You're playing sports, and nothing is going fairly. How do you react?

[Bourne]

Everyone who's played organized competitive sports knows what this feels like. When everything seems to be unfair (whether that is actually the case or if you just perceive it that way). How do you react?

I have these moments in soccer a lot. I used to play at a very high level, now I play recreational coed - any player from my background would be the best player in this league (this is the case for me even though I was below average in my old league). So during games, I'll be playing against teams that have multiple real soccer players, when I'm the only one on my team, which makes it difficult. Yet multiple "unfair" things always happen, like my team whines if I don't sub off (and the other team's best player never does), or my goalie refuses to play in goal so we have a makeshift goalie, etc etc, that make my task extremely difficult: I have to overcome all of these things to win. It can be very easy to just throw up my hands and whine about it, or I can try my best to win and be supportive to my teammates despite all of this.

It can be hard. Too many times I go the childish route and yell at teammates or opponents instead of internalizing it and using it to my advantage.

I really want to learn how to internalize it, overcome it, and be proud of myself for doing so. Instead I type this knowing I lost my cool just because I couldn't play hard enough to overcome these odds.

Anybody here successful at this?

[Budadiiii]

Stopped reading at recreational co-ed league.

[Bourne]

Stopped reading at recreational co-ed league.

It applies to any league/situation where you face obstacles.

[Budadiiii]

It applies to any league/situation where you face obstacles.
Is there a championship on the line? Or does the team with the best record get a trophy?

Recreational co-ed seems kind of bunk, why the hell would you take it serious if theres nothing on the line but.. "winning" against a bunch of girls.

[Bourne]

Is there a championship on the line? Or does the team with the best record get a trophy?

Recreational co-ed seems kind of bunk, why the hell would you take it serious if theres nothing on the line but.. "winning" against a bunch of girls.

I take it seriously because there are still dudes on the other team that showed up that night just to beat you. it aint like we all holding hands - it's competitive, just the talent level isnt there. anybody with a competitive nature would take it seriously.

(also there are very few girls on the field at one time, fyi)

[Budadiiii]

I take it seriously because there are still dudes on the other team that showed up that night just to beat you. it aint like we all holding hands - it's competitive, just the talent level isnt there. anybody with a competitive nature would take it seriously.

(also there are very few girls on the field at one time, fyi)
I get that. But the co-ed thing throws me off. I am overly competitive about pick up basketball games at my gym, but any time a girl weasles her way into the game, it turns into a joke. Nobody plays as hard.

So you're the guy yelling at his inferior teammates in a rec league? :facepalm

That's embarrassing. I'm gonna join that league just to whoop up on your team and frustrate you.

[Bourne]

I get that. But the co-ed thing throws me off. I am overly competitive about pick up basketball games at my gym, but any time a girl weasles her way into the game, it turns into a joke. Nobody plays as hard.

So you're the guy yelling at his inferior teammates in a rec league? :facepalm

That's embarrassing. I'm gonna join that league just to whoop up on your team and frustrate you.

Get off the fact girls are involved. I know how severely this reduces the level of competition (I hate it, but coed leagues outnumber male leagues 10 to 1 in downtown toronto), but it leaves enough for it to be competitive. Where you want to go and win, and it isn't a cakewalk. besides, having girls means you cant gun a very coordinated offense so it isn't like basketball wear you can target the weakness (the other girls) easily. just doesnt really work.

in any event, this applies to all sports. or your job. or anything, really.

who here is good at internalizing things? (in a positive way)

[GimmeThat]

Depends on whether or not you want to actually play sports

[GimmeThat]

Realize that, thats people.

Itll help you get over the losses of your family members as well

[Rake2204]

I actually used to over-internalize. I thought arguing with officials only made things worse and I had a coach who taught me not to celebrate until the game was over, so I over-did it my sophomore year and pretty much didn't respond to anything. Kind of funny in hindsight, in a ridiculous way (look closely, try to figure out which one is me, haha: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cIv4IgLByA#t=0m16s).

Anyhow, I think things changed a little when I was called for what I thought was a bogus technical late that year (for accidentally hitting the backboard while trying to block a layup). I was very mad, but showed no emotion. Finally, a teammate spoke up - he wasn't upset I'd been called for a T - instead he was mad that I wasn't mad.

So from there, I found ways to let things loose at the right time. I had to let myself celebrate the good things sometimes (maybe a fist pump here or there) while also letting a small bit of emotion to emit when I felt a poor call had been made.

I think I've struck a pretty good balance since then. When things are going rough, I tend to just dig in and do what I can. For the most part, if my team's getting waxed these days, I can acknowledge as such. If I feel my team's getting destroyed because no one's trying, there's a good chance I speak up (absolutely so if I know them all personally) but I'm not much of a random yeller at folks who don't take rec league to the fullest. I can usually keep things in perspective, though sometimes it can be tough to balance between perspective and competition.

[dunksby]

If it's the reffing I go passive aggressive and start whining under my breath which escalates quickly to shouting obscenity, next phase would be getting into it with the opposing bench. In the case of opponent playing dirty or owning us it fires me up to do everything which results in me getting tired soon or lose it and fight.
Last time I went through it was during a military nationwide BB tournament, there was this athletic monster who would dunk the ball from anywhere and our slow ass frontcourt couldn't do shit about it. I got mad and decided to take matters into my own hands, I started trying to set picks, drive, distribute the ball, shoot, finish and by half-time we were down 10 and I was gassed lying on my back in front of the bench :facepalm and considering I play the two :lol

[falc39]

Everyone who's played organized competitive sports knows what this feels like. When everything seems to be unfair (whether that is actually the case or if you just perceive it that way). How do you react?

I have these moments in soccer a lot. I used to play at a very high level, now I play recreational coed - any player from my background would be the best player in this league (this is the case for me even though I was below average in my old league). So during games, I'll be playing against teams that have multiple real soccer players, when I'm the only one on my team, which makes it difficult. Yet multiple "unfair" things always happen, like my team whines if I don't sub off (and the other team's best player never does), or my goalie refuses to play in goal so we have a makeshift goalie, etc etc, that make my task extremely difficult: I have to overcome all of these things to win. It can be very easy to just throw up my hands and whine about it, or I can try my best to win and be supportive to my teammates despite all of this.

It can be hard. Too many times I go the childish route and yell at teammates or opponents instead of internalizing it and using it to my advantage.

I really want to learn how to internalize it, overcome it, and be proud of myself for doing so. Instead I type this knowing I lost my cool just because I couldn't play hard enough to overcome these odds.

Anybody here successful at this?

I play coed and mens soccer. Pretty sure every player has gone through playing on bad teams. For the most part, if we are getting destroyed, I just try to keep it simple. Focus on my role on the team. Usually it's defensive anchor or shutting down the opponent's most dangerous player. Making sure my passes don't get sloppy or that I get so tilted I start doing stupid stuff and playing way out of position.

Yelling at your teammates isn't productive and will just make things worse. For players who are worse than me, I try to communicate to them and give them instructions. Like "make that attacker dribble to the outside." Or "Watch his strong foot". "I got the space behind you covered". Just reminders and general communication to strengthen team cohesion and shape. These are your teammates and you are going to have to play with them every week... so you have to build trust and teamwork. Your teammates may never be as good as you, but there are small things you can do to help them play at their max level.

As for the person who mentioned refs.. refs are refs. I've gotten royally screwed over by some really bad calls too... some that directly led to my team losing the game. There are a lot of dirty and sly players out there. Of course, I have my own defending tricks that I use to give myself an advantage. It's just part of the game and you never see a ref reverse a call after it is made so it's better to just forget about it.

............Really? You are one of the dudes who never sub? Nobody likes those people lol

[Richesly]

In high school if I thought we were getting bullshitted, I would start taking my frustration out on the other team. I'd play really physical and it usually led to me sitting on the bench for the rest of the game.

[CeltsGarlic]

Im probs the last one to initiate a conflict, but when the game is going and Im feeling it, and just basically all into it, then something just clicks in my head and I hardly think about consequences. This other night I blocked a dude pretty bad, and he was ultra mad, so he is inbouding the ball and said to me "to move away" while hes doing it I said "imma steel it first" and almost had a steal as his pass was pretty soft and the ball went out of bounds again, and he just goes bonkers on the ref as if I was over the line or too close to him, I just went "stfu with your constant excuses" - it was mostly true as he was pain in the ass all game long. I just stood in his face like a real G, but we lost by 30.. You would see our players and you would say thats a great result.

[GimmeThat]

just play a few games fair, let people get a taste of it.

once they know what that's like, they're gonna miss it, crave it.



because as the longer as it is drawn out,
the worse it becomes.




death before dishonor.

[Bourne]

I play coed and mens soccer. Pretty sure every player has gone through playing on bad teams. For the most part, if we are getting destroyed, I just try to keep it simple. Focus on my role on the team. Usually it's defensive anchor or shutting down the opponent's most dangerous player. Making sure my passes don't get sloppy or that I get so tilted I start doing stupid stuff and playing way out of position.

Yelling at your teammates isn't productive and will just make things worse. For players who are worse than me, I try to communicate to them and give them instructions. Like "make that attacker dribble to the outside." Or "Watch his strong foot". "I got the space behind you covered". Just reminders and general communication to strengthen team cohesion and shape. These are your teammates and you are going to have to play with them every week... so you have to build trust and teamwork. Your teammates may never be as good as you, but there are small things you can do to help them play at their max level.

As for the person who mentioned refs.. refs are refs. I've gotten royally screwed over by some really bad calls too... some that directly led to my team losing the game. There are a lot of dirty and sly players out there. Of course, I have my own defending tricks that I use to give myself an advantage. It's just part of the game and you never see a ref reverse a call after it is made so it's better to just forget about it.

............Really? You are one of the dudes who never sub? Nobody likes those people lol

Great point about the refs.

As for not subbing out, I'm the only one on my team who voluntarily plays defense, which I feel gives me the right to play more minutes. It's a dirty job that no one else is willing to do, so I feel like if I'm willing to shoulder that task, I should get to play more. Would much rather play forward and score goals and have no responsibility, but when other people play defense on my team they just gravitate forward and never run back on defense like they are supposed to, so I have no choice but to play D so they can get their rocks off. fair trade, no? (Plus I'm the only one who gives it their all, whereas the others lounge about - that counts for something where im from).

what ive yelled at teammates for more than anything are two things: neglecting defensive responsibilities, and not being aware of the clock.

Neglecting defensive responsibilities: Your main objective is to defend your goal, not to score goals. We have forwards for that. So in every situation, your first thought should be whether you are still adequately defending your goal. you cant just join the attack, and in doing so lose position, then not get back into said position. that is being extremely selfish. so in those times I am more apt to yell.

Not being aware of the clock: I see it all the time... the game will be tied or we are down 1 with like 1 minute left, and the ball is out of bounds... and the player on my team is just walking to pick it up. could be 30 feet away, and they are walking. completely inexcuseable regardless of skill level... urgency is common sense, not a developed skill.

in all instances though I've pretty much stopped yelling at them. although last game i was very frustrated and yelled at the guy on the other team who kicked me from behind pretty blatantly when i was on a breakaway, and im not proud of that. i would have preferred i just accept it and punish him by scoring next time, not by saying if-you-want-to-play-that-way-we-will.

meh

[PullupJay]

http://i.imgur.com/AVeLmMU.png

[falc39]

Great point about the refs.

As for not subbing out, I'm the only one on my team who voluntarily plays defense, which I feel gives me the right to play more minutes. It's a dirty job that no one else is willing to do, so I feel like if I'm willing to shoulder that task, I should get to play more. Would much rather play forward and score goals and have no responsibility, but when other people play defense on my team they just gravitate forward and never run back on defense like they are supposed to, so I have no choice but to play D so they can get their rocks off. fair trade, no? (Plus I'm the only one who gives it their all, whereas the others lounge about - that counts for something where im from).

what ive yelled at teammates for more than anything are two things: neglecting defensive responsibilities, and not being aware of the clock.

Neglecting defensive responsibilities: Your main objective is to defend your goal, not to score goals. We have forwards for that. So in every situation, your first thought should be whether you are still adequately defending your goal. you cant just join the attack, and in doing so lose position, then not get back into said position. that is being extremely selfish. so in those times I am more apt to yell.

Not being aware of the clock: I see it all the time... the game will be tied or we are down 1 with like 1 minute left, and the ball is out of bounds... and the player on my team is just walking to pick it up. could be 30 feet away, and they are walking. completely inexcuseable regardless of skill level... urgency is common sense, not a developed skill.

in all instances though I've pretty much stopped yelling at them. although last game i was very frustrated and yelled at the guy on the other team who kicked me from behind pretty blatantly when i was on a breakaway, and im not proud of that. i would have preferred i just accept it and punish him by scoring next time, not by saying if-you-want-to-play-that-way-we-will.

meh

For an advanced player, it will be easy for you to find areas where your team can be improved because you hold yourself at a higher standard. I don't see anything wrong in your thoughts as some of the things that irk you also bug me too. I think it's just more of communicating it better. There's a difference between yelling at someone (out of frustration) compared to calmly and assertively instructing. It's also okay to constructively criticize, just try to pick good times to do it at and for every negative thing you point out you should also follow up or lead with a positive/encouragement also. Also, it's usually bad to criticize someone immediately after a mistake as they are probably frustrated and it can go right over there head.

One thing I like to do is hold myself accountable and vocalize that to my teammates. Like you, I play a lot of defense, and if I make a mistake, I will definitely vocalize it. I'll even say what I did and what I need to do to correct it. "I should've closed down the space better". Or "Sorry, I should've marked the runner on the opposite side. We'll get it right next time." I don't do this just for communication, but I do it in hopes that my attitude will rub off on my teammates and they start trying to take more responsibility and recognize areas that they can improve in. When people see you as someone who is accountable, they will be more willing to listen to you. No one likes the person who thinks they are the greatest player that can do no wrong and criticizes everyone else. Because if you have that vibe, as soon as you make a mistake, your teammates will not take you seriously (and probably secretly laugh at you).

[Goon Time]

you sound like a real lame, it's co-ed soccer and you're crying about playing time. glory days are over dick head, just enjoy the exercise and competition