They are so incredibly dumb, but i just saw two talk shows monologes making funny of soccer because US lost to germany and went through. :roll: Yes because all the teams making the playoffs in the US don't loose any game :lol


That's what happens when your most popular sport is a flaming pile of shit and you suck at the best and most popular sport, you got to keep reassuring yourself even if it makes you look like a retard.
USA doesn't even suck at SOCCER. We are actually a top 16 team in the world at SOCCER (results dont lie beotch) despite the fact most of our population gives two shits about it. As soon as we start to care, we will become a hands down top 3 team in the world until the sport dies out.

That is why you make threads like this. You fear what is to come.

[LJJ]

I thought this was gonna be about the jokes the US fans make about it.

Like when there is a water break they all start talking about moms bringing out the oranges and capri-suns.

[lakers_forever]

USA doesn't even suck at SOCCER. We are actually a top 16 team in the world at SOCCER (results dont lie beotch) despite the fact most of our population gives two shits about it. As soon as we start to care, we will become a hands down top 3 team in the world until the sport dies out.

That is why you make threads like this. You fear what is to come.

Yeah, right. Like as if it would be so simple. The most popular sport in Russia/Soviet Union was and still is football/soccer. Russians have always done great in the Olympics, even leading the medal table over the US in some Olympic games. If it football sucess was so easy, the Soviets would have a great World Cup record (they only finished once in the top 4). They had the money, the big population, the science, the passion for the game (they cared about it, all right) and still could not do much. Why?

[lakers_forever]

Hell. Just to prove it is not that simple, take Uruguay and England. Both crazy about football... Uruguay is home of only 3 million people. England has a population of more than 53 million (50 million more people than Uruguay!), home of the richest soccer league in the world, a rich first world country. And guess what? Uruguay has had more sucess in WC history than England...

[nathanjizzle]

Yeah, right. Like as if it would be so simple. The most popular sport in Russia/Soviet Union was and still is football/soccer. Russians have always done great in the Olympics, even leading the medal table over the US in some Olympic games. If it football sucess was so easy, the Soviets would have a great World Cup record (they only finished once in the top 4). They had the money, the big population, the science, the passion for the game (they cared about it, all right) and still could not do much. Why?

the **** are you talking about? US can be the best at anything if we wanted to. if we want to be the best at soccer we will and its going to happen.:confusedshrug:

we have mexican americans
russian americans
german americans
italian americans

whatever you want we got the breed to succeed.

[Nick Young]

Yeah, right. Like as if it would be so simple. The most popular sport in Russia/Soviet Union was and still is football/soccer. Russians have always done great in the Olympics, even leading the medal table over the US in some Olympic games. If it football sucess was so easy, the Soviets would have a great World Cup record (they only finished once in the top 4). They had the money, the big population, the science, the passion for the game (they cared about it, all right) and still could not do much. Why?
Russians do not have same the determined clutchness culture of Americans.

Just look at the miracle on ice as an example.

Russia have the passion and the talent pool to go far, but the Russians themselves are seemingly born with loser mentalities.

This is the same for every top Russian player, Arshavin, Bilyaletdinov, Pavlyachenko, Kherzakov, Akinfeev, Dzagoev, so it is only logical to assume it is their cultural upbringing that leads to their poor sporting mentality.


SEE ALSO Russian hockey team at Sochi. Always underachieving despite being the most talented hockey nation roughly equal to Canada.

Never compare Russians to Americans kid:no:

[Nick Young]

Hell. Just to prove it is not that simple, take Uruguay and England. Both crazy about football... Uruguay is home of only 3 million people. England has a population of more than 53 million (50 million more people than Uruguay!), home of the richest soccer league in the world, a rich first world country. And guess what? Uruguay has had more sucess in WC history than England...
Uruguay has the attitude of doing absolutely whatever it takes to win. They play like they would give their lives to win a football match for their country. They are also clever at cheating, the game within the game.


England football culture is all about working hard, and putting in 'honest effort'. For the most part, they completely ignore the 'game within the game' and instead chastise players who make dirty fouls or dive to win penalties/pretend to be injured to close out games. In contrast to English loser mentality, I had an Italian coach at youth level who actually had us practice diving in training, and he'd yell at his son to dive in Italian sometimes from the touchline.

That is Italian and Uruguayan mentality-win at all costs.

Brazil, Germany and Argentina never get called on this, but they are just as good at playing the game within the game as Italians and Uruguayans. All 5 of these nations play equally dirty. it is no coincidence that these 5 nations have the most world cups.

[christian1923]

Once US starts getting real athletes to play soccer(black people) it's gonna be a wrap.

[Nikola_]

Once US starts getting real athletes to play soccer(black people) it's gonna be a wrap.

Africa says hi.
+ they play in europe and stil cant be good.

[sweggeh]

USA are the most overhyped sporting nation ever. They are equal to Russia and China in the olympics and that is only cause those countries have so many damn people. The only other sports USA is the best at are sports that only they play :oldlol:

As if they can just become the best at football. They are a pathetic insecure country that cant handle it when they just suck. Thats why you get retards shouting "USA,USA,USA" any chances they get. Do that randomly in any other country and the people will look at you like "ok, and?".

[Nick Young]

Africa says hi.
+ they play in europe and stil cant be good.
all of you guys underrate Americans cultural upbringing being a huge advantage.

Our athletes and people are raised our whole lives being told we're the best.

Look at our football team. They are not the best, and clearly very deficient skill wise vs most other teams. They make up for this with mentality and self belief that they can hang with anyone and determination to try to win even when down 2 goals+ (see the Bosnia game, see the match vs Spain in the confed cup etc etc).

More proof-MIRACLE ON ICE.

African teams in contrast do not tend to have this confidence and are much more shaky and inconsistent.

USA already has a team full of athletic 6 footers. Though they don't represent our best athletes, they have an athleticism, size and strength advantage vs nearly every team already. Just look at Gonzalez and Brooks-they are athletic monsters and 6'5, no one is beating those guys in the air. Also our midfielders are all athletic beasts capable of hanging with any midfield in the world. All we really need is to develop some creative Sneijder type #10s and wingers, and skilled strikers with composure and after that there is nothing stopping the team from going far. Even if we lose the next match, this world cup run will probably inspire quite a few youngsters to start going for it hardcore. The American #10 we deserve is coming soon. Bradley is brilliant but more of a deeplying playmaker forced to play out of position.

Once that world class #10 comes, the world is well and truly phucked:bowdown:

As for the prototype American striker? Imagine Dempsey's skills, bravery and determination with Gareth Bale like quickness and explosiveness-that is the kind of player America is going to start churning out at a regular basis.

You euros write threads like this because you are scared.

[Nikola_]

all of you guys underrate Americans cultural upbringing being a huge advantage.

Our athletes and people are raised our whole lives being told we're the best.

Look at our football team. They are not the best, and clearly very deficient skill wise vs most other teams. They make up for this with mentality and self belief that they can hang with anyone and determination to try to win even when down 2 goals+ (see the Bosnia game, see the match vs Spain in the confed cup etc etc).

More proof-MIRACLE ON ICE.

African teams in contrast do not tend to have this confidence and are much more shaky and inconsistent.

USA already has a team full of athletic 6 footers. Though they don't represent our best athletes, they have an athleticism, size and strength advantage vs nearly every team already. Just look at Gonzalez and Brooks-they are athletic monsters and 6'5, no one is beating those guys in the air. Also our midfielders are all athletic beasts capable of hanging with any midfield in the world. All we really need is to develop some creative Sneijder type #10s and wingers, and skilled strikers with composure and after that there is nothing stopping the team from going far. Even if we lose the next match, this world cup run will probably inspire quite a few youngsters to start going for it hardcore. The American #10 we deserve is coming soon. Bradley is brilliant but more of a deeplying playmaker forced to play out of position.

Once that world class #10 comes, the world is well and truly phucked:bowdown:

As for the prototype American striker? Imagine Dempsey's skills, bravery and determination with Gareth Bale like quickness and explosiveness-that is the kind of player America is going to start churning out at a regular basis.

You euros write threads like this because you are scared.

You can say whatever you want but everything starts with MLS and from what i ve seen league is beyond pathetic and looks to me like lower-range englis leagues. You cant just produce a player, but we will see. Maybe in 20 years or so

[Nick Young]

You can say whatever you want but everything starts with MLS and from what i ve seen league is beyond pathetic and looks to me like lower-range englis leagues. You cant just produce a player, but we will see. Maybe in 20 years or so
Vs Germany 7/11 players were MLS based players. The national league is not great but constantly improving.

MLS is probably comparable to Argentinian league these days. Boca is a great club with huge support but LA Galaxy can probably compete on the field.

Argentine league is bad, I know you don't watch it, but it is bad and easily comparable with MLS. But having a weak national league does not automatically mean your national team is bad.The Bayern, Arsenal, Real Madrid and Barcelona academies all have high profile American youngsters playing in them. Klinnsmann has been given license to change the American academies and are modelling them based on German academies. We already have the greatest fitness of all teams at the world cup. The American talent onslaught is coming. Be afraid.

[Oly BC]

Russians do not have same the determined clutchness culture of Americans.

Just look at the miracle on ice as an example.

Russia have the passion and the talent pool to go far, but the Russians themselves are seemingly born with loser mentalities.

Science.

[Nick Young]

Science.
Sociology is a science, yes. Well done, sport:cheers:

[JtotheIzzo]

They are so incredibly dumb, but i just saw two talk shows monologes making funny of soccer because US lost to germany and went through. :roll: Yes because all the teams making the playoffs in the US don't loose any game :lol


That's what happens when your most popular sport is a flaming pile of shit and you suck at the best and most popular sport, you got to keep reassuring yourself even if it makes you look like a retard.

the bold parts made me chuckle

[rufuspaul]

They are so incredibly dumb, but i just saw two talk shows monologes making funny of soccer because US lost to germany and went through. :roll: Yes because all the teams making the playoffs in the US don't loose any game :lol


That's what happens when your most popular sport is a flaming pile of shit and you suck at the best and most popular sport, you got to keep reassuring yourself even if it makes you look like a retard.


I always find it funny when people (Euros in particular) try to insult Americans over our lack of love for soccer. They usually do it by disparaging the NFL. Problem is Americans don't give 2 shits what the rest of the world thinks about our sports so it becomes an effort in futility. It's also funny that the OP is saying this shit on a message board for fans of basketball, a sport invented by a Canadian that the USA made its own. We will do the same to soccer and anything else we put our minds and efforts towards.

USA USA USA!!!!


You Mad.

[Andrei89]

Those ESPN commentators are terrible. Saw a clip on youtube on Netherlands v Mexico.

[Blue&Orange]

I always find it funny when people (Euros in particular) try to insult Americans over our lack of love for soccer. They usually do it by disparaging the NFL. Problem is Americans don't give 2 shits what the rest of the world thinks about our sports so it becomes an effort in futility.
USA USA USA!!!!


You Mad.
:lol at this shit.

Countries with comic shows that make fun of NFL = BIG FAT ZERO!
US comic shows that seem obsessed with soccer = A LOT!


I like conan but child please, soccer sucks because US lost and went through :lol that's some grade A herp derp stuff. Are americans so retarded they can grasp the concept of group stage? :roll:

[KingBeasley08]

:lol at this shit.

Countries with comic shows that make fun of NFL = BIG FAT ZERO!
US comic shows that seem obsessed with soccer = A LOT!


I like conan but child please, soccer sucks because US lost and went through :lol that's some grade A herp derp stuff. Are americans so retarded they can grasp the concept of group stage? :roll:
no need to be salty bro. Truth is USA gives a rat's ass about soccer and yet is in the knockout round

Truth is most countries wished they were the US with our superior mentalities that have led us to being the greatest state in the history of human civilization

[Done_And_Done]

Russians do not have same the determined clutchness culture of Americans.

Just look at the miracle on ice as an example.

Russia have the passion and the talent pool to go far, but the Russians themselves are seemingly born with loser mentalities.

This is the same for every top Russian player, Arshavin, Bilyaletdinov, Pavlyachenko, Kherzakov, Akinfeev, Dzagoev, so it is only logical to assume it is their cultural upbringing that leads to their poor sporting mentality.


SEE ALSO Russian hockey team at Sochi. Always underachieving despite being the most talented hockey nation roughly equal to Canada.

Never compare Russians to Americans kid:no:

You're golden bro lol

[~primetime~]

God, wtf would euros do if the US actually did win the world cup? Cry themselves to sleep every night..."but but...gridiron football sucks whaaaa!!!:cry: "

[caved]

God, wtf would euros do if the US actually did win the world cup? Cry themselves to sleep every night..."but but...gridiron football sucks whaaaa!!!:cry: "

pretty much this

[Rooster]

Once US starts getting real athletes to play soccer(black people) it's gonna be a wrap.

This :applause:

Our best real athletes ( toughness with freak athleticism ) plays basketball and football. The problem is the system, US soccer are polluted with different clubs that you have to pay to play and a lot of players are mediocre athletes and averaged at best. It also does not help that we hardly care for it.

[Oly BC]

God, wtf would euros do if the US actually did win the world cup? Cry themselves to sleep every night..."but but...gridiron football sucks whaaaa!!!:cry: "
Prepare for the Apocalypse, what else?

[pinhead]

I always find it funny when people (Euros in particular) try to insult Americans over our lack of love for soccer. They usually do it by disparaging the NFL. Problem is Americans don't give 2 shits what the rest of the world thinks about our sports so it becomes an effort in futility. It's also funny that the OP is saying this shit on a message board for fans of basketball, a sport invented by a Canadian that the USA made its own. We will do the same to soccer and anything else we put our minds and efforts towards.

USA USA USA!!!!


You Mad.

You do care because you try and market your sports in other countries(the NFL in London for example). The difference is nobody takes them seriously. American Football is considered a bit of pantomine like the WWE around the world. How can you take a sport seriously where they wear big helmets and pads.

Britain is responsible for all the major sports enjoyed around the world today.

[KingBeasley08]

Britain is responsible for all the major sports enjoyed around the world today.
To bad they suck at them :oldlol:

[pinhead]

To bad they suck at them :oldlol:

We don't really suck at them. We are competitive in all of them, which is not too bad considering the whole world enjoy them and take them seriously.

[MadeFromDust]

Um soccer itself is a joke in the US :oldlol:

[Nick Young]

We don't really suck at them. We are competitive in all of them, which is not too bad considering the whole world enjoy them and take them seriously.
Bra, England is not competitive at football, stop fooling yourself. They couldn't even score against Costa Rica's B-team.:banana: :banana: :banana:
http://www.goal-news.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Roy-Hodgson1.jpg
womp womp womp

[rufuspaul]

You do care because you try and market your sports in other countries(the NFL in London for example). The difference is nobody takes them seriously. American Football is considered a bit of pantomine like the WWE around the world. How can you take a sport seriously where they wear big helmets and pads.



It's the owners and commissioner that want to market the game in Europe. We Americans don't give a rat's ass if you guys like it or not. At least in football (real football, not soccer) there is a strategy, like a chess game. In soccer it's like you guys take your best athletes and just let them run around for 90 minutes.

But whatever. Like it has been stated earlier, our best athletes don't play soccer, yet. As it gains popularity over here we will dominate the sport like we do everything else.

[TheReturn]

I can only speak for the people around me, but here in the Netherlands people are actually pretty supportive of the US team. Most people like the way they play and root for them in most of their matches. :confusedshrug:

[Rubio2Gasol]

Once US starts getting real athletes to play soccer(black people) it's gonna be a wrap.

I think the US system will never allow them to be a truly tanscendant football team, though there coaching and athletic prowess might just allow them to win something someday.

US is too focused on being the best, every player has a bunch of hurdles to go through, player movement is more restricted, more difficult for people to flourish. England is sort of the same, there's so much money involved, so many games, people begin to take shortcuts.

Park the bus, by pass the midfield, easy ball over the top.

In the great football cultures, there's much more emphasis on developing skills and building teams that integrate well. A player doesn't have prove he's the "best", his next contract doesn't depend on that. He can sit in a division 2 team and develop skills, rather than go to a big league team and sit on the bench.

But, in international football, where teams are haphazardly put together, great coaching and mentality pulls through very often. US have both, so they will always have some degree of success. :cheers:

[Nick Young]

I can only speak for the people around me, but here in the Netherlands people are actually pretty supportive of the US team. Most people like the way they play and root for them in most of their matches. :confusedshrug:
Real people all over the world love and admire the bravery and honour of the USA football team.

It is only a tiny percentage of no-life internet basement dwelling trolls who hate on team USA.

[pinhead]

As it gains popularity over here we will dominate the sport like we do everything else.

Sure you do

http://www.nbcsports.com/joe-posnanski/americas-fall-tennis-pretty-striking

[Nick Young]

Sure you do

http://www.nbcsports.com/joe-posnanski/americas-fall-tennis-pretty-striking
no one gives a shit about tennis except aristocratic inbred euros:roll: :roll: :roll:

If Americans wanted to be good at that goofy sport, trust me, we'd monopolize the top 20.


All these sports euros love share something in common-they are sports USA doesn't give a shit about. Because USA doesn't care, it leaves a window of opportunity for inferior athletes from countries like Serbia, Switzerland or Scotland to succeed.

That's why Euros love handball and tennis so much-because they know they won't have to compete against America's top athletes if they play those sports, and the weak euros will actually have a chance at winning something for once.

[pinhead]

no one gives a shit about tennis except aristocratic inbred euros:roll: :roll: :roll:

If Americans wanted to be good at that goofy sport, trust me, we'd monopolize the top 20.


All these sports euros love share something in common-they are sports USA doesn't give a shit about. Because USA doesn't care, it leaves a window of opportunity for inferior athletes from countries like Serbia, Switzerland or Scotland to succeed.

That's why Euros love handball and tennis so much-because they know they won't have to compete against America's top athletes if they play those sports, and the weak euros will actually have a chance at winning something for once.

I have never met one person who likes handball. And other than Wimbledon nobody really cares about Tennis either.

The reason Americans don't care about tennis these days is because you are not very good anymore, not the other way round.

[Nick Young]

I have never met one person who likes handball. And other than Wimbledon nobody really cares about Tennis either.

The reason Americans don't care about tennis these days is because you are not very good anymore, not the other way round.
An English guy trying to claim he knows how Americans think:roll: :roll: :roll:


http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02692/roy-hodgson_2692480i.jpg
WOMP WOMP WOMP

[red1]

Sure you do

http://www.nbcsports.com/joe-posnanski/americas-fall-tennis-pretty-striking
british guy talking shit about another soccer team

http://www.midwestsportsfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/mj-laughing.gif

[Nikola_]

In soccer it's like you guys take your best athletes and just let them run around for 90 minutes.


Why dont usa just send 11 NFL players on the pitch ? They are best athletes in the states and can run like crazy ? Just need to teach them what to do. Remember, last 10 years of world football was dominated by what you would probably call "unathletic 5 footers" :lol:
http://images.dailystar-uk.co.uk/dynamic/58/photos/851000/620x/60851.jpg

[Nick Young]

Why dont usa just send 11 NFL players on the pitch ? They are best athletes in the states and can run like crazy ? Just need to teach them what to do. Remember, last 10 years of world football was dominated by what you would probably call "unathletic 5 footers" :lol:
http://images.dailystar-uk.co.uk/dynamic/58/photos/851000/620x/60851.jpg
Barcelona did not dominate for 10 years bro. Don't rewrite history.


Imagine an entire team of Paul Pogba and Yaya Toures, all with the mentality of Clint Dempsey. That is what the USA will be 10 years from now.

[Wally450]

Um soccer itself is a joke in the US :oldlol:

They sold the most tickets for the WC. :confusedshrug:

[~primetime~]

They sold the most tickets for the WC. :confusedshrug:
we have the most $$$, and lettuce B reality, that is the real reason some of these euros hate us

BLING BLING MFERS

http://wearetheramseys.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/obama_ballin.gif

[pinhead]

They sold the most tickets for the WC. :confusedshrug:

USA as a country sold the most because alot of Mexicans and South Americans probably live in America and Brazil is relatively close. There are probably only about 3,000 Americans in Brazil making idiots of themselves disrespecting the Brazilian culture.

[Nick Young]

USA as a country sold the most because alot of Mexicans and South Americans probably live in America and Brazil is relatively close. There are probably only about 3,000 Americans in Brazil making idiots of themselves disrespecting the Brazilian culture.
The American football team is internationally loved and respected.

The English football team is universally mocked.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41842000/jpg/_41842674_rooney203.jpg
WOMP WOMP WOMP


lets all laugh at england! Lets all laugh at england!!:banana: :banana: :banana:

http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-who-cares-uk-sucks.png
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--cSr1k71I2k/UlLLwe_J4hI/AAAAAAAAFaU/2ixmBZpqOrw/s1600/Roy+Hodgson.jpg
WOMP WOMP

[pezt]

I actually like the US team and would root for them but man these trolls like Nick and 9er all over the internet really make me want to see the US team get destroyed.

[Balla_Status]

England is just so easy to rag on. Nothing good about that country except my Dad who moved to America for a better life when he was 20. American dream mothafuggas.

[rufuspaul]

USA as a country sold the most because alot of Mexicans and South Americans probably live in America and Brazil is relatively close.


:wtf: I probably live closer to Brazil than most of the Americans on here and I'm 5,000 miles away.

[nightprowler10]

USA as a country sold the most because alot of Mexicans and South Americans probably live in America and Brazil is relatively close. There are probably only about 3,000 Americans in Brazil making idiots of themselves disrespecting the Brazilian culture.
We should do it the British way and colonize the country. That'll show real respect to their culture. :cheers:

[nightprowler10]

:wtf: I probably live closer to Brazil than most of the Americans on here and I'm 5,000 miles away.
Incidentally, everyone in England is closer to Qatar than you are to Brazil.

[Nick Young]

We're coming for you Belgium

http://i.imgur.com/xvhtUzL.jpg
:bowdown:

[sweggeh]

:oldlol: Muricans so cringeworthy...

[Nick Young]

:oldlol: Muricans so cringeworthy...
U=http://jwtalk.net/forums/uploads/monthly_07_2013/post-1015-0-27272900-1374801930.jpg

[sweggeh]

:oldlol: Sure thing buddy