View Full Version : you know why divorce is so popular?
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 12:35 PM
because it works. people can go on to lead happy successful lives after divorce. and that wasn't always the case. divorce didn't use to be acceptable, certainly not in elite circles.
marriage is an important institution. divorce is just as important.
so now i want to continue my speculation into the institutional possibilities to promote social interaction by proposing an expansion of what worked in the case of divorce. the reason divorce works is because we have intermediaries; divorce lawyers to handle the messy stuff, marriage councilors to handle the mushy stuff, and family/friends fill in the other gaps.
so why stop there?
how many people here have had a falling out or an exaggerated misunderstanding poison a friendship you might have otherwise rather kept?
my bet is that were it more acceptable to see therapists and group councilors and neutral intermediaries to solve not just our personal dissatisfaction with one another but business problems too, through reasonably transparant arbitration, and jeez, fking hippie talk circles where we spill our beans with one another. it's precautionary and preventative medicine for our psyches and our souls; so that all the emotional baggage we carry around with us on a daily basis doesn't weigh us down for the rest of our lives. we need to take care of our real world functional pragmatic shit and it would make it a hell of a lot easier if we could just talk to one another unfiltered.
Nick Young
08-27-2014, 12:36 PM
http://global3.memecdn.com/jaden-smith-is-to-special_o_2687671.jpg
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 12:37 PM
ooh how you reek of desperation, smells so sweet
Nick Young
08-27-2014, 12:44 PM
ooh how you reek of desperation, smells so sweet
http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/auto-9gag-1389181.jpeg
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 12:50 PM
that one was funny
riseagainst
08-27-2014, 12:57 PM
http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/auto-9gag-1389181.jpeg
:lol
:roll:
the problem is people not knowing what they want before they get married. the problem is people getting married for the wrong reasons to the wrong people.
also your OP speaks of someone who has neither been married nor divorced before. while im not sayin its incorrect it is skewed by a perspective guided by non experience.
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:02 PM
I do think there are lots of divorces that were NOT "failed marriages"
For some the marriage worked out for a period of time, it was a "success"...and then both people wanted to move on to other things.
Marriage shouldn't be seen as a complete failure if the "till death do us part" doesn't happen...it should just be seen as a Chapter in people's lives.
GimmeThat
08-27-2014, 01:10 PM
because of the legal liabilities in which protects the counter party who got cheated out with the arrangements when it occurs.
that's just my guess.
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 01:12 PM
I do think there are lots of divorces that were NOT "failed marriages"
For some the marriage worked out for a period of time, it was a "success"...and then both people wanted to move on to other things.
Marriage shouldn't be seen as a complete failure if the "till death do us part" doesn't happen...it should just be seen as a Chapter in people's lives.
well said
I do think there are lots of divorces that were NOT "failed marriages"
For some the marriage worked out for a period of time, it was a "success"...and then both people wanted to move on to other things.
Marriage shouldn't be seen as a complete failure if the "till death do us part" doesn't happen...it should just be seen as a Chapter in people's lives.
That right there is why Divorce is so rampant. When you enter a situation with the idea that failure is an option or that its okay if it doesn't work out.. you already lost. Thats why they form a marriage in a flight of fancy or out of romanticism and dont consider whether or not they actually want to spend a lifetime with that individual. People should be figuring out if they fit with an individual before they get married. If they are just cool with them and would be okay with one day moving on.. then they should just continue to date. Sex and Romancing has actually very little to do with pairing up with someone cause they are gonna be a solid partner who will always have your back no matter what. Obviously you should wanna partner up with someone you will wanna f*ck forever but thats just one part of the equation.
If its not a failure, and death due us part doesnt matter.. then why even say those vows.. ?..
boozehound
08-27-2014, 01:15 PM
That right there is why Divorce is so rampant. When you enter a situation with the idea that failure is an option or that its okay if it doesn't work out.. you already lost. Thats why they form a marriage in a flight of fancy or out of romanticism and dont consider whether or not they actually want to spend a lifetime with that individual. People should be figuring out if they fit with an individual before they get married. If they are just cool with them and would be okay with one day moving on.. then they should just continue to date. Sex and Romancing has actually very little to do with pairing up with someone cause they are gonna be a solid partner who will always have your back no matter what. Obviously you should wanna partner up with someone you will wanna f*ck forever but thats just one part of the equation.
If its not a failure, and death due us part doesnt matter.. then why even say those vows.. ?..
well, I didnt say those vows. Or anything even close to them. Those vows are not part of the actual legal marriage.
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:16 PM
That right there is why Divorce is so rampant. When you enter a situation with the idea that failure is an option or that its okay if it doesn't work out.. you already lost. Thats why they form a marriage in a flight of fancy or out of romanticism and dont consider whether or not they actually want to spend a lifetime with that individual. People should be figuring out if they fit with an individual before they get married. If they are just cool with them and would be okay with one day moving on.. then they should just continue to date. Sex and Romancing has actually very little to do with pairing up with someone cause they are gonna be a solid partner who will always have your back no matter what. Obviously you should wanna partner up with someone you will wanna f*ck forever but thats just one part of the equation.
If its not a failure, and death due us part doesnt matter.. then why even say those vows.. ?..
it does matter IMO, and sometimes a divorce IS the result of a failed marriage. I pretty much agree with most of your post here, I am just saying that I do feel like there were a lot of successful marriages out there that ended in divorce...why do we have to view all the years two people spent together as some massive waste of their lives just because it didn't go all the way to their death bed?
For some the marriage worked out for a period of time, it was a "success"...and then both people wanted to move on to other things.
If you are playing a basketball game and for 3 quarters you were slaughtering the other team but then lose by 5 points in the fourth quarter.. its still a loss. There is no such thing as having won 3 out of 4 quarters.
Marriage is the same way.. everyone can have "success" when things are going good.. its the hard times that matter. Loyalty only means something in times of difficulty. Its what makes good marriage a refuge and the bad ones just plain refuse.
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 01:17 PM
what's the difference between a failed marriage and a divorce prime?
not saying there isn't one, just curious what it is
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:18 PM
If you are playing a basketball game and for 3 quarters you were slaughtering the other team but then lose by 5 points in the fourth quarter.. its still a loss. There is no such thing as having won 3 out of 4 quarters.
Marriage is the same way.. everyone can have "success" when things are going good.. its the hard times that matter. Loyalty only means something in times of difficulty. Its what makes good marriage a refuge and the bad ones just plain refuse.
no...there is no final score in marriage
Love you Zen but I feel like this is a really bad analogy
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 01:20 PM
If you are playing a basketball game and for 3 quarters you were slaughtering the other team but then lose by 5 points in the fourth quarter.. its still a loss. There is no such thing as having won 3 out of 4 quarters.
Marriage is the same way.. everyone can have "success" when things are going good.. its the hard times that matter. Loyalty only means something in times of difficulty. Its what makes good marriage a refuge and the bad ones just plain refuse.
and loyalty has its limits and pitfalls like anything else
if success is defined as "experiencing the good", which i think it should be, then a marriage that lasted six months can qualify as successful.
it does matter IMO, and sometimes a divorce IS the result of a failed marriage. I pretty much agree with most of your post here, I am just saying that I do feel like there were a lot of successful marriages out there that ended in divorce...why do we have to view all the years two people spent together as some massive waste of their lives just because it didn't go all the way to their death bed?
Because its the definition of marriage. It literally means staying with your mate forever. Thats been the rule for a long time. Thats been the point of the agreement.
What you are talking about is dating, not marriage. Im not saying everyone should like it or will follow it.. but thats literally what a marriage has always been.
no...there is no final score in marriage
Love you Zen but I feel like this is a really bad analogy
its not.. when you start a basketball game its understood that its the end that matters.
when you start a marriage you literally state in your vows that its till the end that matters.
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:21 PM
what's the difference between a failed marriage and a divorce prime?
not saying there isn't one, just curious what it is
people could stay together forever and it still be "failed"...if both are unhappy
it's mostly opinion...I bet most feel like Kim K and Humphries marriage was failed, and I would agree...but what about a couple that was together for 20 years, had children, were happy for the majority of that time...and then split?...we are supposed to declare the entire marriage a failure?....naw
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:23 PM
its not.. when you start a basketball game its understood that its the end that matters.
when you start a marriage you literally state in your vows that its till the end that matters.
it isn't the end that matters in marriage though...it's everything that happens in between that matters
and loyalty has its limits and pitfalls like anything else
There are people who have genuinely loved and supported their mates till the end..
There are people who have displayed the complete opposite of that in marriages throughout history.
You just arent giving that loyalty validity and also I wonder if you have experienced that type of loyalty mate wise or otherwise.
it isn't the end that matters in marriage though...it's everything that happens in between that matters
The middle dictates what type of end you have.
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 01:26 PM
ah yes. like a marriage driven by money or status or a marriage driven by family and culture or a marriage driven by physical attraction... but that's coerced to persist when it's long been dead.
yeah i agree with that. success is what one or both people get out of the experience of forming an important union with the other. and if you believe you could be more "successful" (always using that term broadly) forming that union with somebody else, by all means you should be free to pursue it. which is what makes divorce so important. it also needs to be carefully executed. and my initial comment in this thread was only intended to bring some light to how well we've managed to incorporate divorce into our lives.
Yo prime how happy are you with your wife? You thinking about divorce in the future?
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:27 PM
The middle dictates what type of end you have.
you can have a good middle and still go on to divorce...people change over time, what makes some people happy when they were 30 doesn't make them happy when they are 50
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:28 PM
Yo prime how happy are you with your wife? You thinking about divorce in the future?
NEVER...but if we did divorce down the road I would not view it as a failed marriage...currently we are both happy and raising a child, and that can never be taken away
you can have a good middle and still go on to divorce...people change over time, what makes some people happy when they were 30 doesn't make them happy when they are 50
People never change. They just become more honest as their lying either to others or themselves takes a toll.
NEVER...but if we did divorce down the road I would not view it as a failed marriage...currently we are both happy and raising a child, and that can never be taken away
So is this thing about not seeing it as a failed marriage like a coping mechanism? I asked since youre saying you wont ever want to divorce and used caps.
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 01:29 PM
You just arent giving that loyalty validity and also I wonder if you have experienced that type of loyalty mate wise or otherwise.
i have and its interesting and i don't really have time to get into it now. but whatever i wrote in those favours threads from yesterday has a lot to do with it.
loyalty needs to be weighed against your own self interest. it also has to be weighed against other interests, namely the people around us. should i be loyal to somebody who has been disloyal to me? perhaps. perhaps not. it depends.
ending a marriage isn't necessarily a betrayal. and in many cases, it's a blessing for all parties involved. and thankfully there are enough of us out there making it happen.
go divorce!
i have and its interesting and i don't really have time to get into it now. but whatever i wrote in those favours threads from yesterday has a lot to do with it.
loyalty needs to be weighed against your own self interest. it also has to be weighed against other interests, namely the people around us. should i be loyal to somebody who has been disloyal to me? perhaps. perhaps not. it depends.
ending a marriage isn't necessarily a betrayal. and in many cases, it's a blessing for all parties involved. and thankfully there are enough of us out there making it happen.
go divorce!
I do understand thats its all an intellectual exercise for ya here lol
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:32 PM
So is this thing about not seeing it as a failed marriage like a coping mechanism? I asked since youre saying you wont ever want to divorce and used caps.
no it would be seeing it as what it is...me and my wife have been through a lot together, we currently love each other very much and our raising our first child together. If 20 years from now "X" happens and we decide to split I would still view my time with her as a success and huge part of my life and who I am.
no it would be seeing it as what it is...me and my wife have been through a lot together, we currently love each other very much and our raising our first child together. If 20 years from now "X" happens and we decide to split I would still view my time with her as a success and huge part of my life and who I am.
You say all that but you know your expectation is to be with her forever and that your aim is to make it work particularly because you have a kid. It just seems like a conflicting attitude to be so sure you dont want divorce but already in the present are accept an outcome that is so negative with an easy attitude. I guess I dont prefer to have two distinctly different options as acceptable. If I think that I want my marriage to last forever, then failure is not an option and my loyalty is so much that I wont neglect the marriage to the point of letting it get to that negative point.
But I do tend to be obsessive about things I care about so we may be different in our approach.
~primetime~
08-27-2014, 01:39 PM
You say all that but you know your expectation is to be with her forever and that your aim is to make it work particularly because you have a kid. It just seems like a conflicting attitude to be so sure you dont want divorce but already in the present are already accepting an outcome that is so negative. I guess I dont prefer to have two distinctly different options as acceptable. If I think that I want my marriage to last forever, then failure is not an option and my loyalty is so much that I wont neglect the marriage to the point of letting it get to that negative point.
But I do tend to be obsessive about things I care about so we may be different in our approach.
I would view the outcome of divorce as a "negative"...but would not view the entire marriage as failure
just because that part of the marriage doesn't go through doesn't mean the entire thing was worthless
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 01:40 PM
aha. the element of children has been introduced into the conversation. let's watch!
I would view the outcome of divorce as a "negative"...but would not view the entire marriage as failure
just because that part of the marriage doesn't go through doesn't mean the entire thing was worthless
So why even marry? Why not just date until it reaches that point? Seems pointless if success is not a prize to be proud of.
But again thats just me.. If failure isnt a possibiliy then success doesnt matter much.
aha. the element of children has been introduced into the conversation. let's watch!
I dont have much to say on that subject since Im never having children.
boozehound
08-27-2014, 01:45 PM
Because its the definition of marriage. It literally means staying with your mate forever. Thats been the rule for a long time. Thats been the point of the agreement.
What you are talking about is dating, not marriage. Im not saying everyone should like it or will follow it.. but thats literally what a marriage has always been.
you really dont know what you are talking about. Lots of cultures have traditions of divorce, polygyny is/was the cultural norm in way more societies than monogamy, etc. You should bother to look shit up before you post grand sweeping statements that reflect a very narrow historical worldview.
you really dont know what you are talking about. Lots of cultures have traditions of divorce, polygyny is/was the cultural norm in way more societies than monogamy, etc. You should bother to look shit up before you post grand sweeping statements that reflect a very narrow historical worldview.
Nope. How about I dont.
Nice of you to use me as your daily bash a sweeping statement quota. Since you dont do much else.
...to continue my speculation into the institutional possibilities to promote social interaction by proposing an expansion....
I bet the stupid ****ers here give you positive rep for disgusting sentences like this one.
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 01:59 PM
I bet the stupid ****ers here give you positive rep for disgusting sentences like this one.
i rarely get rep. i've got five in the past two months and one was telling me to get off my high horse / soap box which was a good point
boozehound
08-27-2014, 02:01 PM
Nope. How about I dont.
Nice of you to use me as your daily bash a sweeping statement quota. Since you dont do much else.
when people say stupid shit, I call them on it. Your ideas on marriage are totally ****ed. Its not a competition, its about enjoying your life and your partnership. Comparing it to basketball? WTF is wrong with you (dont answer, we already know).
when people say stupid shit, I call them on it. Your ideas on marriage are totally ****ed. Its not a competition, its about enjoying your life and your partnership. Comparing it to basketball? WTF is wrong with you (dont answer, we already know).
:roll:
I really hope Zen is trolling because the nonsense coming out from him is a bit silly.
RidonKs
08-27-2014, 02:36 PM
whether he was trolling or not, it brings to light different conceptions of marriage that i think a lot if not most people entering into the institution probably don't adequately understand.
Nick Young
08-27-2014, 04:10 PM
this thread is full of Circle Jerk Krew boreholes. Like a cancer, the CJK is slowly festering and regrowing:facepalm
whether he was trolling or not, it brings to light different conceptions of marriage that i think a lot if not most people entering into the institution probably don't adequately understand.
If by don't understand you mean "are ****ing stupid" then yes, i agree. Rating marriage as a success or failure for "winning" like an NBA game is pretty ****ing stupid. And I am grading this on the ISH curve of pretty ****ing stupid.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.