Didn't know this was in there.
Ezekiel 23:14-21 is hands down the funniest passage written. That n1gga God is hilarious.
14
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Didn't know this was in there.
Ezekiel 23:14-21 is hands down the funniest passage written. That n1gga God is hilarious.
14
Lol you just know some dude out of his mind or pissed after a break up wrote that passage. I wonder how many of them exactly it was that got together to write the bible, and how did they know so many would believe them about it being the gospel of some ultimate being.
[img]http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/2219307/moses-o.gif[/img]
Those damn donkey **** horse sperming Chaldeans did it again!
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/aBu8O.png[/IMG]
That book is filled with funny stuff.
You can look up the full verses [URL="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/"]here[/URL].
1 Corinthians 11:14 (Men should not have long hair)
1 Corinthians 14:34-35 (Women should remain silent in church)
Deuteronomy 13:6-16 (Death penalty for Apostasy)
Deuteronomy 20:10-14 (Attack city, kill all men, keep women, children as spoils of war)
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (Death penalty for a rebellious son)
Deuteronomy 22:19-25 (Kill non-virgin/kill adulterers/rapists)
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 (Pay virgin’s parents for raping her)
Ecclesiastes 1:18 (Knowledge is bad)
Exodus 21:1-7 (Rules for buying slaves)
Exodus 35:2 (Death for working on the Sabbath)
Ezekiel 9:5-6 (Murder women/children)
Ezekiel 23:19-20 (A whore who had sex with men hung like donkeys)
Galatians 5:2-4 (If you are circumcised, Christ has nothing for you)
Genesis 1:3,4,5,11,12,16 (God creates light, night and day, plants grow, before creating sun)
Genesis 3:16 (Man shall rule over woman)
Jeremiah 19:9 (Cannibalism)
John 3:18 (He who believes in Jesus is saved, he that doesn’t is condemned)
John 5:46-47 (Jesus references Old Testament)
1 Kings 7:23 (Pi equals 3)
Leviticus 3:1-17 (Procedure for animal sacrifice)
Leviticus 19:19 (No mixed fabrics in clothing)
Leviticus 19:27 (Don’t trim hair or beard)
Leviticus 19:28 (No tattoos)
Leviticus 20:9 (Death for cursing father or mother)
Leviticus 20:10 (Death for adultery)
Leviticus 20:13 (Death for gay men)
Leviticus 20:15 (Death for bestiality)
Leviticus 20:18 (No sex with a woman on her period)
Leviticus 21:17-23 (Ugly people, lame, dwarfs, not welcome on altar)
Leviticus 25:45 (Strangers can be bought as slaves)
Luke 12:33 (Sell your possessions, and give to the poor)
Luke 14:26 (You must hate your family and yourself to follow Jesus)
Mark 10:11-12 (Leaving your spouse for another is adultery)
Mark 10:21-22 (Sell your possessions and give to the poor)
Mark 10:24-25 (Next to impossible for rich to get into heaven)
Mark 16:15-16 (Those who hear the gospel and don’t believe go to hell)
Matthew 5:17-19 (Jesus says he has come to enforce the laws of the Old Testament)
Matthew 6:5-6 (Pray in secret)
Matthew 6:18 (Fast for Lent in secret)
Matthew 9:12 (The healthy don’t need a doctor, the sick do)
Matthew 10:34-37 (Jesus comes with sword, turns families against each other, those that love family more than him are not worthy)
Matthew 12:30 (If you’re not with Jesus, you’re against him)
Matthew 15:4 (Death for not honouring your father and mother)
Matthew 22:29 (Jesus references Old Testament)
Matthew 24:37 (Jesus references Old Testament)
Numbers 14:18 (Following generations blamed for the sins of previous ones)
Psalms 137:9 (Violence against children)
Revelation 6:13 (The stars fell to earth like figs)
Revelation 21:8 (Unbelievers, among others, go to hell)
1 Timothy 2:11-12 (Women subordinate and must remain silent)
1 Timothy 5:8 (If you don’t provide for your family, you are an infidel)
Zechariah 14:2 (Women ravished when city is taken in battle)
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]Didn't know this was in there.
Ezekiel 23:14-21 is hands down the funniest passage written. That n1gga God is hilarious.
14
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend] That n1gga God is hilarious.[/QUOTE]
Almost as funny as the passage itself. :oldlol: The bible was written by humans.
:banana:
[QUOTE=ace23]Almost as funny as the passage itself. :oldlol: The bible was written by humans.[/QUOTE]
Most of the world's christians get this. America is unique as we have all these non denominational and independent christian churches that don't have the tradition and history that the orthodox or catholic churches have, so they rely 100% on just the bible. They take it literally.
The Bible was written by humans. Very smart, eloquent, organized and sometimes horny/misogynistic humans.
As a Christian growing up, I was raised to believe that each word was inspired by "God's touch" though and that the book was protected from sabotage and rogue human interference under his care.
No longer being Christian, clearly I do not believe that any more. Some of these men had their sex-deprived agendas as motivational fuel for their words.
Slightly OT, but it looks like the show about the bible on the History Channel tried to make the devil look like Obama. Anyone else see this?
[url]http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/satanic-looking-obama-history-channel-broadcast-article-1.1291615[/url]
[IMG]http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1291614.1363609536!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/satan19n-1-web.jpg[/IMG]
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]The Bible was written by humans. Very smart, eloquent, organized and sometimes horny/misogynistic humans.
As a Christian growing up, I was raised to believe that each word was inspired by "God's touch" though and that the book was protected from sabotage and rogue human interference under his care.
No longer being Christian, clearly I do not believe that any more. Some of these men had their sex-deprived agendas as motivational fuel for their words.[/QUOTE]
raised catholic. Went to catholic school for 8 years. They taught us that the bible was written by normal people, and that it has constantly been changed and revised. That its full of stories that people wrote on how they thought the world came to be, or how things worked, and that you shouldn't take the bible literally, but just appreciate the lessons it teaches. We were taught it is a holy book, but its supplementary to the religion, not the definitive word.
[QUOTE=Sarcastic]Slightly OT, but it looks like the show about the bible on the History Channel tried to make the devil look like Obama. Anyone else see this?
[url]http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/satanic-looking-obama-history-channel-broadcast-article-1.1291615[/url]
[IMG]http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1291614.1363609536!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/satan19n-1-web.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]
i'm a dem and i think that's awesome. :oldlol:
[quote]Slightly OT, but it looks like the show about the bible on the History Channel tried to make the devil look like Obama. Anyone else see this?[/quote]
Yeah I watched most of it yesterday. What an odd series. Anyone catch Kevin Garnett conquering Jericho? :oldlol:
And why on earth is the series called "The Bible"? That's goofy. It's the Christian narrative of salvation history. It's contained in a bunch of books that were codified into a definitive collection around 300 AD or so. We call that the Bible because it means "book" in Greek. :oldlol: That title doesn't tell you anything about the story.
Yeah, the Obama Satan was funny. So was the "big black guy with dreds" Samson. So was pretty much everything, actually.
You have to keep in mind that this series is basically a cash cow aimed at midwestern Evangelicals, so the devil resembling Obama is ho-hum.
Another evil character who is very Obama-like is the guy in Breaking Bad. Anyone notice this?
It's not intentional; Bryan Cranston is a very active social liberal.
I picked up the Holy Bible and it burned my hands...
"and the lord spoke, though shalt run train on this harlot til' thy genitals become empty of jizzism"
[QUOTE=PrettyCool]"and the lord spoke, though shalt run train on this harlot til' thy genitals become empty of jizzism"[/QUOTE]
Thou shalt run caravan.
No wonder that twisted pervert SilkkTheShocker is so religious.
He discovered this Bible verse before he found his dad's Playboy.
The Bible is the only book that matters.
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]No wonder that twisted pervert SilkkTheShocker is so religious.
He discovered this Bible verse before he found his dad's Playboy.[/QUOTE]
Typical garbage being spewed from an Atheist. Its not my fault you got bullied in school or your parents didn't love you. Don't take it out on God.
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]
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[QUOTE=SilkkTheShocker]Typical garbage being spewed from an Atheist. Its not my fault you got bullied in school or your parents didn't love you. Don't take it out on God.[/QUOTE]
You are such a terrible messenger for God. You're doing him no favors in bringing more followers to his flock. All you have is your fear of what may happen to you if you don't bow down to some book full of claims written at a time you weren't even alive to substantiate. If there is a God, he's frowning upon you for not adhering to his message and only flinging ad hominem attacks at those with doubt.
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]You are such a terrible messenger for God. You're doing him no favors in bringing more followers to his flock. All you have is your fear of what may happen to you if you don't bow down to some book full of claims written at a time you weren't even alive to substantiate. If there is a God, he's frowning upon you for not adhering to his message and only flinging ad hominem attacks at those with doubt.[/QUOTE]Annoying is your seemingly obsessive mockery of the good book, but with this I do agree
[QUOTE=BuGzBuNNy]Annoying is your seemingly obsessive mockery of the good book, but with this I do agree[/QUOTE]
Obsessive mockery?
I mostly mock the concept of religious devotion altogether. This is the first time I've ever brought up something specific in the Bible. The Bible has some good material in there that's useful for all lives, but this passage was hilarious. It deserved mocking. Even religious people should note the ridiculousness of it. Goes way overboard in its word choice when it could have made its point in a simpler manner.
The concept of going out of your way to mock something you dont believe in still doesn't make sense to me.
[QUOTE=Just2McFly]The concept of going out of your way to mock something you dont believe in still doesn't make sense to me.[/QUOTE]
They mock because they do not understand. Purely just the work of simpletons with nothing positive ever to say.
[QUOTE=Just2McFly]The concept of going out of your way to mock something you dont believe in still doesn't make sense to me.[/QUOTE]
How am I going out of my way? I'm on a forum where people post things they find humorous. I find a lot of things about religion to be humorous, so I make threads about it.
It's the same thing as kids ribbing their friends when they're the first ones to realize Santa Claus doesn't exist. I beat a lot of my friends to the punch back then too.
[QUOTE=Patrick Chewing]They mock because they do not understand. Purely just the work of simpletons with nothing positive ever to say.[/QUOTE]
Do not understand? What's hard to understand?
And, why would a God make something complex when the majority of humanity is not that intelligent? How is that an effective way to heal the world with a message everyone should obey and follow?
Actin like there aren't a lot of mindless simpletons who follow religion and spout off scripture like parrots. Please.
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]How am I going out of my way? I'm on a forum where people post things they find humorous. I find a lot of things about religion to be humorous, so I make threads about it.
It's the same thing as kids ribbing their friends when they're the first ones to realize Santa Claus doesn't exist. I beat a lot of my friends to the punch back then too.[/QUOTE]
So you've been pressing your beliefs in everyones faces and shooting down every contrasting one for your whole life?
Get a life you loser.
[QUOTE=Just2McFly]So you've been pressing your beliefs in everyones faces and shooting down every contrasting one for your whole life?
Get a life you loser.[/QUOTE]
It's just another topic of debate. Like a sports fan constantly defending his team against attacks.
You a religious zealot? Not able to find humor in the ridiculous Bible verse I posted? :lol
Really sad that you spend so much time laughing at something you don't even believe in. It reeks of insecurity actually.
[quote]Obsessive mockery?
I mostly mock the concept of religious devotion altogether. This is the first time I've ever brought up something specific in the Bible. The Bible has some good material in there that's useful for all lives, but this passage was hilarious. It deserved mocking. Even religious people should note the ridiculousness of it. Goes way overboard in its word choice when it could have made its point in a simpler manner.[/quote]
Grow up.
You say "The Bible has some good material in there that's useful for all lives."
Pick the thing up. Open to a random passage. You know what it's probably about?
"the concept of religious devotion."
It probably either outlines in loving, maybe obsessive detail God's covenant with his people, and how they are to praise and reverence Him (whether it be through arcane OCD dietary laws, or what color ribbons to put on the temple, or whatever), (48% of the text of the Bible), or it will be talking about the Christ and the need for one (48%)...
Or it will be "hilarious" passages like this one, and other oddities or passages that are offensive to modern notions especially when taken out of context (as Old Covenant standards that became outmoded with the advent of Christ) (2% of the text of the Bible), or it will be the moral platitudes that shallow bores like you want to reduce the Bible to ("All the Bible really says is, don't be a dick.") (2%).
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]Didn't know this was in there.
Ezekiel 23:14-21 is hands down the funniest passage written. That n1gga God is hilarious.
14
the OP is by far the most insecure poster on ISH.
You guys didn't know The Bible was one of the trillest books ever written?
[URL="http://www.cracked.com/article_15699_the-9-most-badass-bible-verses.html"]http://www.cracked.com/article_15699_the-9-most-badass-bible-verses.html[/URL]
It's chocked full of great stuff
[QUOTE=Just2McFly]So you've been pressing your beliefs in everyones faces and shooting down every contrasting one for your whole life?
Get a life you loser.[/QUOTE]
The guy is an Atheist and Tmac fan. There is no hope.
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]Didn't know this was in there.
Ezekiel 23:14-21 is hands down the funniest passage written. That n1gga God is hilarious.
14
[QUOTE=HardwoodLegend]Do not understand? What's hard to understand?
And, why would a God make something complex when the majority of humanity is not that intelligent? How is that an effective way to heal the world with a message everyone should obey and follow?
Actin like there aren't a lot of mindless simpletons who follow religion and spout off scripture like parrots. Please.[/QUOTE]
The message is not to obey, the message is to accept and atone and to live a good life over an evil one because there is temptation all around us and we are all guilty of succumbing to it. No one religious person on this Earth, not even the Pope who is merely just an elected official has all the answers.
What I find it hard to believe is that those who do not believe in something whether it be God or Religion for example, sure do spend a lot of time talking about it and enforcing their beliefs on others and passing it off as truth, or passing it off as rubbish that others believe in a deity or practice a religion. They fail to see that they are doing the same thing they hate, and that is to spread their version of what's real.
I don't believe in Big Foot, but I don't spend day and night trying to prove that Big Foot doesn't exist because [SIZE="6"][B]I [/B][/SIZE]don't believe in him. I just choose not to care.