OT: If You're Not Busy Part IV
Could you please find me a prosititute? I understand this is a strange request but I am a very busy man with upwards of four message boards to reply on every single day and I'm afraid that if I go out and try to find a prostitute I will miss the latest episode of entourage and the chance to grind myself into my hand as Holly Valance takes to the screen.
Ideally I would like the following prostitute: 5'0, 250 pounds,kilos or ounces, Of no specific ethnic background however American Indian would be preferable, Albino genetic makeup with willingness to be hung upside and blow up balloons full of syrup until the explode.
My virginity is starting to really grate on me, I am a 36 year old man and have seen real breasts once, which was at the local K-Mart when a woman slipped on a spill and fell unconcious which i quickly took advantage of before the staff arrived to settle it out of court. I am willing to cover costs for anyone willing to do this, they will also recieve my undying virtual admiration and an E-Card at all major holidays and a copy of True Crime: Streets of New York with 100% completion.
Thanking you in advance,