Explain: "I don't hate/have a problem with gays as long as they don't hit on me"

[CavaliersFTW]

I hear it all the time. People (specifically, men) say they don't have a problem with someone who's gay (another man) as long as they don't flirt/hit on or w/e with you.

Explain this fearful logic.

What happens if they do? What are you afraid of, that it's going to turn you gay or that you will be mistaken for someone gay or get embarrassed in front of your friends? Why not be flattered and joke it off? If an older lady, or a married woman who clearly knows shes got no shot with you flirts with you for a moment are you also going to have a problem with her and cause a scene? One of my ex's had a friend who was gay. Occasionally he'd get drunk and flirt with straight dudes like myself - everyone just laughed it off and had a good time. Not sure what everyone's so afraid of.

[iamgine]

It feels disgusting to be hit on by another guy. As simple as that.

[CavaliersFTW]

It feels disgusting to be hit on by another guy. As simple as that.
So dudes have hit on you before?

[iamgine]

So dudes have hit on you before?
All the time.

[Jameerthefear]

It feels disgusting to be hit on by another guy. As simple as that.
this

[CavaliersFTW]

Some guys (a lot) are shitty at flirting/hitting on people, and it is too aggressive and makes people uncomfortable. Most commonly thought of guys being creeps to girls but guys are quite capable of being creeps to other guys and girls to guys.
This makes a lot of sense actually

[Budadiiii]

They feel like they're getting called out. When a gay dude hits on an insecure man, the man feels like he is being accused of being gay.

"Yo man I ain't with that gay shit man get the **** away from me ******"

Black guys are known to get violent in such situations.

Its funny watching inferior men take offense to getting hit on by a dude. Like who cares?

[Im Still Ballin]

I remember back in school I once squeezed an ass-cheek of a guy named Shaun for no reason other than his ass looked squeezable as he walked in front of me. The next day I prepared for the worst but the reality was that no one gave a shit. Still to this day I am trying to figure out why I squeezed Shaun's ass...

[FatComputerNerd]

I would take it as a compliment and simply let him know I don't swing that way.

I have a few gay friends and it isn't as if they just go around hitting on every guy out there, anymore than a hetero hits on every girl...

[Draz]

I'm too much of a laid back person to even get upset over something like that, especially if it's a friend or a friend of a friend. I'd take it as a complement but I show signs of not wanting it being done to me and it shows through my character. They stop. But I can understand why other men don't want to get involved in that type of scenario, it's awkward, embarrassing, and people aren't used to this. They'll respond differently.

To me, I used to say the same lines. I say it in a more calm and collective way, jokingly. It's bound to happen, and as you guys get older and with laws being more protective, people expanding on their inner self more than they were even allowed too or wanted too, it'll occur.

[Budadiiii]

I'm too much of a laid back person to even get upset over something like that, especially if it's a friend or a friend of a friend. I'd take it as a complement but I show signs of not wanting it being done to me and it shows through my character. They stop. But I can understand why other men don't want to get involved in that type of scenario, it's awkward, embarrassing, and people aren't used to this. They'll respond differently.

To me, I used to say the same lines. I say it in a more calm and collective way, jokingly. It's bound to happen, and as you guys get older and with laws being more protective, people expanding on their inner self more than they were even allowed too or wanted too, it'll occur.
You probably get asked a lot if you're gay. But you're not insecure or defensive about it, which is cool.

You're definitely a pretty boy, and as a pretty boy myself I understand being eye candy for all walks of life, gay or straight. Is what it is.

[Draz]

You probably get asked a lot if you're gay. But you're not insecure or defensive about it, which is cool.

You're definitely a pretty boy, and as a pretty boy myself I understand being eye candy for all walks of life, gay or straight. Is what it is.
Haha.. I have a gay friend (had, considering he gave me the cold shoulder for god knows what) he would constantly, constantly, hit on me. I brought him around my girlfriend he knew personally two long term girlfriends and we invited him to hang out with my best friend. He would just make moves upon moves and my girl pointing out the obvious when he leaves that he's so gay (because he's a closet gay, recently came out).

My bestfriend told me he actually hit on him. That they were smoking weed and my bestfriend brought his other boy to tag along, and the gay friend actually got defensive over my friend. My boy was going to tell him off. We knew this guy since freshmen year in high school. So we took it easy on him. We didn't like that shit he pulled. He just got too comfortable. He never said he was gay but everyone, absolutely everyone knew he was gay.

I guess somewhere along the lines the guy recently unfollowed me on most social networks, stopped talking to me, etc. I stopped my boy from telling him off. I'm way too fcking nice.

[LJJ]

It's a little emasculating to get overtly hit on, isn't it?

We are breaking traditional gender roles more and more all the time, but in this day and age it's still overwhelmingly the man's role to "pick up" the girl, and not the other way around. Suitor is a male word. I'm not trying to say flirting is coming from one side, but it's generally the male role to come on strongly and escalate.

I don't know that much about the homosexual dating scene, but I do know homosexual relationships often follow the pattern of a more masculine partner with a more feminine partner. So if you are the one being hit on and being actively pursued you can see it as a challenge to your masculinity.

Just a theory.

[The Iron Sheik]

I hear it all the time. People (specifically, men) say they don't have a problem with someone who's gay (another man) as long as they don't flirt/hit on or w/e with you.

Explain this fearful logic.

What happens if they do? What are you afraid of, that it's going to turn you gay or that you will be mistaken for someone gay or get embarrassed in front of your friends? Why not be flattered and joke it off? If an older lady, or a married woman who clearly knows shes got no shot with you flirts with you for a moment are you also going to have a problem with her and cause a scene? One of my ex's had a friend who was gay. Occasionally he'd get drunk and flirt with straight dudes like myself - everyone just laughed it off and had a good time. Not sure what everyone's so afraid of.

i don't think it's fear of someone thinking you're gay, or fear at all for that matter. i think it's just that they don't like gay shit and don't want it being brought their way. it's like not having a problem with jehovah's witnesses but not wanting them knocking on your door.

[KNOW1EDGE]

Didn't know it was such a hard concept to comprehend.

It's simple. Straight people are straight. When gay people hit on straight people of the same gender it often makes said straight person feel uncomfortable, as it should according to the laws of nature.

[The Iron Sheik]

It's a little emasculating to get overtly hit on, isn't it?

We are breaking traditional gender roles more and more all the time, but in this day and age it's still overwhelmingly the man's role to "pick up" the girl, and not the other way around. Suitor is a male word. I'm not trying to say flirting is coming from one side, but it's generally the male role to come on strongly and escalate.

I don't know that much about the homosexual dating scene, but I do know homosexual relationships often follow the pattern of a more masculine partner with a more feminine partner. So if you are the one being hit on and being actively pursued you can see it as a challenge to your masculinity.

Just a theory.

if that's the case then why don't guys get angry when actual women (the gender that they are attracted to) hit on them? has a guy ever said "i like women but i don't want them hitting on me"?

[CavaliersFTW]

It's a little emasculating to get overtly hit on, isn't it?

We are breaking traditional gender roles more and more all the time, but in this day and age it's still overwhelmingly the man's role to "pick up" the girl, and not the other way around. Suitor is a male word. I'm not trying to say flirting is coming from one side, but it's generally the male role to come on strongly and escalate.

I don't know that much about the homosexual dating scene, but I do know homosexual relationships often follow the pattern of a more masculine partner with a more feminine partner. So if you are the one being hit on and being actively pursued you can see it as a challenge to your masculinity.

Just a theory.
Ever been to a strip club?

[LJJ]

if that's the case then why don't guys get angry when actual women (the gender that they are attracted to) hit on them? has a guy ever said "i like women but i don't want them hitting on me"?

I think a lot of guys don't think that's an attractive quality in a woman, which in a sense is the same principle. But it's still different than a guy coming on to you. I'm just theorizing though, I'm not personally offended when a guy tries to flirt with me.


Ever been to a strip club?

Nope. Been propositioned by prostitutes though. Seems like apples and oranges to me.

[CavaliersFTW]

I think a lot of guys don't think that's an attractive quality in a woman, which in a sense is the same principle. But it's still different than a guy coming on to you. I'm just theorizing though, I'm not personally offended when a guy tries to flirt with me.



Nope. Been propositioned by prostitutes though. Seems like apples and oranges to me.
Strippers who give the most dances and make the most money are the ones who engage and flirt.

So as far as I can tell, men don't hate being flirted with or feel emasculated. Quite the opposite actually, they appear to feel empowered and willing to spend more money.

[LJJ]

Strippers who give the most dances and make the most money are the ones who engage and flirt.

So as far as I can tell, men don't hate being flirted with or feel emasculated. Quite the opposite actually, they appear to feel empowered and willing to spend more money.

So you don't think there is any masculine vs feminine power dynamic going on within the flirting game? Hmm. I have a different experience I guess.

[Draz]

Soon guys will be hollar'd and hissed at by other guys like girls occasionally do every single day. That'll be insane.

[oarabbus]

It's a little emasculating to get overtly hit on, isn't it?

We are breaking traditional gender roles more and more all the time, but in this day and age it's still overwhelmingly the man's role to "pick up" the girl, and not the other way around. Suitor is a male word. I'm not trying to say flirting is coming from one side, but it's generally the male role to come on strongly and escalate.

I don't know that much about the homosexual dating scene, but I do know homosexual relationships often follow the pattern of a more masculine partner with a more feminine partner. So if you are the one being hit on and being actively pursued you can see it as a challenge to your masculinity.

Just a theory.

Huh? So if a fine girl came up to you and makes her intentions clear, you're gonna feel emasculated and turn her down?

[Im Still Ballin]

LLJ is such a deep person

Very sensitive dude

[warriorfan]

homos are gay

[ace23]

Because gay people are ****ing disgusting

[LJJ]

Huh? So if a fine girl came up to you and makes her intentions clear, you're gonna feel emasculated and turn her down?

Let's just say there is a big difference between the underlying message "I wish you'd come and throw me on the bed and f*ck me" and "I want to bend you over the table and f*ck you". In general girls flirt in a specific "come and get me" way.

And yes, if a fine woman hit on me and flirted with me in a very masculine way I would be quite weirded out and weary.

[CavaliersFTW]

Let's just say there is a big difference between the underlying message "I wish you'd come and throw me on the bed and f*ck me" and "I want to bend you over the table and f*ck you". In general girls flirt in a specific "come and get me" way.

And yes, if a fine woman hit on me and flirted with me in a very masculine way I would be quite weirded out and weary.
There's that irrational fear I was talking about.

[LJJ]

There's that irrational fear I was talking about.

Flirting is about showing you are sexually interested in someone. It's not irrational. Irrational would be fearing any homosexual would rape you.

[CavaliersFTW]

Flirting is about showing you are sexually interested in someone. It's not irrational. Irrational would be fearing any homosexual would rape you.
And you have a problem with a dude being sexually interested in you, why exactly?

[GimmeThat]

Why dont you just say that you tolerate people being drunk.?

[LJJ]

And you have a problem with a dude being sexually interested in you, why exactly?

You seem extremely eager to jump to that conclusion, when I already stated it doesn't bother me personally. But I can understand why some guys are uncomfortable with it, because it's a fundamentally different message than the regular male-female flirting they generally experience.

[NumberSix]

I wonder how lesbians feel about getting hit on by straight guys.

[CavaliersFTW]

You seem extremely eager to jump to that conclusion, when I already stated it doesn't bother me personally. But I can understand why some guys are uncomfortable with it, because it's a fundamentally different message than the regular male-female flirting they generally experience.
Fair enough on your part, but it's the same message universally - physical attraction.

Be it from a male or female.

Thinking about sex if someone flirts is overthinking it I think, it puts the blame on the person taking offense if they're the ones jumping straight to the conclusion of sex. Unless someone was really coming on strong, actually touching you and shit, or keeps persisting after you've made it known you're not interested, I would think no line would be being crossed. It's a shade of gray for everyone but I just notice some dudes are totally uncomfortable even being aware someone around them is gay, which is weird to me.

[InspiredLebowski]

so I take it none of you "straight" dudes have ever hit up a glory hole?

[GimmeThat]

I wonder how lesbians feel about getting hit on by straight guys.

All the same. Kill Bill.

[ihatetimthomas]

what cracks me up is all homophobic dudes think they are so desirable to gay men and fear that every gay dude is going to hit on them. Like all gay dudes want every guy walking the street. Especially the homophobes who have no game and can't get chicks. You can't get girls and then all the sudden every gay guy is going to pick you up? lol.

If a gay guy hits on you, take it as a compliment and move on.

[TheMan]

When I was in high school, a really fruity kid had a crush on me. He was your typical flamboyant gay guy. He would always tell my friends that he thought I was cute and to tell me he said hi. I told him to cut it out because he wasn't me type since I'm into vajayjay but he never did. Fortunately for him I'm a laid back dude or else I would've wrung his scrawny neck.

[TheMan]

I wonder how lesbians feel about getting hit on by straight guys.
That's actually an interesting question...

I know it's not the same thing but my wife quite often gets hit on by fem and butch lesbians and it makes her uncomfortable.

[jongib369]

KDon't mind unless it's overly agressive, start touching me in a flirty way or something. I'm pretty laid back, but as soon as you become pushy I get mad.

"Come on just try it, you don't know if you'll like it or not"

"Have you tried *****? Trust me man its way better than butt hole, let's go find you some *****"


Otherwise I roll with it, deny, but thank them for the compliment haha

[Lakers Legend#32]

Only homophobes assume all gays are sexual predators out to get them.

[poido123]

Let's get something clear.


Gay guys are some of the nicest, friendliest, good hearted people on earth.

However, the strong stigma with associating with or hanging out with one draws the wrong ideas from people.

Not homophobic, but I wouldn't want to be assumed to be gay by being around gay guys. It's sad that the world judges like that, but it does.



In before "you are gay, you can come out of the closet" and any other "you gay" gifs jokes :lol

[CavaliersFTW]

Let's get something clear.


Gay guys are some of the nicest, friendliest, good hearted people on earth.

However, the strong stigma with associating with or hanging out with one draws the wrong ideas from people.

Not homophobic, but I wouldn't want to be assumed to be gay by being around gay guys. It's sad that the world judges like that, but it does.



In before "you are gay, you can come out of the closet" and any other "you gay" gifs jokes :lol
I mean, are you really worried people would think your gay merely by being around or complimented by someone who is gay?

Totally foreign concept to me.

People know I'm straight because people who know me know who I've ****ed around with. There's just no way that me being around someone or complimented by someone who was gay would make my friends think I'm gay. I don't see how that would/should be a legitimate concern for anyone unless the bro culture where you're from in Australia is just way different than here in the U.S.

[poido123]

I mean, are you really worried people would think your gay merely by being around or complimented by someone who is gay?

Totally foreign concept to me.

People know I'm straight because people who know me know who I've ****ed around with. There's just no way that me being around someone or complimented by someone who was gay would make my friends think I'm gay. I don't see how that would/should be a legitimate concern for anyone unless the bro culture where you're from in Australia is just way different than here in the U.S.



Australians can be immature with these things. Honestly.


Bogans really drag down the intelligence level too. And guys love nothing more than to give you shit about a gay guy complimenting you etc. It happens at my work, a friend of mine was complimented by one of the gay flight attendants and he hasn't lived it down to this day.

[SpecialQue]

Too aggressive, like hands on thighs and shit.

[The Iron Sheik]

serious question: why is homosexuality more acceptable as an orientation than swinging, bdsm or bestiality, etc? people will think a guy is more crazy for wanting to tie his girl up and choke her than he is for wanting to suck a dick. why is that?

[CavaliersFTW]

serious question: why is homosexuality more acceptable as an orientation than swinging, bdsm or bestiality, etc? people will think a guy is more crazy for wanting to tie his girl up and choke her than he is for wanting to suck a dick. why is that?
Because being turned on by bodily harm should come off as more alarming to any sane person than being turned on by someone's genitals.

Not rocket science.

[jimmybball]

If a gay guy hits on you, take it as a compliment and tell him you aren't into him. Preferably after you get a free drink from him.

[The Iron Sheik]

Because being turned on by bodily harm should come off as more alarming to any sane person than being turned on by someone's genitals.

Not rocket science.

how do you figure? a guy wanting to suck dick or take it in the butt seems alarming and off the wall to me, but that's because i wasn't born gay. why can't one be born with a disposition towards other sexual stuff?

besides, you don't actually hurt your partner when you choke them.

[ILLsmak]

So dudes have hit on you before?

yea like I probably said before (cuz I'm always saying it) the whole adage of "If you're not gay, gay men won't hit on you" is total bullshit.

I don't really have a problem with it... like it doesn't make me pissed off, but it is kinda weird. And as dude's said, I've seen some really forward girls, too, but gay guys are just on a different level. Girls generally respect a person's space and won't just say some ridiculous shit. Or when they do it sounds really shy and joking.

I could bust out many gay stories, but my favorite (which I tell often in reference to this subject, cuz its funny) is one time I was at TGI Fridays when I was a late-teenager. I ordered the fajitas and this gay guy who wasn't even my waiter delivered the hot skillet and was like SOMETHINZ SIZZLIN.

That's the kind of face palm shit gay people do a lot. I can kick it with gay people, really. I don't really care if they want to **** me or not. I think gay people are generally hilarious... but I don't want someone leaning and whispering shit in my ear or lightly touching my hand. I don't want anyone, unless it's a girl I am into... doing shit like that.

But nah Cavs, if you're gay it's allgoodbro. No issues here.

Edit: Also, you guys thank people who compliment your looks/hit on you? That's strange I think. I wouldn't know how to approach that. "Thanks... for being into me." Bask in my glory.

-Smak

[warriorfan]

I liked it better when gay peeps minded their own business and stayed in the closet

[Lakers Legend#32]

And if a gay guy were to hit on you, so what?
Are you that insecure in your heterosexuality?

[Dresta]

serious question: why is homosexuality more acceptable as an orientation than swinging, bdsm or bestiality, etc? people will think a guy is more crazy for wanting to tie his girl up and choke her than he is for wanting to suck a dick. why is that?
There is no reason other than it having become an acceptable fashion (not only that, but a behaviour which the state and popular constraint forces people to approve of), whereas the others, haven't. The same could be said of those attracted to children, even - none of these people have 'choose' either. It's all about fashion (or taste), and has **** all to do with morality. Though it certainly has given losers something to moralise about, so that they can presume themselves 'good people' or whatever.

Basically, there is no distinction to be made other than one of preference, which means judging someone based on their sexual preference (something that is generally considered 'wrong'). I don't often bother with 'right' and 'wrong' myself, but there have been detrimental effects caused by the rise of homosexuality as an acceptable practice: male friendship, has, by-and-large, become far less intimate than it used to be, and i would be surprised if this had not been caused by the stigma of homosexuality (because it still is a stigma for men: how many straight guys would like to go bent? I bet not many).

[blablabla]

how do you figure? a guy wanting to suck dick or take it in the butt seems alarming and off the wall to me, but that's because i wasn't born gay. why can't one be born with a disposition towards other sexual stuff?

besides, you don't actually hurt your partner when you choke them.
Because sadomasochism is considered a Mental Disorder, homosexuality not so much.
You also find it alarming when a girl wants to suck a dick, or take it in the butt ? Seems unnatural doesn't it

[GimmeThat]

And if a gay guy were to hit on you, so what?
Are you that insecure in your heterosexuality?

I guess they are just really bad at being a homo in that case.

[GimmeThat]

Because sadomasochism is considered a Mental Disorder, homosexuality not so much.
You also find it alarming when a girl wants to suck a dick, or take it in the butt ? Seems unnatural doesn't it

it was either that, or finding the high school foot ball star's comment more alarming.

[Dresta]

Because sadomasochism is considered a Mental Disorder, homosexuality not so much.
You also find it alarming when a girl wants to suck a dick, or take it in the butt ? Seems unnatural doesn't it
Great, but you still haven't answered the question as to why one should be considered a mental disorder and the other not: they both emerged as deviations from pre-established sexual norms - your decision to categorise one as 'perverted' and the other as 'normal' is wholly arbitrary, and has no basis in fact or logic.

All we have is a new set of sexual prejudices, dressed up as tolerance and diversity because it's changed its attitude towards one group of people (i.e. a token gesture driven thorugh by sanctimonious jackasses).

[NumberSix]

Anybody who believes gay relationship/marriage should be "acceptable" but plural relationship/marriage shouldn't is arguing from a position of preference, not principle.

That being said, there is nothing that makes your preference more moral than the "anti-gay-relationship/marriage" preference.

[Dresta]

Anybody who believes gay relationship/marriage should be "acceptable" but plural relationship/marriage shouldn't is arguing from a position of preference, not principle.

That being said, there is nothing that makes your preference more moral than the "anti-gay-relationship/marriage" preference.
Exactly, but each generation needs a moral cause to march and campaign about, because young people can't live without causes and marches to make their petty and pointless lives bearable (they need to think themselves superior to what has come before them, even though this is what produced them). We could live in a utopia and the same people'd still be marching about some other shit - this collective marching has always mattered far more than the actual causes themselves.

[Velocirap31]

I remember once I had a gay guy hit on me at the beach. I didn't realize at first, I thought he was just overly nice and outgoing, but then you notice the body language and realize what's going on. I just said have a good day and walked away. I remember wondering why he would hit on me, don't those guys have some sort of 'gaydar' that should pick out the gays from the straight guys like me? Was my bathing suit too colorful? Things of this nature. I was a bit offended and flattered at the same time. Offended that I tripped his gaydar and flattered that he thought I was attractive haha

[Dresta]

Who isn't accepting of people who like to tie people up and choke them?

I've heard gays get trashed tons, never heard anyone trashed for that

Also who doesn't like that? That's why it doesn't get trashed, cause everyone is into it
Are you saying there aren't many sexual practices still regarded as perverted by the majority of people? In the US the first amendment still seems to be protecting against arbitrary laws relating to this, but in the UK, many practices which are perfectly legal between two consenting adults, become illegal if they choose to film it. Many thousands of people will have material on their computers that would have them on the sex offenders register without even being aware of their having broken the law (technically, most of S&M could be included in this).

[KiiiiNG]

A gay dude hitting on you is the equivalent of an ugly chick hitting on you.

Just laugh them off. No need to get violent like I've seen some brothers do.