For the married guys/those in real (good) relationships

[joe]

I am pretty sure I have a really twisted view of relationships. I will spare you the whys and ask you the question I have.

Did you get the girl you have by being caring towards her, nurturing towards her emotions, being there for her, being honest, loving, caring, etc.

I feel I am decent enough with going after random hook ups. I am not a pro or anything. But when it comes to girls I actually like, I get confused. Should I just express the way I feel, the way I want the relationship to actually be? Should I be caring towards her how I want to be?

For some reason a voice in my head says I need to be somewhat distant. I need to play my cards close to my vest. I need to make her think I am not totally invested. I understand the degree of not wanting to seem desperate... but when it comes to just honestly expressing emotions. I am not sure how to do it, if I should do it.

And yeah, I am coming to this damn forum of all places to ask this question. Trust me, I am asking other people and pondering it myself. But since I know some of you are married, I want to know what you think of this.

[KevinNYC]

You being hesitant and not willing to put yourself out there are probably going to picked up on by most women, they may not understand why you are acting like that , but they probably will be able to feel it and feel it as a negative emotion. Now if someone is holding back like that, would you want to tell her you love her? It would probably make you think twice.

It seems that buried in your question, is the question: how can I put myself out there and not get hurt. And the answer is, you probably can't. You have to risk it. If you never risk it, you'll never feel the reward.

[~primetime~]

You being hesitant and not willing to put yourself out there are probably going to picked up on by most women, they may not understand why you are acting like that , but they probably will be able to feel it and feel it as a negative emotion. Now if someone is holding back like that, would you want to tell her you love her? It would probably make you think twice.

It seems that buried in your question, is the question: how can I put myself out there and not get hurt. And the answer is, you probably can't. You have to risk it. If you never risk it, you'll never feel the reward.
Naw he is asking "if I put myself out there will it push her away or bring her closer?"

And the answer is it depends on the girl, they are all different. Some want that stuff and some don't. You have to feel them out a little first.

[Timmy D for MVP]

Being someone who prides himself on being clinical, and scientific about stuff, I surprisingly have the most cliched answer to your question (assuming I understood it right).

But for me I too tried to think through everything. I wasn't reluctant to put myself out there, but my personality is one where I live a lot in my own head, and I don't express myself well when it comes to my emotions.

When my gf came along, at the beginning I still tried to be intellectual about it. It didn't flip until I just let it go and expressed myself honestly and fully with her. And luckily she liked what I have to offer. 4 years later we continue to grow together. It's such cliche stuff but it just kinda feels right, I have a hard time quantifying what it is.

When it comes to someone you like, the hang up with you seems to be should you rise putting yourself in a position where you'll express yourself honestly. Like KevinNYC said, YOU can tell when someone is reluctant, so why wouldn't they? At some point you'll have to put yourself out there fully with someone in order to start building a solid relationship. And to be honest, you might fail a couple times, and that will suck. But if that's what you're looking for the process will be worth it when you hit.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it's okay to not want that. Like... there's so much pressure in our society to settle down with someone and find THE one. That's such bullsh!t. If you rush into just cause it won't work and you'll just get frustrated.

[Magic731]

Naw he is asking "if I put myself out there will it push her away or bring her closer?"

And the answer is it depends on the girl, they are all different. Some want that stuff and some don't. You have to feel them out a little first.
Probably this. My first girlfriend back in high school who I was with for a while really drove everything. I wasn't really interested at first and she told me later on she found it really difficult to get to know me. This almost made her give up on me. At the same time though she liked the sort of mysterious and unknown factor. The fact that she found it difficult to get to know me just intrigued her even more. Obviously this is far from marriage but our relationship did last a while.

Overall though I would say its best to put yourself out there, show your true colours. That way they know exactly what they are getting.

[GimmeThat]

I'll be honest with you, and I think this statement applies to myself as well to a certain extense.

you are probably screwed with girls that are of your peer or the same age of you.

girls that are either older than you or younger than you probably have the best shot of seeing through all your BS.



try to be scientific and critical about being dumb, good luck with that brah.

[Myth]

Pretend to be somebody you are not and you will attract those interested in the fake you.

Be yourself and you will attract those interested in the real you.

Many go for the first option hoping it will get more girls interested in them, but rarely does that lead to a better relationship.

[joe]

Naw he is asking "if I put myself out there will it push her away or bring her closer?"

And the answer is it depends on the girl, they are all different. Some want that stuff and some don't. You have to feel them out a little first.

Yeah that is the heart of my question. Not even just put myself out there, but the specifics of who Myself might be. I want to be nice, I want to be supportive, I want to be enthusiastic, I want to be positive natured.

I have this thought in my head that guys like that will lose to guys who are just out for themselves. For years I acted (and thought I was) one of those guys, but over time I realize that isnt who I am. But now that I actually like someone, see a potential relationship with them, I do not know how to react. One side says be yourself. The other side says that will cause her leave for someone like I used to be.

[Swaggin916]

Pretend to be somebody you are not and you will attract those interested in the fake you.

Be yourself and you will attract those interested in the real you.

Many go for the first option hoping it will get more girls interested in them, but rarely does that lead to a better relationship.

Yup.

If you are a relationship guy, don't try to hide it. It hurts more to be phony in the long run than it does to be real. When your ego is strong enough to accept rejection for being who you are, then it's just a matter of time before you get what you want.

[joe]

You being hesitant and not willing to put yourself out there are probably going to picked up on by most women, they may not understand why you are acting like that , but they probably will be able to feel it and feel it as a negative emotion. Now if someone is holding back like that, would you want to tell her you love her? It would probably make you think twice.

It seems that buried in your question, is the question: how can I put myself out there and not get hurt. And the answer is, you probably can't. You have to risk it. If you never risk it, you'll never feel the reward.

I think not wanting to get hurt is a big part of it. My social group and my family influences led me to treating girls badly. The idea was to just go for sex, play them before they can play you. Dont care too much about them because then they have all the power. All we did was go for sex or hook ups.

That was easy because you never really have to care. If a girl doesnt like you, you just laugh it off and say whatever, on to the next one. If a girl falls for you, you never fall more than her. You never have more to lose than her.

And the thing is, it has been years since those times.. but those influences are still such a part of my brain. They are ingrained in me.

I got some great advice from a friend earlier. Basically saying, do not compare your way of handling relationships to someone elses. You have to do what feels right for you. Do not let the thoughts you held in the past control you.

I think that is good advice that I will follow.

[BlazerRed]

You should be you.. but more confident. No point starting a relationship based on a false persona you can't keep up forever.

[joe]

In the beginning you have to game her. You guys dunno each other, but you know you want to get to know her. So you game her, you utilize your dating skills to attract her. As time progresses and you two get to know each other, you will both mutually game less and become more sincere. This is when the gaming and dating phase ends, typically less than a month, and the relationship- the sincere you and her begin.

Girls need the dramatics. They need to feel the magic. To ensure they feel the magic you have to game them, attract them and during that process they decide whether or not they like you. If we acted on our instincts alone and just put it all out there, girls don't respond well to it. They require patience.

I don't agree that gaming is putting out a false sense of who you truly are. The day and age we live in requires us to act the way we do. I didn't act different during the gaming phase, but I didn't give her the full package. You have to always leave them wanting more while dating in the beginning, whereas when you're in a relationship with them they get the real you the full package all the time.

It's easy for us to look at a total stranger of a chick and be like, oh yeah she's the one, after one kick ass conversation. Females on the other hand are not so easily swayed even if they loved the kick ass conversation too. As stated previously, they require patience.

Are you in or have you gotten into a good relationship with this tactic?

I think gaming is definitely putting out a false sense of who you are, by definition. You are purposely acting differently because you want this girl to feel a certain way about you. If you didnt care how she felt, you wouldnt act that way. So how is it not putting out a false sense of who you are?

By the way, I have done it, so I am not implying that you are a demon for feeling this way. But I just feel sickened at the thought of continuing to do it. Your post honestly made me sad because there is a deep part of me that says you are right. But I am hoping that is my social training talking, and not some fundamental human truth that we are all born with.

[GimmeThat]

no matter what you do, don't believe that there are actually people worth waiting for.

if you do, you're going to fail at gaming for the rest of your life.

[GimmeThat]

Your post honestly made me sad because there is a deep part of me that says you are right. But I am hoping that is my social training talking, and not some fundamental human truth that we are all born with.

memories might make immaturity tolerable

after all, growth separates people

[Magic731]

Damn.....this thread is kinda just what I needed....I was witht his girl who was introduced to me through a friend, and this girl worked with my sister and got along really good with her, which was a huge turn on for me because family is huge to me, especially my sister. Anyways we went out a few times, each time was great, constant convo and we were always laughing and smiling. Then one night texting with her, I tell her how much I like her and how I cannot wait to see her again, and when we are going to be able to see each other again.....no answer.......couple hours later I send her another text, asking her "so?" and no answer......few hours later I send another text "so I guess no time soon" and she responds "sorry, I dont feel any romantic connection with you. You are a funny and good guy, but I only see us being friends, sorry" Instantly I started kicking myself cause I felt like I was pushing too hard I actually pushed her away. A lot of these responses have started to change my mindset in dating and girls. I am pretty confident and see myself as a attractive guy, but my game is not the best, something I def need to work on.
It's a balancing act. Wanting to get their attention but not over doing it. I generally go with not talking enough. I'll send one text and if they don't respond I will leave it generally until the next day at least. This is largely due to the fact I'm so paranoid of coming on too strong. I would just hate it if I sent a "?" text and it turned out she legitimately didn't have a chance to respond.

[LJJ]

After a bad relationship ended where me and my then on-and-off girlfriend were constantly playing games with each other, I just dropped it for a while. I quit playing the game. All that shit you do as a guy. Seeing every moderately attractive female as someone you should try to bang. Chasing girls you don't even like as people, just to validate yourself. Trying to misrepresent yourself to get hookups. Creating a smoke screen.

The dating game was always a struggle for me. (like it is for a lot of guys I guess) I had to work hard to get those 6s and 7s with shit personalities and a shit future as a housewife. I didn't want to work hard and struggle anymore, so I started to present myself to girls as I would present myself to my male friends. Stop trying to hide my "beta" (in recent terms) qualities and personality traits. My new attitude for the time being was "I'm just gonna be me, and the girls who like me are gonna come or they are not, **** it."

Ever since I stopped trying so hard my love life has been swell. Now I'm in a great steady relationship with a really sweet, beautiful girl. And I get a regular stream of attention from girl friends and acquaintances who are on the outside looking in, thinking of me as one of the "all the good guys are off the market" guys. All despite me not being good-looking, rich or very talented at anything.


Take from that what you will. It could be a cheesy "just be yourself" advice. Or you could take it as that you need to stop being so damn thirsty.

[GimmeThat]

Yea, I know. My mindstate at the time was "I need her to know I legit like her so she doesnt drop me and she stays with me" but obv that wasn't the right thing to do at all :lol oh well, you live and you learn

I don't think you made the wrong move.

I agree, you may have pushed her away, but if anything is ever meant to happen, it's always about "how circumstances have changed" the next time you two meet

[joe]

After a bad relationship ended where me and my then on-and-off girlfriend were constantly playing games with each other, I just dropped it for a while. I quit playing the game. All that shit you do as a guy. Seeing every moderately attractive female as someone you should try to bang. Chasing girls you don't even like as people, just to validate yourself. Trying to misrepresent yourself to get hookups. Creating a smoke screen.

The dating game was always a struggle for me. (like it is for a lot of guys I guess) I had to work hard to get those 6s and 7s with shit personalities and a shit future as a housewife. I didn't want to work hard and struggle anymore, so I started to present myself to girls as I would present myself to my male friends. Stop trying to hide my "beta" (in recent terms) qualities and personality traits. My new attitude for the time being was "I'm just gonna be me, and the girls who like me are gonna come or they are not, **** it."

Ever since I stopped trying so hard my love life has been swell. Now I'm in a great steady relationship with a really sweet, beautiful girl. And I get a regular stream of attention from girl friends and acquaintances who are on the outside looking in, thinking of me as one of the "all the good guys are off the market" guys. All despite me not being good-looking, rich or very talented at anything.


Take from that what you will. It could be a cheesy "just be yourself" advice. Or you could take it as that you need to stop being so damn thirsty.

Thx, this is what I wanted to hear. Just knowing it is possible and has happened for other people. haha. It is a small complaint given all the potential problems in life, but I really wish I was around better relationships when I was young. The main advice I was given on the subject was A bitch gonna be a bitch.

[JtotheIzzo]

I am pretty sure I have a really twisted view of relationships. I will spare you the whys and ask you the question I have.

Did you get the girl you have by being caring towards her, nurturing towards her emotions, being there for her, being honest, loving, caring, etc.

I feel I am decent enough with going after random hook ups. I am not a pro or anything. But when it comes to girls I actually like, I get confused. Should I just express the way I feel, the way I want the relationship to actually be? Should I be caring towards her how I want to be?

For some reason a voice in my head says I need to be somewhat distant. I need to play my cards close to my vest. I need to make her think I am not totally invested. I understand the degree of not wanting to seem desperate... but when it comes to just honestly expressing emotions. I am not sure how to do it, if I should do it.

And yeah, I am coming to this damn forum of all places to ask this question. Trust me, I am asking other people and pondering it myself. But since I know some of you are married, I want to know what you think of this.

You just know when you know.

[GimmeThat]

Thx, this is what I wanted to hear. Just knowing it is possible and has happened for other people. haha. It is a small complaint given all the potential problems in life, but I really wish I was around better relationships when I was young. The main advice I was given on the subject was A bitch gonna be a bitch.


when you lose something, you should go and look for it.

would this be a better advice?

[niko]

My wife specifically said the reason she got with me was I treated her better than other people did. When i didn't call her for a few days one time she was pretty concerned that something changed.

[riseagainst]

My wife specifically said the reason she got with me was I treated her better than other people did. When i didn't call her for a few days one time she was pretty concerned that something changed.

:applause:

[Jailblazers7]

After a bad relationship ended where me and my then on-and-off girlfriend were constantly playing games with each other, I just dropped it for a while. I quit playing the game. All that shit you do as a guy. Seeing every moderately attractive female as someone you should try to bang. Chasing girls you don't even like as people, just to validate yourself. Trying to misrepresent yourself to get hookups. Creating a smoke screen.

The dating game was always a struggle for me. (like it is for a lot of guys I guess) I had to work hard to get those 6s and 7s with shit personalities and a shit future as a housewife. I didn't want to work hard and struggle anymore, so I started to present myself to girls as I would present myself to my male friends. Stop trying to hide my "beta" (in recent terms) qualities and personality traits. My new attitude for the time being was "I'm just gonna be me, and the girls who like me are gonna come or they are not, **** it."

Ever since I stopped trying so hard my love life has been swell. Now I'm in a great steady relationship with a really sweet, beautiful girl. And I get a regular stream of attention from girl friends and acquaintances who are on the outside looking in, thinking of me as one of the "all the good guys are off the market" guys. All despite me not being good-looking, rich or very talented at anything.


Take from that what you will. It could be a cheesy "just be yourself" advice. Or you could take it as that you need to stop being so damn thirsty.

The bonded literally made me laugh out loud

[~primetime~]

My wife specifically said the reason she got with me was I treated her better than other people did. When i didn't call her for a few days one time she was pretty concerned that something changed.
But they are all going to say that niko...no woman is going to say "I liked you because you acted like you didn't care that much and I saw it as a challenge"

[hateraid]

I'm gonna share the same sentiment as everybody else and say just do you.
I'm also gonna surprise you with a little advise coming from a man in an 18 year relationship and leaving for our 10th year wedding anniversary to St.Lucia next week.
You are not obligated to express or share your feelings with anybody, especially starting a new relationship or pursuing the opposite sex. You are only obligated to share them if you decide to spend the rest of your life with them, if even.
The world is a very different place for 2 reasons.
1) The age of the atomic family is over. It's a very me first society and in this day and age depending on your partner for survival is over. You have to be selfish and cautious. The world loves to use your past against you. Just look at ISH and how people love to dig stuff up. Once and if you find that genuine person to share those intimate feelings with you will know. You build that trust by being honest with yourself first
2) You are in a great position in life my friend. casual dating is much simpler in today's times. In fact the variety of ways to meet people are vast. If I was single all I would want to do is not share my feelings, have fun, and let me be me. If you get the feeling that the person wants more emotional investment that early, vamoose. Move on. the person is probably an emotional wreck or clinger. Unless you like that type then have at er

I am happy with my life and my wife. But I see relationships falling all around me. I can literally say that marriages live up to the statistics and over 50% of my friends end up in divorce. if you have any doubts about yourself and treating the opposite, I would go with your heart, remember you above everything. YAE

[Jasi]

Naw he is asking "if I put myself out there will it push her away or bring her closer?"

And the answer is it depends on the girl, they are all different. Some want that stuff and some don't. You have to feel them out a little first.

This, imo.

I am not sure I got from the OP if he's the guy that prefers to show that he cares or if he actually likes playing mind games.
The "be yourself" advice shouldn't apply in the latter case.
I mean if she's worth it and she is attracted to the nurturing guy, then force yourself a bit, behave, show that you care.

[Jasi]

I'm gonna share the same sentiment as everybody else and say just do you.
I'm also gonna surprise you with a little advise coming from a man in an 18 year relationship and leaving for our 10th year wedding anniversary to St.Lucia next week.
You are not obligated to express or share your feelings with anybody, especially starting a new relationship or pursuing the opposite sex. You are only obligated to share them if you decide to spend the rest of your life with them, if even.
The world is a very different place for 2 reasons.
1) The age of the atomic family is over. It's a very me first society and in this day and age depending on your partner for survival is over. You have to be selfish and cautious. The world loves to use your past against you. Just look at ISH and how people love to dig stuff up. Once and if you find that genuine person to share those intimate feelings with you will know. You build that trust by being honest with yourself first
2) You are in a great position in life my friend. casual dating is much simpler in today's times. In fact the variety of ways to meet people are vast. If I was single all I would want to do is not share my feelings, have fun, and let me be me. If you get the feeling that the person wants more emotional investment that early, vamoose. Move on. the person is probably an emotional wreck or clinger. Unless you like that type then have at er

I am happy with my life and my wife. But I see relationships falling all around me. I can literally say that marriages live up to the statistics and over 50% of my friends end up in divorce. if you have any doubts about yourself and treating the opposite, I would go with your heart, remember you above everything. YAE

So to sum up, marriages failing is a reason for the "me above everything" attitude?
It's the other way round, actually.
People who put themselves above everything, will end up in divorce.

Regardless of the societies trend... If you want a good relationship, don't be an egoist (and don't marry an egoist).
It's certainly easier said than done, sure. But it's the truth.
Egoism fvcks up relationships. It's as simple as that.

[hateraid]

So to sum up, marriages failing is a reason for the "me above everything" attitude?
Marriages fail because people believe marriage changes things for the better. Problem is people nowadays don't look to their partner for emotional support. They find it in their friends, social media, family....


It's the other way round, actually.
People who put themselves above everything, will end up in divorce.
I don't think you read me quite clearly. I said MAE until you can find the person you can trust in. Otherwise nobody is obligated to be that emotionally invested


Regardless of the societies trend... If you want a good relationship, don't be an egoist (and don't marry an egoist).
It's certainly easier said than done, sure. But it's the truth.
Egoism fvcks up relationships. It's as simple as that.

Being an egoist and being selfish to preserve one's emotional investment are 2 different things. One is thinking he's better than every girl he's with. The other is being himself without having to commit intimate details.

[Jasi]

Marriages fail because people believe marriage changes things for the better. Problem is people nowadays don't look to their partner for emotional support. They find it in their friends, social media, family....

I don't think you read me quite clearly. I said MAE until you can find the person you can trust in. Otherwise nobody is obligated to be that emotionally invested

Ah ok then, agreed.




Being an egoist and being selfish to preserve one's emotional investment are 2 different things. One is thinking he's better than every girl he's with. The other is being himself without having to commit intimate details.
It's a delicate balance though and kind of a loop.
The success of your emotional investment may also depend on you not being selfish (as in, to put it short: start thinking at what makes you two happy, rather than yourself alone).

[~primetime~]

Marriages fail for many reasons but the last time I checked the two leading causes for divorce were infidelity and finances.

Staying loyal is obvious, and if you can't support your family it really doesn't matter what your ego or personality is like...at the end of the day people have to eat and no body likes a bum.

[ZeN]

Marriages fail for many reasons but the last time I checked the two leading causes for divorce were infidelity and finances.

Staying loyal is obvious, and if you can't support your family it really doesn't matter what your ego or personality is like...at the end of the day people have to eat and no body likes a bum.
The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in one form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.

[sweggeh]

The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.

ZEN! Get in the Shady thread, we have questions for you.

[~primetime~]

The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in one form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.
I would imagine that incompatibility would be the source of infidelity and any supposed financial issues.

[ZeN]

I would imagine that incompatibility would be the source of infidelity and any supposed financial issues.
Exactly. If you cheat, it speaks a lot about how little you respect your spouse. Also, if there's authentic love then both will work to stabilize the financial situation or stick by the other one in difficult times. It's the benefit counters that start the corrosion of the relationship when things aren't the best.

Loyalty only means something if there are bad times. What good is loyalty only during the good?

[~primetime~]

Exactly. If you cheat, it speaks a lot about how little you respect your spouse. Also, if there's authentic love then both will work to stabilize the financial situation or stick by the other one in difficult times. It's the benefit counters that start the corrosion of the relationship when things aren't the best.

Loyalty only means something if there are bad times. What good is loyalty only during the good?
You speak the truth.

[AlphaWolf24]

I am pretty sure I have a really twisted view of relationships. I will spare you the whys and ask you the question I have.

Did you get the girl you have by being caring towards her, nurturing towards her emotions, being there for her, being honest, loving, caring, etc.

I feel I am decent enough with going after random hook ups. I am not a pro or anything. But when it comes to girls I actually like, I get confused. Should I just express the way I feel, the way I want the relationship to actually be? Should I be caring towards her how I want to be?

For some reason a voice in my head says I need to be somewhat distant. I need to play my cards close to my vest. I need to make her think I am not totally invested. I understand the degree of not wanting to seem desperate... but when it comes to just honestly expressing emotions. I am not sure how to do it, if I should do it.

And yeah, I am coming to this damn forum of all places to ask this question. Trust me, I am asking other people and pondering it myself. But since I know some of you are married, I want to know what you think of this.


(sighs).....( takes a deep breathe )

You are way over analyzing this....

#1. This about YOU....what YOU Want.....what YOU believe in.

example: I met this fine girl one night while I was at a gas station ( I asked her to meet me at a bar/club I was going to that night)

later that night we met up at the bar....we were talking ( she told me she and her husband had been separated for about 3 months...they were going to get a divorce soon) as we were on the dance floor a few obnoxious dudes ( who prolly drank too much) were trying to get up on her ( she had a very short dress on)

I had to tell one dude to chill for sec.....as he tried to grab her arm....then he did it again....and I had to make bodies hit the floor.

the whole bar/club was going crazy as I just napped two people....we quickly left before LE came.

On the way back to her apartment she told me that she never been in a situation like that...or had a man do that for her ( as her husband didn't really like to go out or dance) Then I told her....It aint about her...it's about me....acting like a fool and messing with people personal space aint right.

needless to say....panties were wet and we banged all night long.

point being...all the emotion and feelings her husband gave her didn't mean jack sh!t compared to 1 or 2 club punches.


( I had do dump her a few months later....she caught too many feelings)

#2. The institution of marriage is a old barbaric tool that should be done away with....seriously evolve people.

If you want to be with someone...then be with them....with actions ( because you want to).

No need for religion or whatever else to be involved to "make you be with them"...

#2b. Once you want to leave then leave...why be fake with yo self....

#3. Lay the pipe the way YOU want to....You are the man...YOU have to be the one manning the sails.....it will lead to better communication...leading to better pipe laying for you and her!!!

If not ...then read #2b again....








elementary my son.






next

[BigBoss]

Yeah ask a guys opinion about women on an internet forum with a bunch of beta guys on insidehoops.


Being comfortable in your own skin I think is the best advice i've ever gotten. Everything else will come naturally. Stop thinking so much and be yourself. If there's a flaw in your personality then work on it

[BigBoss]

(sighs).....( takes a deep breathe )

You are way over analyzing this....

#1. This about YOU....what YOU Want.....what YOU believe in.

example: I met this fine girl one night while I was at a gas station ( I asked her to meet me at a bar/club I was going to that night)

later that night we met up at the bar....we were talking ( she told me she and her husband had been separated for about 3 months...they were going to get a divorce soon) as we were on the dance floor a few obnoxious dudes ( who prolly drank too much) were trying to get up on her ( she had a very short dress on)

I had to tell one dude to chill for sec.....as he tried to grab her arm....then he did it again....and I had to make bodies hit the floor.

the whole bar/club was going crazy as I just napped two people....we quickly left before LE came.

On the way back to her apartment she told me that she never been in a situation like that...or had a man do that for her ( as her husband didn't really like to go out or dance) Then I told her....It aint about her...it's about me....acting like a fool and messing with people personal space aint right.

needless to say....panties were wet and we banged all night long.

point being...all the emotion and feelings her husband gave her didn't mean jack sh!t compared to 1 or 2 club punches.


( I had do dump her a few months later....she caught too many feelings)

#2. The institution of marriage is a old barbaric tool that should be done away with....seriously evolve people.

If you want to be with someone...then be with them....with actions ( because you want to).

No need for religion or whatever else to be involved to "make you be with them"...

#2b. Once you want to leave then leave...why be fake with yo self....

#3. Lay the pipe the way YOU want to....You are the man...YOU have to be the one manning the sails.....it will lead to better communication...leading to better pipe laying for you and her!!!

If not ...then read #2b again....








elementary my son.






next

Meanwhile this guy has had sex one time

[sweggeh]

(sighs).....( takes a deep breathe )

You are way over analyzing this....

#1. This about YOU....what YOU Want.....what YOU believe in.

example: I met this fine girl one night while I was at a gas station ( I asked her to meet me at a bar/club I was going to that night)

later that night we met up at the bar....we were talking ( she told me she and her husband had been separated for about 3 months...they were going to get a divorce soon) as we were on the dance floor a few obnoxious dudes ( who prolly drank too much) were trying to get up on her ( she had a very short dress on)

I had to tell one dude to chill for sec.....as he tried to grab her arm....then he did it again....and I had to make bodies hit the floor.

the whole bar/club was going crazy as I just napped two people....we quickly left before LE came.

On the way back to her apartment she told me that she never been in a situation like that...or had a man do that for her ( as her husband didn't really like to go out or dance) Then I told her....It aint about her...it's about me....acting like a fool and messing with people personal space aint right.

needless to say....panties were wet and we banged all night long.

point being...all the emotion and feelings her husband gave her didn't mean jack sh!t compared to 1 or 2 club punches.


( I had do dump her a few months later....she caught too many feelings)

#2. The institution of marriage is a old barbaric tool that should be done away with....seriously evolve people.

If you want to be with someone...then be with them....with actions ( because you want to).

No need for religion or whatever else to be involved to "make you be with them"...

#2b. Once you want to leave then leave...why be fake with yo self....

#3. Lay the pipe the way YOU want to....You are the man...YOU have to be the one manning the sails.....it will lead to better communication...leading to better pipe laying for you and her!!!

If not ...then read #2b again....








elementary my son.






next

http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/ab5jVoB_460sa_v1.gif

[longtime lurker]

Haha threads like this really shows who have actually talked to a woman. Simply put you if you want a relationship you need to be yourself, but initially a version of yourself. You need to play the game to get her,but be yourself to keep her.

[Timmy D for MVP]

The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in one form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.

Yeah this is good stuff. I really fell like there is serious pressure in our society to settle down with someone quickly. There is also, from my experience, an idea perpetrated by media that relationships just work out. And if it goes bad it's a bad relationship and you should just bounce. Instead of working sh!t out. If it isn't magic and you have rough patches it's apparently a bad relationship.

People need to take their time. The measure for me is: okay after you fight what is your mind frame? Are you looking to get even? Or are you trying to figure out how to fix what's up? A real relationship is hard work. You'll know it's a good one if you find it worth it to do that work.

[~primetime~]

Yeah this is good stuff. I really fell like there is serious pressure in our society to settle down with someone quickly. There is also, from my experience, an idea perpetrated by media that relationships just work out. And if it goes bad it's a bad relationship and you should just bounce. Instead of working sh!t out. If it isn't magic and you have rough patches it's apparently a bad relationship.

People need to take their time. The measure for me is: okay after you fight what is your mind frame? Are you looking to get even? Or are you trying to figure out how to fix what's up? A real relationship is hard work. You'll know it's a good one if you find it worth it to do that work.
There is less pressure today than yesterday though, the average age of those getting married gets a little older each year.

[niko]

You kind of need something to give your life meaning, to take care of outside of just "you" as you get older. When you're younger, you don't. When you're older, you do. I'm past 40, and my single friends as they get older, get stranger (the ones who have always been single). I'm not sure it's healthy to have yourself as the only thing to take care of for that long. Not everyone clearly, but generally. Especially the women.

[bk33]

First, the TL:DR. No need to pour your heart out right away. I know you like her, but are you going to like your relationship with her? that one you can only find out later on, so take it slow.

I'm also not suggesting you to be distant and cold, just the same way when I tell guys to stop being a push over and they think ok I need to be an asshole since girls like bad boys. Don't go to that extreme.

The calibration is gonna take time and work. Instead of paying attention to what you should do with a girl, you need to be more aware with himself. What is ok, what is not, what is acceptable and what is not.

The good thing is once you're more aware with yourself, it shows, and girls are much more attracted to that than the "yes man".

[boozehound]

Wait, which is it? Do you want married guys or guys in good relationships?



Thank you thank you, Ill be here all week. Try the salisbury steak, its delicious!

[GimmeThat]

Yeah this is good stuff. I really fell like there is serious pressure in our society to settle down with someone quickly. There is also, from my experience, an idea perpetrated by media that relationships just work out. And if it goes bad it's a bad relationship and you should just bounce. Instead of working sh!t out. If it isn't magic and you have rough patches it's apparently a bad relationship.

People need to take their time. The measure for me is: okay after you fight what is your mind frame? Are you looking to get even? Or are you trying to figure out how to fix what's up? A real relationship is hard work. You'll know it's a good one if you find it worth it to do that work.

I think the key to bounce back after any fight, is really the ability of whether or not the two of them can put that past history away.

To treat it as if it never existed.