Do guys have anything to gain from getting Married?

[poido123]

Apart from pleasing your woman, do men really gain anything from It?

Legally bound to giving up half (except prenup), stuck to one woman(going by marriage), she will want kids.

I understand it's the way things go, I'm facing this now with 3 years up with my girlfriend.

Any of you guys either feel pressured into It? Or regret marriage Altogether?

[Real Men Wear Green]

Although men generally make more there are now cases where the woman has the higher salary. A lot of men are aided by the emotional stability a family provides and a lot of men regret not having the physical and mental support a family provides when they reach old age. There are probably other things too. A lot of us wouldn't mind being alone our whole lives of course, and you may not need the family support until your late 60s.

[nathanjizzle]

not sure why it benefits a man. I think most men do it because it means alot to women and they dream about their wedding since they were little girls.

[poido123]

Although men generally make more there are now cases where the woman has the higher salary. A lot of men are aided by the emotional stability a family provides and a lot of men regret not having the physical and mental support a family provides when they reach old age. There are probably other things too. A lot of us wouldn't mind being alone our whole lives of course, and you may not need the family support until your late 60s.


Some very good points there.

I'm someone who liked the bachelor life and my girlfriend was supposed to be sex only at the start, but never wanted serious. Feelings happened and now I wonder if I'm ready for this family life thing and heavy commitment.

And the old age thing is true. Who will be there when you are old and may have health issues Etc?

[poido123]

not sure why it benefits a man. I think most men do it because it means alot to women and they dream about their wedding since they were little girls.


I wonder what the percentage of guys dream about their wedding day since they were little? :lol

[~primetime~]

http://healthresearchfunding.org/married-men-live-longer-single-men/

[poido123]

http://healthresearchfunding.org/married-men-live-longer-single-men/


Repped.

Interesting read. I'm not a drinker or smoker(drink heavily for big occasions), and I'd say we fight like cats and dogs but that's getting better.

I think I'm less stressed without worrying about someone Else? But the stats don't lie, says quite clearly that marriage benefits our health.

[SunsN07BookIt]

Although men generally make more there are now cases where the woman has the higher salary. A lot of men are aided by the emotional stability a family provides and a lot of men regret not having the physical and mental support a family provides when they reach old age. There are probably other things too. A lot of us wouldn't mind being alone our whole lives of course, and you may not need the family support until your late 60s.


Men are still marrying down income wise, but the gap is closing. More women marry down academically now.

Case in point, my best friend from high school just married his high school sweetheart, he works for the power company and does ok for himself, but his wife is a Stanford educated deputy DA. He actually followed her to Southern California when she went to college, lived with our friend who was attending the same school. The followed her up to Stanford and lived on the streets of Palo Alto for a while before he got settled. When she came back to our hometown, he came with her. Amazingly she stayed loyal to him the whole time even though she's smart, rich(not from her job, her family has money), highly educated, and politically connected. He's basically the exact opposite. :oldlol:

[Tarik One]

Apart from pleasing your woman, do men really gain anything from It?

Legally bound to giving up half (except prenup), stuck to one woman(going by marriage), she will want kids.

I understand it's the way things go, I'm facing this now with 3 years up with my girlfriend.

Any of you guys either feel pressured into It? Or regret marriage Altogether?

Marriage is cool as long as you as a man remain manly.

Women will always test men’s boundaries. You kid yourself if you think you can avoid this by giving in – that just makes the behavior worse while causing her to lose respect for you. It’s what creates the nagging harpy that makes the whipped man’s life a hell. If you really have no energy or heart to stand up to a woman you should stay single. And it’s not a constant struggle. The man who stands up to his wife goes through short, but sharp conflicts without caving in order to get the respect from the woman that allows her to see him as her equal so that most of the time their time together is pleasant.

The more consistent the man is in standing up to the woman the less she feels the need to test him. The whipped man on the other hand goes through a daily low-level hell of control, nagging and belittlement from the woman in order to avoid any larger conflicts. It’s a very poor trade off.

[gts]

Legally bound to giving up half (except prenup)

stuck to one woman(going by marriage)

she will want kids.


Preface this by saying I like you as a poster here and maybe it's just the way you worded the post and that there's nothing wrong with thinking/wondering about those things

BUT

if those are your concerns/roadblocks when it comes to marriage.... you're not ready for marriage

[GimmeThat]

if you believe it's important to tell God that you are not alone.

[STATUTORY]

marry someone wealthy and all your concerns are for naught

[LJJ]

stuck to one woman(going by marriage)

Yeah, that's kind of the idea of marriage.

[Akrazotile]

Yeah, that's kind of the idea of marriage.


Not really, monogamy for men as a social mandate is a relatively recent phenomenon in human society. Men used to have multiple wives all the time.

The traditional idea of marriage is a man provides shelter and resources for his mate, his mate provides domestic support and a vehicle for his offspring. Thats the true historical definition of marriage. Not love and commitment etc.

[DeuceWallaces]

Repped.

Interesting read. I'm not a drinker or smoker(drink heavily for big occasions), and I'd say we fight like cats and dogs but that's getting better.

I think I'm less stressed without worrying about someone Else? But the stats don't lie, says quite clearly that marriage benefits our health.

Sounds like you may be thinking about marriage in the context of the wrong woman. Fighting like cats and dogs is not how it should be.

[LJJ]

Not really, monogamy for men as a social mandate is a relatively recent phenomenon in human society. Men used to have multiple wives all the time.

The traditional idea of marriage is a man provides shelter and resources for his mate, his mate provides domestic support and a vehicle for his offspring. Thats the true historical definition of marriage. Not love and commitment etc.

I'm not talking about the historical context (which you are still wrong about tho).

Right now the general idea of marriage is the whole "till death do us part" thing. That might not be the practical outcome most of the time and that might not be something you personally agree with, but the vast majority of people who get married these days get married with that in mind.

If you don't want to get married because you don't want to be stuck with one person and you see that as a downside, then marriage isn't for you. Nothing wrong with that either, especially if you are open about that.

[Akrazotile]

I'm not talking about the historical context (which you are still wrong about tho).




Really? Enlighten me.

[LJJ]

Really? Enlighten me.

History is massive and all encompassing, it's difficult to pin down one definition of marriage because there isn't one. In regards to average jane and average joe though, marriage would generally just be a one on one affair. You think peasant men all had multiple wives or something? Or there would be like 1 guy with 10 wives and 9 young single men with nothing? It's just not really logistically viable and not a common situation.

When you hear about how people behaved historially, you have to understand most of the writing and stuff you know about is in regards to the aristocracy, the upper 0,001%. How they behaved and lived isn't very representative.

In regards to Christianity and the history of Christian marriage though, the church has pretty extensive records. And having more than one wife pretty much hasn't been allowed in the vast majority of Christian countries since the middle ages, not just modern times.

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

It's the seal on the deal for "man and woman becoming one flesh" Christian Wise.

It's the last step for "men, woman are your garments and women, men are your garments, for they protect you from the elements of the outside world" Islamic-wise.

Don't know about Judaic or Hinduism, but probably something similar.

The ritual does form a stronger connection between families.. and union can start to form traditions for times to come.

[imdaman99]

How does your girlfriend feel knowing that she will always be #2 in your heart behind MJ? :lol

[Akrazotile]

History is massive and all encompassing, it's difficult to pin down one definition of marriage because there isn't one. In regards to average jane and average joe though, marriage would generally just be a one on one affair. You think peasant men all had multiple wives or something? Or there would be like 1 guy with 10 wives and 9 young single men with nothing? It's just not really logistically viable and not a common situation.

When you hear about how people behaved historially, you have to understand most of the writing and stuff you know about is in regards to the aristocracy, the upper 0,001%. How they behaved and lived isn't very representative.

In regards to Christianity and the history of Christian marriage though, the church has pretty extensive records. And having more than one wife pretty much hasn't been allowed in the vast majority of Christian countries since the middle ages, not just modern times.


Right, certainly throughout history the majority of average men only ever had one wife at a time, but monogamy wasnt "the idea" behind it, that was just how it shook out for most dudes because they couldnt support more than one woman.

I was just saying that historically marriage isnt about some kind of "monogamous commitment to your one and only soulmate" and all that stuff. It was much more utilitarian.

Being stuck to one woman is a practical reality most of the time but its not actually a natural biological idea for men. Quite the opposite actually.

[sportsfan76]

Then the man has to save up for the expensive ring

[LJJ]

Right, certainly throughout history the majority of average men only ever had one wife at a time, but monogamy wasnt "the idea" behind it, that was just how it shook out for most dudes because they couldnt support more than one woman.

I was just saying that historically marriage isnt about some kind of "monogamous commitment to your one and only soulmate" and all that stuff. It was much more utilitarian.

Being stuck to one woman is a practical reality most of the time but its not actually a natural biological idea for men. Quite the opposite actually.

Nothing you do ever, everrrrrr, is a "natural biological idea for men".

Believe me, you don't want to live in any of those past times. Sure, it was more socially acceptable to bang a hooker while you had a wife at home and be open about it and women were seen more as property than today, whoopdidoo. Good times. Closer to the real natural state of man. As if going as close to the state of the original human as possible is something to aspire too.

[Akrazotile]

Nothing you do ever, everrrrrr, is a "natural biological idea for men".

Believe me, you don't want to live in any of those past times. Sure, it was more socially acceptable to bang a hooker while you had a wife at home and be open about it and women were seen more as property than today, whoopdidoo. Good times. Closer to the real natural state of man. As if going as close to the state of the original human as possible is something to aspire too.



I wasnt saying any of that. Just that "being stuck with one woman" isnt 'the idea' of marriage. Monogamy isnt the central idea of marriage, really more of an offshoot.

Maybe its just semantics, ofc Im glad things are the way they are now, I just think theres some misconception out there about what marriage originally evolves from. A lot of people think it was about "love" from day 1. You hear that a lot in gay murriage debates.

[Dresta]

http://healthresearchfunding.org/married-men-live-longer-single-men/
:facepalm

God i've never seen so many worthless statistics in a single place. You are the king of the pointless statistic. Really, anyone who lets their life decisions be guided by stuff like that is just a chump. Do you really think these can be in any way applicable to individuals realities?

You don't need statistics to illustrate the importance of marriage and the family unit to mental and physical wellbeing, as this is obvious to anyone with a rudimentary understanding of human beings, there instincts, impulses, wants and drives. Extended solitude leads most men to despair, which of course leads to other destructive behaviours, and far more. You need to drop the stat obsession, seriously.

If you spend most of your time with someone who provides love and comfort and support you'll probably live longer - no shit primetime!

edit: should also add that having a wife and kids gives you a reason to hang around longer - no family, and no need to worry about that kind of shit. People like to feel needed, have dependents, et cetera, it makes them feel better about that trip to oblivion that's waiting on the horizon.

[Jailblazers7]

http://healthresearchfunding.org/married-men-live-longer-single-men/

Kind of makes sense that divoced and widowed men would live shorter lives. But there are a lot of other good points. The cancer detection and survival one was really good.

[Jailblazers7]

:facepalm

God i've never seen so many worthless statistics in a single place. You are the king of the pointless statistic. Really, anyone who lets their life decisions be guided by stuff like that is just a chump. Do you really think these can be in any way applicable to individuals realities?

You don't need statistics to illustrate the importance of marriage and the family unit to mental and physical wellbeing, as this is obvious to anyone with a rudimentary understanding of human beings, there instincts, impulses, wants and drives. Extended solitude leads most men to despair, which of course leads to other destructive behaviours, and far more. You need to drop the stat obsession, seriously.

If you spend most of your time with someone who provides love and comfort and support you'll probably live longer - no shit primetime!

edit: should also add that having a wife and kids gives you a reason to hang around longer - no family, and no need to worry about that kind of shit. People like to feel needed, have dependents, et cetera, it makes them feel better about that trip to oblivion that's waiting on the horizon.

Damn, you are negative as shit dude. Sure those stats just confirm some common sense about loving relationships but it's still cool to see that confirmed with actual data. These types of stats aren't worthless because they were develop in the process of asking the question "does marriage really benefit people?" which I think is a worthy question.

[DeuceWallaces]

:facepalm

God i've never seen so many worthless statistics in a single place. You are the king of the pointless statistic. Really, anyone who lets their life decisions be guided by stuff like that is just a chump. Do you really think these can be in any way applicable to individuals realities?

You don't need statistics to illustrate the importance of marriage and the family unit to mental and physical wellbeing, as this is obvious to anyone with a rudimentary understanding of human beings, there instincts, impulses, wants and drives. Extended solitude leads most men to despair, which of course leads to other destructive behaviours, and far more. You need to drop the stat obsession, seriously.

If you spend most of your time with someone who provides love and comfort and support you'll probably live longer - no shit primetime!

edit: should also add that having a wife and kids gives you a reason to hang around longer - no family, and no need to worry about that kind of shit. People like to feel needed, have dependents, et cetera, it makes them feel better about that trip to oblivion that's waiting on the horizon.

You mean "their" not "there".

[SpecialQue]

Tax benefits. I pay more in taxes than my coworker who's married. You pay even fewer if you pump out a kid and get a bigger tax return. Also there have been studies that have shown that married couples live longer than single people.

[sportsfan76]

Tax benefits. I pay more in taxes than my coworker who's married. You pay even fewer if you pump out a kid and get a bigger tax return. Also there have been studies that have shown that married couples live longer than single people.


Well I will make sure I marry a ugly women next year so I can live until 95 years old:roll:

[Dresta]

Damn, you are negative as shit dude. Sure those stats just confirm some common sense about loving relationships but it's still cool to see that confirmed with actual data. These types of stats aren't worthless because they were develop in the process of asking the question "does marriage really benefit people?" which I think is a worthy question.
People overthink loving relationships far too often and i think it often ruins them, particularly in the predominant therapeutic culture of today, which paradoxically esteems charity at the same time as promoting the grossest forms of personal self-indulgence. Thus many present an idealised construct of themselves to the world, while becoming anxious and neurotic from the constant hiding from themselves (and at the false images projected by others, which are believed, and cause insecurity); this is hardly conducive to establishing loving and lasting relationships founded on things like honesty and trust. Moreover, statistics like this are hardly harmless if their spurious conclusions result in someone making a foolish decision out of fear or anxiety (Poido already seems to be eyeing marriage as a means of improving his health).

It might be a worthy question, but it's one that can only be answered on an individual and subjective level, as nothing could be more personal and individual than this. Nor would it be possible to tell whether the benefits are due to marriage per se or if they apply to all long-term loving relationships. You would also have to do studies that focused only on childless marriages, because children are another huge factor. And, yeah, there's no reason that the numbers aren't this way round because people who are more self-destructive are far less likely to have long and successful marriages. How many aren't married because they have poor genetics, are unfit, have mental problems etc. It is pure frivolousness to look at those stats and say 'marriage makes you healthier.'

You shouldn't enter with a preconception of 'I want to get married because it'll make me healthier...'(or any other thing) or 'I never want to get married because of money-grabbers' because the former could easily result in a hasty mistake, and the latter in a missed opportunity. There's no need for anyone to ask whether marriage benefits people (an impossible and unanswerable and arbitrary question), because all an individual should be doing is considering whether it will benefit himself, not what it did for others, who were different people, with different women.

The family unit has been invaluable to the progression and development of our culture and civilisation though. Its existence has benefitted something close to every living person of to-day.

[poido123]

How does your girlfriend feel knowing that she will always be #2 in your heart behind MJ? :lol


BULLS? yeah, she has come to accept that I am sports crazy, in particular my love for the chicago bulls.

What can you do, that's what I am so passionate about. :lol

[BigBoss]

A family.

[poido123]

People overthink loving relationships far too often and i think it often ruins them, particularly in the predominant therapeutic culture of today, which paradoxically esteems charity at the same time as promoting the grossest forms of personal self-indulgence. Thus many present an idealised construct of themselves to the world, while becoming anxious and neurotic from the constant hiding from themselves (and at the false images projected by others, which are believed, and cause insecurity); this is hardly conducive to establishing loving and lasting relationships founded on things like honesty and trust. Moreover, statistics like this are hardly harmless if their spurious conclusions result in someone making a foolish decision out of fear or anxiety (Poido already seems to be eyeing marriage as a means of improving his health).

It might be a worthy question, but it's one that can only be answered on an individual and subjective level, as nothing could be more personal and individual than this. Nor would it be possible to tell whether the benefits are due to marriage per se or if they apply to all long-term loving relationships. You would also have to do studies that focused only on childless marriages, because children are another huge factor. And, yeah, there's no reason that the numbers aren't this way round because people who are more self-destructive are far less likely to have long and successful marriages. How many aren't married because they have poor genetics, are unfit, have mental problems etc. It is pure frivolousness to look at those stats and say 'marriage makes you healthier.'

You shouldn't enter with a preconception of 'I want to get married because it'll make me healthier...'(or any other thing) or 'I never want to get married because of money-grabbers' because the former could easily result in a hasty mistake, and the latter in a missed opportunity. There's no need for anyone to ask whether marriage benefits people (an impossible and unanswerable and arbitrary question), because all an individual should be doing is considering whether it will benefit himself, not what it did for others, who were different people, with different women.

The family unit has been invaluable to the progression and development of our culture and civilisation though. Its existence has benefitted something close to every living person of to-day.


You're an under appreciated poster. Don't ever change.

Informative and Synnical. You are often straight to the point and often harsh. Very entertaining :applause:

[nathanjizzle]

:facepalm

God i've never seen so many worthless statistics in a single place. You are the king of the pointless statistic. Really, anyone who lets their life decisions be guided by stuff like that is just a chump. Do you really think these can be in any way applicable to individuals realities?

You don't need statistics to illustrate the importance of marriage and the family unit to mental and physical wellbeing, as this is obvious to anyone with a rudimentary understanding of human beings, there instincts, impulses, wants and drives. Extended solitude leads most men to despair, which of course leads to other destructive behaviours, and far more. You need to drop the stat obsession, seriously.

If you spend most of your time with someone who provides love and comfort and support you'll probably live longer - no shit primetime!

edit: should also add that having a wife and kids gives you a reason to hang around longer - no family, and no need to worry about that kind of shit. People like to feel needed, have dependents, et cetera, it makes them feel better about that trip to oblivion that's waiting on the horizon.

in short, men need women to feel validated.

[Jailblazers7]

People overthink loving relationships far too often and i think it often ruins them, particularly in the predominant therapeutic culture of today, which paradoxically esteems charity at the same time as promoting the grossest forms of personal self-indulgence. Thus many present an idealised construct of themselves to the world, while becoming anxious and neurotic from the constant hiding from themselves (and at the false images projected by others, which are believed, and cause insecurity); this is hardly conducive to establishing loving and lasting relationships founded on things like honesty and trust. Moreover, statistics like this are hardly harmless if their spurious conclusions result in someone making a foolish decision out of fear or anxiety (Poido already seems to be eyeing marriage as a means of improving his health).

It might be a worthy question, but it's one that can only be answered on an individual and subjective level, as nothing could be more personal and individual than this. Nor would it be possible to tell whether the benefits are due to marriage per se or if they apply to all long-term loving relationships. You would also have to do studies that focused only on childless marriages, because children are another huge factor. And, yeah, there's no reason that the numbers aren't this way round because people who are more self-destructive are far less likely to have long and successful marriages. How many aren't married because they have poor genetics, are unfit, have mental problems etc. It is pure frivolousness to look at those stats and say 'marriage makes you healthier.'

You shouldn't enter with a preconception of 'I want to get married because it'll make me healthier...'(or any other thing) or 'I never want to get married because of money-grabbers' because the former could easily result in a hasty mistake, and the latter in a missed opportunity. There's no need for anyone to ask whether marriage benefits people (an impossible and unanswerable and arbitrary question), because all an individual should be doing is considering whether it will benefit himself, not what it did for others, who were different people, with different women.

The family unit has been invaluable to the progression and development of our culture and civilisation though. Its existence has benefitted something close to every living person of to-day.

Oh, I totally agree that data like this shouldn't be a deciding factor in an individual's decision. I personally would never be like "hmm I've never felt content in a long-term, monogamous relationship but the data says I should do it" but I don't think the fact that anecdotal factors impacting the interpretation of these statistics make them useless. Data is only useful in context and it is always important to consider why summary statistics are flawed but that doesn't completely undermine them.

I think a lot of these studies could and should be better organized. For example, I think it's misleading to include divorcees and widowers because those two events are incredibly important to someone's mental and physical health without saying much about the health of single people. It's all about developing a good control group. And the criticism that you bring up about people with mental health issues, poor genetics, and self-destructive personalities is completely valid and those objections are actually a benefit to these types of statistics. They facilitate a conversation that is nuanced and the topic becomes a valuable inquiry into what factors shape lives/relationships and society more generally.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I see statistics like this as a starting point to a better conversation instead of a final result. But I think it's fair to say that too many people take things like this as a simple result that is to be accepted at face value, which makes summary statistics dangerous in general. Partly, I think the popular reporting of these types of surveys is to blame but that is another discussion.

[BigBoss]

OP sounds like a dead beat. He has a gambling addiction and he's in an abusive relationship with a girl he doesn't want to marry. Stop being a mental midget.. fakkit

[iamgine]

Apart from pleasing your woman, do men really gain anything from It?

Legally bound to giving up half (except prenup), stuck to one woman(going by marriage), she will want kids.

I understand it's the way things go, I'm facing this now with 3 years up with my girlfriend.

Any of you guys either feel pressured into It? Or regret marriage Altogether?
Giving up half...only happens if you get divorce. But then again in this day and age men and women income doesn't differ by much. If the women earn more she'll be the one giving stuff up.

Stuck to one woman but she's also stuck to you. To have someone who are committed to you, it's a pretty large gain.

She might want kids? A large percentage of men also want kids and a good mother to raise them? It's also a gain if you're one of those men.

[sportsfan76]

Giving up half...only happens if you get divorce. But then again in this day and age men and women income doesn't differ by much. If the women earn more she'll be the one giving stuff up.

Stuck to one woman but she's also stuck to you. To have someone who are committed to you, it's a pretty large gain.

She might want kids? A large percentage of men also want kids and a good mother to raise them? It's also a gain if you're one of those men.


Really? why are there so many single moms then?

[iamgine]

Really? why are there so many single moms then?
Why are there so many happily married couple then?

[masonanddixon]

If you're ugly and/or lack self confidence and/or don't have many outside interests, marriage is a good deal.

But if you have a lot going on with your life and varied interests, it makes no sense.

[BigBoss]

If you're ugly and/or lack self confidence and/or don't have many outside interests, marriage is a good deal.

But if you have a lot going on with your life and varied interests, it makes no sense.

http://windupmyskirt.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/bill-melinda-gates.jpg

[sportsfan76]

If you're ugly and/or lack self confidence and/or don't have many outside interests, marriage is a good deal.

But if you have a lot going on with your life and varied interests, it makes no sense.


what if you are ugly and poor? LOL

[masonanddixon]

what if you are ugly and poor? LOL

Probably just quit life in that case.


I guess the best advice is to never get married before 35.

[masonanddixon]

http://windupmyskirt.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/bill-melinda-gates.jpg

Yeah he's a perfect example of who should marry.

[BigBoss]

Yeah he's a perfect example of who should marry.

but but but he has a lot of interests and things going on for him and he's sort of the richest man in the world.


Marriage = family and stability if you find the right partner.

Stop taking rejection from women so personally.

[dude77]

one constant I usually see in very very successful men(financially and contentment) is that .. they're married and have a family .. and they're spiritual .. almost without fail

[masonanddixon]

but but but he has a lot of interests and things going on for him and he's sort of the richest man in the world.


Marriage = family and stability if you find the right partner.

Stop taking rejection from women so personally.

lol what are his interests beyond gaining a financial monopoly and pretending to care about third world countries with malaria? He's a goon.

I have no problem getting women. I just don't want marriage. If you want it, good for you. But nobody with interests, good looks, and outside pursuits will want marriage, nor will they stay married for long.

[ace23]

Men are still marrying down income wise, but the gap is closing. More women marry down academically now.

Case in point, my best friend from high school just married his high school sweetheart, he works for the power company and does ok for himself, but his wife is a Stanford educated deputy DA. He actually followed her to Southern California when she went to college, lived with our friend who was attending the same school. The followed her up to Stanford and lived on the streets of Palo Alto for a while before he got settled. When she came back to our hometown, he came with her. Amazingly she stayed loyal to him the whole time even though she's smart, rich(not from her job, her family has money), highly educated, and politically connected. He's basically the exact opposite. :oldlol:
Where did she go to college originally? Did she transfer to Stanford or what?

[BigBoss]

lol what are his interests beyond gaining a financial monopoly and pretending to care about third world countries with malaria? He's a goon.

I have no problem getting women. I just don't want marriage. If you want it, good for you. But nobody with interests, good looks, and outside pursuits will want marriage, nor will they stay married for long.

He's given 28 billion to charity you idiot.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7338/12522437994_800d1e8699_b.jpg

Mohammed A. El-Ran resigned as CEO of PIMCO (13.5 billion in assets) to spend more time with his wife and kids.


http://www.rap-up.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/beyonce-jay-z-sportsman-1.jpg

http://i796.photobucket.com/albums/yy241/celebritybug/Weddings%20-%20Births/Brad-Pitt-Angelina-Jolie-Wedding-Photo.jpg



But they're all idiots. Listen to lonely beta massonanddixon whose been friend zoned one many times.


Again. Marriage= family + stability. Just don't rush into it.

[Akrazotile]

http://i796.photobucket.com/albums/yy241/celebritybug/Weddings%20-%20Births/Brad-Pitt-Angelina-Jolie-Wedding-Photo.jpg



But they're all idiots. Listen to lonely beta massonanddixon whose been friend zoned one many times.


Again. Marriage= family + stability. Just don't rush into it.


The Pitts adopted Lebron?? :biggums:

[BigBoss]

The Pitts adopted Lebron?? :biggums:

The forehead is similar..

[masonanddixon]

Gates only gives money to charity so he can create his legacy not because he actually gives a shit about anyone. Just think of how he even made his money.

Hilarious how you cite various celebrities include one couple who has been married to other people before and only had adopted kids as your evidence.

Yeah, let's ignore that well over 50% of marriages end in divorce and the obvious fact that it makes every man boring and domesticated.

I personally don't give a shit if someone gets married and I wish them the best of luck. But your attempts at refutation are what a 7th grader with a 85 IQ who just discovered the internet would try to use on a grown man.

[Lakers Legend#32]

Didn't any of you see the movie Gone Girl? The message is never marry.

[sportsfan76]

Didn't any of you see the movie Gone Girl? The message is never marry.


Did the movie explain why?

[Lakers Legend#32]

It was that marriage was an unnatural state. We grow, we change, we do not stay the same person. To expect one to be with the same person all their life in irrational and unhealthy.

[poido123]

Preface this by saying I like you as a poster here and maybe it's just the way you worded the post and that there's nothing wrong with thinking/wondering about those things

BUT

if those are your concerns/roadblocks when it comes to marriage.... you're not ready for marriage


Absolutely.

I'm having a long hard think about it. I won't do it unless I'm ready or want the same thing.

[~primetime~]

:facepalm

God i've never seen so many worthless statistics in a single place. You are the king of the pointless statistic. Really, anyone who lets their life decisions be guided by stuff like that is just a chump. Do you really think these can be in any way applicable to individuals realities?

You don't need statistics to illustrate the importance of marriage and the family unit to mental and physical wellbeing, as this is obvious to anyone with a rudimentary understanding of human beings, there instincts, impulses, wants and drives. Extended solitude leads most men to despair, which of course leads to other destructive behaviours, and far more. You need to drop the stat obsession, seriously.

If you spend most of your time with someone who provides love and comfort and support you'll probably live longer - no shit primetime!

edit: should also add that having a wife and kids gives you a reason to hang around longer - no family, and no need to worry about that kind of shit. People like to feel needed, have dependents, et cetera, it makes them feel better about that trip to oblivion that's waiting on the horizon.


http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2011/10/negative-thoughts-can-lead-to-bouts-of-depression/

[gts]

Absolutely.

I'm having a long hard think about it. I won't do it unless I'm ready or want the same thing.

that's a biggie... flexibility too... people change, priorities change, needs change. the ability for the relationship to evolve is important.

my grandparents were married for 60+ years, raised 3 boys, both were very successful in their careers, spent the last 20 years traveling the US in their motorhome.

when the alzheimers took hold of my grandmother in her mid 70's grandpa refused to put her in a home, refused to have a live in nurse.. that man even approaching his 80's was a bull but grandmas illness took its toll on him but he still refused help...

there he was bathing his wife, feeding her, wiping her ass everyday, making sure the house was always spotless... the only time he'd allow anyone to watch over her was when he had to spend time in his yard doing the gardening.

I used to take them shakes and fries from in and out and hang out with them a couple times a week, I implored grandpa to let us find somebody to help out and when he said no i asked why, even a maid would provide some level of relief..

his answer, "because she loves me, she always loved me, why would i ever subject her to the shame of having a stranger wipe her rear end"

that was the day i got a true grasp of what marriage, love and devotion was all about.. she died in her home, in her own bed that she had shared with him for so many nights, her husband of 60 years and so many great adventures was right there beside her... he had a massive stroke a few months later and died

he also used to say, "both liking the color red and benny goodman won't pay the bills"

[knickballer]

Find the right girl and it's absolutely worth it.

Marry some club hopping hoe and you'll marriage will probably end faster than Bron's hairline(bad joke)

[Dresta]

Oh, I totally agree that data like this shouldn't be a deciding factor in an individual's decision. I personally would never be like "hmm I've never felt content in a long-term, monogamous relationship but the data says I should do it" but I don't think the fact that anecdotal factors impacting the interpretation of these statistics make them useless. Data is only useful in context and it is always important to consider why summary statistics are flawed but that doesn't completely undermine them.

I think a lot of these studies could and should be better organized. For example, I think it's misleading to include divorcees and widowers because those two events are incredibly important to someone's mental and physical health without saying much about the health of single people. It's all about developing a good control group. And the criticism that you bring up about people with mental health issues, poor genetics, and self-destructive personalities is completely valid and those objections are actually a benefit to these types of statistics. They facilitate a conversation that is nuanced and the topic becomes a valuable inquiry into what factors shape lives/relationships and society more generally.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I see statistics like this as a starting point to a better conversation instead of a final result. But I think it's fair to say that too many people take things like this as a simple result that is to be accepted at face value, which makes summary statistics dangerous in general. Partly, I think the popular reporting of these types of surveys is to blame but that is another discussion.I largely agree with you, and when i complain about the negative impact of statistics, i am referring to the masses of people who are incapable of contextualising the data they receive and instead simply adopt its conclusions unthinkingly. But as a sensible person, capable of ratiocination, you'll probably grow increasingly frustrated by having simplistic statistics shoved in your face as 'evidence' or 'proof' when they are neither, and so often only account for one side of the equation. Stats frequently make these people's prejudices all that more unshakable, and has led to a rather foolish definition of 'evidence' to be adopted. Also, any analysis of 'marriage' in superficial as it is only the study of a label, incorporating destructive and unloving relationships while excluding others due to their not being labelled as such.

It is telling that state schools (at least in the UK, where i know the system best), that there is such a limited emphasis on the teaching of stats (only if you take Maths to 18, and then you can still take Mechanics instead), at the same time as people are bombarded by statistics from all sides. Considering the faith placed in statistics and democratic governance, all voting citizens should have been properly educated on the subject from an early age, and i wonder if this oversight has been purposeful. I generally consider it something of a truism that all important political statistics are distortions, because they are too important not to be. The pervasiveness of statistics in politics has a tendency to turn science into a propaganda tool.

Popular reporting is largely to blame, but if i'm honest, I think popular reporting is just catering to the wants of the people, and that is a want for easy and digestible answers to life's problems. The whole trend of modern society is one of making things easier, less painful, and more comfortable, but it is difficulty and trial that builds character, which is why i reject the very feminine and maternal mode of sentimentalist governance and politics that seeks to eradicate suffering and negative feelings and/or emotions, something that is impossible, and thus destructive to all those who are incapable of lying to and deluding themselves, who suffer constant anxiety agonising over why they've missed out on this natural happiness of life!

Primetime's reponse to me is a good indicator of all this:


http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2011/10/negative-thoughts-can-lead-to-bouts-of-depression/
No shit sherlock. Amazing how these scientists spend a load of money coming up with a platitude that has been known to humanity for centuries, if not millennia.

Nor do they recognise that they have no tangible definition for what constitutes 'negative thoughts' (a personal and subjective entity), something that is clearly different for different people. Many consider what i post on here negative, but i do not, and you cannot prove otherwise.


Scientists say that thoughts control our feelings

Ok then, so what controls our thoughts then? Certainly not.... more thoughts? Perhaps feelings? Perhaps 'scientists' (as if there is such a collective and unified body when it comes to mental health, a field fraught with ambiguity) have things the wrong way round? Maybe it is feelings that control our thoughts, certainly our thoughts are controlled and influenced by instilled custom and morality.

As i said before, the science also shows that optimistic people hold a more deluded opinion of themselves - it is the pessimists who were shown to be more objectively realistic, and more in line with the views of impartial observers. Happiness for someone like me cannot be based on lies, as it would make me unhappy to live a life of lies and illusion.

I don't care whether something is 'positive' or 'negative' (worthless and arbitrary distinctions for me) only if it is true or false. This is what marks the true scientific spirit from a proponent of scientism. Real scientists are only bothered with human wellbeing as corollary, what motivates and drives them is the pursuit of knowledge and truth, to the disregard of all other matters, including their own mental and emotional wellbeing. Many of the greatest discoveries and creations in human history wouldn't have been possible without great personal suffering, yet mental health professionals consider it somehow unhealthy to not be happy and satisfied all the time? Lunacy.


It was that marriage was an unnatural state. We grow, we change, we do not stay the same person. To expect one to be with the same person all their life in irrational and unhealthy.

This is true and also why love alone does not provide a solid foundation for a lasting marriage. Love is a passion, and one which usually starts to wane over time. When you get married you promise to love one individual forever, a promise that is not in your power to make, as it is very possible to fall out of love when you don't want to, and this is a really painful experience. Both you and your spouse are going to change, you don't know how, and so it is simply a lie to say you will love someone forever, because you can never be sure.

Marriage has greater stability as a kind of contractual allegiance, one which aims to focus predominantly of producing and cultivating superior offspring to the parents. In this way all can contribute to the progress of the species in their own way, make them more a part of something greater, something most people long for. You could at least base the marriage on a promise it is within your power to keep.

[falc39]

Get ready for the new normal...

The Sexodus, Part 1: The Men Giving Up On Women And Checking Out Of Society (http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-London/2014/12/04/The-Sexodus-Part-1-The-Men-Giving-Up-On-Women-And-Checking-Out-Of-Society/)


"My generation of boys is f**ked," says Rupert, a young German video game enthusiast I've been getting to know over the past few months. "Marriage is dead. Divorce means you're screwed for life. Women have given up on monogamy, which makes them uninteresting to us for any serious relationship or raising a family. That's just the way it is. Even if we take the risk, chances are the kids won't be ours. In France, we even have to pay for the kids a wife has through adulterous affairs.

"In school, boys are screwed over time and again. Schools are engineered for women. In the US, they force-feed boys Ritalin like Skittles to shut them up. And while girls are favoured to fulfil quotas, men are slipping into distant second place.

"Nobody in my generation believes they're going to get a meaningful retirement. We have a third or a quarter of the wealth previous generations had, and everyone's fleeing to higher education to stave off unemployment and poverty because there are no jobs.

"All that wouldn't be so bad if we could at least dull the pain with girls. But we're treated like paedophiles and potential rapists just for showing interest. My generation are the beautiful ones," he sighs, referring to a 1960s experiment on mice that supposedly predicted a grim future for the human race.

After overpopulation ran out of control, the female mice in John Calhoun's "mouse universe" experiment stopped breeding, and the male mice withdrew from the company of others entirely, eating, sleeping, feeding and grooming themselves but doing little else. They had shiny coats, but empty lives.

"The parallels are astounding," says Rupert.
...

[Dresta]

In schools today across Britain and America, boys are relentlessly pathologised, as academics were warning as long ago as 2001. Boyishness and boisterousness have come to be seen as "problematic," with girls' behaviour a gold standard against which these defective boys are measured.

When they are found wanting, the solution is often drugs.
One in seven American boys will be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at some point in their school career. Millions will be prescribed a powerful mood stabiliser, such as Ritalin, for the crime of being born male. The side effects of these drugs can be hideous and include sudden death.

Meanwhile, boys are falling behind girls academically, perhaps because relentless and well-funded focus has been placed on girls' achievement in the past few decades and little to none on the boys who are now achieving lower grades, fewer honors, fewer degrees and less marketable information economy skills. Boys' literacy, in particular, is in crisis throughout the West. We've been obsessing so much over girls, we haven't noticed that boys have slipped into serious academic trouble.

So what happened to those boys who, in 2001, were falling behind girls at school, were less likely to go to college, were being given drugs they did not need and whose self-esteem and confidence issues haven't just been ignored, but have been actively ridiculed by the feminist Establishment that has such a stranglehold on teaching unions and Left-leaning political parties?


Doctor tried to prescribe me ritalin when i was a young kid, also an asthma inhaler when i just had a cough and no need for one. Luckily my mum knew enough about these things to chuck them away, but most people probably trust their doctors.

[oarabbus]

The marriages that seem to work out the best are "political" or "show" marriages... think the Clintons, the Underwoods from House of Cards , etc. Not that you have to be a politician, but these couples marry as they see a mutual benefit in doing so, and there are no delusions about "true love" or an "eternal everlasting bond". Only very, very few people get to experience what society portrays a marriage is "supposed" to be. Sad but it's probably better to marry someone who you can simply tolerate during each of your worst moments over the person you fall madly in love with. That kind of relationship is fickle and if you plan on having children the relationship dynamics completely change. Not to mention marriage should be with someone you can grow old with.

[Dresta]

The marriages that seem to work out the best are "political" or "show" marriages... think the Clintons, the Underwoods from House of Cards , etc. Not that you have to be a politician, but these couples marry as they see a mutual benefit in doing so, and there are no delusions about "true love" or an "eternal everlasting bond". Only very, very few people get to experience what society portrays a marriage is "supposed" to be. Sad but it's probably better to marry someone who you can simply tolerate during each of your worst moments over the person you fall madly in love with. That kind of relationship is fickle and if you plan on having children the relationship dynamics completely change. Not to mention marriage should be with someone you can grow old with.
So marriages based on expedience and power are successful? (i.e. the way marriage was viewed in aristocratic times)

[DeuceWallaces]

The marriages that seem to work out the best are "political" or "show" marriages... think the Clintons, the Underwoods from House of Cards , etc. Not that you have to be a politician, but these couples marry as they see a mutual benefit in doing so, and there are no delusions about "true love" or an "eternal everlasting bond". Only very, very few people get to experience what society portrays a marriage is "supposed" to be. Sad but it's probably better to marry someone who you can simply tolerate during each of your worst moments over the person you fall madly in love with. That kind of relationship is fickle and if you plan on having children the relationship dynamics completely change. Not to mention marriage should be with someone you can grow old with.

Those seem like the worst marriages to me.