So the fat girl from the internet came over ..

[gigantes]

Nope.

I was in a long term relationship, but she cheated.

Just think back around the time I went ape sh*t in my posts around here. I've gotten a lot better but damn that sh*t hurt like a b*tch.

ah, that sucks. seems a common theme among my friends out here.

i feel those urges myself... need to not do that. plenty of OKcupids in the sea of love.

[JEFFERSON MONEY]

You said you're a writer? PS feel free to critcize me brutally I need all the help I can get.

You've got talent bro just a few minor adjustments.

Tucker Max had been wildly successful at what he does primarily because of his blend of
- pop culture references
- funny ass metaphors
- truthfulness in describing the insane quirks of a frat boys head
- and a few trademark styles.

And he knows that BREVITY is the soul of wit. Both you and I are very verboquacious which bores the audience. I mean let's be honest here Russell Brand is fukking annoying to listen to and only attracts pretentious people. Guys like Kanye kill it though simply because they pack 5-6 haymakers in their sentence as opposte to 30-40 jibba jabs.

On your story I enjoyed the inner dialogue in your head. Very Friday-esque. Perfect indicator of a warrior undergoing the struggle to slay the behemoth.

Would trim off the fat "it was the kind of ass that..." sentence. Sounds a bit repetitive.

Perhaps a more visual analogy would work? Like they resembled two half deflated basketballs with the hide of cottage cheese.

May I kindly redirect you to Gilbert Gottfried's Roast of Roseanne. Pay heed to the way he tells his story. It's very compelling, very gross inducing, very V.I.S.C>e>R.AL.

I would like you to be more dramatic when it came to the whiff of nastiness. Present it as if it was an unexpected obstacle. Build anticipation... build build build then BAM release the tension. Bong water is not powerful enough to really stir disgust in the readers.

Finally, a mid-sized boner is too scientific. The people want vernacular. They want silly. They want terms like "woody turned floppy". Feel it roll of the tongue.


You could've capped the ending off with a toll of gratitude towards the Lord for not having undergone the slaying. That there are better (read: less discerning) men out there who are ought to fulfill the carnals needs.

[gigantes]

this GIF might come in handy, too.

[kurple]

Women only cheat on beta males.

You must be pretty damn ugly if you're settling for fat whales on dating websites. LOL.

you are the worst.

go kill yourself. for real. do it.

[Mr. Jabbar]

I don't know, somewhere in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Maybe she looks better in person" .. but damn, what I saw was what I got. So the first solution I had was to hit up buffalo wild wings and have a few drinks. Thank god she was cool with drinking. I mean sh*t I didn't think I could survive this night without having a few drinks in me. So we got to the place and I decided to just drown myself in jack. About 5 shots would get me in the zone and make things a bit fuzzy, so at this point, I turned and looked at her, holy sh*t, she's still ugly! Damn. So she got up and went to the bathroom and I was thinking in the back of my mind, "Alright if I can't stand this girl's face, maybe I can just bend her over" .. so I was just gawking at her a*s and trying to find something that would turn me on .. but it was that kind of a*s that barely lumps out with the hips way too retracted. It's like a flat a*s but it's really not based on the proportion of the girl, and plus she's kind of tall, so I would need a stepping stool to climb up on that thing. So anyways, we got back to my place and decided to watch a movie. I deliberately set up an air mattress as the only seating and we both got on it. Obviously she wanted this d*ck, so I was like f*ck it, I'm drunk enough by now, and went for it. Then there was this smell that reeked worst than bong water .. and I realize it's the smell of her getting wet. Any ounce of me popping a mid sized boner pretty much killed it right there.

F*ck worst date I've ever been on. I tried this internet dating sh*t because of that one thread (an ISH idea) and sure enough, not surprising, it was a horrible idea, like all ISH ideas.

Anyways got another date with another chick this weekend.

LMFAO

[christian1923]

You shoulda just asked for the top.

Fat chicks give the best head.

[chosen_one6]

Lol at the OP not being able to pop even a mid-sized boner.

A mid-sized boner for him is probably 2 inches.

[niko]

So essentially a fat disgusting woman comes to you, and instead of what I did (running away as fast as I could) you decided to **** her. How hard up are you?

[imdaman99]

So essentially a fat disgusting woman comes to you, and instead of what I did (running away as fast as I could) you decided to **** her. How hard up are you?

Exactly man. This guy is so thirsty for pssy he couldn't even turn someone that disgusted him down

I have met up with a few girls and 2 that did not look anything like their pic. 1 had a cute face but definitely a big girl and the other was just everywhere. I did the gentlemanly thing and hung out with them. Did NOT spend time with them that enabled us to have any privacy though. I don't care if they thought I was gay, I was not gonna do anything with them

Disappointed in you though Niko. Thought you was a gentleman.
I know you weren't interested, but there are more polite ways of saying, no you cannot have this D.

[dr.hee]

So essentially a fat disgusting woman comes to you, and instead of what I did (running away as fast as I could) you decided to **** her. How hard up are you?

He likes his Kant to be at least 200 years old, so he's not that picky....

[niko]

Exactly man. This guy is so thirsty for pssy he couldn't even turn someone that disgusted him down

I have met up with a few girls and 2 that did not look anything like their pic. 1 had a cute face but definitely a big girl and the other was just everywhere. I did the gentlemanly thing and hung out with them. Did NOT spend time with them that enabled us to have any privacy though. I don't care if they thought I was gay, I was not gonna do anything with them

Disappointed in you though Niko. Thought you was a gentleman.
I know you weren't interested, but there are more polite ways of saying, no you cannot have this D.

Two things bothered me, one was the fake picture and the other was she was clearly all in for the night. I was going to have to fight her off at some point and i didn't feel like it. If we could just sit and talk and separate id have stuck it out.

[LJJ]

Amateurs. You guys need to learn how to check if a girl sends real pics. It's easy to verify.

[JUDGE WITNESS]

I deliberately set up an air mattress as the only seating and we both got on it.

dont do dat

[ILLsmak]

haha... I was gonna say but u fukt her.

Girls are funny. I've known a lot of insecure girls... good looking ones, too. Girls who would notice the change of your face in one moment and be like IS SOMETHING WRONG? AM I UGLY? Lucky ya girl wasn't like that...

Dat wetness. Baking ya some yeasty bread.


-Smak

[Cowboy Thunder]

Don't understand why you took her out in public. Shoulda got booze for the house.