Engagement Ring ?'s

[UK2K]

Now heading into my third year of dating the same girl. I have been, more or less, anti-marriage since as long as I can remember. Not that I don't believe in it, I just didn't want to get married until well into my 20's.

Well, here we are, soon to be 27. Its about that time, I am thinking proposal within the next year and a half or so.

So a few questions, because I literally know nothing about this whole process.

~ How do you ask the parents? Or did you? Take them to dinner or something? Or casually over breakfast?

~ How much should I spend on a ring? I heard three months salary, but theres no way in hell thats right (or I am just that cheap). Maybe it was two months? Even then.... Um... yeah so anyone have a good idea?

~ How do you pay for it? While I don't want to just withdraw $6000 in cash and walk into a jewelry store (because I hate seeing money go OUT of my bank account, especially that amount), at the same time, I don't want to finance it because, well, I don't like owing other people money.

~ Do you go to a big box store? Or a local dealer? Or do I find a diamond from one of her mother's rings and use that one. She's rich, she has plenty, she wont mind. And I could pass it off as 'its sentimental', right? Right? Who's with me?

Any other pre-marriage/engagement/whatever advice is welcome as well. As I mentioned, I know nothing about weddings and all that. Never really thought much about it.

[Draz]

Bro, 99% of ish is either single, recently single or waiting on gay marriage

But three months salary sounds about right if she/he is the one for you. By all means, spend it. I'd spend a million to put on the right girls finger. Money doesn't matter when it comes to the "right" girl for you.

Let us know though, sounds interesting asf. As of late I've been hella anti marriage man. That shit just seems like it's something we do when were ready for kids and lifelong commitment. Shared bank accounts, etc.

Edit: man. Just realized you're going in your third year. My third year in my ex was begging for a ring alone.. Just a normal ring and I just couldn't do it.. She would get really upset subliminally. You're considering engagement, that's huge, you must really really think she's the one. For me a ring alone was waaaaaay too sentimental. So I guess my ex must of felt like real shit that I couldn't even do a promise ring lol.

[Derka]

My best friend is popping the question on Halloween and he just saved up the money and paid cash. Seems to be the best way to go.

How much? It really depends on the ring, I think. Three month's salary sounds like a good place to start and just go from there. It seems to me like you've got to give yourself leeway because the three friends of mine who are married all said "I had an idea of what to get her, but then I saw this one and it just had her name all over it." Going that route seemed to work out well for them. Same thing with WHERE you get it...just shop around and find the one that you think looks right for her. Figure the price part out after that.

Asking the parents...again, depends. How's your relationship with them? I'm lucky enough to get along splendidly with my girl's parents and my folks love the absolute f*ck out of her. Should make things easy when the time comes...but make no mistake, there should be a man-to-man convo on that one with her dad.

[UK2K]

Bro, 99% of ish is either single, recently single or waiting on gay marriage

But three months salary sounds about right if she/he is the one for you. By all means, spend it. I'd spend a million to put on the right girls finger. Money doesn't matter when it comes to the "right" girl for you.

Let us know though, sounds interesting asf. As of late I've been hella anti marriage man. That shit just seems like it's something we do when were ready for kids and lifelong commitment. Shared bank accounts, etc.

Edit: man. Just realized you're going in your third year. My third year in my ex was begging for a ring alone.. Just a normal ring and I just couldn't do it.. She would get really upset subliminally. You're considering engagement, that's huge, you must really really think she's the one. For me a ring alone was waaaaaay too sentimental. So I guess my ex must of felt like real shit that I couldn't even do a promise ring lol.

I actually dated my last girlfriend for four years, but the idea of marriage never came up. It's different now that I'm older. Not that there's added pressure or like I'm running out of time or something, it just feels like engagement is the next step.

I mean, she cooks, cleans, doesn't bitch when I play Xbox, buys me things, plays fantasy football and is a huge Giants fan. I don't think any girl could top that, so she wins.

The prospect of marriage is just... Weird. Rest of your life? That's a long ass time. A long time.

[Draz]

I also believe popping the question should be aimed at to the females father. All households regardless of culture it seems like the male leaders answer is final. The woman would have to follow if his choice is yes or no. It's a good thing and a bad thing depending on how they view you as a life long partner. Some things you should keep in mind are:
The way you treated her the past three years and how they know you've treated her with such love and respect
Your financial stability, career, etc

For me I'd have to add religion, to keep on the back of my head
Girls in my nationality can be Christian, Catholic, Hindu or Muslim.

[Patrick Chewing]

Much love, fam. You can find some great rings for right around $3500.

And buy it from a reputable jewelry store cause they usually offer lifetime benefits like cleaning and refitting and all that.

[rezznor]

best way to do it is to buy a loose diamond that you can afford.

the rock itself is the most important decision. choose your cut, clarity, color, carat and weight. keep in mind that different cuts reflect different amounts of light. for instance, princess cuts which were really popular a few years back don't reflect as much light so won't sparkle as much compared to a classic round. a top heavy diamond might LOOK bigger, but also won't sparkle as much as an evenly cut rock.

so decide what's important to you. for me, it's about the quality and sparkle. that's what gives the diamond it's "fire". just because you get a big diamond doesn't mean it's a good one.

here's a good reference site for you. http://www.4cs.gia.edu/en-us/the-diamond-4-cs.htm get it GIA certified if you want papers with it. that will increase the value (and the price)

after that, go to your jeweler and decide what kind of ring you want the rock on. you can go to a big box store, chain, tiffany's cartier, or whatever. decide what you like AND THEN go to a jeweler to mount you diamond on whatever kind of band you chose and on what kind of metal you prefer (gold, platinum, etc). do it this way and you will end up with a better quality diamond ring for a better price than one of the big stores.





hopw that helps and good luck

[UK2K]

My best friend is popping the question on Halloween and he just saved up the money and paid cash. Seems to be the best way to go.

How much? It really depends on the ring, I think. Three month's salary sounds like a good place to start and just go from there. It seems to me like you've got to give yourself leeway because the three friends of mine who are married all said "I had an idea of what to get her, but then I saw this one and it just had her name all over it." Going that route seemed to work out well for them. Same thing with WHERE you get it...just shop around and find the one that you think looks right for her. Figure the price part out after that.

Asking the parents...again, depends. How's your relationship with them? I'm lucky enough to get along splendidly with my girl's parents and my folks love the absolute f*ck out of her. Should make things easy when the time comes...but make no mistake, there should be a man-to-man convo on that one with her dad.
Her parents are super cool, we get along very well.

They even paid for our (my girlfriend and I) flight and our suite in Vegas while her Dad went on a 'business' trip.

I've spent a lot of time with them, at her family gatherings and what not.

She says she wants to pick out her ring, which is cool with me I guess, cause the last thing I want to do is get a ring she isn't thrilled ajrhwith, or at the very least, her wishing she had a different one.

As far as price is concerned, I just feel like three months salary is a lot to just withdraw and buy a ring with. Two months sounds more reasonable. I'm not rich by any means, but that's a lot of money.

[DeuceWallaces]

That poor girl. :lol

I got mine from an estate sale and had it inspected by a jeweler afterwards.

[Patrick Chewing]

That poor girl. :lol

I got mine from an estate sale and had it inspected by a jeweler afterwards.


He's talking about wedding rings, not c0ck rings.

[niko]

I told my wife's family we are going to get married. For a ring, i spent $500 because that's what we could afford at the time.

In terms of paying, don't go to the bank and take out $6k in cash, god forbid you get robbed on the way there. You charge it, then pay it off instantly if you don't want to carry debt. If there's a finance charge and fo some reason you must use cash, get a cashiers check for the amount from your bank.

[UK2K]

Get a female relative for chick opinion to go with you

Bring thousands of dollars or prepare to finance the bitch

Go to store, look at the rings, use chick opinion, pick what ring you want your girl to wear.

I bought a set, so when wedding day arrives the wedding band is already made to look good and fit in well with the engagement ring, as opposed to 2 different bands that may or may not have any type of chemistry to look good together.

But I didn't know shit, bring a chick with you

I thought about going to her sister for advice, but she's dumb as shit.

And I don't even know what a set is. I guess you buy an engagement ring, and then have to buy ANOTHER ring after that? Like a band? Seems dumb when she's already wearing a ring.

[CavaliersFTW]

The only RinGz that matter are NBA championship rings. This is insidehoops.

[bigkingsfan]

Pay it straight cash homey.

[UK2K]

Any married guys know how many months salary they spent on a ring?

In my head (logically) I just cant justify spending that much money on something to 'prove' to someone I love them, if that makes sense. I mean, I say it, so isn't that enough? I even suggested we buy shit rings (or no rings, hey hey!) and use the money a down payment for a house or something, but, shes a girl and she said no.

So I tucked my tail between my legs and said 'ok'.

[West-Side]

Bro, 99% of ish is either single, recently single or waiting on gay marriage

But three months salary sounds about right if she/he is the one for you. By all means, spend it. I'd spend a million to put on the right girls finger. Money doesn't matter when it comes to the "right" girl for you.

Let us know though, sounds interesting asf. As of late I've been hella anti marriage man. That shit just seems like it's something we do when were ready for kids and lifelong commitment. Shared bank accounts, etc.

Edit: man. Just realized you're going in your third year. My third year in my ex was begging for a ring alone.. Just a normal ring and I just couldn't do it.. She would get really upset subliminally. You're considering engagement, that's huge, you must really really think she's the one. For me a ring alone was waaaaaay too sentimental. So I guess my ex must of felt like real shit that I couldn't even do a promise ring lol.

:roll:

Game. Set. Match.
The first reply summed up the entire thread beautifully.

[West-Side]

My best friend is popping the question on Halloween and he just saved up the money and paid cash. Seems to be the best way to go.

How much? It really depends on the ring, I think. Three month's salary sounds like a good place to start and just go from there. It seems to me like you've got to give yourself leeway because the three friends of mine who are married all said "I had an idea of what to get her, but then I saw this one and it just had her name all over it." Going that route seemed to work out well for them. Same thing with WHERE you get it...just shop around and find the one that you think looks right for her. Figure the price part out after that.

Asking the parents...again, depends. How's your relationship with them? I'm lucky enough to get along splendidly with my girl's parents and my folks love the absolute f*ck out of her. Should make things easy when the time comes...but make no mistake, there should be a man-to-man convo on that one with her dad.

Your bro sure is romantic, and it's quite fitting.
Marriage is like a horror film if it's not the right one.

And 99.9% don't marry the "right" one.

[chips93]

Any married guys know how many months salary they spent on a ring?

In my head (logically) I just cant justify spending that much money on something to 'prove' to someone I love them, if that makes sense. I mean, I say it, so isn't that enough? I even suggested we buy shit rings (or no rings, hey hey!) and use the money a down payment for a house or something, but, shes a girl and she said no.

So I tucked my tail between my legs and said 'ok'.

im not married but im pretty sure one month's salary is standard

[falc39]

3 months salary is ridiculous. For me, that is over 15k after tax cash, and there is no way I would spend that much on a ring. Remember, you will likely have to pay for wedding and honeymoon expenses too, which could end up dwarfing the cost of the ring altogether.

[code green]

Any married guys know how many months salary they spent on a ring?

In my head (logically) I just cant justify spending that much money on something to 'prove' to someone I love them, if that makes sense. I mean, I say it, so isn't that enough? I even suggested we buy shit rings (or no rings, hey hey!) and use the money a down payment for a house or something, but, shes a girl and she said no.

So I tucked my tail between my legs and said 'ok'.

Three months salary.

I've talked about this with my girl. We've been dating for two years and both are in the first couple of years of starting our professional careers. Three months' of mj salary after taxes equals a five figure price tag. She's emphatically claimed that not only was the price tag unimportant, but she'd hate anything other than a white gold band and a single diamond in it....as long as it's princess cut lol.

Her brother and the two of us went ring shopping for his longtime girlfriend last year. While he and I were looking at rings in the 5-10k range, she was bringing us over to the 1.5-3k displays and insisting that since they were looking to buy a home, he'd be stupid to pay more than that for a ring. Only reason I'm bringing it up is because the two of us agree with you that a while a ring is great, having a home with a lower mortgage that you'll wake up in every day is even greater.

There are women out there that don't really you to give them the world when you propose. I'm not saying this to put down your girl, or to prop up mine, because God knows she's got a flaw or six. But while you brought up very good reasons you'd like to marry this girl, you might want to make sure you're both on the same page as far as financial management goes. Especially considering that's one of the biggest reasons half of the marriages in the US end up failing.

[glidedrxlr22]

I got lucky. My mom gave me a ring that was in the family for many years. Took it to get cleaned and appraised. Don't remember the value, but the jeweler and my now wife both were impressed by it. I didn't have to shell out thousands of $$$s. :rockon:

[Nanners]

3 months salary is crazy. I was lucky enough to be handed down a family heirloom ring that originally belonged to my great grandmother, but if I had to buy one I wouldnt want to spend more than 2 or 3k.

[UK2K]

3 months salary is ridiculous. For me, that is over 15k after tax cash, and there is no way I would spend that much on a ring. Remember, you will likely have to pay for wedding and honeymoon expenses too, which could end up dwarfing the cost of the ring altogether.

That's what I thought too.

Our wedding is already paid for, so that's a plus. Her father set aside $40k each for her and her sister to get married the FIRST time. After that, they're on their own.

Again, logical me said 'why not spend $10k on a wedding and take the other $30k and use it for... life'. How stupid of me.

Yeah when I Googled it, and I read two or three months. That still, to me, seems a bit absurd. I don't make a ton, but I'm not exactly poor either, but the thought of shelling five figures for a ring seems like a horrible investment. It has to be two months. Has to be.

That's why I figured someone here who is married could give some insight, but... silly me.

[UK2K]

Three months salary.

I've talked about this with my girl. We've been dating for two years and both are in the first couple of years of starting our professional careers. Three months' of mj salary after taxes equals a five figure price tag. She's emphatically claimed that not only was the price tag unimportant, but she'd hate anything other than a white gold band and a single diamond in it....as long as it's princess cut lol.

Her brother and the two of us went ring shopping for his longtime girlfriend last year. While he and I were looking at rings in the 5-10k range, she was bringing us over to the 1.5-3k displays and insisting that since they were looking to buy a home, he'd be stupid to pay more than that for a ring. Only reason I'm bringing it up is because the two of us agree with you that a while a ring is great, having a home with a lower mortgage that you'll wake up in every day is even greater.

There are women out there that don't really you to give them the world when you propose. I'm not saying this to put down your girl, or to prop up mine, because God knows she's got a flaw or six. But while you brought up very good reasons you'd like to marry this girl, you might want to make sure you're both on the same page as far as financial management goes. Especially considering that's one of the biggest reasons half of the marriages in the US end up failing.

She likes to spend it, but she makes it too.

She's not into the finer things (except vacations) in general, but she does want a nice ring so she can brag to her friends about it.

But really, she still drives her first car, an '06 Accord with a smashed in rear quarter panel from a car wreck. She wants to get a new one, but she sees me shelling out $360 every month for mine, and decided she doesn't like paying car payments all that much.

[UK2K]

3 months salary is crazy. I was lucky enough to be handed down a family heirloom ring that originally belonged to my great grandmother, but if I had to buy one I wouldnt want to spend more than 2 or 3k.

In my head, that's what I was thinking. Maybe 4k if she caught me on a good day.

But 3 months seems ridiculous. Her grandmother does have a lot of loose diamonds, maybe that would be the better option, although I'm not familiar with the costs associated with buying a new ring, let alone making, cutting, and customizing your own. I assume since I provide the diamonds, it would be cheaper, but again, I am a newb when it comes to wedding stuff.

[Draz]

Fck marriage is expensive. How much are weddings? With all the costs included including clothing? $50k?

[UK2K]

Fck marriage is expensive. How much are weddings? With all the costs included including clothing? $50k?

She was saying $20-25k, but like I said, her dad has set aside 40k. Which means our wedding will be 40k. :facepalm I told her I could plan one for like 2k in her parents backyard and we could start off our new life together with a $38k down payment on a house. She decided against that. Even better, just sign the papers and be done with it. Everyone I know who has been married say they don't even remember the day anyway, so whats the point?

**** sound financial decision making right?

[Jailblazers7]

She was saying $20-25k, but like I said, her dad has set aside 40k. Which means our wedding will be 40k. :facepalm I told her I could plan one for like 2k in her parents backyard and we could start off our new life together with a $38k down payment on a house. She decided against that. Even better, just sign the papers and be done with it. Everyone I know who has been married say they don't even remember the day anyway, so whats the point?

**** sound financial decision making right?


Any married guys know how many months salary they spent on a ring?

In my head (logically) I just cant justify spending that much money on something to 'prove' to someone I love them, if that makes sense. I mean, I say it, so isn't that enough? I even suggested we buy shit rings (or no rings, hey hey!) and use the money a down payment for a house or something, but, shes a girl and she said no.

So I tucked my tail between my legs and said 'ok'.

Sounds like you better get that money out and fork over 3 months salary. You think a girl who grew up with rich parents is concerned with the justifying the cost of her engagement ring?

[Derka]

Your bro sure is romantic, and it's quite fitting.
Marriage is like a horror film if it's not the right one.

And 99.9% don't marry the "right" one.

She's most definitely the One for him. I've seen many who weren't for the poor guy. And for these two, its a completely apt proposal scenario. See, we spend just about every Halloween night in downtown Salem, MA (a Halloween mecca). They're both exceedingly passionate about Halloween and have always been. Crowds of thousands walking around in costumes. He and his lady both spend months hand-making their costumes when they have free time and they're usually rewarded for the effort by being asked to pose for scores of photos because the shit they think up just comes out brilliant. I can't even tell you how many Facebook walls we ended up on just last year, never mind years past.

[Derka]

She was saying $20-25k, but like I said, her dad has set aside 40k. Which means our wedding will be 40k. :facepalm I told her I could plan one for like 2k in her parents backyard and we could start off our new life together with a $38k down payment on a house. She decided against that. Even better, just sign the papers and be done with it. Everyone I know who has been married say they don't even remember the day anyway, so whats the point?

**** sound financial decision making right?

That's...just insane. Makes me grateful that my girl has already said "The idea of spending $10,000 on a wedding makes me want to throw up."

[UK2K]

That's...just insane. Makes me grateful that my girl has already said "The idea of spending $10,000 on a wedding makes me want to throw up."


http://www.xogroupinc.com/press-releases-home/2014-press-releases/2014-03-27-real-weddings-study-average-cost-of-wedding.aspx

Top 2013 Wedding Statistics

Average Wedding Cost: $29,858 (excludes honeymoon)
Most Expensive Place to Get Married: Manhattan, $86,916 average spend
Least Expensive Place to Get Married: Idaho, $16,159 average spend
Average Spent on a Wedding Dress: $1,281
Average Marrying Age: Bride, 29; Groom, 31
Average Number of Guests: 138
Average Number of Bridesmaids: 4 to 5
Average Number of Groomsmen: 4 to 5
Most Popular Month to Get Engaged: December (16%)
Average Length of Engagement: 14 months
Most Popular Month to Get Married: June and September (15% each)
Popular Wedding Colors: Blue (35%), Purple (26%), Pink (25%), Metallics (25%)
Percentage of Destination Weddings: 24%


Apparently 30 grand on a wedding is normal these days.

Yes, I had to Google what a 'destination wedding' was. For those who don't know:


A destination wedding is defined as marrying just 100 or more miles from where the bride currently lives.

I don't know why thats important, but I learned something new today.

[DeuceWallaces]

I don't think mean cost is very representative. Mode would probably be better.

30K is ludicrous for a middle class wedding. Several of my friends are married and they were nowhere near that expensive.

[Levity]

my best friend is getting married on the 1st of next month. he let his fiance pick out her ring before he proposed. 10+ G's...... :lol and then had to spend another 600 to get the band changed when she wanted white gold, or something like that

their wedding is crazy expensive too. easily 80K+. Hell, its costing me 300 a night just to stay at the hotel/resort (fri - mon morning) Those best man duties, doe.

[Jailblazers7]

I don't think mean cost is very representative. Mode would probably be better.

30K is ludicrous for a middle class wedding. Several of my friends are married and they were nowhere near that expensive.

Yeah, mean has got be be insanely skewed by rich people buying obnoxious shit.

[Clifton]

Go to second-hand shops and find events where many antique dealers come to one place to sell their stuff.

I got mine for $1200, 1K and tested pretty high on the purity scale. Valued at something like $5400 when I took it to a jeweler to get it insured. Had to get it sized and polished, but a heck of a lot better than draining my whole savings account or taking 5 years to pay it off...

[UK2K]

Yeah, mean has got be be insanely skewed by rich people buying obnoxious shit.

The average wedding cost in the United States is $26,444. Couples typically spend between $19,833 and $33,055 but, most couples spend less than $10,000. This does not include cost for a honeymoon.

For my zip code:

Average Wedding Cost by Number of Guests

Number of guests less than 50 $7,639 - $12,731
Number of guests between 50 and 100 $11,631 - $19,386
Number of guests between 100 and 200 $18,575 - $30,959
Number of guests between 200 and 300 $23,957 - $39,929
Number of guests more than 300 $46,352 - $77,253

[Clifton]

No need to spend $20k+ on a wedding.

My wedding was really expensive and lavish, but that's only because my wife's parents wanted it to be so, and they paid for everything. I would have preferred something low-key. Growing our own flowers, getting a friend to bake the cake, etc. 100 guests or so.

An expensive wedding that's paid for by the bride and groom themselves makes no sense whatsoever. That just results in people putting off their weddings for years and years. Get it done IMO. 6-12 months after engagement.

[Pushxx]

Friend...your future wife isn't gonna leave you because you only spent 1 month's salary on a ring. Dollars matter and marriage is a horrible idea to begin with.

Since you eventually have no choice, at least don't **** with your financial future when you can help it.

Good luck and think with your head not your heart. And for all that's good in life, sign a prenup.

[CavaliersFTW]

How much you need to spend depends entirely on who you're about to spend it on.

Some women are really picky about it. Some aren't.

[chazzy]

Go to a wholesale diamond dealer. Don't get screwed over at Zales or Kays etc.. they mark up like crazy

[lil jahlil]

Now heading into my third year of dating the same girl. I have been, more or less, anti-marriage since as long as I can remember. Not that I don't believe in it, I just didn't want to get married until well into my 20's.

Well, here we are, soon to be 27. Its about that time, I am thinking proposal within the next year and a half or so.

So a few questions, because I literally know nothing about this whole process.

~ How do you ask the parents? Or did you? Take them to dinner or something? Or casually over breakfast?

~ How much should I spend on a ring? I heard three months salary, but theres no way in hell thats right (or I am just that cheap). Maybe it was two months? Even then.... Um... yeah so anyone have a good idea?

~ How do you pay for it? While I don't want to just withdraw $6000 in cash and walk into a jewelry store (because I hate seeing money go OUT of my bank account, especially that amount), at the same time, I don't want to finance it because, well, I don't like owing other people money.

~ Do you go to a big box store? Or a local dealer? Or do I find a diamond from one of her mother's rings and use that one. She's rich, she has plenty, she wont mind. And I could pass it off as 'its sentimental', right? Right? Who's with me?

Any other pre-marriage/engagement/whatever advice is welcome as well. As I mentioned, I know nothing about weddings and all that. Never really thought much about it.

Is she racist too? Just trying to gauge the fit.

[UK2K]

Go to a wholesale diamond dealer. Don't get screwed over at Zales or Kays etc.. they mark up like crazy
But they say they have the lowest prices? :lol

[UK2K]

Is she racist too? Just trying to gauge the fit.
Yep, super racist. She only likes my white half.

[Jameerthefear]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pq2-roB58yE/UgVTWnCbSLI/AAAAAAAAGm8/U6j9t7PtQUY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-09+at+11.20.16+AM.png
>getting married in 2015
>spending thousands of dollars on at most a 2-3 day event
>spending more on a rock with a band

geez... :oldlol: might as well just call it 'getting cucked'

[KNOW1EDGE]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pq2-roB58yE/UgVTWnCbSLI/AAAAAAAAGm8/U6j9t7PtQUY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-08-09+at+11.20.16+AM.png
>getting married in 2015
>spending thousands of dollars on at most a 2-3 day event
>spending more on a rock with a band

geez... :oldlol: might as well just call it 'getting cucked'

You are such a fuhckboi :lol