Hooked on Ebonics
I found this on another message board, enjoy.
You've read about it in newspapers. It's been debated by educators and politicians all over the country. It's a phenomenon that's headed straight for your town. Get ready for it with.... Hooked on Ebonics™!
Hooked on Ebonics™ is the fast, easy way to learn Ebonics, the 400-year old language that no one had heard of or cared about until just a few years ago. Whether you believe Ebonics is a legitimate language or merely the dialect of the future for those who have none, one things' for sure: You'll need to learn it! And you can -- without having to enroll in an Oakland, California public school! With the Hooked On Ebonics™ advanced audiocassette and flash card system, you'll be flamboastin' your fresh-dipped flow with ruthless effext! Don't know what we're talking about? Scope dis!
Hooked on Ebonics™ will teach you how to speak improper English properly! You'll learn:
How to drop consonants off the end of words for no reason whatsoever!
The special tongue exercises that help you turn the "th" sound into the "ff" sound!
How to ignore years of traditional English grammar in just minutes!
Y'all be down wif da 4-1-1, an' whatnot? Boo-yaaa!!! 'Cause Hooked on Ebonics™ is butter! See for yourself!
Here's a typical seventh grade student giving an oral report:
"George Washington became our first president in 1789. He was chosen because of the leadership he showed as General during the Revolutionary War. Following America's victory, Washington was instrumental in lobbying for ratification of the Constitution. Resourceful and brave, his personal discipline was essential to the new Union. We can all be grateful that he was there for our nation's growing pains."
Now here's that very same student after listening to Da ABC's of Ebonics™ series:
"George was da head G, you know what I'm sayin? Da head chump in Englan' be frontin', so Wash goes, 'Uh-uh homey, I got mad skillz!' So da King goes, 'You ain't be grabbin' my hood, timbertooth!' So Wash goes, 'You know where I be, Poindexter!' So da King sends his boyz over for a sail-by, but BOOM! Wash wastes their sorry ass. In conclusion, Georgie was da BOMB!"
Clearly, the Hooked on Ebonics™ student has a firmer grasp of the socio-political realities of the Post-Colonial period. More importantly, he's cool! His teach be droppin' him a A++!
_ Yo! Send me Hooked on Ebonics™ Cassette #1, Da ABCs of Ebonics, hosted by Professor Martin Lawrence.
_ Send me Cassette #2, Da 10 Most Axed Questions, hosted by Professor Busta Rhymes.
_ Send me Cassette #3, Whass'up? Not my income!, hosted by Professor Ali G.
_ Send me Cassette #4, Yo' Resume Be in da Garbage, hosted by Professor Kanye West.
Price per cassette: Only $5000 (plus $5000 in matching Federal funds). Send to: Hooked on Ebonics™ Around the Way, Oakland, CA 94619
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