Ass Dan is Jokes!

[BankShot]

I meant the jokes in this thread; which aren't funny (in most cases).

But you said this:

I find it hilarious the discrepancy in humor you found between my joke and pretty much every other joke

So there is a hilarious discrepancy between your joke (which was not intended to be funny) and the rest of the jokes (most of which aren't, but some are, funny... to you)???

[crosso√er]

But you said this:



So there is a hilarious discrepancy between your joke (which was not intended to be funny) and the rest of the jokes (most of which aren't, but some are, funny... to you)???

You serious dude? Can you not comprehend a simply sentence?
My joke (not funny) is not different then other jokes (not funny, in this thread); yet people were finding a discrepancy between the joke I said (which was not funny) and other jokes (which were not funny either) ; hence there shouldn't be any discrepancy, since they're all NOT funny.

[RidonKs]

if it was satire, you're off the hook. not that it was good satire. it was actually remarkably sh*tty satire. but nonetheless, not on the plateau of lamitude i expressed earlier.

anyway, nothing is quite so dangerous to a joke as analysis, and you guys have taken it to another level. cut it out. Ass Dan said this thread is jokes, let's uphold his honour and keep it this way.

[BankShot]

if it was satire, you're off the hook. not that it was good satire. it was actually remarkably sh*tty satire. but nonetheless, not on the plateau of lamitude i expressed earlier.

anyway, nothing is quite so dangerous to a joke as analysis, and you guys have taken it to another level. cut it out. Ass Dan said this thread is jokes, let's uphold his honour and keep it this way.

So a neutron sits down at a bar and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic. When the bartender returns with his drink, the neutron asks,

"What do I owe ya?"

The bartender looks at him and replies,

"For you, no charge."

[RidonKs]

lol, heard it before, but it's still cute.


Descartes walks into a cafe and orders a coffee. the waitress smiles and asks if he'd like milk and sugar, to which Descartes mulls it over before responding "i think not". and then he disappears.

[BankShot]

Q.) How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb??

A.) One; Bono just holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.

I f*cking hate U2.

[crosso√er]

A frog, a pussy cat and a fly are all by the pond. A fly is about 6 inches above the frog that is in the pond while the pussy cat is staring at the frog by the side of the pond. Simultaneously, the frog leaps to grab the fly and the cat jumps after the frog; they all miss their target.

Point of the story?
When a fly is loose, the pussy always gets wet.

[Ass Dan]

A frog, a pussy cat and a fly are all by the pond. A fly is about 6 inches above the frog that is in the pond while the pussy cat is staring at the frog by the side of the pond. Simultaneously, the frog leaps to grab the fly and the cat jumps after the frog; they all miss their target.

Point of the story?
When a fly is loose, the pussy always gets wet.

you post this ^

after saying this:

There was like one joke in the entire thread that was even remotely good.
Like the Indian joke; heard it a million times. You guys still laugh at these redundant jokes, really?

Okay, maybe some of you need to get out more. All of these jokes are not new in the slightest.

I expect more from a joke expert. Or maybe you are doing more of that parallel humor leveling crap.

BTW this thread was 'jokes' (see the title), no one is claiming to be Louis CK here, nor is anyone claiming that their shit is original, just spittin some jokes.

This OCL is just full of posters who shit on everything. Are you one of them YCC f@ggots too?

[BankShot]

you post this ^

after saying this:



I expect more from a joke expert. Or maybe you are doing more of that parallel humor leveling crap.

BTW this thread was 'jokes' (see the title), no one is claiming to be Louis CK here, nor is anyone claiming that their shit is original, just spittin some jokes.

This OCL is just full of posters who shit on everything. Are you one of them YCC f@ggots too?

[Myth]

I guess some of you dimwits didn't get the point, it wasn't meant to be funny and I find it hilarious the discrepancy in humor you found between my joke and pretty much every other joke. I was just paralleling my joke to the rest of the jokes; that people like you found abundantly funny.

Explaining the purpose of your joke just makes it more lame.

[Thorpesaurous]

So a neutron sits down at a bar and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic. When the bartender returns with his drink, the neutron asks,

"What do I owe ya?"

The bartender looks at him and replies,

"For you, no charge."

In a similar vein:

An atom rushes into a bar and exclaims "has anyone seen an electron around here, I've lost an electron!!!"
The bartender respnds, "Are you sure it was an electron you lost?"
To which the atom responds, "Oh ... I'm Positive!!!"

My uncle actually claims he wrote that joke, he submitted it to Readers Digest in a pun contest, but I'm not sure I believe him. However I do find it hard to believe someone would take credit for that if they didn't absolutely have to.

[Thorpesaurous]

And this I believe was in Blue Valentine IIRC.


A boy and a child molester are walking into the woods. They get further and further into the woods, and it's getting darker and darker. The kid starts crying, to which the killer says "what are you crying about?"
The kid professes "I'm scared!"
To which the killer responds, "You're scared? Think about me, I gotta walk outta here by myself!!"

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

In a similar vein:

An atom rushes into a bar and exclaims "has anyone seen an electron around here, I've lost an electron!!!"
The bartender respnds, "Are you sure it was an electron you lost?"
To which the atom responds, "Oh ... I'm Positive!!!"

My uncle actually claims he wrote that joke, he submitted it to Readers Digest in a pun contest, but I'm not sure I believe him. However I do find it hard to believe someone would take credit for that if they didn't absolutely have to.

**** you

[Legend of Josh]

Yo momma so dumb she heard someone say "drinks are on the house!" - bit*h grabbed a ladder and climbed up on the roof.

[Legend of Josh]

Yo momma so dumb that she puts lipstick on her forehead just to make-up her mind.