Glad to see some people actually read this. As you can see, it took 8 hours for someone to reply. Figured most people just ignored it because it was too long. Anyway, it's pretty much one of the most interesting/funny things I've read in a while so I had to share it. Good to see others enjoyed it.
As for the importance of being funny...
Girls like funny guys...
In order to be on the "real" ladder and get her in bed you'd basically have to also be attractive enough, wealthy enough, or powerful enough. Or you'd probably have to get her drunk enough on the first night you meet her, before she has enough time to realize that you don't have those other qualities.