Book Bongo BONANZA!

[FultzNationRISE]

So as you MAY know, I did write up a lil memoir about my years pursuing the biz of show in a place they call LALA Land. I dropped the rough copy as an ebook a little over a year ago, but still had a ton of revising to do before being able to release it as a physical copy.

Well, fellas, I have good news:

The revising is done and it is now out on the show room floor lookin pretty!

:djparty


https://www.amazon.com/dp/B097XFSZ5G


So, what I think we'll do is... I think we'll make this thread an official BOOK LAUNCH PARTY. I'll share some thoughts, drop some excerpts, maybe do an AMA. We'll have a good time wit it.

Wadda ya think? You guys up for it?

Lets.

DO THIS!!!!!!!


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[FultzNationRISE]

So, first of all, a few thoughts about literature and society in general:

It's no secret that the explosion of social media and the 24/7 news cycle is highly correlated to the dramatic rise in mental health issues. Everyone KNOWS this, yet... the whole planet still spends countless hours on social media regardless.

Well, maybe we need to get back... to books.

For one, novels are a tremendous antidote for stress. Novels are relaxing, comforting, yet engaging at the same time. They're inspiring, motivating. They're artistically fascinating. They're fulfilling.

Let's do some more reading, huh?? That's what I say. Let's encourage and support good old fashion authoring. Let's spend a little less time on TWITTER, and on Instagram, and whatever other crap full of dumb people doing dumb things for 15 minutes of hollow, viral fame.

Let's read some books. And then maybe talk about them. I think this could be a big thing for humans.

[FultzNationRISE]

As far as my own foray into authorship and content creation in general:

I'm excited! I think this could be a really productive thing. For one, it feels like a novel people will enjoy reading. Just good ol' fashioned entertainment. You can sit there and read it and I think you will have a good time. It's full of laughs, I can say quite truthfully.

Arguably, and perhaps I'm just feelin myself a little here, but I dare say it even blazes a few trails, breaks a few barriers, tunnels a few wormholes into new worlds and horizons! They don't write books like this these days. Matter fact, I'm not sure they ever have. This is an experiment in ART.

And I'm excited to have you participate ;)

[Gohan]

why would i buy that book when i could use the extra cash to throw on malika andrews?

[Im Still Ballin]

My response:

https://youtu.be/892Z6nvxwvs?t=223

Considering a purchase.

[FultzNationRISE]

Whew, okay back to the book launch! Wanted to do more with this thread yesterday but wasnt feeling my best, some kind of a stomach bug or somethin. Today I'm feelin better but was busy heretofore. Now we're back in biz!


Okay, so, FELLAS: Like I said, big time memoir here. I'd say its closest analog among the classics would be Candide - which I'm sure you're all quite familiar with - although this of course is written in first person narration. But, I dare say it has that same sort of whimsical satire, and sprightly pacing. Perfect for today's sensibilities.

This isn't your usual memoir, because for one thing it isn't ghost written by a hired journalist in some blasé monotone like the memoirs of most public figures. This is that authentic shit. The idiosyncratic style I pioneered long ago. You know what I'm talkin bout.

Also, please understand, none of the story is political. No diatribes about republicans and democrats. No cantankerous social pessimism. It's mainly a plot driven narrative based on my experience, which I'm hopeful is effective in soliciting humor from its frankness and whimsy.

[FultzNationRISE]

Let's have a look at an excerpt. Give me a moment here.

[FultzNationRISE]

Here’s the thing about people on the public bus: unlike you, they can be pretty judgmental. Especially toward one who gets on the bus by himself, dressed for a night out. Most riders are headed home from jobs in kitchens or hotels. They wonder things like: Why is this guy, who’s clearly on his way to an overpriced cocktail lounge, going there alone on a bus, drinking cheap gin from a can of Diet Fanta?

These aren’t unreasonable questions. And I was fully aware of the sitch I was getting myself in to. I knew from the jump this bus ride would put me under a microscope.

Inviting this kind of scrutiny in a bus environment is not without peril. The situation is Delicate with a capital D. Confusion amongst the bus-riding pack can lead to aggression and hostility - especially when hunger is a factor. Therefore it is always my recommendation when boarding a public bus to make yourself appear BIGGER. Stand on your tip toes and hold your arms out from your sides. Widen the mouth and protrude the jaw; don’t be afraid to show teeth. This indicates to the other riders that you are dominant, and if they have questions about your life choices it is best to keep those quietly to themselves.

It’s a technique requiring poise and a steady set of nerves. I knew I’d have to play my cards craftily in the moments to come.

About 17 minutes after the bus was scheduled to arrive, it arrived. Ready to fashion my afore stated projections, I staggered aboard the vehicle in my cleanest kicks, jeans, and linen; clutching my can and smelling heavily of liquor. I greeted the busman and paid my fare, then turned menacingly toward the cabin.

I could sense this turf was up for grabs.

I could feel it.

Propping myself up on tip toe, I lurched forward with an unsteady gait. To appear bigger, I extended my arms stiffly outward, mimicking the flight of an airplane. I proceeded to wobble down the aisle, making eye contact with every person I could in order to set the tone. I’d swigged generously from my can before boarding.

The guile was on point. Every passenger I looked toward appeared visibly uncomfortable. Each looked away or put their heads down promptly. Not one attempted a challenge.

Finally I took my rightful and triumphant place upon a hard plastic throne covered with a thin layer of coffee-stained fabric near the rear of the vehicle.

I had done it.

I was the new Valley Metro 801 Rapid ALPHA.

:crazysam:

[FultzNationRISE]

We cruised the length of Ventura in our phat ride and debussed at Universal City Station on Lankershim Blvd. This is where I was to make my subway connection. I wasn’t familiar with the layout, but when I saw people mysteriously disappearing downward across the courtyard, I sensed something was not what it appeared to be.

My intuition proved right again. I was on fire! As I approached the spot where people appeared to vanish beneath the surface of the Earth, I discovered an escalator descending into the subway tunnel. Fearlessly, I descended as well.

Inside the station a mechanical ticket dispenser was mounted on a wall; I purchased my ticket and ambled through the turnstile toward the depot for departures and arrivals. The nice thing about the LA subway is that it’s very easy to determine which train to take. That’s because there’s only one, and it provides an almost pointless, truncated north-south route covering a miniscule fraction of the city’s geography. Big time public transit right there. Cutting edge. THICK.

Pacing along the boarding platform in the depot, awaiting of my carriage of iron, I took inventory of the surrounding passengers-to-be. The crowd was remarkably sparse. The atmosphere was surprisingly bleary and turnt down. I’d expected more party-goers taking advantage of a cheap and responsible way to get to and fro Hollywood for the night. What was up? Where were all the nightlife heads?? I’d been fixin to start up some drunk convos on the train to get loose for the night ahead.

Granted, it was Tuesday. I supposed that explained it. But still. Felt like there should be... more.

***

Suddenly, then, a low rumbling was detectable in the distance.

I paused, listening, leaning in toward the tracks and peering lengthwise in the direction of the tunnel.

Like the eye of an unseen spectre, a pinpoint of light emerged in the center of the tunnel’s black abyss. It seemed to float, suspended in isolation and surrounded by a pool of black nothingness. The low rumbling persisted.

The tiny light - either very small or very far ahead - seemed to pulse rhythmically. It was vague just yet, but growing unmistakably. Very curious. Compelling. The rumbling, too, began climbing octaves, gaining in volume and urgency.

The singularity expanded, then appeared to contract a bit. Then expanded larger still. Swelling now as if pregnant with a spawn of photonic offspring - ONE QUADRILLION STRONG! Impatiently waiting to unleashed onto the world.

My gaze steeled upon it. I’m not sure why exactly. I can’t quite explain what fixated me… or how it fixated me. The light itself seemed to grip my focus, as though with conscious intent. Holding me. Rendering me paralytic, like prey in a predator’s clasped jaw, or some pitiful grazing ungulate bound by the unmerciful coils of a menacing boa. I was immobilized.

And so, I waited.

The rumbling continued to grow. Coming faster. Coming here.

Louder still, rising in imminence.

RISING. LOUDER.

Then, it wasn’t a rumble any longer. It was a belligerent roar, mutating into the frantic shriek of a thunderous hurricane BARRELLING DOWN THE TRACK!!! The light its epicenter, its eye, speeding toward me. I could see it, yet I could see nothing. Only light. More and more light. Losing awareness of where I was. Balance unsteady. Sensation began to overwhelm, orientation abandoning me. A massive tide of luminescence, blinding in its effulgence, rose and curled forward like a wave poised to crash. The sound was RAGING, ricocheting off walls, filling the subway chamber. No longer coming from a single direction but EVERY DIRECTION LIKE AN OMNIPRESENT AURICULAR CATASTROPHE.

With Herculean effort I struggled to dispel the trance and put coherent thoughts together.

Is this right?? Is the train supposed to do this!? Is it secured to the tracks? Should I move? Is the driver going to brake?? What’s happening!??

OH GOD!

“THEY WEAVED AMONG THE TREES, AT BREAKNECK SPEED!!”

A surge. I felt something surging. Surging... within me. Firing off in rounds like missiles through my veins.

Adrenaline.

My adrenal gland was ejaculating. Squirting hormone into my blood stream. It rushed through pathways of veins and arteries, permeating blood vessels, saturating them like rainfall on dry roots til they were brimming to capacity with liquid volatility.

My eyes widened. Breathing heavy. Teeth gritting. I could see with clarity: The train car is zooming toward me!

It couldn’t be stalled. Time was up. The peak, the climax, the CRESCENDO was nigh! A devastating iron bullet careening straight into the very space I stood. My eyes closed. A huge gust of wind wooshed into the terminal, sending a chill down my spine. I prepared for the end. The calamitous sound in the terminal became almost serene.

CHUGGA chugga CHUGGA chugga CHUGGA chugga CHOO CHOOOOOOOOO!

CHUGGA chugga CHUGGA chugga CHUGGA chugga CHOO CHOOOOOOOOO!

I looked around sheepishly at the scattered company of subway patrons. I felt silly for making train noises - but this was exciting!

As the light and the sound, THE SOUND AND THE FURY descended upon us, another gust wooshed through the terminal.

Our carriage… was…

Arrived.

I opened my eyes. The train car doors - about .5 centimeters in front of my nose - separated to the quotidian sound of a ‘ding’ as I stood on the platform ledge before them. Everyone else waiting for the train was standing about 10 feet behind me, dumbstruck, wondering why I never moved from the edge of the platform when the train approached.

It was an exhilarating experience for everyone.

:banana:

[Charlie Sheen]

I'll read this one day because I've spent all of my life in the southwest. Still remember you wrote about passing that patton museum on the top of the hill between indio and blythe... passed by that place too many times and never paid it any attention before then. Those familiar things on your travels would be right in my wheelhouse :cheers:

[FultzNationRISE]

On my approach to Viper Room I was greeted by a girl at the main entrance - which is on the side of the building, not facing Sunset. She had a pencil and notepad in her hand. She asked if I was there to see a band.

Oh.

Hadn’t even realized it was a live music situation. I thought it was like, a dance club for bumpin n grindin. Nonetheless, I played it cool.

“Uhhh, yeah I’m here to see a band.”

“K, which band are you here for?”

“The... Beatles.”

She was unamused, and impervious to the cunning of my ruse. She replied tersely: “Ok, so if you’re not on a band list, it’s 15 dollars.”

I said, “Sure, yeah, that’s no problem. Let me… I’ll just hit up the ATM around the corner real quick.”

Obviously I had no such intentions. 15 bucks for the “privilege” of buying eight-dollar beers? Absolute bollocks. I was a starving artist! No WAY I would be raked over the coals this way.

Furthermore, I began vacillating on whether to spend the evening at Viper Room at all. The crowd filtering in seemed a bit… different from what I expected. More of a grunge/punk/bohemia vibe. Lots of septum piercings, and people with buttons and patches pinned to their jackets instructing you to be vegan. I’d expected something a tad more upscale.

On the other hand, I was already there. And I did wanna at least check it out, and check it off (the bucket list). I had no idea where to find anything ‘upscale’ anyhow. Moreover, if THIS place wanted 15 bucks at the door… what were the upscale places gonna want!?

Yonder up the road I could see Viper Room’s two sister venues equally steeped in Hollywood lore: Whiskey A Go Go, and The Roxy. The crowds in those lines looked similarly off-beat to the one at Viper Room. I decided, somewhat grudgingly, that VR was still the most feasible option. Besides, this was only the first of many nights to come! There was plenty of time ahead to explore the rest of the city’s offerings. Tonight, it was Viper Room.

But… I still wasn’t paying 15 dollars for the privilege. It was time to put on my stealth ops hat, and slip in sub-rosa.


:milton

[FultzNationRISE]

I'll read this one day because I've spent all of my life in the southwest. Still remember you wrote about passing that patton museum on the top of the hill between indio and blythe... passed by that place too many times and never paid it any attention before then. Those familiar things on your travels would be right in my wheelhouse :cheers:

Appreciate ya, homie. :rockon:

[FultzNationRISE]

Now, keep in mind everyone, the excerpts aren't quite as effective in a vacuum. They're more compelling when you're already abreast of the background context. But I think you get a reasonable idea of what this thing is like. I've still got more to add, so hang tight for a min.

[Im Still Ballin]

:milton

Talk about a cliffhanger.

Is this a real life account?

[FultzNationRISE]

Talk about a cliffhanger.

Is this a real life account?

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[72-10]

Do people bring a Bongo bat to Book Bongo BONANZA?

[Cleverness]

For what it's worth, I read the excerpts; you're a great writer.

[Im Still Ballin]

Eagerly waiting for the follow-up -- I'm curious as to whether you made it inside the Viper Room.