Dealing w/ Social Insecurities

[bladefd]

insecurities. We all have them. The first step is to recognize them & be open about them.

Recently, I began to realize a new insecurity. So I'm one of those nerds that are extremely introverted. I lack social skills & do not know how to verbally communicate with people. I cannot give good interviews because I get anxious & completely forget things that I know very well. Even when I'm sitting down with family members, I can't start convos or continue convos. Others cut in and begin to take lead in convo even if I KNOW they're incorrect or if I feel as if I can shred their argument.

I can write entire blog entries shredding arguments, long emails off the top of my head, and even argue with you n00bs on ISH, but I can't put that SAME information into verbal ideas on the fly. If somebody were to ask me something in an interview that requires thinking on the fly, I get royally screwed. I end up making a complete idiot out of myself when I can't answer a BASIC question like "Why would you make a good candidate?" or "Tell me some things about yourself" or "What is your view on <so-and-so political idea>?"

For questions like that, I honestly feel I would give the best answer if I could write down my thoughts on paper and then read off or show them what I wrote. I could have spent days preparing, go in knowing I'm prepared, and STILL end up making myself look like a fool because I can't answer the question on the spot.

Forget the pressure situations, but what annoys me is it even happens with family/friends in comfortable situations in my house! I'm aspiring to be a part-time writer so I sometimes share with them stuff I wrote. They won't say it outright, but I can see the incredulous look that says "There's no way you wrote it", and I even had people ask "Did you write that yourself?" to my dismay. Of course I wrote it! I spent 2-3 days writing it, and I put my name to it because I wrote it! Unless if there are quotes around something, I wrote it.

People often use the way you talk or answer questions verbally to judge your intelligence and/or capabilities. That's where I'm insecure, and I haven't quite found a way around that predicament.

What's your social insecurity? How do you deal with it?

[HenryGarfunkle]

I have lurked for over a year because I'm too shy to share my thoughts.

Don't feel I'll be accepted.

In real life it's the same story. I don't talk much. Not sure if I'm capable of anything.

[sdot_thadon]

insecurities. We all have them. The first step is to recognize them & be open about them.

Recently, I began to realize a new insecurity. So I'm one of those nerds that are extremely introverted. I lack social skills & do not know how to verbally communicate with people. I cannot give good interviews because I get anxious & completely forget things that I know very well. Even when I'm sitting down with family members, I can't start convos or continue convos. Others cut in and begin to take lead in convo even if I KNOW they're incorrect or if I feel as if I can shred their argument.

I can write entire blog entries shredding arguments, long emails off the top of my head, and even argue with you n00bs on ISH, but I can't put that SAME information into verbal ideas on the fly. If somebody were to ask me something in an interview that requires thinking on the fly, I get royally screwed. I end up making a complete idiot out of myself when I can't answer a BASIC question like "Why would you make a good candidate?" or "Tell me some things about yourself" or "What is your view on <so-and-so political idea>?"

For questions like that, I honestly feel I would give the best answer if I could write down my thoughts on paper and then read off or show them what I wrote. I could have spent days preparing, go in knowing I'm prepared, and STILL end up making myself look like a fool because I can't answer the question on the spot.

Forget the pressure situations, but what annoys me is it even happens with family/friends in comfortable situations in my house! I'm aspiring to be a part-time writer so I sometimes share with them stuff I wrote. They won't say it outright, but I can see the incredulous look that says "There's no way you wrote it", and I even had people ask "Did you write that yourself?" to my dismay. Of course I wrote it! I spent 2-3 days writing it, and I put my name to it because I wrote it! Unless if there are quotes around something, I wrote it.

People often use the way you talk or answer questions verbally to judge your intelligence and/or capabilities. That's where I'm insecure, and I haven't quite found a way around that predicament.

What's your social insecurity? How do you deal with it?
I was a bit of an introvert as a teen, as a young adult I just kinda forced myself out of my comfort zone until there weren't any situations I wasn't comfortable in. I think now in life there aren't any insecurities for me, just a way bigger focus on where I'm going and what I'd like to do with the rest of life.

[sdot_thadon]

I have lurked for over a year because I'm too shy to share my thoughts.

Don't feel I'll be accepted.

In real life it's the same story. I don't talk much. Not sure if I'm capable of anything.
Don't ever worry about acceptance bro, get a few posts under your belt and I'm sure you'll hit the ground running.

[knickballer]

I was a bit of an introvert as a teen, as a young adult I just kinda forced myself out of my comfort zone until there weren't any situations I wasn't comfortable in. I think now in life there aren't any insecurities for me, just a way bigger focus on where I'm going and what I'd like to do with the rest of life.

This is the best advice. Force yourself out of your comfort zone and just go out there and try to improve. Make friends with anybody, talk to anybody, randomly have conversations with people, hit on random girls, take some random acting class that will force you to be an extrovert, etc. I know your thinking it doesn't correlate to what your asking but once you get less nervous and get out of that bubble then your try self can come out.

You won't improve by reading articles on the internet or w/e. Just go out there and do it.

[FreezingTsmoove]

Try alcohol to loosen yourself up

After you learn to communicate while drunk you will learn to do it all the time

Or just become an alcoholic

[FatComputerNerd]

I was a bit of an introvert as a teen, as a young adult I just kinda forced myself out of my comfort zone until there weren't any situations I wasn't comfortable in. I think now in life there aren't any insecurities for me, just a way bigger focus on where I'm going and what I'd like to do with the rest of life.


Agreed. I used to have some social anxiety myself. Tried all sorts of different meds without much success.

Exposure therapy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposure_therapy) was what ultimately worked best.

The only way to overcome a fear is to face it head on.

[plowking]

Try alcohol to loosen yourself up

After you learn to communicate while drunk you will learn to do it all the time

Or just become an alcoholic

I just finished study, and I have to say, despite you joking, a beer or two before a speech always helped me. Really allows you to talk comfortably.

It's bizarre since I never had trouble being the class clown and talking shit in front of the class, but when it is something you are assessed on, or something your peers can assess you on, I always got nervous. Could have been due to wanting to get a good grade, but yeah.

[BlakFrankWhite]

Had this probelm when I was in my early teens...we moved to a new city...and I had difficulty making friends at school.

Anyways, to fix it...I'd stand in front of the mirror...and recall my entire day...I'd maintain eye contact with well....my own eyes...but it worked

[iamgine]

Whenever you have insecure moment just do that one handed chest thump hard. It'll jolt your weak heart back into gangsta mode.

[Bosnian Sajo]

I have lurked for over a year because I'm too shy to share my thoughts.

Don't feel I'll be accepted.

In real life it's the same story. I don't talk much. Not sure if I'm capable of anything.

Step by step, you just made a post here in this thread and that's great, just keep posting man it's always welcome to have a new voice. Nothing wrong with having an opinion, however that opinion is just a thought if you don't voice it. If you're still young as in a teen in HS, get a job working as a cashier. Best way to break shyness because it'll be your job to interact with people and it'll become second nature by the end of your first month.

Starting off a convo is sometimes hard, I get that, but once you start it and you engage the other person, shit flows my killa.

[Bosnian Sajo]

REAL SHIT, talk to yourself first, being dead ass. Those voices in your head are you, those thoughts are you, you are your best friend. This stuff is straight from Waka fam, listen up the both of you. If you can't talk to yourself and be your own friend, how tf are you gonna talk to anyone else and be friends with anyone else? If you love the person that you are, chances are that others are gonna love you back. No narcissism though, stay humble.

[Bosnian Sajo]

I just finished study, and I have to say, despite you joking, a beer or two before a speech always helped me. Really allows you to talk comfortably.

It's bizarre since I never had trouble being the class clown and talking shit in front of the class, but when it is something you are assessed on, or something your peers can assess you on, I always got nervous. Could have been due to wanting to get a good grade, but yeah.

Everybody gets nervous in that situation, difference is some people have learned to cope with and not allow that to bother them, at the end of the day you are in control. Everybody got their own thing, drinking a beer may be one of yours.

[poido123]

I have lurked for over a year because I'm too shy to share my thoughts.

Don't feel I'll be accepted.

In real life it's the same story. I don't talk much. Not sure if I'm capable of anything.



You sound interesting.

You're already better than that Dubeta guy.


Share a bit about yourself, what team do you follow?

[TheMan]

You sound interesting.

You're already better than that Dubeta guy.


Share a bit about yourself, what team do you follow?
Lol, bruh, that dude HAS to be someone's alt account :oldlol:

Very nice debut tho

To the OP, I also was a bit shy as a teen, especially around girls I liked. Slowly I came out of my shell just naturally. I have absolutely no trouble around people now and I can easily start up a conversation with a total stranger. My wife, who is out of my league tbh (not that I'm some hunchback, just an average looking dude), said that one of the things that first attracted her to me was my self confidence, women are really attracted to that, bruh.

I really don't know what to tell you but just make an effort to start up conversations with strangers and always maintain eye contact...soon it'll start feeling natural for you.

Good luck

[Dresta]

Stop being such a timid fook and start being a man.

[ArbitraryWater]

I used to have them and thought I'd never lose them... stuff like speaking infront of people (usually ones I knew and was afraid of having people make fun of me, and losing my shit up there. I think some of it comes since I had a problem with that from class 1-6, we would stand for larger portions and sing songs all together, and I'd had to sit down after some time because I got dizzy and nearly lost it and fell on the floor, just my eyes blacked out, not even a pressure situation), or being myself infront of a new group of people... I thought I'd never lose the first one. I always prayed for that one changing because I knew I could do great things if it would... and it has, miraculously, just recently changed. Both.

First small achievements because of that are class speaker (not sure if thats the correct word) and off a few votes from becoming the main speaker for all students on the whole floor... I can be myself, anywhere, crack jokes if the people know me or not, and not get any heart bumping or sweaty ness when asking girls for a number or what not...

I think having had just ONE class of 'rhetorics' (?) helped immensely... since then I hardly have a problem standing up and talking infront of people, I'm loose and don't blabber around. Just full confidence of my goatness bros :pimp:

[Jailblazers7]

Stop being such a timid fook and start being a man.

Yeah, to some extent everyone has insecurities and social anxiety. Even the people who appear super comfortable often get nervous/scared in social situations. It's just that they push through it and are less critical of themselves when they replay it after the fact. The best advice I ever received is to man up and give yourself a break.

[HenryGarfunkle]

:kobe:

[Dresta]

Yeah, to some extent everyone has insecurities and social anxiety. Even the people who appear super comfortable often get nervous/scared in social situations. It's just that they push through it and are less critical of themselves when they replay it after the fact. The best advice I ever received is to man up and give yourself a break.
I would say it is largely neuroticism and an over-thinking of things: if a neurotic obsesses about his neurotic feelings, he is very capable of working himself into a frenzy. Although everything you say and do may appear really pronounced from your own perspective, the people around you, will not notice or care about the things which are being obsessed about (and if they do notice, will forget it rather quickly), so in the end, you just end up coming across awkward, for different reasons. Most people have this when they're young, i think, just most grow out of it through the experiences and difficulties of life. The people who don't, are often forced recluses. So it's a likely consequence of caring too much about how you are perceived; tis why you rarely see a shy older person - they don't give a **** any more.

One recommendation i would give, is that if you smoke weed, stop: its use seems to amplify these already existing traits, and is disastrous for an individual's self-assertiveness (which is pretty damn important for worldly success).

[GIF REACTION]

1. Get some low level psychedelics like mushrooms, or even just low dose weed

2. Use the psychedelics and then put yourself in social situations... Whatever it may be, even just going to the supermarket... The psychedelics will put you in a state of comfort and unhindered, enlightened thinking without anxiety or mental pressure

3. Repetition, don't rely on the shrooms, rather, use them as an acceleration for building strong cognitive patterns and habits

Even just positive reinforcement can go along way... Just try this; Keep repeating in your head... "I am emotionally bulletproof" keep repeating it... All day long in your head...

You don't need anxiety disorder drugs and shit, just use a psychedelic/low dose weed and put yourself in social situations, and repetition. Repetition repetition repetition.

[Dresta]

You think playing basketball with you did more than therapy and a school? :roll:
I would not be at all surprised. I spent 3 or 4 weeks in Tunisia when i'd just turned 18, and it did far more for more for my self-perception, confidence and sociability than years with some therapist would ever achieve. Just spent all my time there with a cousin, who was an incredibly confident and funny guy - one of those people who always seem at ease and charming and good fun at the same time (and his friends were the same). We'd spend our time at a hotel a friend of his owned finding the nicest tourists from Germany, Russia, Italy, Poland and other places, and i was completely changed by the end. Before, it'd be something of an ordeal to approach even one attractive girl, after, i had no problem going up to and conversing with groups of them - fear was gone, anxiety was abated. I still try to visit yearly, when i can.

Actual life experience will teach you infinitely more than a legion of teachers, therapists, pedagogues and pedants ever will. Being exposed to powerful personalities is extremely instructive.

[SugarHill]

I would say it is largely neuroticism and an over-thinking of things: if a neurotic obsesses about his neurotic feelings, he is very capable of working himself into a frenzy. Although everything you say and do may appear really pronounced from your own perspective, the people around you, will not notice or care about the things which are being obsessed about (and if they do notice, will forget it rather quickly), so in the end, you just end up coming across awkward, for different reasons. Most people have this when they're young, i think, just most grow out of it through the experiences and difficulties of life. The people who don't, are often forced recluses. So it's a likely consequence of caring too much about how you are perceived; tis why you rarely see a shy older person - they don't give a **** any more.

One recommendation i would give, is that if you smoke weed, stop: its use seems to amplify these already existing traits, and is disastrous for an individual's self-assertiveness (which is pretty damn important for worldly success).
Spot on

[Bosnian Sajo]

You think playing basketball with you did more than therapy and a school? :roll:

Definitely, therapy is a scam for the most part imo.

[Bosnian Sajo]

One recommendation i would give, is that if you smoke weed, stop: its use seems to amplify these already existing traits, and is disastrous for an individual's self-assertiveness (which is pretty damn important for worldly success).

Weed isn't THAT bad I don't think, is it? I feel like it depends how much you smoke and WHEN you smoke. I still burn on the daily, but these days it's more of a stress release from school and something to do when I'm alone rather than a social thing. idk, elaborate some more on this particular subject lol you got my interest since I can relate.

[Levity]

It's bizarre since I never had trouble being the class clown and talking shit in front of the class, but when it is something you are assessed on, or something your peers can assess you on, I always got nervous. Could have been due to wanting to get a good grade, but yeah.

im just making an ass of you and me, but im guessing the difference is one is less personal, though it is in front of a crowd (class clown/speeches) and the other is a bit more intimate in the sense that you are being defined and assessed.

[I<3NBA]

just don't give a fk about what other ppl think - problem solved.

[SugarHill]

Weed isn't THAT bad I don't think, is it? I feel like it depends how much you smoke and WHEN you smoke. I still burn on the daily, but these days it's more of a stress release from school and something to do when I'm alone rather than a social thing. idk, elaborate some more on this particular subject lol you got my interest since I can relate.
Your tolerance too high lol

[UK2K]

Weed isn't THAT bad I don't think, is it? I feel like it depends how much you smoke and WHEN you smoke. I still burn on the daily, but these days it's more of a stress release from school and something to do when I'm alone rather than a social thing. idk, elaborate some more on this particular subject lol you got my interest since I can relate.

I feel like I am a lot more fun high. Maybe its just me. I manage to smoke daily, and I don't think much has changed at all (except my grades went UP). Yeah I'll zone out and play video games, but it turns me back into the smooth talker I was in high school (been out of the game too long).

[bladefd]

I don't smoke pot or use psychedelics.

I think part of the issue is that I'm not particularly an emotional person. I tend to stay distant and don't tend to connect with people. I'm always thinking overly logically. Then you mix in the 'thinker' type of personality where you're always lost in thoughts (most introverts are thinking types). Those are 2 things that self-confidence alone cannot overcome - I do have some self-confidence issues though so that's another issue altogether. I can't say I lack self-confidence completely though because I'm a little bit arrogant. :confusedshrug:

I guess this is what it's like to be very introverted. :lol

[UK2K]

I don't smoke pot or use psychedelics.

I think part of the issue is that I'm not particularly an emotional person. I tend to stay distant and don't tend to connect with people. I'm always thinking overly logically. Then you mix in the 'thinker' type of personality where you're always lost in thoughts (most introverts are thinking types). Those are 2 things that self-confidence alone cannot overcome - I do have some self-confidence issues though so that's another issue altogether. I can't say I lack self-confidence completely though because I'm a little bit arrogant. :confusedshrug:

I guess this is what it's like to be very introverted. :lol

Same way here broseph.

I'm very introverted, but I am also decently attractive (apparently) and have a big D so it all works out.

For real though, you know what I have come to realize? I was a two sport star in high school, got laid non-stop, partied non stop, after high school came home and was totally different. Like you are now.

What I realized was, if you walk around with an IDGAF attitude, people look at you differently. Never went into an interview and didn't blow the interviewer away. Why? Because I went in there knowing if I didn't get the job, nothing would change, so why sweat it?

Seriously, work on that relaxed nothing to lose attitude and it'll help ya.

[ArbitraryWater]

Same way here broseph.

I'm very introverted, but I am also decently attractive (apparently) and have a big D so it all works out.

For real though, you know what I have come to realize? I was a two sport star in high school, got laid non-stop, partied non stop, after high school came home and was totally different. Like you are now.

What I realized was, if you walk around with an IDGAF attitude, people look at you differently. Never went into an interview and didn't blow the interviewer away. Why? Because I went in there knowing if I didn't get the job, nothing would change, so why sweat it?

Seriously, work on that relaxed nothing to lose attitude and it'll help ya.

lol

[senelcoolidge]

Am an introvert. I struggle with social settings. I get very nervous around groups or crowds of people. Classrooms, malls, parks, anywhere where there are many people. I perspire, my stomach hurts, I'm a nervous mess. I've never taken meds...hell no to that. I just face my fears each day no matter how uncomfortable it is. Having someone that you feel comfortable around helps. You can do it.

[FatComputerNerd]

Pot can be seriously bad for someone w/ anxiety or insecurity issues.

Depends on the strain (sativa vs indica) but smoke the wrong one and you will just become even more paranoid.

Chronic use during adolescence has also been linked to causation (or at least exacerbation) of serious mental health issues, especially among those who may for whatever reason have a predisposition.

As for psychedelics like shrooms or 'cid...anyone who has feelings of insecurity or inadequacy should never even THINK about touching them.

[RidonKs]

Stop being such a timid fook and start being a man.
manhood takes more than a bar mitzvah mother****er



op: consider your social setting. who are you hanging around with, even in what limited time that might be? do you honestly think they are like you, or do they just know you really well because you have known each other for so long? eventually the raw deal is throwing yourself to the winds, looking for something that clicks, and sticking with it until it starts to get uncomfortable again.

then try to figure out that discomfort.

[warriorfan]

you guys talk about your feelings too much

[tmacattack33]

insecurities. We all have them. The first step is to recognize them & be open about them.

Recently, I began to realize a new insecurity. So I'm one of those nerds that are extremely introverted. I lack social skills & do not know how to verbally communicate with people. I cannot give good interviews because I get anxious & completely forget things that I know very well. Even when I'm sitting down with family members, I can't start convos or continue convos. Others cut in and begin to take lead in convo even if I KNOW they're incorrect or if I feel as if I can shred their argument.

I can write entire blog entries shredding arguments, long emails off the top of my head, and even argue with you n00bs on ISH, but I can't put that SAME information into verbal ideas on the fly. If somebody were to ask me something in an interview that requires thinking on the fly, I get royally screwed. I end up making a complete idiot out of myself when I can't answer a BASIC question like "Why would you make a good candidate?" or "Tell me some things about yourself" or "What is your view on <so-and-so political idea>?"

For questions like that, I honestly feel I would give the best answer if I could write down my thoughts on paper and then read off or show them what I wrote. I could have spent days preparing, go in knowing I'm prepared, and STILL end up making myself look like a fool because I can't answer the question on the spot.

Forget the pressure situations, but what annoys me is it even happens with family/friends in comfortable situations in my house! I'm aspiring to be a part-time writer so I sometimes share with them stuff I wrote. They won't say it outright, but I can see the incredulous look that says "There's no way you wrote it", and I even had people ask "Did you write that yourself?" to my dismay. Of course I wrote it! I spent 2-3 days writing it, and I put my name to it because I wrote it! Unless if there are quotes around something, I wrote it.

People often use the way you talk or answer questions verbally to judge your intelligence and/or capabilities. That's where I'm insecure, and I haven't quite found a way around that predicament.

What's your social insecurity? How do you deal with it?

Interesting.

This phenomena of not being able to judge someones intelligence based on them speaking really showed itself to me during high school.

I remember that many kids in the honors classes were terrible speakers, and if you just talked to them without seeing their report cards and test scores you woulda thought they were stupid.

I also remember texting and instant messaging people who couldn't put together sentences in real life...many of them were so much more coherent through the computer screen or phone screen. I guess the extra time allowed them to focus their thoughts and think about how they want to start and end their sentences and thoughts.

So it appears to me there is an independent skill involved with just quickly putting together your thoughts into sentences as you go and having coherent conversations. Body language and tone of voice are super important here as well...the actual words may not even be the most important part of someones speaking skills. Can you improve this? I'm sure you can, just like with most other skills.

[shlver]

I was very insecure about my height during my first two years of college. I would wear lifts that gave me an inch, but they were really uncomfortable. I could feel them while I walked and the lifts became a constant reminder of my height with each step. I eventually said **** it and stopped wearing them because it was making me more self conscious and made me think about my height more.
I bolded think because from your post, I get the feeling that you overthink. You label yourself and in the process, you limit yourself in doing so. For example, people who fail to introduce themselves might rationalize this behavior by labelling themselves shy or introverted. In a similar way, you've managed to sell yourself short and think negative thoughts about your capabilities.
You've basically trained your self conscious that you cannot do things because of past experience.
Meditation will help to get out of your head. Change your mindset, use that analytical ability to find the positive in situations, and dont dwell on the negatives. Look up the Anthony Robbins talk on rapport and research neurolinguistics programming. You'll find people are not judging your intelligence when you speak.

[FreezingTsmoove]

Life is all about practice

In basketball, fitness, your job, schoolwork. The harder you practice the better you get

Practice talking to yourself, carrying on a normal conversation with yourself to help improve your speech, and voice.

Communicate daily on ISH. If someone responds to you always respond back

If you find yourself in another bad awkward situation with a new person you met, I always looked at it like, That person has social insecurities, and cant communicate properly. It's not my fault.

Never be hard on yourself. Always others

If you practice hard eventually you will find introvert friends who you can just talk for hours with at a time.

[UK2K]

Life is all about practice

In basketball, fitness, your job, schoolwork. The harder you practice the better you get

Practice talking to yourself, carrying on a normal conversation with yourself to help improve your speech, and voice.

Communicate daily on ISH. If someone responds to you always respond back

If you find yourself in another bad awkward situation with a new person you met, I always looked at it like, That person has social insecurities, and cant communicate properly. It's not my fault.

Never be hard on yourself. Always others

If you practice hard eventually you will find introvert friends who you can just talk for hours with at a time.

:applause: :applause: :applause:

:cheers:

[lil jahlil]

insecurities. We all have them. The first step is to recognize them & be open about them.



I'm afraid of showering in public. It makes me uncomfortable that everybody stares at my big dick.

[Clifton]

Good post OP.

1. A lot of this will ease up as you get older. Take some chances, try things, and attempt to get out of your comfort zone. Find some friends who can show the world to you. There are plenty of people like this. Don't let them over influence you, though.

2. Learn how to pick your spots. I've grown a lot since my awkward teen days. But part of the secret for older people is that when you're grown, you choose most situations you have to face in life. There are many people who can't stand being alone. There are other people who can't stand being in informal social situations (I am one). In high school, EVERYTHING was an informal social situation. My brain went haywire and I never knew what to do. I consider myself fairly successful and happy and whatnot now. I do things in the world. I stand in front of people and talk for a living. But I still pick and choose my spots with respect to parties, socializing, etc. If it's not my party, or something hosted by me, or I have no particular reason to be at a place, or nothing to offer, I decline. If I went anyway, it'd be high school again. Somethings you never grow out of. But it's okay. You don't have to master every situation, and you'll get to carve your own path more and more as you advance in the world.

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

In addition to all the aforementioned advice, learn how to be aware of your feet in contact with the ground while you're conversating; it makes you a hella more confident being "grounded." Most of us are probably taking classes 7 hours a day and have tremendous energy in our head which creates a plethora of unnecessary thoughts and deters us from appreciating the full extent of being one on one with another person. It's a million times easier to build rapport if you're .. embodied.

Girls, in general are much much easier to speak to than most males and you can small talk real easy with them. Reason being that a good portion of guys are either very passive/too nice or overtly aggressive, or just flat out not interested in conversating. It's hard to find well balanced give-or-take type dudes like a ROCsteady cahracter

[warriorfan]

In addition to all the aforementioned advice, learn how to be aware of your feet in contact with the ground while you're conversating; it makes you a hella more confident being "grounded." Most of us are probably taking classes 7 hours a day and have tremendous energy in our head which creates a plethora of unnecessary thoughts and deters us from appreciating the full extent of being one on one with another person. It's a million times easier to build rapport if you're .. embodied.

Girls, in general are much much easier to speak to than most males and you can small talk real easy with them. Reason being that a good portion of guys are either very passive/too nice or overtly aggressive, or just flat out not interested in conversating. It's hard to find well balanced give-or-take type dudes like a ROCsteady cahracter

guys can relate to guys better

talking to girls blows unless you are trying to sleep with them

[GIF REACTION]

warriorfan with some ground breaking discovery

[warriorfan]

warriorfan with some ground breaking discovery

better shit than what nasa comes up with

[Clifton]

guys can relate to guys better

talking to girls blows unless you are trying to sleep with them
There is truth to this. When I was dating I would have 5 hour dates. We'd get to a restaurant before anyone else was there and we'd be the last ones to leave.

But I never have figured out how to maintain interest in what a female is saying for more than 10 minutes who I wasn't romantically into. And being married, ... I'm good for 10 minutes, talking to a woman who's not my wife. Then I want to talk about either sports or something that is not appropriate to talk about around ladies.

I really like some women I know and have learned a lot from them - of all ages, from students of mine to peers to grandmothers and everything in between - but 10 minutes really is the limit. Maybe 15 if it's been a long time.

The college I went to had male and female only dorms. I thank heaven for that. We never would have bonded the way we did if there had been girls there.

[NBAplayoffs2001]

I think most people overcome them once they get to college. I was a pretty socially awkward person before college. I'm not anymore post college.

[Clifton]

I think most people overcome them once they get to college. I was a pretty socially awkward person before college. I'm not anymore post college.
It depends. Normally yes. But some things don't go away. Everyone has certain situations in which they're just not comfortable. Their brains are wired that way.

For people who have that problem with public speaking, it's usually not that problem; most people can find a way around speaking in front of people in life. But if you have a problem with informal socializing? It's very difficult, in our culture, in this day and age.

You mainly learn to work around it. Life becomes more formal as you get older and the situations become easier to handle

[NBAplayoffs2001]

It depends. Normally yes. But some things don't go away. Everyone has certain situations in which they're just not comfortable. Their brains are wired that way.

For people who have that problem with public speaking, it's usually not that problem; most people can find a way around speaking in front of people in life. But if you have a problem with informal socializing? It's very difficult, in our culture, in this day and age.

You mainly learn to work around it. Life becomes more formal as you get older and the situations become easier to handle

I think maturity level changes that too.

Everyone has insecurities, I agree with that. Heck, I'm still in my early 20s and I will be honest. I'm still not really sure what "really makes me happy."

Most older people I talk to say everything starts to click around the early to mid 30s. Until then, you are going to have those insecurities beat you up a little bit in your 20s and that's normal. Using those insecurities in a positive manner by trying to overcome them and dealing with them, helps you grow as a person and out of social insecurities you may have.

I feel a 16 year old myself would get bored with the conversations I have now with older people in their 30s and 40s. Now, I feel I become smarter everytime I talk to successful older people.

[Mike Armstrong]

Life is all about practice

In basketball, fitness, your job, schoolwork. The harder you practice the better you get

Practice talking to yourself, carrying on a normal conversation with yourself to help improve your speech, and voice.

Communicate daily on ISH. If someone responds to you always respond back

If you find yourself in another bad awkward situation with a new person you met, I always looked at it like, That person has social insecurities, and cant communicate properly. It's not my fault.

Never be hard on yourself. Always others

If you practice hard eventually you will find introvert friends who you can just talk for hours with at a time.
Yarp.

[bladefd]

For people who have that problem with public speaking, it's usually not that problem; most people can find a way around speaking in front of people in life. But if you have a problem with informal socializing? It's very difficult, in our culture, in this day and age.

Yeah true. Since I dunno how to converse with people verbally, I guarantee you they see me as a selfish bastard without regard for others. That couldn't be any further from the truth! I care about people more than they may know -- even if it was some random person that held a door for me, I look at them & thank them with a smile.

Small talk is something I rarely do unless if I had some drink or something. College class presentations I had to give, I would write everything I wanted to say on index cards word-for-word ahead of time. I would read off it because otherwise I would forget everything I wanted to say even if I spent all day memorizing it. I dreaded questions from instructor/other students, but I used to force myself to answer the questions.

Even worse is if I'm talking over Skype to close relative overseas, I dunno what to say to them! Silence gets very awkward so I simply end the convo by handing the phone/laptop back. That makes me look bad, manner-less & unfriendly selfish prick. :facepalm :lol

I can have long text chat convos though regardless of whether it's with a guy/girl. I guess that takes the social anxiety out of the way because it's not face-to-face (just me taking the cheap way out :oldlol: ). I can be my true self with the social aspect out of the equation - like I'm on here. I feel free when I write as if i can do anything I put my mind to it. Unfortunately, much of our communication is verbal & face-to-face. It doesn't work to just not talk! You become an outcast, which I probably am by now. It's not like I'm a kid either - I graduated from college just a year ago.

[Levity]

Yeah true. Since I dunno how to converse with people verbally, I guarantee you they see me as a selfish bastard without regard for others. That couldn't be any further from the truth! I care about people more than they may know -- even if it was some random person that held a door for me, I look at them & thank them with a smile.

Small talk is something I rarely do unless if I had some drink or something. College class presentations I had to give, I would write everything I wanted to say on index cards word-for-word ahead of time. I would read off it because otherwise I would forget everything I wanted to say even if I spent all day memorizing it. I dreaded questions from instructor/other students, but I used to force myself to answer the questions.

Even worse is if I'm talking over Skype to close relative overseas, I dunno what to say to them! Silence gets very awkward so I simply end the convo by handing the phone/laptop back. That makes me look bad, manner-less & unfriendly selfish prick. :facepalm :lol

I can have long text chat convos though regardless of whether it's with a guy/girl. I guess that takes the social anxiety out of the way because it's not face-to-face (just me taking the cheap way out :oldlol: ). I can be my true self with the social aspect out of the equation. Unfortunately, much of our communication is verbal & face-to-face. It doesn't work to just not talk! You become an outcast, which I probably am by now. It's not like I'm a kid either - I graduated from college just a year ago.

you (as well as a majority of the introverts posting on here) should read up on the myers-briggs personality types. It could be really eye opening. From a quick glance of your post, id guess you fall under the INF(J or P) or one of those similar variations

[AlphaWolf24]

Smoke Weed and Drink.....you will be thinking you is George Clooney in no time.

[bladefd]

you (as well as a majority of the introverts posting on here) should read up on the myers-briggs personality types. It could be really eye opening. From a quick glance of your post, id guess you fall under the INF(J or P) or one of those similar variations

I get INTP. Sometimes INTJ but I think I'm slightly more INTP based on descriptions. I dunno how to differentiate between J and P..

[NBAplayoffs2001]

guys can relate to guys better

talking to girls blows unless you are trying to sleep with them

It may just be me but I find it easier to often talk to girls instead of guys at times. Some girls who I'm friends with are just more accessible than a lot of close male friends (they respond quicker).

I do agree though that girls can't relate to some of the stuff guys deal with. At least for me, a lot of my insecurities disappeared over time due to experience/growing up/being independent etc.

One thing I've noticed though is a lot of girls are insecure whether they show it or not. No matter how much the world changes, females will be stigmatized for certain scenarios.

[Nick Young]

A good way to deal with social insecurity is to become more secure overall.

Are you at a healthy weight? Do you exercise?

Exercise and healthy dieting actually has a positive influence on the mind. The less fat you are the more blood pumps in to your brain and the quicker you think. You are more driven to do exciting things if you exercise regularly, and it also helps you focus.

Also, exercising will give you stories you can talk about. You can go on cool hikes to cool places and tell people about them.


You will look good and feel confident about yourself. People will be more interested in talking to you and your words will hold more merit in conversations.
It is a proven fact that healthy people are treated better by the general public than fat and unhealthy people.


I am giving you this wisdom. it may not be what you want to hear, but it is the foundation you can built everything else around.

Also don't try to impress people. No one likes the insecure guy who constantly talks big and puts on an aura of false bravado and fake cockiness in order to try to make people think he's cool. Everyone can see through it.


Get fit.
Start exercising.
Start eating healthy.


Every single aspect of your life, including your confidence in social situations, will dramatically improve.

[NBAplayoffs2001]

A good way to deal with social insecurity is to become more secure overall.

Are you at a healthy weight? Do you exercise?

Exercise and healthy dieting actually has a positive influence on the mind. The less fat you are the more blood pumps in to your brain and the quicker you think. You are more driven to do exciting things if you exercise regularly, and it also helps you focus.

Also, exercising will give you stories you can talk about. You can go on cool hikes to cool places and tell people about them.


You will look good and feel confident about yourself. People will be more interested in talking to you and your words will hold more merit in conversations.
It is a proven fact that healthy people are treated better by the general public than fat and unhealthy people.


I am giving you this wisdom. it may not be what you want to hear, but it is the foundation you can built everything else around.

Also don't try to impress people. No one likes the insecure guy who constantly talks big and puts on an aura of false bravado and fake cockiness in order to try to make people think he's cool. Everyone can see through it.


Get fit.
Start exercising.
Start eating healthy.


Every single aspect of your life, including your confidence in social situations, will dramatically improve.

Incredibly true. When I started to exercising again, I felt way better about myself. Eating healthy is great too.

I think every guy knows a few guys who try to put that bravado/cocky nature on themselves. But from what I've seen, this mostly goes away with age. I always tend to see a bunch a 19-20 year olds like that and eventually mellow down.

I agree with the logic though of faking confidence if you're naturally shy. At some point in a guy's life, they have to become a little extroverted for professional goals, school, and even trying to get a girl to notice you. When you fake it after a few times, you naturally build confidence slowly.

[dude77]

A good way to deal with social insecurity is to become more secure overall.

Are you at a healthy weight? Do you exercise?

Exercise and healthy dieting actually has a positive influence on the mind. The less fat you are the more blood pumps in to your brain and the quicker you think. You are more driven to do exciting things if you exercise regularly, and it also helps you focus.

Also, exercising will give you stories you can talk about. You can go on cool hikes to cool places and tell people about them.


You will look good and feel confident about yourself. People will be more interested in talking to you and your words will hold more merit in conversations.
It is a proven fact that healthy people are treated better by the general public than fat and unhealthy people.


I am giving you this wisdom. it may not be what you want to hear, but it is the foundation you can built everything else around.

Also don't try to impress people. No one likes the insecure guy who constantly talks big and puts on an aura of false bravado and fake cockiness in order to try to make people think he's cool. Everyone can see through it.


Get fit.
Start exercising.
Start eating healthy.


Every single aspect of your life, including your confidence in social situations, will dramatically improve.

this is the best advice really .. you'll feel great if you're in shape and treating your body well ... and that in turn will make you and give you the confidence to do things you wouldn't before .. and it's definitely true that you'll attract more people to you

[Im Still Ballin]

Here's a trick 80's fratboys used to use

Wear glasses that blur your vision

This way, you take out the attractive bias

[Nilocon165]

insecurities. We all have them. The first step is to recognize them & be open about them.

Recently, I began to realize a new insecurity. So I'm one of those nerds that are extremely introverted. I lack social skills & do not know how to verbally communicate with people. I cannot give good interviews because I get anxious & completely forget things that I know very well. Even when I'm sitting down with family members, I can't start convos or continue convos. Others cut in and begin to take lead in convo even if I KNOW they're incorrect or if I feel as if I can shred their argument.

I can write entire blog entries shredding arguments, long emails off the top of my head, and even argue with you n00bs on ISH, but I can't put that SAME information into verbal ideas on the fly. If somebody were to ask me something in an interview that requires thinking on the fly, I get royally screwed. I end up making a complete idiot out of myself when I can't answer a BASIC question like "Why would you make a good candidate?" or "Tell me some things about yourself" or "What is your view on <so-and-so political idea>?"

For questions like that, I honestly feel I would give the best answer if I could write down my thoughts on paper and then read off or show them what I wrote. I could have spent days preparing, go in knowing I'm prepared, and STILL end up making myself look like a fool because I can't answer the question on the spot.

Forget the pressure situations, but what annoys me is it even happens with family/friends in comfortable situations in my house! I'm aspiring to be a part-time writer so I sometimes share with them stuff I wrote. They won't say it outright, but I can see the incredulous look that says "There's no way you wrote it", and I even had people ask "Did you write that yourself?" to my dismay. Of course I wrote it! I spent 2-3 days writing it, and I put my name to it because I wrote it! Unless if there are quotes around something, I wrote it.

People often use the way you talk or answer questions verbally to judge your intelligence and/or capabilities. That's where I'm insecure, and I haven't quite found a way around that predicament.

What's your social insecurity? How do you deal with it?
Bingo.

If people I knew saw posts I made here and in other forums and reddit, they wouldn't believe it's me.

When I used to text girls, (not anymore because I got shy and insecure) they would be shocked by how different I seem than in real life.

There were some girls that probably just found me as a kind of funny/bit annoying guy, but when I started to text them we would actually become really close and I was someone they could talk and tell anything to. Dated a few of them, but that hasn't happened in forever.

Maybe we're just better at writing things because you can actually think about you're saying and you don't just have to reply right away with something like in a real life conversation.

And obviously people are just different on the internet. You really think any of the trolls here would say some of the shit to Justin (stalkerforlife) they say to him here in real life?

[Kaspah]

My brother deals with this shit n yall sound like bitches

Everyone in life has issues to deal with. Short comings that require true effort to overcome the obstacle. Not everyone is perfect and great at everything.

Just cuz you can't make a conversation with someone while they can blab for days does not make one of you greater than the other since life is full of many different layers and aspects.

That person has people skills. You don't. You wanna bet they're better at everything else than you? This thread naive as fck. Everyone has weaknesses and strengths stop being such a bitch n move forward instead of treading in pityVille

[Nick Young]

Bladefd, take this as tough love. I'm telling you what you need to hear.


If your self worth is based on you intelligence, and your perceived intelligence superiority over other people, well, it shouldn't be.


I am just telling you from your posts dude that you aren't nearly as intelligent as you think you are.

If you believe on the inside that you are smarter than people around you, and see it as a point of pride, it is only going to hold you back.

You are not the most intelligent person in the world and will just feel bad about yourself when you hang out with people who have true intelligence.

If you believe you are smart, and your words on ISH don't do your intellect justice, step it up. Read more classic books, things liks Checkhov, ancient writings of people like Marcus Aurelius. If you want people around you to think you're intelligent, you need to step it up.

Once you become truly studied and confident in your knowledge, and don't have to try so hard to fake it, you will gain more self confidence.

Start learning to think for yourself and stop caring so much about fitting in and following the herd. Intellectuals aren't sheep.

Combine this regimen with a healthy regimen of diet and exercise and you will be on easy street eventually.

[Akrazotile]

Yes social insecurities are a common thing, and I am not disparaging those who have them in general. However it's clear that in OP's PARTICULAR case, he does what so many liberals do, which is compensate for their beta status by taking self-righteous, hip, trendy political viewpoints to impress people when they have nothing else with which to impress.

Sorry OP.

[Nick Young]

Yes social insecurities are a common thing, and I am not disparaging those who have them in general. However it's clear that in OP's PARTICULAR case, he does what so many liberals do, which is compensate for their beta status by taking self-righteous, hip, trendy political viewpoints to impress people when they have nothing else with which to impress.

Sorry OP.
In essense yes, this is the fundamental source of OP's depression and lack of self confidence.

He is so worried about what other people think about him, and is constantly trying so hard to follow the herd, that he has completely avoided looking at and focusing on himself. He has no strong foundation and that's why he's constantly falling apart emotionally and in social situations.

He doesn't know his strengths, he doesn't know his weaknesses. It is only now he is finally starting to look at himself and exhibit signs of introspection.


BladeFD you will probably react defensively to this, but attempt to read these words without your ego attached.

BladeFD, this is how you come across to people online who don't know you. We can all see through the act. Do you want to be an insecure and desperate to please person for your entire life? I hope not.

So get to work. You have received a lot of great advice in this thread. Step it up G, the sky is the limit and you only have one chance at life, don't waste it being a miserable and depressed guy who wants to take chances but never does.

As long as you are working to improve yourself, your confidence will rise. Nothing comes over night. Stick to the path and you will get long term results.

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

just don't think, breathe deeply, listen attentively, smile a lot, and here's a mind trick.

think that everybody else is u talking to yourself. we are all one.