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-   -   If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but... (http://www.insidehoops.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292234)

joe 03-02-2013 05:42 PM

If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...
 
..just before his hard times started, you were preparing to end your friendship with him, what do you do?

Over time, my longtime friend and I have become really incompatible. I am sort of offended by his behavior actually, he's rude to people, often treats girls like objects, self centered to the max.

I realized that I needed to put this friendship on pause. Stop hanging around him until/unless he started changing his ways on these issues (This was a whole other dilemma- whether to tell him how he's perceived by me or just keep it to myself).

But just as I was in that process.. the guy was hit with HELL. Death of his father, his girlfriend left him, etc. Financial issues on top of it all.

A part of me says I need to be there for him for obvious reasons. But I also feel like my own happiness and sense of pride deserve better than the way he acts. I really don't want to be around him, his negativity effects me and gets to me. I always walk away feeling dirty being around him.

What would you guys do?


Karmic/Spiritual injection- I love this guy because our history of being best friends. Almost brothers. I know we all have flaws and I'm not trying to paint him as a monster. I had flaws in the past, have flaws now, and will always have flaws. It's not that he's terrible, it's that his way of looking at the world is a severe mismatch with mine, at this point in my life.

Anti Hero 03-02-2013 05:44 PM

Re: If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...
 
Had a similar situation, I cut my friend out. He needed to hit rock bottom, there was no saving him.

Charlie Sheen 03-02-2013 06:01 PM

Re: If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...
 
his problems aren't your problems. people like him will take advantage of your good nature.

kNIOKAS 03-02-2013 06:08 PM

Re: If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...
 
Lend your alt to him so he reads this and

nightprowler10 03-02-2013 06:30 PM

Re: If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...
 
I had a friend who I hung out with all the time. As time went on I noticed he became more and more racist towards almost everyone and saw me as somewhat of a token brown friend. I ditched his ass and didn't even invite him to my wedding even as he was through a rough time after a nasty breakup and loss of employment. I can't imagine how shitty I'd be feeling if he was at my wedding, knowing that he probably thought less of all of my family and friends simply due to their skin color. At least me ditching him might've made him think about his attitude and outlook on life. Sometimes you just have to pull the plug man regardless of their situation, hell you might actually do him a favor and force him to do some self reflection...

KevinNYC 03-02-2013 07:27 PM

Re: If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by joe
..just before his hard times started, you were preparing to end your friendship with him, what do you do?

Over time, my longtime friend and I have become really incompatible. I am sort of offended by his behavior actually, he's rude to people, often treats girls like objects, self centered to the max.

I realized that I needed to put this friendship on pause. Stop hanging around him until/unless he started changing his ways on these issues (This was a whole other dilemma- whether to tell him how he's perceived by me or just keep it to myself).

But just as I was in that process.. the guy was hit with HELL. Death of his father, his girlfriend left him, etc. Financial issues on top of it all.

A part of me says I need to be there for him for obvious reasons. But I also feel like my own happiness and sense of pride deserve better than the way he acts. I really don't want to be around him, his negativity effects me and gets to me. I always walk away feeling dirty being around him.

What would you guys do?


Karmic/Spiritual injection- I love this guy because our history of being best friends. Almost brothers. I know we all have flaws and I'm not trying to paint him as a monster. I had flaws in the past, have flaws now, and will always have flaws. It's not that he's terrible, it's that his way of looking at the world is a severe mismatch with mine, at this point in my life.


1. Call him out on his shit and let him know how it affects you
2. Let him know that if wants to remain friends with you, he will have to stop acting this way.
3. If there's something that's still real between you, you'll find a way to stay friends....may not still be best friends....but still friends.
4. If there's not something still real, the friendship will break apart.
5. Be prepared to have your own bullshit called out.

millwad 03-02-2013 08:05 PM

Re: If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...
 
I was in the same situation a year and a couple of months ago, my friend killed himself, also wrote a thread about it;

http://www.insidehoops.com/forum/sho...d.php?t=248319

I would definitely be there for him if I'd be you.


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