What is it like having a family?

[nathanjizzle]

currently im a 27 year old bachelor with a decent career. i dont see myself getting married or having kids anytime soon. But having a family always intrigued me and i would like to have one some day. most of my friends have already started their families. for those of you who are married and or have kids, what is it like compared to the single life as a matured adult? thanks for your input.

[Rolando]

currently im a 27 year old bachelor with a decent career. i dont see myself getting married or having kids anytime soon. But having a family always intrigued me and i would like to have one some day. most of my friends have already started their families. for those of you who are married and or have kids, what is it like compared to the single life as a matured adult? thanks for your input.

The kids are great. However, you are very lucky if you can maintain a healthy relationship with your mate.

Choose carefully.

[highwhey]

It's like insidehoops

[Meticode]

Personally and most people I talk to would rather have a family straight away in their early to mid-20s. Reason being by the time they're grown up and on their own you still have your 40s and a whole life to live ahead of you. Compared to people having kids later in life, living life in their 20s, then by that time their kids are in high school people think you're her/his grandparents and not her father or mother.

My daughter wasn't planned, but I wouldn't' change it for nothing. She made me instantly grow up and and worry about things that actually matter in life. It's hard, you'll make mistakes (more some than others), but it's only worth it if both parties are in it for the long haul and desperately want to make each other feel loved.

[Dresta]

Personally and most people I talk to would rather have a family straight away in their early to mid-20s. Reason being by the time they're grown up and on their own you still have your 40s and a whole life to live ahead of you. Compared to people having kids later in life, living life in their 20s, then by that time their kids are in high school people think you're her/his grandparents and not her father or mother.

My daughter wasn't planned, but I wouldn't' change it for nothing. She made me instantly grow up and and worry about things that actually matter in life. It's hard, you'll make mistakes (more some than others), but it's only worth it if both parties are in it for the long haul and desperately want to make each other feel loved.
I've said having a child does this to people, only to be told my opinion backwards and out of date by ideologues like dunksby. So yeah, apparently you are completely outdated if you think having a child impacts your character, what you care about, and your attitude towards life, in any way whatsoever.


(I completely agree with you by the way)

[~primetime~]

Couldn't disagree more with Meticode on 'when' to have kids...mid 30s is perfect for a male. I went through my whole 20s a party animal, got that out of my system while I was young, I don't need to go back to it. Furthermore it has become the norm for kids to live with their parents after college, and into their late 20s. You're not promised an empty nest when your kids hit 18, most likely they are still going to NEED you and you will still be held down to some degree.

But the most important reason to have kids later rather than sooner, is because you and your mate will be more mature, and likely doing much better financially than young you, which absolutely equates to a better upbringing for your kids and likely a stronger more mature marriage.

____________________________

As for the question in the OP...married life with kids is nothing at all like bachelor life, they are worlds apart. Kids are fcking HARD WORK, every single day, you never get a break. If you have kids, doing simple shit like making a phone call can be pain in the ass. I have an infant, and a toddler, it's extremely difficult for me to just leave the house for anything, a bachelor can go where ever he wants, whenever he wants.

I can't really go out to eat any more...if we do go out, it isn't the slightest bit relaxing like it used to be, now it's a massive pain in the ass. And that sucks, because I love eating out.

I can't even remember the last time I slept in...my kids are up at 7:00AM latest...so that means I am up at that time.

You will loose regular contact and interaction with just about everyone in your life outside of your family. (if you're a good parent anyway) I almost never see my friends, they are just on FB now, I simply don't have the time. Meeting them has to be planned out carefully.

My house as a bachelor LOOKED like a bachelor pad...well cleaned and in order. My current house is covered in fcking toys and kid cars. It's a mess. I'd like to do some upgrading to my home but what is the point? Whatever I upgrade will just be covered in toys...any new furniture will get torn to shreds. The coffee table in my main living area is a cheap piece of wood furniture that my kids are able to climb all over. I used to have nice glass shit everywhere, had to get rid of that. For people like me who are into interior design this shit is a nightmare :lol

Then there is the money side of things, I make good money and feel poor. A wife and kids are expensive as fck, and my wife works even. Day care is like $600 a month PER KID. And now my health insurance has become massive as well. Grocery bill basically doubles...you have to be a damn billionaire to not feel a set back from this.

All that said, me having an infant and a toddler, it's probably the most difficult time I'll have with them, as they get older, even just a little older, all this hard work will ease up. When they are in elementary that will free up that DayCare money, they will rely on me much less, it will be like a huge weight is lifted up.

Also let me say this, which you probably knew was coming...this has been the best part of my life easily, all this hard work, it's easily all worth it. Watching my boys is just amazing, words can't even describe. Most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. When people say "it is the greatest time of your life but the hardest time of your life" that is very accurate. You wouldn't think it is possible for those two things to happen at the same time but it is.

This might be the longest post I've ever made in here...guess I needed to vent a little :lol

[Im Still Ballin]

Like Warm Apple Pie!

[DeuceWallaces]

What it's like is caring about people more than you care about yourself.

As to when to have kids. There's no perfect time. Early and late both have their drawbacks. Just do it when it's right for you.

[Bosnian Sajo]

What it's like is caring about people more than you care about yourself.

As to when to have kids. There's no perfect time. Early and late both have their drawbacks. Just do it when it's right for you.

Agreed, there is no right or wrong way. Some prefer to start a family early, some don't. As long as you aren't fckin 50 years old and your wife, who is 10 years younger gives birth to your first child :lol That would be ****ed up.

[ROCSteady]

What it's like is caring about people more than you care about yourself.

As to when to have kids. There's no perfect time. Early and late both have their drawbacks. Just do it when it's right for you.


Your kids will require SPF 80,000,000 so keep that in mind when planning future beach excursions.

[Doomsday Dallas]

What is it like having a family?



It's miserable.

Let's all stop sugar coating this $hit and be honest.



However... somehow it's all worth it.

[G-train]

currently im a 27 year old bachelor with a decent career. i dont see myself getting married or having kids anytime soon. But having a family always intrigued me and i would like to have one some day. most of my friends have already started their families. for those of you who are married and or have kids, what is it like compared to the single life as a matured adult? thanks for your input.

My advice would be to carefully choose a partner with a calm demeanor and a sense of humor, and preferably from a stable environment.

Then once you have spent 3-5 years with them, plan a first child and enjoy that for at least 2-3 years, then re-evaluate.

If you make wise decisions, and are organised and take your time, family life is much more enjoyable... because it's going to throw some challenges at you at times and it best if you aren't already in position of weakness.

Don't settle for someone, IMO you are better off waiting until you are in your 40s rather than settle.

[G-train]

What is it like having a family?



It's miserable.

Let's all stop sugar coating this $hit and be honest.



However... somehow it's all worth it.

I don't find it miserable at all.

[poido123]

Your kids will require SPF 80,000,000 so keep that in mind when planning future beach excursions.



:roll:

[fsvr54]

My advice would be to carefully choose a partner with a calm demeanor and a sense of humor, and preferably from a stable environment.

Then once you have spent 3-5 years with them, plan a first child and enjoy that for at least 2-3 years, then re-evaluate.

If you make wise decisions, and are organised and take your time, family life is much more enjoyable... because it's going to throw some challenges at you at times and it best if you aren't already in position of weakness.

Don't settle for someone, IMO you are better off waiting until you are in your 40s rather than settle.

This. Wayyyy too many people settle and that's why there's so many bad relationships. It's better to be alone than to be in a mediocre relationship.

[Doomsday Dallas]

I don't find it miserable at all.


I don't anymore either...

which is why I'm divorced w/ children.



Nobody knows the pros & cons of married/single life better than I do.

It's different when you are the best looking guy in Dallas...
and the most charming. I say that humbly, but it's true. :)



But yes... Meticode is correct.

better to have a family earlier in life. My folks aren't alive anymore,
but luckily, through my mistakes, they were able to have many
experiences with their grand children before passing on
to the next life.


Life is short.

[Doomsday Dallas]

I will say this though....


I think I found the next one I'm settling down with.


Commitment Dilemma (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjPBMAmNH14)

[fsvr54]

Whats the point of having kids if it's not with the right woman so you can raise the kids together? You had kids and ended up getting divorced. Better to wait for a good partner.

[Meticode]

I've said having a child does this to people, only to be told my opinion backwards and out of date by ideologues like dunksby. So yeah, apparently you are completely outdated if you think having a child impacts your character, what you care about, and your attitude towards life, in any way whatsoever.


(I completely agree with you by the way)
I know, a lot of people feel this way, but most of those people I know that feel this way don't have any kids whatsoever. And if you noticed I said "me" I didn't say anyone else besides myself on being changed.

[Meticode]

Couldn't disagree more with Meticode on 'when' to have kids...mid 30s is perfect for a male. I went through my whole 20s a party animal, got that out of my system while I was young, I don't need to go back to it. Furthermore it has become the norm for kids to live with their parents after college, and into their late 20s. You're not promised an empty nest when your kids hit 18, most likely they are still going to NEED you and you will still be held down to some degree.
When I talked about having kids, this was just in the relation to me and no one else. And at 18 you are promised a empty nest because they're full grown adults. When I turned 18 my mother told me I had exactly a year after graduation to get my own place, and if not she was kicking me out. I made sure I had a job and was able to live on my own by the time I was 19. My mother was a hard-love type of person and not all this, "Oh yea, you can stay with me until you get back on your feet." type of deal. I moved up to Wisconsin with nothing, but a duffel bag full of clothes and I still made out fine.

[masonanddixon]

34 year old here, never been married, no kids, probably will have a kid around 38-39, not sure about marriage. It's very tough to get into that sort of routine.

It's very difficult or impossible to maintain your independence once you get married so if you have a lot of interests outside of work and are ambitious then marriage won't work for you. If you're in your 20s and you don't have much going for you then marriage is probably not a terrible idea, but I can't see why any man would marry before 35 these days. Just makes no sense.

Just remember that being married or being single does not make you an inherently better or worse off person (this is how women think) and do not worry about what others think about: think about how it affect YOU and if you are comfortable living your life that way.

[DukeDelonte13]

Having a kid changes everything.

Having a child brings new meaning to the word "love". You've never and never will love anything or anyone as much as your kid.

Post kid my life feels much more meaningful and fulfilling. Before i was just some dude with some job. Now i'm a dad and IMO being a good dad is the best thing a man can be.

[Meticode]

Having a kid changes everything.

Having a child brings new meaning to the word "love". You've never and never will love anything or anyone as much as your kid.

Post kid my life feels much more meaningful and fulfilling. Before i was just some dude with some job. Now i'm a dad and IMO being a good dad is the best thing a man can be.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjhj9jQMh1qfo6ue.gif

[iamgine]

I don't like kids in general, I don't want em if I can help it. I don't think I would love my own kids that much. But people usually say that cliche "oh once you have a kid you gonna change" like I suddenly are going to transform or some sh!t. I've always doubted that cliche saying.

Anyone went through the same thing?

[G-train]

I don't like kids in general, I don't want em if I can help it. I don't think I would love my own kids that much. But people usually say that cliche "oh once you have a kid you gonna change" like I suddenly are going to transform or some sh!t. I've always doubted that cliche saying.

Anyone went through the same thing?

Yes you will transform giney.

You are activating your primal inner man, spreading your seed and creating life.

[iamgine]

Yes you will transform giney.

You are activating your primal inner man, spreading your seed and creating life.
Spreading seed and creating life is fine by me but taking care of that life is the part I don't want.

[stalkerforlife]

When you're ugly like me, it shocks a lot of people when they see I have kids. I am usually the ugliest person anywhere I go, so when they see my two beautiful kids, they start to wonder what it is about me that would make a woman procreate with me. They probably mostly assume I have a huge package, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

[Brujesino]

When you're ugly like me, it shocks a lot of people when they see I have kids. I am usually the ugliest person anywhere I go, so when they see my two beautiful kids, they start to wonder what it is about me that would make a woman procreate with me. They probably mostly assume I have a huge package, which couldn't be farther from the truth.
:oldlol:

[G-train]

When you're ugly like me, it shocks a lot of people when they see I have kids. I am usually the ugliest person anywhere I go, so when they see my two beautiful kids, they start to wonder what it is about me that would make a woman procreate with me. They probably mostly assume I have a huge package, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

2 negatives multiplying equal a positive.

[Doomsday Dallas]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltNhwj-F7c8
Good Will Hunting | 'Perfect for Each Other'


this scene comes to mind for some reason.

[iamgine]

I don't like kids in general, I don't want em if I can help it. I don't think I would love my own kids that much. But people usually say that cliche "oh once you have a kid you gonna change" like I suddenly are going to transform or some sh!t. I've always doubted that cliche saying.

Anyone went through the same thing?

No one?

[1987_Lakers]

There is no right or wrong answer on when to start a family, everyone is different.

Personally I think it's insane to get married & have kids in your early 20's.

[COnDEMnED]

No one?
I'm with you. Wife and kids are the last thing I want.
having money > wiping shit of a kids ass
Silence > some cackling yenta
Doing what I want when I want = priceless

Marriage isn't for everyone. I'm thankful I know myself enough to know it's not for me without having to lose half my stuff and bank account.

[Bandito]

Asian people like OP are such weirdos when they get into their 40's after wasting their life being introverted losers.

[iamgine]

I'm with you. Wife and kids are the last thing I want.
having money > wiping shit of a kids ass
Silence > some cackling yenta
Doing what I want when I want = priceless

Marriage isn't for everyone. I'm thankful I know myself enough to know it's not for me without having to lose half my stuff and bank account.

I had to google what yenta is.

Do people actually know that word wtf.

[COnDEMnED]

I had to google what yenta is.

Do people actually know that word wtf.
LOL.

My fault. I've listened to Howard Stern for over 10 years now. That's a phrase he's used quite often to describe loud obnoxious women. The men in my family use that word....a lot.

I take this knowledge...and I pass it on to you.

:roll:

[Doomsday Dallas]

http://www.espritlibre.ws/celebrities/photos/846225/familymanvideorelease.jpg



Decent movie. C+

[Doomsday Dallas]

I take this knowledge...and I pass it on to you.



Thank you... I too will add this word to my vocabulary.

[UK2K]

currently im a 27 year old bachelor with a decent career. i dont see myself getting married or having kids anytime soon. But having a family always intrigued me and i would like to have one some day. most of my friends have already started their families. for those of you who are married and or have kids, what is it like compared to the single life as a matured adult? thanks for your input.

I'll be 28 in November, and don't want kids for several more years despite having a girlfriend of almost four years. We've gotten two cats, a dog, and bought a house together. I have enough to take care of, and would like to save money so that when I do have kids, I'm not struggling to survive.

To each their own. Kids just aren't for some people. Not for me, at least, for another 5 years or so.

I don't really want kids anyway, but I feel like once I get into my 30's, I'm going to want some lineage around. We'll see.

[FillJackson]

No one?
Having a child changes your brain.

http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2014/05/parenting-rewires-male-brain

[vetlantram]

When you're ugly like me, it shocks a lot of people when they see I have kids. I am usually the ugliest person anywhere I go, so when they see my two beautiful kids, they start to wonder what it is about me that would make a woman procreate with me. They probably mostly assume I have a huge package, which couldn't be farther from the truth.
:lol

[FillJackson]

I had to google what yenta is.

Do people actually know that word wtf.
Yes, it's it Yiddish, you meeskeit.

a yenta from snl
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/coffee-talk-cold-opening/2724263

[KyrieTheFuture]

My two brothers are way, way closer to this reality than I am. I'm cool with being the uncle who spoils his nieces and nephews for 5 days then ****s off to Australia for 2 months because I don't have my own kids

[SwayDizzle]

I'm with you. Wife and kids are the last thing I want.
having money > wiping shit of a kids ass
Silence > some cackling yenta
Doing what I want when I want = priceless

Marriage isn't for everyone. I'm thankful I know myself enough to know it's not for me without having to lose half my stuff and bank account.
this

[Dresta]

I know, a lot of people feel this way, but most of those people I know that feel this way don't have any kids whatsoever. And if you noticed I said "me" I didn't say anyone else besides myself on being changed.
Yeah I know, but it's not just you in truth: it's the vast majority of people. Pretty much everyone I know who has had a child says the same thing, and the people who say otherwise, as you say, tend to not have children. But it's not like this is even a subjective or debatable thing: your brain will never be more plastic during adulthood than it is when you've recently had a child; it provides an opportunity like no other to change for the better.

It is simply ideology or self-interest that makes people think otherwise (you see it in this thread already: family sucks, it gets in the way of me), because scientific study of the brain has confirmed what had already been well-understood to be the most transformative human experience. Your mind has to be somehow warped by ideology to think that having a child doesn't affect the behaviour of human beings in a most fundamental way; if it didn't, we would already have perished as a species because the human child is completely helpless without the protection of family.

It makes complete sense from an evolutionary and practical standpoint, not just a moral and emotional (or even religious) one.

[Hawker]

OP, whatever happened to the girl you said got pregnant and said the kid was yours?

[UK2K]

I'm with you. Wife and kids are the last thing I want.
having money > wiping shit of a kids ass
Silence > some cackling yenta
Doing what I want when I want = priceless

Marriage isn't for everyone. I'm thankful I know myself enough to know it's not for me without having to lose half my stuff and bank account.

one of the guys who works for me had a kid on Wed...

He just told me about how his kid shit all over himself in Target Sunday, and then was stomping in it like a puddle.

**** that.

[COnDEMnED]

one of the guys who works for me had a kid on Wed...

He just told me about how his kid shit all over himself in Target Sunday, and then was stomping in it like a puddle.

**** that.
****ing gross. I feel for the janitor. He deserves a raise. A free 12 pack at the least.

[KyrieTheFuture]

one of the guys who works for me had a kid on Wed...

He just told me about how his kid shit all over himself in Target Sunday, and then was stomping in it like a puddle.

**** that.
What kid that was born on wednesday has the physical capability to jump in a puddle of shit? Why is a non potty trained child not wearing a diaper?

[PullupJay]

http://67.media.tumblr.com/1ec765134aae63264195c0356a3f70ad/tumblr_ngwf3eJK6c1tp42tfo1_500.jpg

[knickballer]

From a personal observation it seems like the people who regret having kids are the type of people who are a bit selfish. Selfish in that they regret doing stuff they used to do like partying, sleeping in, able to watch TV without interruptions and generally less responsibilities. It's funny seeing grown ass adults complain and whine they can't eat out or do w/e because they have to take care of their kids. It's not your kids fault that you can't let go of some responsibilities. Did you really think you can still go out clubbing while having some kids at home? Do you really think you could lock yourself in your "bro-cave" to play madden all day and still take care of the kids?

On the other hand the people who seem to enjoy their kids are the type of people that are humble, lowkey and respectable people. The type of people that don't need to wear flashy bling and the kind that doesn't really like to go out clubbing. These type of people generally come from more religious or traditional environments.

Personally, I want kids and a family because I don't see the point of life and marriage without that. All your ancestors had atleast one offspring or else you wouldn't be here. I don't want to die alone(and that's one of my biggest fears) and I feel if I have some decent kids I won't give a **** about dying as I know my legacy will be passed accordingly. However, If I don't have any kids I'd probably be stressing out on my deathbed regretting my whole life and trading in superficial shit that won't matter when I'm dead like money and status for lasting relationships.

[Jameerthefear]

>having kids post 2015
kek. kids these days are too expensive to care for. smart people are waiting or not having them at all.

[iamgine]

From a personal observation it seems like the people who regret having kids are the type of people who are a bit selfish. Selfish in that they regret doing stuff they used to do like partying, sleeping in, able to watch TV without interruptions and generally less responsibilities. It's funny seeing grown ass adults complain and whine they can't eat out or do w/e because they have to take care of their kids. It's not your kids fault that you can't let go of some responsibilities. Did you really think you can still go out clubbing while having some kids at home? Do you really think you could lock yourself in your "bro-cave" to play madden all day and still take care of the kids?
Personally, I'm just afraid that I won't love my kids that much. All the other stuff are secondary.

I see parents loving their kids so much even though the kid is bad. Yeah the parents get mad and may complains a lot or do selfish things sometimes but behind all that they truly love their kids, even if the kid is autistic or on drugs. It's not just a commitment thing for them.

[DeuceWallaces]

What kid that was born on wednesday has the physical capability to jump in a puddle of shit? Why is a non potty trained child not wearing a diaper?

We already knew UK was an idiot liar.

Of course a 6 day old child would be in a department store jumping around in a puddle of their own shit.

[highwhey]

What kid that was born on wednesday has the physical capability to jump in a puddle of shit? Why is a non potty trained child not wearing a diaper?
He must be a real Nikka


Fresh out the womb he can grab rim

[UK2K]

What kid that was born on wednesday has the physical capability to jump in a puddle of shit? Why is a non potty trained child not wearing a diaper?

He was laying on the changing table in the restroom kicking poop.

The guy couldn't open the new pack of baby wipes because he had poopy all over his hands.

Sounds like a turrible time. Better him than me.

[DukeDelonte13]

He was laying on the changing table in the restroom kicking poop.

The guy couldn't open the new pack of baby wipes because he had poopy all over his hands.

Sounds like a turrible time. Better him than me.

Must have been rookie diaper changer. You gotta get the wipes and fresh diaper ready before you even think about opening a dirty diaper.

[mlh1981]

I can't see myself having a kid. If I do, it will be later in life, and only 1 (my fiancee agrees with this, too). I enjoy spending time with her, my friends, traveling when I can, going to ballgames, biking, going to the beach, etc. Just not sure I have the right frame of mind to bring a kid into the world at this point. I teach for a living, so I also wonder if I have enough money to properly raise a kid. My stepdad didn't become a biological father until he was 40. I can see myself going down a similar path, if I ever change my mind. (I turn 35 in November)

[KyrieTheFuture]

Must have been rookie diaper changer. You gotta get the wipes and fresh diaper ready before you even think about opening a dirty diaper.
Kids 6 days old, of course he's a new diaper changer. Granted, taking a 6 day old baby anywhere in public is a bold move

[UK2K]

Kids 6 days old, of course he's a new diaper changer. Granted, taking a 6 day old baby anywhere in public is a bold move

That was my first thought too.

But, to be fair, this dude thought his wife taking Flintstones vitamins was the same as taking prenatal vitamins so...

I don't know the first thing about kids, but I do know that that's dumb.

[KyrieTheFuture]

That was my first thought too.

But, to be fair, this dude thought his wife taking Flintstones vitamins was the same as taking prenatal vitamins so...

I don't know the first thing about kids, but I do know that that's dumb.
Well I wish all the best to that kid, not off to a strong start

[UK2K]

>having kids post 2015
kek. kids these days are too expensive to care for. smart people are waiting or not having them at all.

Unfortunately for the future of this country...

Intelligent people are waiting to have kids, and having less of them.

The stupid people **** like stoned rabbits, where then they have 8 stupid kids, where each of those stupid kids has 8 stupid kids of their own.

[stalkerforlife]

I can't possibly believe any man doesn't want kids.

It's biological to spread our seed and keep our namesake and legacy going.

Maybe some of you just don't think you can have kids because you're a loser; well, i'm a loser and I plan on having as many kids as possible; one of them can overcame the massive failure of genes before me and become great. I just need one successful kid to take care of me when i'm older.

We have to reproduce. That's the point of life.

[Richie2k6]

I can't see myself having a kid. If I do, it will be later in life, and only 1 (my fiancee agrees with this, too). I enjoy spending time with her, my friends, traveling when I can, going to ballgames, biking, going to the beach, etc. Just not sure I have the right frame of mind to bring a kid into the world at this point. I teach for a living, so I also wonder if I have enough money to properly raise a kid. My stepdad didn't become a biological father until he was 40. I can see myself going down a similar path, if I ever change my mind. (I turn 35 in November)
This used to be me until a few friends talked me out of it. Having a single child can be just cruel sometimes, especially if they don't have any cousins or anything to hang out with as kids. Single kids have it good for some things (all money/gifts goes to them, no sharing, etc)... but at the same time... the lonely factor. Damn. Can't imagine having no siblings. Wouldn't want my child to be at home playing with his toys by himself if his friends aren't available to play with him. Not to mention, many only children grow up to be self-centered and entitled as fack

[falc39]

If you don't want to put in the work for something, then how much do you deserve it? If you don't want to raise a family, that's fine, maybe it's not for you. But how can you know the value of something without experiencing it yourself? Raising a family (one that isn't dysfunctional and a failure) does take a lot of effort, but the rewards that can grow from it and the legacy you build upon can be much greater.

Hey guys, do I sound reasonable...
I want to run a successful business and become wealthy without dealing with any of the responsibilities of running a business.
I want to win a competition without training.
I want to get a worthwhile degree without studying.

I want to have the benefits of a family without being a responsible parent.

Now you know how ridiculous that statement sounds and it's not the way the universe works. No risk, no reward. That's life. It is definitely worth it if you can handle the responsibilities. Maybe it's a generational thing. I am not like my peers and I expect everything meaningful in life to require a lot of effort and dedication. Everyone else seems to want things for free these days.

[KyrieTheFuture]

If you don't want to put in the work for something, then how much do you deserve it? If you don't want to raise a family, that's fine, maybe it's not for you. But how can you know the value of something without experiencing it yourself? Raising a family (one that isn't dysfunctional and a failure) does take a lot of effort, but the rewards that can grow from it and the legacy you build upon can be much greater.

Hey guys, do I sound reasonable...
I want to run a successful business and become wealthy without dealing with any of the responsibilities of running a business.
I want to win a competition without training.
I want to get a worthwhile degree without studying.

I want to have the benefits of a family without being a responsible parent.

Now you know how ridiculous that statement sounds and it's not the way the universe works. No risk, no reward. That's life. It is definitely worth it if you can handle the responsibilities. Maybe it's a generational thing. I am not like my peers and I expect everything meaningful in life to require a lot of effort and dedication. Everyone else seems to want things for free these days.
I don't think anyone in this thread is asking for the happiness of having a family without the work of having one. I'm seeing this as a comparison of two ways to be happy.

It's more like asking, is it better to get a degree studying alone or in a study group?

[Dresta]

If you don't want to put in the work for something, then how much do you deserve it? If you don't want to raise a family, that's fine, maybe it's not for you. But how can you know the value of something without experiencing it yourself? Raising a family (one that isn't dysfunctional and a failure) does take a lot of effort, but the rewards that can grow from it and the legacy you build upon can be much greater.

Hey guys, do I sound reasonable...
I want to run a successful business and become wealthy without dealing with any of the responsibilities of running a business.
I want to win a competition without training.
I want to get a worthwhile degree without studying.

I want to have the benefits of a family without being a responsible parent.

Now you know how ridiculous that statement sounds and it's not the way the universe works. No risk, no reward. That's life. It is definitely worth it if you can handle the responsibilities. Maybe it's a generational thing. I am not like my peers and I expect everything meaningful in life to require a lot of effort and dedication. Everyone else seems to want things for free these days.
This, so many times this. The mistake made by so many people is in confusing the pursuit of happiness with the pursuit of pleasure. Very often happiness comes as a result of striving and achievement and effort, not pleasure seeking; and very often the direct seeking of pleasure leads more surely to unhappiness than to happiness. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a temporary and short-lived pleasure in the present for something more meaningful in the future.

Indolence is toxic for the mind and body: i've learnt that first-hand. Industry is an essential part of life; it is sad that so many modern jobs are dehumanising and impersonal, and that we've thrown away many worthwhile things in the endless pursuit of production efficiency. Solidity and purpose are needed just as much as money; a society in which the concerns of the latter override all others is likely to be miserable.

[falc39]

I don't think anyone in this thread is asking for the happiness of having a family without the work of having one. I'm seeing this as a comparison of two ways to be happy.

True, I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular from this thread in my response. I guess I was responding more to the vibe I get when I hear from others around me. Although people who say it isn't worth having kids because it's too much effort and you'll be miserable (i hear that a lot)... my response could be relevant. I would say happiness in itself is a very vague term and means many different things under different contexts. Approaching the raising of a kid or family by how happy it will make you may not be the best way to decide.

[KyrieTheFuture]

True, I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular from this thread in my response. I guess I was responding more to the vibe I get when I hear from others around me. Although people who say it isn't worth having kids because it's too much effort and you'll be miserable (i hear that a lot)... my response could be relevant. I would say happiness in itself is a very vague term and means many different things under different contexts. Approaching the raising of a kid or family by how happy it will make you may not be the best way to decide.

I feel you.

Idk if I agree with some of the criticisms of people not wanting kids only doing so because they're selfish. People have families for selfish ass reasons too.

[UK2K]

If you don't want to put in the work for something, then how much do you deserve it? If you don't want to raise a family, that's fine, maybe it's not for you. But how can you know the value of something without experiencing it yourself? Raising a family (one that isn't dysfunctional and a failure) does take a lot of effort, but the rewards that can grow from it and the legacy you build upon can be much greater.

Hey guys, do I sound reasonable...
I want to run a successful business and become wealthy without dealing with any of the responsibilities of running a business.
I want to win a competition without training.
I want to get a worthwhile degree without studying.

I want to have the benefits of a family without being a responsible parent.

Now you know how ridiculous that statement sounds and it's not the way the universe works. No risk, no reward. That's life. It is definitely worth it if you can handle the responsibilities. Maybe it's a generational thing. I am not like my peers and I expect everything meaningful in life to require a lot of effort and dedication. Everyone else seems to want things for free these days.

I'd rather not risk it.

It's not like a game where I can take it back to Gamestop if I don't like it.

One of my biggest fears in life, I have a kid and realize it isn't for me.

[Doctor K]

Overall, its like living for others before yourself. Why would you want that...in your 20s? I mean I get it if you are late 30s or 40s you did what you wanted but....to live for others before yourself in your 20s?

[Lakers Legend#32]

"A Man's Home Is His Coffin."--Al Bundy

[Heilige]

This, so many times this. The mistake made by so many people is in confusing the pursuit of happiness with the pursuit of pleasure. Very often happiness comes as a result of striving and achievement and effort, not pleasure seeking; and very often the direct seeking of pleasure leads more surely to unhappiness than to happiness. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a temporary and short-lived pleasure in the present for something more meaningful in the future.

Indolence is toxic for the mind and body: i've learnt that first-hand. Industry is an essential part of life; it is sad that so many modern jobs are dehumanising and impersonal, and that we've thrown away many worthwhile things in the endless pursuit of production efficiency. Solidity and purpose are needed just as much as money; a society in which the concerns of the latter override all others is likely to be miserable.


Do you think having lots of women and money can lead to happiness?

[~primetime~]

Do you think having lots of women and money can lead to happiness?
Of course it can. Literally anything -can- lead to happiness.

Some men get happiness from being tortured...I once met a dominatrix who charges good money to kick men in the balls.

Whatever makes you happy, makes you happy, there are no boundaries to that.

[~primetime~]

Let me add this tidbit to the parenting talk...something I just learned recently.

Having two kids is literally twice as hard as having one. I think most parents of one child feel like since they have already been through the motions once that the second one won't be as difficult, but that just isn't true. Another child doubles the work load. Seems like 'duh' I know, but most parents don't realize the reality of that fact.

I honestly don't even know how some people have 3+ kids...that seems absolutely impossible to me. Then there are some freaks that have 5-6 kids. I bet at that point you start fcking up their names. I bet none of them get that much one-on-one time with their parents. Seems nuts to me.


Also I have learned this...parents forget how hard the first year is. My wife has to wake up every two hours to breast feed, she hasn't had decent sleep in months. Anyone can do that a few nights but after a while it's absolute torture. We had been through that before with our first, but somehow the memories of that torture vanished...I feel like nature does that on purpose so that we continue to have children, it's like the brain knew to erase that from our memories. When we had our second, the memories of how hard it was with the first came back...it's like, "oh fck, this shit again, how did we forget?"

[IllegalD]

>having kids post 2015
kek. kids these days are too expensive to care for. smart people are waiting or not having them at all.

Considering your p*enis will never be anywhere close to a v*gina, it's good that you have this belief.

[hitmanyr2k]

Overall, its like living for others before yourself. Why would you want that...in your 20s? I mean I get it if you are late 30s or 40s you did what you wanted but....to live for others before yourself in your 20s?

I had that same sentiment when I was younger. My wife and I took that route and while I had my freedom and got to do a lot before having a child I almost regret waiting until my late 30's. Throughout my life those big moments (getting my license, my first car, graduating high school, moving out on my own, etc) never hit me at all emotionally. It was just routine stuff to me. I think I was in shock when I got married :oldlol: I was happy but it didn't hit me until a year later. I woke up one morning and was like holy shit I'm married but not in a bad way. It was a good feeling.

With all that said, nothing came close to the feeling I had when my son was born (2 years ago yesterday). Nothing ever hit me that hard and when I held him for the first time and looked at him I'm not ashamed to say I wept uncontrollably for a few minutes. My wife (who was recovering on the other side of the room and hadn't even seen him yet) was scared to death seeing me cry because she thought he came out deformed :oldlol: I love being a father and if I had to do it all over again I would have had my boy earlier, at least in my early 30's.

[Hawker]

Let me add this tidbit to the parenting talk...something I just learned recently.

Having two kids is literally twice as hard as having one. I think most parents of one child feel like since they have already been through the motions once that the second one won't be as difficult, but that just isn't true. Another child doubles the work load. Seems like 'duh' I know, but most parents don't realize the reality of that fact.

I honestly don't even know how some people have 3+ kids...that seems absolutely impossible to me. Then there are some freaks that have 5-6 kids. I bet at that point you start fcking up their names. I bet none of them get that much one-on-one time with their parents. Seems nuts to me.


Also I have learned this...parents forget how hard the first year is. My wife has to wake up every two hours to breast feed, she hasn't had decent sleep in months. Anyone can do that a few nights but after a while it's absolute torture. We had been through that before with our first, but somehow the memories of that torture vanished...I feel like nature does that on purpose so that we continue to have children, it's like the brain knew to erase that from our memories. When we had our second, the memories of how hard it was with the first came back...it's like, "oh fck, this shit again, how did we forget?"

That last paragraph is great. I've read stories of women/men that honestly couldn't remember the first few months after the baby came.