Why people shouldn't get married
I was discussing this with a friend and I have some theories on why people shouldn't get married. Some of the theories may be a little messed up, but very true:
1)The sex ends. When you are going out, the sex is great. Getting laid is the first thing that comes to mind. The blow jobs last like 15 minutes. All is good, right? Yes, until you get married. Once, you get married, you know you're stuck with this person until the divorce papers arrive. The sex, sucks, the blow jobs last like two minutes. If you went to a restaurant, you'd have to send that **** back. "Waiter, this blow job ****in sucks".
2)Women are never pleased. You could have a diamond dick and ejaculate 10 times during sex, but the woman will always find something to complain about. "Your diamond is cloudy. You didn't ejaculate enough". This is why God didn't give women a dick and balls.
3)You always find yourselves going out with married couples. It may not seem like a bad thing, but it sucks man. You got the women talking about who's purse matches with their blouse and all that other bull****. Guys are talking about which side roads to take to work when there's traffic on I-95. What ever happened to sex and sports? This is why these meals last like 6 hours. You got to eat appetizers, eat the soup, bull**** with the cook, bull**** with the maitre'd, talk about Pavarotti. With non-married people, they got ****ing to do. Have your 45 minute meal, go home and ****. Their relationships consists of this: ****ing, movies, more ****ing, movies, some more ****ing, eating, ****ing. You get the drill.
4)Part 2 of the women are never pleased theory. This one relates to money. When you're married, your wife always *****es about money. If you make more money: "You're never home. We never have sex". If he's never home, maybe it's not worth having sex. Ever think of that? If she makes more money: You're such a ****in deadbeat. Why did I ever marry you, you wasteless piece of ****.
My friend and I agreed on these theories and most of the other guys did as well. Sorry for the tirade and profanity, but it had to be said. Guys, if possible, DO NOT get married. You'll thank me in 20 years.