Patrick Chewing
05-30-2019, 02:39 PM
Three come to mind for me. In order of absolute worst to least worst.
1. Absolute worst first date I had was taking this girl to one of these Brazilian steakhouses without knowing what it truly was or what it truly cost. The night's stress began for me when she told me that she was vegan once we sat down at the table. Thankfully, they had a salad bar. After an hour or so of me boring her to death telling her about how I like to write as a hobby, the bill finally came. It was well over $100 and I didn't have enough to cover it all. My heart sank and i suddenly was having a hard time swallowing. She even noticed that something was wrong. I had to muster up the courage and ask her to help out. She did, but she clearly looked disappointed. Never dated her again.
2. I once took a girl out I worked with and we went to this local bar where a bunch of co-workers were at as well. We bumped into a few old classmates and when you bump into old classmates, you buy each other a few rounds. So the drinking began. And it continued. And it continued some more. Fast forward and I drive her back to her house and we're both beyond drunk out of our minds. So we go to her room and I begin to undress her. I get on top of her and start going at it, and within seconds she falls fast asleep. So of course I pull out and put my pants back on and fall asleep next to her. A few hours later in the middle of the night, I wake up with an irresistible need to throw up. Her house is pitch black dark and I can't see shit. I made it to the kitchen before I puked all over her floor. Couldn't find the light switch so I couldn't clean it up. Went back in the room, got my things, and drove home.
3. Finally, a few months ago I went on a date and when we got back to her place, we had sex. Well, we had eaten at a restaurant prior to that, so I was quite full. Well, I guess with all the moving and shaking, I suddenly had to take a shit. As I'm pounding away, the pressure is mounting in my stomach and I can feel the ol' turd wagon creeping out the back. I was at a crossroad at that point and time. I wanted to finish, but mother nature was calling and swiftly taking the lead in terms of priorities in my mind. So without hesitation, I jumped off of her and ran to her bathroom. As soon as I sat down, I exploded. You could hear her asking me "what the **** just happened" in the background as I started flushing relentlessly so she wouldn't hear me or catch a whiff down the hall. As if that wasn't bad enough, I then realized I was low on toilet paper.
1. Absolute worst first date I had was taking this girl to one of these Brazilian steakhouses without knowing what it truly was or what it truly cost. The night's stress began for me when she told me that she was vegan once we sat down at the table. Thankfully, they had a salad bar. After an hour or so of me boring her to death telling her about how I like to write as a hobby, the bill finally came. It was well over $100 and I didn't have enough to cover it all. My heart sank and i suddenly was having a hard time swallowing. She even noticed that something was wrong. I had to muster up the courage and ask her to help out. She did, but she clearly looked disappointed. Never dated her again.
2. I once took a girl out I worked with and we went to this local bar where a bunch of co-workers were at as well. We bumped into a few old classmates and when you bump into old classmates, you buy each other a few rounds. So the drinking began. And it continued. And it continued some more. Fast forward and I drive her back to her house and we're both beyond drunk out of our minds. So we go to her room and I begin to undress her. I get on top of her and start going at it, and within seconds she falls fast asleep. So of course I pull out and put my pants back on and fall asleep next to her. A few hours later in the middle of the night, I wake up with an irresistible need to throw up. Her house is pitch black dark and I can't see shit. I made it to the kitchen before I puked all over her floor. Couldn't find the light switch so I couldn't clean it up. Went back in the room, got my things, and drove home.
3. Finally, a few months ago I went on a date and when we got back to her place, we had sex. Well, we had eaten at a restaurant prior to that, so I was quite full. Well, I guess with all the moving and shaking, I suddenly had to take a shit. As I'm pounding away, the pressure is mounting in my stomach and I can feel the ol' turd wagon creeping out the back. I was at a crossroad at that point and time. I wanted to finish, but mother nature was calling and swiftly taking the lead in terms of priorities in my mind. So without hesitation, I jumped off of her and ran to her bathroom. As soon as I sat down, I exploded. You could hear her asking me "what the **** just happened" in the background as I started flushing relentlessly so she wouldn't hear me or catch a whiff down the hall. As if that wasn't bad enough, I then realized I was low on toilet paper.