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Old 03-02-2013, 08:27 PM   #6
Perfectly Calm, Dude
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 11,396
Default Re: If you have a friend going through a really hard time, but...

Originally Posted by joe
..just before his hard times started, you were preparing to end your friendship with him, what do you do?

Over time, my longtime friend and I have become really incompatible. I am sort of offended by his behavior actually, he's rude to people, often treats girls like objects, self centered to the max.

I realized that I needed to put this friendship on pause. Stop hanging around him until/unless he started changing his ways on these issues (This was a whole other dilemma- whether to tell him how he's perceived by me or just keep it to myself).

But just as I was in that process.. the guy was hit with HELL. Death of his father, his girlfriend left him, etc. Financial issues on top of it all.

A part of me says I need to be there for him for obvious reasons. But I also feel like my own happiness and sense of pride deserve better than the way he acts. I really don't want to be around him, his negativity effects me and gets to me. I always walk away feeling dirty being around him.

What would you guys do?

Karmic/Spiritual injection- I love this guy because our history of being best friends. Almost brothers. I know we all have flaws and I'm not trying to paint him as a monster. I had flaws in the past, have flaws now, and will always have flaws. It's not that he's terrible, it's that his way of looking at the world is a severe mismatch with mine, at this point in my life.

1. Call him out on his shit and let him know how it affects you
2. Let him know that if wants to remain friends with you, he will have to stop acting this way.
3. If there's something that's still real between you, you'll find a way to stay friends....may not still be best friends....but still friends.
4. If there's not something still real, the friendship will break apart.
5. Be prepared to have your own bullshit called out.
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