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Old 03-02-2008, 07:54 AM   #1
Frank Foley
Made that high school varsity squad
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Default TJ Simers: garbage writer or writer of garbage?

Read this column and tell me if it doesn't enrage you as a Laker fan:

In the article that sizzle posted, Plaschke actually refrained from taking a contrarian point of view. It's impossible to knock the Lakers right now, anyway--come on, they just traded Kwame and our 4th point guard for a 19-9 big?--but, God bless 'em, some fools still try. Plaschke hasn't always been above this kind of behavior himself, so I commend him for not going out of his way to look like a jackass. That was a back-handed compliment, for sure, but that's still more than I can give the likes of Trash Journalist Simers.

Simers completely shut up about the Lakers after the trade went down. I mean COMPLETELY. Three straight columns about ****ing NASCAR completely. A column about the ****ing DODGERS completely (yeah, they're highly relevant right now). A column about--oh my goodness, I'm gonna lose it--DAVID BECKHAM HIMSELF. Three weeks of writing about anything BUT the Lakers, after they catapulted themselves into contender status. If there was any doubt left that this guy ONLY chooses to write negative, antagonistic garbage, that doubt has flown out of earthly orbit.

But how long can Simers go on like this? It's the elephant in the room, after all: LA's biggest team is flying high, and you can only get off talking about NASCAR--three straight columns!--for so long. So when does he finally choose to write about them? After the Lakers narrowly defeated the lowly Blazers earlier this week, that's when (he must still be working on the column for Friday's loss). Simers is the literary equivalent of the scrawny loser in high school who tries to act tough by picking on grade-schoolers: he's nowhere to be found when there aren't weaklings to kick around.

And how does he finally acknowledge the Lakers? Not by saying how much they've improved. Not by complimenting the FO (whom he's trashed in previous columns) for pulling off the Gasol heist. Instead he attacks US, the fans, for getting ahead of ourselves. He brushes off the winning streak, because it was only against the likes of Seattle and Miami (yeah, let's completely ignore the wins against Phoenix and Orlando--they're scrubs, too). He picks and chooses quotes from Phil and Stu to support his flimsy argument (as if either would openly declare that the title is already won). Are there playoffs to be played? Of course there are, but that's not the point. The Lakers actually have a CHANCE this year, and people are rightfully excited about it. But, according to Simers, getting excited about the Lakers is tantamount to giving away all free will.

I realize that, by reacting in this manner, I am falling into Simers' trap. It's probably his job to be the most vile, disgusting, worthless, hate-inspiring writer in LA. But if you're gonna pay a guy to fill that role, at least hire someone who can actually, I dunno, WRITE. I could almost, ALMOST excuse all of this if he were even entertaining. But he's not. Every column he writes is unfunny, mean-spirited and petty. He's not even a good writer from a technical standpoint: his columns are just a jumbled mass of comma splices with redundant, setup-followed-by-one-liner structured paragraphs. It's in keeping with the sophomoric tone of his columns, I guess: if you're gonna act like a punk kid, you might as well write like one. But still, I am amazed that someone as devoid of journalistic merit as this guy has HIS OWN COLUMN ON THE BIGGEST NEWSPAPER IN LA! AND HE'S HAD IT FOR OVER 10 YEARS! Replace Simers with kgisbigticket (his parents would have to give him permission to drop out of Jr. High first), and no one would be able to tell the difference.

"But why the novella, Frank? We get that you hate him! Just stop reading him if it bothers you so much! LOL!"

No. It's not enough that I abstain from his columns. That's like ignoring a coked-up monkey wielding an Xacto knife in a crowded room, just because I happen to be in a different building (note: I used the monkey analogy because I can't imagine how a smelly, dumb, drug-addled, sub-human creature could wield a knife any more unskillfully or sloppily than Simers wields his proverbial pen). I can't just sit by and let this diseased hangnail foul up everyone's day. People don't read the sports pages to have the likes of Totally Junk Simers bash them for supporting their team.

Which is why I encourage anyone who cares at all about sports, LA, or journalism to help. Write the editor of the Times. Ask him to fire TJ Simers. If you think that's going too far, at least save those you love and care for from stumbling onto his column by accident. Tell everyone you know to stop reading his columns. Avoid his writings like the Plague. While you're at it, don't email the guy, because in his warped view of things, that's just encouragement. Please do your part to excise this wart off of journalism's ass.

Last edited by Frank Foley : 03-02-2008 at 07:59 AM.
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