You wake up next to a girl that looks like this:

[CavaliersFTW]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/30/15/2EEDD66300000578-3339528-Leading_the_way_Comedienne_Amy_Schumer_has_strippe d_off_for_the_-a-1_1448897243495.jpg

...and you don't remember her name, or how you got together, and she's asleep but her arm is around you and your arm is trapped under one of her rolls of belly fat.

Despite being anchored in, you're able to check your phone and it's 5:30am on a Saturday. What do you do?

[BasedTom]

scope the room for the sharpest knife or hacksaw or whatever

then when it's all said and done I'll pour gasoline on myself and the entire room before lighting one last one

[masonanddixon]

I'd still bang her.

[BasedTom]

I would legit rather bang a [reasonably attractive and charming] girl with every STD on the planet over this irredeemable fat skank

[dunksby]

I would legit rather bang a [reasonably attractive and charming] girl with every STD on the planet over this irredeemable fat skank
She ain't fat? You don't get laid in any case, so why so mad? :oldlol:

[masonanddixon]

I would legit rather bang a [reasonably attractive and charming] girl with every STD on the planet over this irredeemable fat skank

Who is she?

[BasedTom]

She ain't fat? You don't get laid in any case, so why so mad? :oldlol:
might want to get your eyes checked my man

she might not be fat by american or black-american standards, but that body type isn't just a natural occurrence that happens overnight. that's years of gluttony and negligence on display. In any event I added "fat" almost as an afterthought. It's just one of many repulsive qualities from this pigfaced talentless hack.

I'm not mad, although the more I think of OP's scenario the closer I would get to that point. Although it might be more disgust/despair than actual anger.

not to make this thread about me, but i have a gf bro


Who is she?
amy schumer

[CavaliersFTW]

https://youtu.be/Qgn58OZ3hDQ?t=1m16s

[Nick Young]

by god, and young girls are being encouraged to look like this these days.:facepalm

[Nick Young]

She ain't fat? You don't get laid in any case, so why so mad? :oldlol:
she's fat

[rufuspaul]

Bang one more time then leave and never communicate with her again.


This is the correct answer.

[fiddy]

Looks like a decent use for my morning boner

[West-Side]

I'd smash.
Chubby girls with average faces tend to be far more open in bed and far less selfish, they're almost up for anything.

I can tell she's a little freak.
I'll see how funny she is when I'm DT that mouth.

[imdaman99]

I'm not attracted to her much, but she's there for the taking and it requires little work so I would cuddle with her :confusedshrug:

[StephHamann]

Is this some kind of Starbucks commercial?

[andgar923]

You can tell who the virgins and non-***** getters are.

For the rest, even the best have off nights.

[Smoke117]

You can tell who the virgins and non-***** getters are.

For the rest, even the best have off nights.

You'd only be interested if this was who you woke up next to:

http://www.chicagonow.com/through-an-irishmans-eyes/files/2013/05/Michael-Jordan.jpg

[Nick Young]

Is this some kind of Starbucks commercial?
I think it's the Pirelli calendar photoshoot. They are getting a bunch of fatties and old women like Yoko Ono to pose in it this year to appeal to the SJW crowd, rather then naked hotties in bikinis like they usually do.

[StephHamann]

I think it's the Pirelli calendar photoshoot. They are getting a bunch of fatties and old women like Yoko Ono to pose in it this year to appeal to the SJW crowd, rather then naked hotties in bikinis like they usually do.

Yeah, but why the starbucks coffee in her hands?

[Nick Young]

Yeah, but why the starbucks coffee in her hands?
I assume because she is a basic bitch.

[stalkerforlife]

I'd be extremely happy until she opened her mouth.

[Derka]

Pretty sure that two...maybe three of you...get laid on a regular basis :lol

[tomtucker]

has to be photoshopped right ? :biggums: .......no way is she that ugly and out of shape ?

[brownmamba00]

Meh she looks decent...I did worse.

[Nick Young]

has to be photoshopped right ? :biggums: .......no way is she that ugly and out of shape ?
her rolls got rolls.

They will probably photoshop them out when the time comes.

[outbreak]

Somehow her personality is even uglier than her appearance.

[Shade8780]

*** in her ass one more time and im off.

[ArbitraryWater]

I'd smash.
Chubby girls with average faces tend to be far more open in bed and far less selfish, they're almost up for anything.

I can tell she's a little freak.
I'll see how funny she is when I'm DT that mouth.

http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah306/MaleRuler/GIFs/22a3da100f_zps6opno7ff.gif (http://s1383.photobucket.com/user/MaleRuler/media/GIFs/22a3da100f_zps6opno7ff.gif.html)

[GoatBoy]

lol she ain't fat...

I'm smashing again :rockon:

[TripleA]

Well she is 5'7 and she said she is 160. So her Bmi would be at the cusp of overweight and normal weight.

[Proctor]

You can tell who the virgins and non-***** getters are.

For the rest, even the best have off nights.
Exactly.

I have a seat and stay a while. I'm not jumping up and down with excitement, but on the other hand I'm not rushing to get out of the place.

So many liars in this thread. Old men like tomtucker would be painting the walls with his spunk if he woke up next to any girl, let alone her. :oldlol:

[Shade8780]

Well she is 5'7 and she said she is 160. So her Bmi would be at the cusp of overweight and normal weight.
she said she is 160

she said

SHE

[Nick Young]

Shade is wise beyond his years. To get an accurate number add 15 pounds to how much Amy said she weighs ATLEAST, more like 25 pounds IMO.

I have gotten with fatties like this before and always felt bad about it the morning after. Or if I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel very accomplished lol. Even ones with pretty faces, fat folds just don't cause boners.


I always wonder how people dating 200+ pounders get it up.

[senelcoolidge]

I think OP has a crush for her.

[nightprowler10]

You'd only be interested if this was who you woke up next to:

http://www.chicagonow.com/through-an-irishmans-eyes/files/2013/05/Michael-Jordan.jpg
Only if MJ's got an iWatch on his wrist.

[Derka]

Exactly.

I have a seat and stay a while. I'm not jumping up and down with excitement, but on the other hand I'm not rushing to get out of the place.

So many liars in this thread. Old men like tomtucker would be painting the walls with his spunk if he woke up next to any girl, let alone her. :oldlol:
Gotta let all the other bros on the super-important internet message board how manly they are or alpha or whatever stupid-ass word they think applies to these virtual personas they've concocted, bro.

[Heavincent]

I'd bang her.

[Cocaine80s]

Shes a solid 8


You trolling fam?

[Nick Young]

Shes a solid 8


You trolling fam?
dawg post your examples of a 5, 6 and 7

[West-Side]

Shade is wise beyond his years. To get an accurate number add 15 pounds to how much Amy said she weighs ATLEAST, more like 25 pounds IMO.

I have gotten with fatties like this before and always felt bad about it the morning after. Or if I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel very accomplished lol. Even ones with pretty faces, fat folds just don't cause boners.


I always wonder how people dating 200+ pounders get it up.

That doesn't apple to females who openly admit they are fat.
If she's 5'7, in that picture; I'd say she's very close to 160.

She is a little chubby, she is not fat.
I find it hilarious watching you virgins disrespect women.

You act as if I didn't see most of your ugly mugs in that Post My Pic threads, shut the **** up.

[Levity]

been there... sort of.

came to from a black out in the middle of having sex with some random girl. looked similar to her (but not quite as "plush"). internally, i freaked out for a second because 1) that had never happened to me prior 2) we were in a car.

had to stop in the middle of everything just to find my bearings. the girl was a little clingy too, afterwards. i got a few texts from her the next couple of days saying ish like "i told you i wasnt a one night only type of girl" and im thinking to myself, i was blacked the fck out, so whatever you said to me really holds no value.

a douche bag is gonna douche though....

[Jameerthefear]

Get up, turn 360 degrees then walk the **** out

[Akrazotile]

If you literally woke up next to her naked after a night of drinking, you wouldn't be able to resist just sticking it in her once more. It's just a hormone thing. Like an itch you'd have to scratch. Guys are just too horny in the morning. Especially if you've been out the previous night around a bunch of females.

Does that make her attractive?

No.

Altho she seems to have decent natural proportions, if she'd lose the fat rolls she's got from over eating, her body would probably be half nice.

[ROCSteady]

I'd hit it.

Her pus$y prolly thck and gets super wet

[TheMan]

Amy SCHUMER, yet another talentless Jew hack being propped by other Jews who run Hollywood at the expense of real talented goyim.

ESPN is full of these, I made a thread exposing them a while back...

[Nick Young]

Amy SCHUMER, yet another talentless Jew hack being propped by other Jews who run Hollywood at the expense of real talented goyim.

ESPN is full of these, I made a thread exposing them a while back...
you ****ing serious bro?

[TheMan]

why would you turn 360 degrees?
Because the dumbass wants to climb right back into bed
:oldlol:

[TheMan]

you ****ing serious bro?
As serious as a heart attack, bro.

Don't get me wrong...are there talented Jews? Hell yeah, Coen Bros, Kubrick, ,Woody Allen, Larry David etc

But don't try and BS me that Pauly Shore was ever funny. Or any of the talentless Jew hacks at ESPN know sports more than any redneck who watches sports. GTFOH

I'm on to yous :pimp:

[ROCSteady]

She ain't that bad ppl, she's def no looker but her body resembles the majority of what bar skanks would go home for a one night stand

[That_Admiral]

What if he initally thought the exit was located behind him, but it wasn't, so he had to turn 180 degrees once more back to the original position he was in to be assured that there could be an exit door in front of him all this time? Jam lowkey thinking ahead

or just wants that ass!
:roll:

[fiddy]

What if he initally thought the exit was located behind him, but it wasn't, so he had to turn 180 degrees once more back to the original position he was in to be assured that there could be an exit door in front of him all this time? Jam lowkey thinking ahead

or just wants that ass!
Nah, shes 30 years too old

[BasedTom]

What if he initally thought the exit was located behind him, but it wasn't, so he had to turn 180 degrees once more back to the original position he was in to be assured that there could be an exit door in front of him all this time? Jam lowkey thinking ahead

or just wants that ass!
but if you're lying in bed, how the fck does that work?

yo let me just do a barrell roll on the bed

[iTare]

I would bash her brains. Oh man that would be funny. :oldlol:

[oh the horror]

Get up, turn 360 degrees then walk the **** out


Youd hope he's kidding with this. If not, unintentional comedy

[JohnFreeman]

Get up, turn 360 degrees then walk the **** out
ayy lmao

[CarlosBoozer]

Jam was obviously joking about the 360 degree turn, you fvcking dumb assholes god damn

[oh the horror]

Jam was obviously joking about the 360 degree turn, you fvcking dumb assholes god damn



Bff alert!

[CarlosBoozer]

Bff alert!
I love him :(

[tomtucker]

Exactly.

I have a seat and stay a while. I'm not jumping up and down with excitement, but on the other hand I'm not rushing to get out of the place.

So many liars in this thread. Old men like tomtucker would be painting the walls with his spunk if he woke up next to any girl, let alone her. :oldlol:

negro please, i am younger then her...........ill admit she is funny, but her body is not nice........i could see why blacks would be all over it though......fat rolls = thick/nice, in blackish language

[warriorfan]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/30/15/2EEDD66300000578-3339528-Leading_the_way_Comedienne_Amy_Schumer_has_strippe d_off_for_the_-a-1_1448897243495.jpg

...and you don't remember her name, or how you got together, and she's asleep but her arm is around you and your arm is trapped under one of her rolls of belly fat.

Despite being anchored in, you're able to check your phone and it's 5:30am on a Saturday. What do you do?

that bitch is fuccing disgusting

[Proctor]

negro please, i am younger then her...........ill admit she is funny, but her body is not nice........i could see why blacks would be all over it though......fat rolls = thick/nice, in blackish language
Yet I would still bet my life's savings that she looks far more attractive than any girl you've "been with", and I use the term "been with" loosely.

[Jasi]

Get up, turn 360 degrees then walk the **** out

:roll:
You get up, turn back towards the bed, try to start walking, stumble on the bed, fall on her, wake her up, she beats you.
Then you get up again, turn towards the actual door, and finally find your way out.

[Random_Guy]

I'd hit that

[tomtucker]

Yet I would still bet my life's savings that she looks far more attractive than any girl you've "been with", and I use the term "been with" loosely.
I am a virgin bro.........living in celibacy, have dedicated my life to the Lord and savior Jesus christ........:bowdown:

[HylianNightmare]

Try to get one more in before she wakes up

[Marv_Albert]

Wake her up by sliding it in and banging her again

I'd even go down on this girl and eat her out in the morning

[brownboyfly]

I wake up with morning wood, so

[NumberSix]

This is her attempt at being funny. She's. It funny.

[Andrei89]

Get up, turn 360 degrees then walk the **** out

You cant be that stupid lol

[Goofsta Knicca]

Eat her poosay.

[tomtucker]

Wake her up by sliding it in and banging her again

I'd even go down on this girl and eat her out in the morning
http://i.imgur.com/boLefKT.gif

[dunksby]

http://i.imgur.com/boLefKT.gif
We get it, you fancy dudes.

[KevinNYC]

What do you do?

Wilt's Top 30 now.

[bigkingsfan]

Go back to sleep.