The time I met a girl off the internet many years ago...

She was beautiful.

I'm obviously ugly and unsuccessful.

Anyhow, I was so nervous and insecure that I put splashes of white paint on my face to try and hide my pockmarked face. I told her I had been painting all day and didn't have time for a shower.

We were together for about four months.

She had a nice house and a good job, so I shacked up with her and just played on the internet all day while she worked.

I made her c um a lot, so it got me four months of free living.

I guess she got tired of me not having money and dumped me.

Pics.

[QUOTE=Shogon]Pics.[/QUOTE]

Another time I shacked up with a Mercer law student in Georgia.

She's now a prosecutor.

She's black, but talks super white and acts white.

One time during an argument, I told her to stop acting ghetto; she flipped.

It went something like "I've spent my entire life trying to shed black stereotypes! How dare you call me ghetto!"

:roll:

[QUOTE=Shogon]Pics.[/QUOTE]

Oh and I didn't have money for our first date, so we just went to Walmart and walked around. I was trying on silly hats and clothes to make her laugh.

We got back to her house and she playfully took my keys and ran to her bedroom.

I grabbed her by the neck and kissed her.

She pulled back and stared at me.

I grabbed her again and this time she didn't stop me.

:roll:

:roll:

I couldn't stand being at odds with you, stalker. GOAT ISH storyteller

[QUOTE=Prometheus]:roll:

:roll:

I couldn't stand being at odds with you, stalker. GOAT ISH storyteller[/QUOTE]

And I swear on my kids it's all true.

I have so many stories about how pathetic I am.

Such as when I used to sign my own yearbooks pretending to be the popular pretty girls at school so that my friends and family thought I was cool.

I even wrote myself a fake love letter to show to my friend to make him think I was cool and that a girl liked me.

what about that time you stop receiving welfare and got a job instead?

oh wait... :roll:

[QUOTE=highwhey]what about that time you stop receiving welfare and got a job instead?

oh wait... :roll:[/QUOTE]

He's a Mr. Mom. Househusband is a respectable position these days.

So what's your excuse for being unemployed :lol

[QUOTE=Long Duck Dong]He's a Mr. Mom. Househusband is a respectable position these days.

So what's your excuse for being unemployed :lol[/QUOTE]
thats not respectable at all. he

You know it

[QUOTE=Long Duck Dong]He's a Mr. Mom. Househusband is a respectable position these days.

So what's your excuse for being unemployed :lol[/QUOTE]

That I am. :applause:

Volunteer at school regularly; they love me and praise me.

Got kids playing sports; they all laughed last game because I ran into the field dancing after my daughter scored a goal.

She got straight As last report card of the year.

:hammertime:

At the beautiful park right next to new house as we speak.

:rockon:

[QUOTE=stalkerforlife]She got straight As last report card of the year.

:hammertime: [/QUOTE]

:applause: :applause: :applause: