How do you deal with a relative/close friend with a bad attitude?

[hateraid]

I have a younger brother (this might actually be relatable to ISH posters :lol ) who is extremely arrogant and is a know it all. It's getting to the point where it's becoming annoying to my circle of friends and an extreme burden to me as well. You know those type of people when you're in a conversation and a topic comes up and the one guy who always interrupts "Actually....." like he knows everything on every topic? That's my little bro. Recently he's been trying to convey that where I'm going in life is wrong. I'm 12 years older him. He's gone as far as publicaly shaming me and using personal attack on me on social media. We've been getting into a lot of confrontations lately and he can't seem to accept he's a know it all. Its causing a lot of stress on my family. My family says, "ignore it..." but I hate that approach because it enables people to go through life being that way.
Of course this is just my scenario. What do you do with family with a bad attitude?
Do you:

1- Ignore them and accept that's who they are and live with it?
2- Confront them even at the expense of causing a family/friendship riff and try to change the person? The likely risk is losing the relationship
3- Drop them out of your life knowing the attitude will never change?
4- Other?

For my example above I'm letting him know this is how I feel, if he can't accept it, then move on. I don't need stressful people in my life.

[Nick Young]

Don't hang out with toxic people. Evin if it's your brother. You don't have to confront anyone. Just stop hanging out with him and tolerating his bullshit. You can't force people to change if they don't want to change. Your brother might live the rest of his life being an intolerable shit, or he might see the light one day and work on changing himself.

Either way, there's nothing you can do about it. It's up to him. So stop letting toxic losers drag you down.

The fact that he uses social media shaming tactics on you suggests that he is a man-bitch.

[GIF REACTION]

Use the power of InsideHoops... Just say rent free to him

[hateraid]

Use the power of InsideHoops... Just say rent free to him
:roll:
I use that as a back up

[nathanjizzle]

people that actually know it all, dont express it, because part of knowing it all, includes knowing that people dont like know it alls.

[hateraid]

Don't hang out with toxic people. Evin if it's your brother. You don't have to confront anyone. Just stop hanging out with him and tolerating his bullshit. You can't force people to change if they don't want to change. Your brother might live the rest of his life being an intolerable shit, or he might see the light one day and work on changing himself.

Either way, there's nothing you can do about it. It's up to him. So stop letting toxic losers drag you down.

The fact that he uses social media shaming tactics on you suggests that he is a man-bitch.

Dude, that just made it perfectly clear. Thanks bud. Great way to break it down :cheers:

[GIF REACTION]

:roll:
I use that as a back up
No joke InsideHoops has made me more confident and stronger mentally

Just like on here, agendas and gimmicks are everywhere

[stalkerforlife]

Siblings should strengthen one another and be closer than anyone.

But you have to beat his ass. Start with a left jab and then a right cross. If you don't trust your hands, mount him and drop elbows on his face.

[hateraid]

people that actually know it all, dont express it, because part of knowing it all, includes knowing that people dont like know it alls.

Deep...just...deep

[Vaniiiia]

Recently he's been trying to convey that where I'm going in life is wrong. I'm 12 years older him. He's gone as far as publicaly shaming me and using personal attack on me on social media.

:oldlol:

I can see how getting bullied by your younger brother would be embarrassing and emasculating.

Imagine if he ever found out you post on here. He'd have a field day with you.

[ISHGoat]

people that actually know it all, dont express it, because part of knowing it all, includes knowing that people dont like know it alls.

wise words :cheers:

[hateraid]

:oldlol:

I can see how getting bullied by your younger brother would be embarrassing and emasculating.

Imagine if he ever found out you post on here. He'd have a field day with you.
Admins, You actually allowing Stempel,HERB to have another account here?

[NBAplayoffs2001]

My brother is about 3-4 years older than me. Once he went to college, our closeness kind of disappeared. When I went to college, that's when we got closer again.

We had a family friend who became pretty arrogant for a few years after he got into a top university out of high school. He was a little annoying to deal with and we had a few minor confrontations.

When it's a little brother, I guess I would say "ignore it." I often tried to embarrass my brother in front of his friends when I was younger. For that reason, we didn't really get closer until both of us were a lot more mature and in our 20s.

Honestly, I knew people like that who were the "Actually..." types in college. One of them being on our floor freshman year. Quickly, everyone just ignored him.

It's probably the immaturity of a younger brother. Trust me, he will change. I did.

[KNOW1EDGE]

Dude, you need to put your little brother in his place the next time he try that sh1t.

Remind him you are a grown man and you don't need advice from a little boy. If he interrupts you then you let him know the adults were having an adult conversation and he can join when he learns how to communicate respectfully and effectively.

[Vaniiiia]

Admins, You actually allowing Stempel,HERB to have another account here?
That isn't me, but the fact that you're actually trying to get me banned is really sad.

Maybe your little brother is a bit of a dick, but honestly, judging by your beta/snitching ways, he's doing the right thing and wants the best for you.

Nobody likes a tattling beta who can't handle criticism.

Props to lil bro.

[hateraid]

My brother is about 3-4 years older than me. Once he went to college, our closeness kind of disappeared. When I went to college, that's when we got closer again.

We had a family friend who became pretty arrogant for a few years after he got into a top university out of high school. He was a little annoying to deal with and we had a few minor confrontations.

When it's a little brother, I guess I would say "ignore it." I often tried to embarrass my brother in front of his friends when I was younger. For that reason, we didn't really get closer until both of us were a lot more mature and in our 20s.

Honestly, I knew people like that who were the "Actually..." types in college. One of them being on our floor. Quickly, everyone just ignored him.

It's probably the immaturity of a younger brother. Trust me, he will change. I did.
Difference is my "younger" brother is 26 and should know better.
Thanks for sharing though :cheers:

[NBAplayoffs2001]

Difference is my "younger" brother is 26 and should know better.
Thanks for sharing though :cheers:

Well I guess you can still talk to him about how you feel and how he can improve. My older brother whose around the age of your younger brother sometimes is brutally honest with me but it helped me develop a lot over the years.

[hateraid]

That isn't me, but the fact that you're actually trying to get me banned is really sad.

Maybe your little brother is a bit of a dick, but honestly, judging by your beta/snitching ways, he's doing the right thing and wants the best for you.

Nobody likes a tattling beta who can't handle criticism.

Props to lil bro.

Creating a new account to pester other posters is the very definition of "beta"
Clearing the board of negative excess baggage isn't snitching, it's cleansing. But, if you need to create a new account to make you feel better, have at 'er.

Funny, you make a great example of what this thread is all about. How to deal with Vaniiia's

[Vaniiiia]

Dude, you need to put your little brother in his place the next time he try that sh1t.

Remind him you are a grown man and you don't need advice from a little boy. If he interrupts you then you let him know the adults were having an adult conversation and he can join when he learns how to communicate respectfully and effectively.
You're probably 20+ years older than me but I can give you advice for days.

It's not about age, it's about intelligence and experience. You aren't the sharpest tool and you don't have any experience from what I can tell.

So if OP tries putting his lil bro in his place as you say, it will likely result in OP getting publicly humiliated again.

Age means nothing. Hence why I'll slay you on here every single time.

[Vaniiiia]

Creating a new account to pester other posters is the very definition of "beta"
Clearing the board of negative excess baggage isn't snitching, it's cleansing. But, if you need to create a new account to make you feel better, have at 'er.

Funny, you make a great example of what this thread is all about. How to deal with Vaniiia's
:facepalm

You're asking a bunch of strangers what to do about your little brother bullying you.

Any way you wanna spin it, that's some beta shit.

If you were smart you'd already know how to deal with something like that.

Your family already told you what to do. It's NOT on you to change your little brother, so focus on your own life instead. Very very simple.

[hateraid]

Well I guess you can still talk to him about how you feel and how he can improve. My older brother whose around the age of your younger brother sometimes is brutally honest with me but it helped me develop a lot over the years.

You're obviously a kind soul though. Were you an arrogant prick to your older bro?
The problem I come across is that he's arrogant to the point that he doesn't listen to his older siblings. My other brother who is older than him too has tried to set him straight as well. While the one brother that can ignore him, I on the other hand cannot. I've given up on the guy. At 26 there will obviously be no change. I'm just cutting ties and leaving toxic people out of my life. Maybe losing contact with an older sibling will make him regret. If I doesn't change him, then I made the right choice

[hateraid]

:facepalm

You're asking a bunch of strangers what to do about your little brother bullying you.

Any way you wanna spin it, that's some beta shit.

If you were smart you'd already know how to deal with something like that.

Your family already told you what to do. It's NOT on you to change your little brother, so focus on your own life instead. Very very simple.

Reading your posts you obviously have a good head on your shoulders. What's with you trying to give the gears under an alt?

I've already mentioned I'm cutting the ties in the OP. But it's good to see other peoples perspective, especially people I don't need to drag into my drama IRL.
If this bothers you, don't post. Simple as that

[Vaniiiia]

Reading your posts you obviously have a good head on your shoulders. What's with you trying to give the gears under an alt?

I've already mentioned I'm cutting the ties in the OP. But it's good to see other peoples perspective, especially people I don't need to drag into my drama IRL.
If this bothers you, don't post. Simple as that
Why are you trying to make me feel bad.

I'd rather you insult me back rather than give me any kind of compliment.

Now I'm obliged to be a nice guy too. :facepalm

:rant

[hateraid]

Why are you trying to make me feel bad.

I'd rather you insult me back rather than give me any kind of compliment.

Now I'm obliged to be a nice guy too. :facepalm

:rant

PS I hate you
Better
:lol
:cheers:

[Vaniiiia]

PS I hate you
Better
:lol
:cheers:
:dancin :hammertime: :djparty

[NBAplayoffs2001]

You're obviously a kind soul though. Were you an arrogant prick to your older bro?
The problem I come across is that he's arrogant to the point that he doesn't listen to his older siblings. My other brother who is older than him too has tried to set him straight as well. While the one brother that can ignore him, I on the other hand cannot. I've given up on the guy. At 26 there will obviously be no change. I'm just cutting ties and leaving toxic people out of my life. Maybe losing contact with an older sibling will make him regret. If I doesn't change him, then I made the right choice

I wasn't arrogant to him but I came off as arrogant as a teen many times. I wasn't the nicest person to the peers I grew up with in school.

[KNOW1EDGE]

Why are you trying to make me feel bad.

I'd rather you insult me back rather than give me any kind of compliment.

Now I'm obliged to be a nice guy too. :facepalm

:rant

It's bad enough you look like this in real life. Then you come on here and just get clowned so bad you make a new alt once a month.

http://s13.postimg.org/7ay2gfobb/budadiii.jpg

[Bosnian Sajo]

I have a similar problem with my younger brother, but it is more that he was babied growing up that caused his arrogance. I can't say shit to him, if I try to correct him or advise him on ANYTHING he gets extremely offended and wants to drop the convo immediately. If I try to keep going he'll just start cussing at me, **** you this **** you that, slamming doors, just being obnoxious.

He also gets very angry at inanimate objects, like if his computer is slow loading a page he will yell at the computer, sometimes even hitting it. He's a super pissed off person, but at the same time he is a goody two shoes. Never smoked, never drank (even soda), listens to our parents, on the outside looking in you'd think he is an angel. I think he is legit crazy sometimes, but my dad who's a doctor from Bosnia tells me it's just a phase and he will outgrow it. I don't know of any other 16 year old that has temper tantrums like this, but then again when behind closed doors everyone acts different (just like my brother), idk.

We have a similar situation, different, but still similar. Confrontation obviously doesn't work, no matter how sincere you come off. Ignore and live with it, I guess. Btw I used to kind of be like your brother (a know it all), but once I noticed how ugly that looks (saw another person who was a know it all) that helped change me into who I am today. Smart as phuck but I wont shove it in your face :lol

[Bosnian Sajo]

You're obviously a kind soul though. Were you an arrogant prick to your older bro?
The problem I come across is that he's arrogant to the point that he doesn't listen to his older siblings. My other brother who is older than him too has tried to set him straight as well. While the one brother that can ignore him, I on the other hand cannot. I've given up on the guy. At 26 there will obviously be no change. I'm just cutting ties and leaving toxic people out of my life. Maybe losing contact with an older sibling will make him regret. If I doesn't change him, then I made the right choice


At the end of the day he is still your brother though, you can't completely cut him off. I understand not hanging out with him and whatever, but when you see him (you should still be seeing him...bloods blood) remind him yall family, maybe that will help him. The way you act towards him will be the way he acts towards you, at least in my experience.

You cut him off, he'll cut you off too. Who wins in that situation?

[Lebron23]

Admins, You actually allowing Stempel,HERB to have another account here?


That's Simon.

[poido123]

You're probably 20+ years older than me but I can give you advice for days.

It's not about age, it's about intelligence and experience. You aren't the sharpest tool and you don't have any experience from what I can tell.

So if OP tries putting his lil bro in his place as you say, it will likely result in OP getting publicly humiliated again.

Age means nothing. Hence why I'll slay you on here every single time.


Age means nothing. :oldlol:

Says this guy who has no life experience to make that judgement. You are still a little smart ass retard, deal with it.

[Lebron23]

Maybe you can invite him to drink in a bar. At the end of the day you are still brothers. And it's going to be awkward during the Christmas Season when you guys have a family reunion.

[stalkerforlife]

Admins, You actually allowing Stempel,HERB to have another account here?

And now we know why your brother bullies you.

:biggums:

Damn dude, grow a pair.

[hateraid]

I have a similar problem with my younger brother, but it is more that he was babied growing up that caused his arrogance. I can't say shit to him, if I try to correct him or advise him on ANYTHING he gets extremely offended and wants to drop the convo immediately. If I try to keep going he'll just start cussing at me, **** you this **** you that, slamming doors, just being obnoxious.

He also gets very angry at inanimate objects, like if his computer is slow loading a page he will yell at the computer, sometimes even hitting it. He's a super pissed off person, but at the same time he is a goody two shoes. Never smoked, never drank (even soda), listens to our parents, on the outside looking in you'd think he is an angel. I think he is legit crazy sometimes, but my dad who's a doctor from Bosnia tells me it's just a phase and he will outgrow it. I don't know of any other 16 year old that has temper tantrums like this, but then again when behind closed doors everyone acts different (just like my brother), idk.

We have a similar situation, different, but still similar. Confrontation obviously doesn't work, no matter how sincere you come off. Ignore and live with it, I guess. Btw I used to kind of be like your brother (a know it all), but once I noticed how ugly that looks (saw another person who was a know it all) that helped change me into who I am today. Smart as phuck but I wont shove it in your face :lol

At 16 it's a phase. At 26 it's problem.
I think we were all somewhat like your brother. We couldn't see it then because we were in the moment.
At 26 being an arrogant prick, plus publicly shaming me, well, I don't need that drama in my life. Blood or not. If he decides to change and ask for forgiveness, I'm all open. If he doesn't change, then it's not my problem. I see it as a win-win

[hateraid]

And now we know why your brother bullies you.

:biggums:

Damn dude, grow a pair.

Dood! I gave gave you blessings on your new born and complimented his name! Y yoo do me like dat?

[warriorfan]

not even trolling but you need to act more alpha. I am the oldest in my family and none of my brothers would ever think of any of that shit. I'm not gonna endorse physical violence, but it is an option.

[Dbrog]

If you "lose the relationship" just by confronting someone, then they aren't a friend/loving person anyway. No point in keeping people like that in your life. Also realizing if they ever want to rebuild that relationship with you, they will put the effort in to do it. It's not gonna work to try and force it or use you own energy on these things.

[stalkerforlife]

Dood! I gave gave you blessings on your new born and complimented his name! Y yoo do me like dat?

I still love you. :cheers:

[KyrieTheFuture]

I'm being 100% serious, you need to ignore him completely. Cut him out. If he tries to bitch at you again, beat his ass. Little brothers are the only people you can beat down and not get in actual trouble for it, and they need it the most. I'm fortunate enough to have a great family, but I've also learned that just because someone is family, doesn't mean they need to be in your life. My older brothers beat my ass and I'm much better for it.

[KnittingRyu]

Teabagging is a reasonable solution.

[CavaliersFTW]

-4 other.

"Shut the **** up and mind your own business."

Give him 3 of those, if he doesn't actually shut the **** up and stop butting in on your business after 3 uses of those very clear instructions, honestly kick his ass.

[iamgine]

At 26 it's kind of too late. You gotta start the respect training early. I did and now my younger siblings always act very very respectful towards me, even though they can be a dick to other people including our parents.

[sundizz]

people that actually know it all, dont express it, because part of knowing it all, includes knowing that people dont like know it alls.

Wow. Summed up perfectly. My sister knows everything - went to Harvard for a double MBA etc. But she is such a damn little Napoleon always telling other adults what to do (like hold the baby this way, go help with the dishes, go say hi to his cousin). She does it with good intentions but doesn't realize how belittling and annoying that personality style is. It's hard to discuss it with her because that stubbornness/outspokeness against all odds (poor parents, immigrants, etc) got her all sorts of achievements in life (houses, 300k+ job, etc).

I honestly don't know how to deal with it. She seems to inherently have a different set of beliefs hard wired into her and doesn't realize she values being right/doing things the right way over how she makes people feel. Then, I call her out on it from snapping randomly and she'll cry and get emotional lol.

[DaHeezy]

Anyone that publicly shames you is not your brother. At 26 is not a man

[KnittingRyu]

Thunderdome is another option.

[hateraid]

I'm being 100% serious, you need to ignore him completely. Cut him out. If he tries to bitch at you again, beat his ass. Little brothers are the only people you can beat down and not get in actual trouble for it, and they need it the most. I'm fortunate enough to have a great family, but I've also learned that just because someone is family, doesn't mean they need to be in your life. My older brothers beat my ass and I'm much better for it.

I've been having to explain this to my other siblings. The "that's just who he is" excuse can only hold up so long.

[FKAri]

**** 'em right in the ass.

[RidonKs]

i'm not sure you can teach people to be modest hateraid... it comes with time or it doesn't come at all.

chances are if you or your friends/family haven't been able to put him in his place by now, you'll just wind up making it worse by challenging him. either he feels validated for being right or he feels humiliated for being wrong, and in that case, he'll try extra hard to make up for it later.

even a conversation doesn't address this very easily. presumably he knows he is arrogant, and he probably knows you think he's arrogant too, so telling him outright isn't anything new.

furthermore, if he does listen to you and attempt to stifle his own urge to speak, if he goes out of his way to be nice and accommodating and all that shit... he may well resent the time he spends around you guys, when he feels he can't act like himself because you asked him to change.

the older bro tact is your best bet. probably what you've been doing and maybe you just need to be more patient?

- don't ignore him but do your best never to enable his high horse crap
- whenever it looks like hes taking over a convo, let him give his spiel for as long as he can, then with the right opportunity change the topic
- go out of your way to ensure he meets as many other hard-headed people as possible... youve met em along the way, the guys who might not be so smart but their minds will still never change.. might be a glimpse in the future for the young man?
- fact check his bullsh!t and send him really tongue in cheek emails the day after sourcing your corrections and forgiving him for getting that one wrong
- tell him to join a debate league / go to law school :lol
- send him to ish, we'll stamp him back down to reality :p

[RidonKs]

Wow. Summed up perfectly. My sister knows everything - went to Harvard for a double MBA etc. But she is such a damn little Napoleon always telling other adults what to do (like hold the baby this way, go help with the dishes, go say hi to his cousin). She does it with good intentions but doesn't realize how belittling and annoying that personality style is. It's hard to discuss it with her because that stubbornness/outspokeness against all odds (poor parents, immigrants, etc) got her all sorts of achievements in life (houses, 300k+ job, etc).

I honestly don't know how to deal with it. She seems to inherently have a different set of beliefs hard wired into her and doesn't realize she values being right/doing things the right way over how she makes people feel. Then, I call her out on it from snapping randomly and she'll cry and get emotional lol.
long term project :lol

funny story tho and super similar