How old were you when you had your first kid?

[Draz]

My wife has been encouraging me that it's time to try for a kid. We've been together married for 3 years now. I'm 28.

Time has been flying past me. At a younger age I figured at 24-25 I'd have a kid.

It feels like the time has come for me to make some life changing decisions.

My biggest fears include a child with health issues or not even being fertile. I've never had a pregnancy scare in my life and I've been with several women unprotected.

I love my sleep and peace of mind. I love independence. Am I not ready or?

[DoctorP]

The only readiness you need is economic.

[DoctorP]

And make sure youre not on drugs

[Axe]

Around 30 is most ideal more or less

[FourthTenor]

Youre not ready.

Send your wife to me.

[Axe]

Youre not ready.

Send your wife to me.
:milton

[DoctorP]

Frankly, it doesn't matter what age you are. If you can take care of the financial aspect and not abuse your kids you have fulfilled your duties as a father.

[Rolando]

I had my first kid at 42......That was a bit late, although I am quite happy in general about the whole thing.

Here's what you have to contend with:
1. Your wife will become a mother and her focus and energy will largely shift to the child. The end result is this: you will have much less sex. That's just a fact.....except in a small percentage of couples.
2. Your free time both personally and as a couple pretty much evaporates. Hopefully both of your families live nearby and you can regularly have the grandmother or sister spend an evening or 2 with the kid every week. Otherwise things will get tense between you and your wife.
3. Technically, having a child is not really that much of an increase in expenses.....However, your wife's working situation or your working situation will likely be affected by the child. Less total income, less money. Try to get that child into a daycare situation as soon as practical....(which costs money but well worth it). Try hard to keep the wife working.....She will most likely be happier that way. Not many women can handle being housewives these days. They want to get out and engage in the world. Try to keep that alive for her otherwise there will be trouble.
4. Seriously.....Train that kid as soon as possible to sleep in its own room. Otherwise, instead of having less sex, you have NO sex. Get it done.
5. Hanging out with your single friends will decrease. Hanging out with other people with kids will increase.

Good luck. Having a child is awesome. Your life will change dramatically.

Things start to get easier when the kid gets bigger and more independent. So just agree with yourself and your wife that the next ten years are going to require some focus and discpline....after that you will start to breathe a bit again. As you get into your 40's things will be looking good and professionally, what ever you are doing, you should be peaking out.

I'd say late 20's early 30's is pretty much ideal for having a child.

[Wally450]

I don't plan on having a kid anytime soon.

[~primetime~]

Early-mid 30s for me...I think for men over 30 is ideal...28 isn't -that- bad though depending on you. When I was 28 I was still very much in party mode, drinking and womanizing and all that, and I was in no way shape or form ready to be a father. If you are still partying and not yet ready to give that up, I would wait. You have to be ready to settle down...get the party out of your system first.

I could give endless advice here, but I'll just touch on your fears...

Having an unhealthy baby was a real fear of mine as well...they can test for Down Syndrome and some others early, giving you the option to abort if you want, but the big one is autism which can not be tested for and the rates are going up and they don't know what causes it. So really autism is a crap shoot right now. Luckily I have two healthy boys but not going to lie, I was worried about autism in particular, and really I don't think there is anything I can say to make your fears ease. Your fears will be present.

Can't touch on the fertility fear sorry...for me and my wife didn't take much time at all. I know some couples can try for months, even years with no luck, and yeah I know going through that can be very difficult, even end marriages. Good luck.

Sleep?...gone. Especially early on. This is one area where I did get really unlucky with my kids, they woke up in the middle of the night every night for pretty much the first 6 months-1 year. And I have never truly experienced sleep deprivation until I had kids. It's awful and it will bring out the worst in you and your wife. It is impossible to be in a positive mind state when your sleep deprived and you'll get overly pissed off and yell over truly meaningless shit. You and your wife have to make deals as to who will get up to change a diaper in order for both of you to keep your sanity. That said, I do know of couples who got really lucky and had babies that slept through the night right away, and they didn't really experience sleep deprivation on the level that I did. Regardless of that, you aren't going to be able to sleep in until 11-noon any more...those days gone.

Independence? you're going to lose some for sure. You are going to have to get into the mind set that you are now living for them and not for yourself. There are going to be lots of times when you will want to relax and watch a game or something but you can't because you're a dad. That said, the older my kids get, and the more capable they become of taking care of themselves, the easier all of this gets. From what I have experienced the early years (1-3) are really difficult and then that stress starts to ease up slowly over time. And then things get "fun"...but from what I understand things get difficult again once they hit teen years (13 or so)...I'm not looking forward to that.


^^^All of this comes off really negative...I know. But if you want to be a father, it is all worth it 1000x over. Being a father is a combination of extreme stress and extreme joy at the same time. But the joy and love is great to the point that you are willing to go through all that stress for it. It will give you an extreme sense of purpose and your kids will become the driving force in your life....if your ready for that go for it.

[ItsMillerTime]

I was 31 when my son was born. I was scared shitless, but everything turned out great. He's my main focus in life now.

That being said, if you still value your independence and aren't ready for a kid - there's no need to rush anything. After covid is over, go travel the world.. go experience things you've always wanted to, because once you have a kid, that shit gets put on hold for a long time. Also what Primetime said about sleep is true. The first year or so, say goodbye to a normal sleep schedule.