Who here has a healthy view of relationships/other people?

[joe]

Maybe this is a human thing, maybe it is an America thing, or maybe it is my own perception. However, it seems that the large majority of relationships I notice are not what I would think of as healthy.

There tends to be one person who yells a lot, or gets their way. One person who is mean to the other one, or not supportive. Not a high amount of encouragement or honesty.

When you think about the whole alpha male craze, it seems like a lot of people under age 25 or so also have very negative views towards relationships. They feel the need to dominate the person they are with, even their friends, to make themselves look better or have more authority.

When I think of a positive relationship, I think of one where both sides are supportive, encourage each other, have each others backs, disagree honestly but with respect for each other, and with neither side fighting to gain some hidden control over the other.

When you meet a girl, what are your goals? Are you looking to manipulate them into one night stands? Act macho and put out a front, not showing who you really are? Are you respectful, and do you expect respect in return? Are you honest? Are you possessive? Do you find yourself with people who want to control you, or that you are trying to control? Even in small ways, like how much time they spend with friends.

This has been a topic of interest with me for a while. I feel like I have been ingrained with some really negative attitudes towards relationships, and it is something I really want to change. But many times you wonder, is it possible? It seems like most people adopt unhealthy attitudes, and it makes you wonder if this is simply the way humans are, or the way American culture is. Or maybe, it is my own perception, and I am only seeing what I want to see, or what I am trained to see from my past experiences.

[~primetime~]

I am currently in a healthy relationship but I have been through plenty before this that are what you described, I was in it for greedy or immature reasons.

I feel like age and experience goes a long way here...what you described is very common in 20-somethings, less common in 30-somethings

[Jailblazers7]

I've seen a fairly good mix of relationships and have a pretty optimistic view of them. I've seen really unhealthy relationships where one person clearly has more power (typically men in my experience), I've seen really healthy and supportive ones, I have friends who constantly dog women while others treat them very well.

I think it's really about find a person at a similar stage in their life as you who fits your personality. When I meet girls now I always go in just trying to have a good, fun conversation. If I feel like there is something there, then I'll get their number and ask them out later. I never go in looking for a one night stand because I'm just not that interested in it at this point of my life.

I think a big problem for someone in the early 20s is gauging where the other person is at in their life. A lot of times unhealthy relationships are a result of miscommunication where one person wants something serious and the other person basically just wants to **** around but doesn't find it advantageous to be open about it.

[FKAri]

Im in a healthy and happy relationship. It's been about 5 years now. Almost 2 years of living together.

[Jailblazers7]

When I meet someone I don't have goals that seems really weird to me

I feel an unhealthy thing that happens in a lot of relationships is people who just spend way too much or all of their free time together. Don't understand how people do that.

Texting is the big thing for me. I can't stand long drawn out text conversations.

[Velocirap31]

My current girlfriend would say I'm very sweet and good to her, which I am. I do play games with her to an extent though such as not texting for a day for no reason, flirting with other girls occasionally, getting my back up about something small. I do this because my previous long term girlfriend got bored and dumped me after a few years. I told her she was perfect, I'd never leave her, I did everything she asked and gave her anything she wanted. Girls don't want a super-beta basically, but don't think being an alpha is going to get you a good relationship. It'll get you some low self esteem girls for the short term and most people will think you're an ass.

I am going to marry my current gf though, I just know that to be true. But I'm still afraid of repeating past mistakes and possibly losing her. I'm 26 btw.

I think this new 'club culture' and the economic downturn is to blame. People are looking to hookup and have short term relationships with many different partners because they dread the future and have no means to support a family anytime soon. These guys and girls think they're alpha, but they're really just sad and lonely with a fear of the future and commitment. I have friends like this, they work crap jobs and blow their paycheques at the bars every weekend. They don't have girlfriends for more than a month and don't realize they're in their mid-20's and need to start building a foundation to live.

[CP343]

I'm in a healthy relationship with my hand.

[~primetime~]

I'm in a healthy relationship with my hand.
My hand is so alpha...it's always trying to control me

[DeuceWallaces]

Personally, I don't think it's very hard to be in a relationship where you treat each other with respect.

[highwhey]

I have zero relationships right now. I don't even flirt with the usual girls i would hit up when i was bored. I have girls blocking me on their social media too lol. :oldlol:

It's for the best though, i have a lot of personal issues to sort out. I'm cutting down on the booze - all the drinking would lead me to do/say things to girls that i didn't really mean and they became disappointed or stopped taking me seriously.

I'm rebuilding. Don't mind being alone ether, i actually am spending more time with my family and it helps me to be around my niece. If i were to screenshot my texts, there's maybe 3 different ppl im texting right now and its my guy friends only.

[El Kabong]

When I meet someone I don't have goals that seems really weird to me

I feel an unhealthy thing that happens in a lot of relationships is people who just spend way too much or all of their free time together. Don't understand how people do that.
I've had positive and negative relationships, all the negative ones tended to come from the women who were possessive or too clingy/emotionally pependant and had no real sense of self-identity (I also found they generally lacked any self confidence when not in a relationship) outside of a relationship or had any sort of independent streak to them. I tend to be more of an introverted loner, so I can't handle that sort of thing. Something as simple as me wanting to spend an evening alone becomes a big hassle and guilt trip.

This is why I currently have the (what I think is a) good relationship with my current GF, she has been in the same situation as me, although doesn't share my introverted nature to the same degree as I do, but we both respect each other's need to do things away from each other with or without other people involved.

[falc39]

I would say I have a very healthy view of relationships. A lot of it is due to my increasing libertarian mindset and how I view the world. I never look to manipulate people or dominate them. I only look to control and dominate the person in the mirror. Because of that, I am very poised and my friends and family look to me for advice or to talk about serious stuff.

When it comes to relationships and girls, it can get complicated because there are a lot of dynamics in play. I generally stick to the golden rule of not doing to others what you wouldn't want done on yourself and I don't attempt to control another human being. You have to look at the girl as a whole package and make the decision with what you want out of the relationship. For instance, the girl that I am with right now really tried to control me in the beginning because she thought I was the player type and such and some of her actions really raised some questions in my head. But I looked at her as a whole person and just found a lot more positives than negatives so I decided to invest more into it. It has gotten better as time went on.

But sadly, I observe other people and we are living in a time where finding "good" people in general is getting harder and there is a lot more "pessimism" around. Hookup culture, deterioration of marriage, etc. all are dynamics in play that will affect this so I can empathize with people who struggle. A lot of times, just plain and simple, it is not your fault. But that doesn't mean you should give up or lower your own values. At the end, you have to decide what you want out of life.

[CP343]

My hand is so alpha...it's always trying to control me

lol

[ILLsmak]

Maybe this is a human thing, maybe it is an America thing, or maybe it is my own perception. However, it seems that the large majority of relationships I notice are not what I would think of as healthy.

There tends to be one person who yells a lot, or gets their way. One person who is mean to the other one, or not supportive. Not a high amount of encouragement or honesty.

When you think about the whole alpha male craze, it seems like a lot of people under age 25 or so also have very negative views towards relationships. They feel the need to dominate the person they are with, even their friends, to make themselves look better or have more authority.

When I think of a positive relationship, I think of one where both sides are supportive, encourage each other, have each others backs, disagree honestly but with respect for each other, and with neither side fighting to gain some hidden control over the other.

When you meet a girl, what are your goals? Are you looking to manipulate them into one night stands? Act macho and put out a front, not showing who you really are? Are you respectful, and do you expect respect in return? Are you honest? Are you possessive? Do you find yourself with people who want to control you, or that you are trying to control? Even in small ways, like how much time they spend with friends.

This has been a topic of interest with me for a while. I feel like I have been ingrained with some really negative attitudes towards relationships, and it is something I really want to change. But many times you wonder, is it possible? It seems like most people adopt unhealthy attitudes, and it makes you wonder if this is simply the way humans are, or the way American culture is. Or maybe, it is my own perception, and I am only seeing what I want to see, or what I am trained to see from my past experiences.

I just think a lot of people are afraid. I see a lot of people talking about Japanese culture and how repressed they are sexually, but Americans are repressed, too. They are emotionally and sexually, too.

The American has to be one of the most brainwashed people on earth. Just thinking what they have to do which aligns almost exactly with what people write about in magazines or show on commercials.

People are scared to get dumped so they treat people like shit. People think women want to be treated like shit. It's much more complex than that. I do think that on the outside someone can look like a total dick (or always seem like they are being a dick to a girl) and actually be a good person. So, looking at a relationship from the outside, it's hard to tell what's really up.

There definitely is alpha... and different types of it. A lot of these meat head people are stuck in the wrong evolutionary era, tho. But shit happens... people say shit that's wack as ****. It's not unheard of to hit a girl you care about. That's just how the world is now. Shit is extra serious. lol. Everyone is trying to cope with how it is and they don't know how.

There is also always a fight for power between a guy and a girl. That's natural, the key I think is that no one is conquered, and what the objective is. People are complex. None of these things are *bad* it's just the level of them and the absence of the good parts.

-Smak

[Akrazotile]

I've only started recently to look for a legitimate relationship. In my 20s I honestly felt absolutely no compulsion to tie myself down to another person. I honestly couldn't even comprehend why anyone would want to do that so early. Not saying there aren't reasons, just that they didn't make sense for me personally.

Now I've got more of an eye toward finding a relationship, but I can already tell it's going to be a difficult process. As many of you know, I have super high standards for almost everything, and women are no exception. I have a very specific type physically and personally, and it's just hard to find.


But, we'll see how it goes.

[Budadiiii]

I've only started recently to look for a legitimate relationship. In my 20s I honestly felt absolutely no compulsion to tie myself down to another person. I honestly couldn't even comprehend why anyone would want to do that so early. Not saying there aren't reasons, just that they didn't make sense for me personally.

Now I've got more of an eye toward finding a relationship, but I can already tell it's going to be a difficult process. As many of you know, I have super high standards for almost everything, and women are no exception. I have a very specific type physically and personally, and it's just hard to find.


But, we'll see how it goes.
Except yourself doe niga , living rent free in an apartment in LA that your daddy pay for wtf :biggums:

lucky but at the same time kinda wack and pathetic

[Akrazotile]

Except yourself doe niga , living rent free in an apartment in LA that your daddy pay for wtf :biggums:

lucky but at the same time kinda wack and pathetic


well this part is obviously true

[Budadiiii]

well this part is obviously true
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1088087/damn-o.gif

[Swaggin916]

I'm in a healthy relationship with my hand.

Amen Brother.

[Akrazotile]

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1088087/damn-o.gif


http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mabcggDacr1ro8ysbo1_400.gif

[Budadiiii]

http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mabcggDacr1ro8ysbo1_400.gif
http://i.imgur.com/fMf0e.jpg

[Akrazotile]

http://i.imgur.com/fMf0e.jpg



http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/178/d/e/michael_jackson_sensual__gif__by_princessjacksonsk 6-d551lfi.gif