For the married guys/those in real (good) relationships

[LJJ]

After a bad relationship ended where me and my then on-and-off girlfriend were constantly playing games with each other, I just dropped it for a while. I quit playing the game. All that shit you do as a guy. Seeing every moderately attractive female as someone you should try to bang. Chasing girls you don't even like as people, just to validate yourself. Trying to misrepresent yourself to get hookups. Creating a smoke screen.

The dating game was always a struggle for me. (like it is for a lot of guys I guess) I had to work hard to get those 6s and 7s with shit personalities and a shit future as a housewife. I didn't want to work hard and struggle anymore, so I started to present myself to girls as I would present myself to my male friends. Stop trying to hide my "beta" (in recent terms) qualities and personality traits. My new attitude for the time being was "I'm just gonna be me, and the girls who like me are gonna come or they are not, fu[COLOR="Black"]ck[/COLOR] it."

Ever since I stopped trying so hard my love life has been swell. Now I'm in a great steady relationship with a really sweet, beautiful girl. And I get a regular stream of attention from girl friends and acquaintances who are on the outside looking in, thinking of me as one of the "all the good guys are off the market" guys. All despite me not being good-looking, rich or very talented at anything.


Take from that what you will. It could be a cheesy "just be yourself" advice. Or you could take it as that you need to stop being so damn thirsty.

[GimmeThat]

Yea, I know. My mindstate at the time was "I need her to know I legit like her so she doesnt drop me and she stays with me" but obv that wasn't the right thing to do at all oh well, you live and you learn

I don't think you made the wrong move.

I agree, you may have pushed her away, but if anything is ever meant to happen, it's always about "how circumstances have changed" the next time you two meet

[joe]

After a bad relationship ended where me and my then on-and-off girlfriend were constantly playing games with each other, I just dropped it for a while. I quit playing the game. All that shit you do as a guy. Seeing every moderately attractive female as someone you should try to bang. Chasing girls you don't even like as people, just to validate yourself. Trying to misrepresent yourself to get hookups. Creating a smoke screen.

The dating game was always a struggle for me. (like it is for a lot of guys I guess) I had to work hard to get those 6s and 7s with shit personalities and a shit future as a housewife. I didn't want to work hard and struggle anymore, so I started to present myself to girls as I would present myself to my male friends. Stop trying to hide my "beta" (in recent terms) qualities and personality traits. My new attitude for the time being was "I'm just gonna be me, and the girls who like me are gonna come or they are not, fu[COLOR="Black"]ck[/COLOR] it."

Ever since I stopped trying so hard my love life has been swell. Now I'm in a great steady relationship with a really sweet, beautiful girl. And I get a regular stream of attention from girl friends and acquaintances who are on the outside looking in, thinking of me as one of the "all the good guys are off the market" guys. All despite me not being good-looking, rich or very talented at anything.


Take from that what you will. It could be a cheesy "just be yourself" advice. Or you could take it as that you need to stop being so damn thirsty.

Thx, this is what I wanted to hear. Just knowing it is possible and has happened for other people. haha. It is a small complaint given all the potential problems in life, but I really wish I was around better relationships when I was young. The main advice I was given on the subject was A bitch gonna be a bitch.

[JtotheIzzo]

I am pretty sure I have a really twisted view of relationships. I will spare you the whys and ask you the question I have.

Did you get the girl you have by being caring towards her, nurturing towards her emotions, being there for her, being honest, loving, caring, etc.

I feel I am decent enough with going after random hook ups. I am not a pro or anything. But when it comes to girls I actually like, I get confused. Should I just express the way I feel, the way I want the relationship to actually be? Should I be caring towards her how I want to be?

For some reason a voice in my head says I need to be somewhat distant. I need to play my cards close to my vest. I need to make her think I am not totally invested. I understand the degree of not wanting to seem desperate... but when it comes to just honestly expressing emotions. I am not sure how to do it, if I should do it.

And yeah, I am coming to this damn forum of all places to ask this question. Trust me, I am asking other people and pondering it myself. But since I know some of you are married, I want to know what you think of this.

You just know when you know.

[GimmeThat]

Thx, this is what I wanted to hear. Just knowing it is possible and has happened for other people. haha. It is a small complaint given all the potential problems in life, but I really wish I was around better relationships when I was young. The main advice I was given on the subject was A bitch gonna be a bitch.

when you lose something, you should go and look for it.

would this be a better advice?

[niko]

My wife specifically said the reason she got with me was I treated her better than other people did. When i didn't call her for a few days one time she was pretty concerned that something changed.

[riseagainst]

My wife specifically said the reason she got with me was I treated her better than other people did. When i didn't call her for a few days one time she was pretty concerned that something changed.

[Jailblazers7]

After a bad relationship ended where me and my then on-and-off girlfriend were constantly playing games with each other, I just dropped it for a while. I quit playing the game. All that shit you do as a guy. Seeing every moderately attractive female as someone you should try to bang. Chasing girls you don't even like as people, just to validate yourself. Trying to misrepresent yourself to get hookups. Creating a smoke screen.

The dating game was always a struggle for me. (like it is for a lot of guys I guess) I had to work hard to get those 6s and 7s with shit personalities and a shit future as a housewife. I didn't want to work hard and struggle anymore, so I started to present myself to girls as I would present myself to my male friends. Stop trying to hide my "beta" (in recent terms) qualities and personality traits. My new attitude for the time being was "I'm just gonna be me, and the girls who like me are gonna come or they are not, fu[COLOR="Black"]ck[/COLOR] it."

Ever since I stopped trying so hard my love life has been swell. Now I'm in a great steady relationship with a really sweet, beautiful girl. And I get a regular stream of attention from girl friends and acquaintances who are on the outside looking in, thinking of me as one of the "all the good guys are off the market" guys. All despite me not being good-looking, rich or very talented at anything.


Take from that what you will. It could be a cheesy "just be yourself" advice. Or you could take it as that you need to stop being so damn thirsty.

The bonded literally made me laugh out loud

[~primetime~]

My wife specifically said the reason she got with me was I treated her better than other people did. When i didn't call her for a few days one time she was pretty concerned that something changed.

But they are all going to say that niko...no woman is going to say "I liked you because you acted like you didn't care that much and I saw it as a challenge"

[hateraid]

I'm gonna share the same sentiment as everybody else and say just do you.
I'm also gonna surprise you with a little advise coming from a man in an 18 year relationship and leaving for our 10th year wedding anniversary to St.Lucia next week.
You are not obligated to express or share your feelings with anybody, especially starting a new relationship or pursuing the opposite sex. You are only obligated to share them if you decide to spend the rest of your life with them, if even.
The world is a very different place for 2 reasons.
1) The age of the atomic family is over. It's a very me first society and in this day and age depending on your partner for survival is over. You have to be selfish and cautious. The world loves to use your past against you. Just look at ISH and how people love to dig stuff up. Once and if you find that genuine person to share those intimate feelings with you will know. You build that trust by being honest with yourself first
2) You are in a great position in life my friend. casual dating is much simpler in today's times. In fact the variety of ways to meet people are vast. If I was single all I would want to do is not share my feelings, have fun, and let me be me. If you get the feeling that the person wants more emotional investment that early, vamoose. Move on. the person is probably an emotional wreck or clinger. Unless you like that type then have at er

I am happy with my life and my wife. But I see relationships falling all around me. I can literally say that marriages live up to the statistics and over 50% of my friends end up in divorce. if you have any doubts about yourself and treating the opposite, I would go with your heart, remember you above everything. YAE

[Jasi]

Naw he is asking "if I put myself out there will it push her away or bring her closer?"

And the answer is it depends on the girl, they are all different. Some want that stuff and some don't. You have to feel them out a little first.

This, imo.

I am not sure I got from the OP if he's the guy that prefers to show that he cares or if he actually likes playing mind games.
The "be yourself" advice shouldn't apply in the latter case.
I mean if she's worth it and she is attracted to the nurturing guy, then force yourself a bit, behave, show that you care.

[Jasi]

I'm gonna share the same sentiment as everybody else and say just do you.
I'm also gonna surprise you with a little advise coming from a man in an 18 year relationship and leaving for our 10th year wedding anniversary to St.Lucia next week.
You are not obligated to express or share your feelings with anybody, especially starting a new relationship or pursuing the opposite sex. You are only obligated to share them if you decide to spend the rest of your life with them, if even.
The world is a very different place for 2 reasons.
1) The age of the atomic family is over. It's a very me first society and in this day and age depending on your partner for survival is over. You have to be selfish and cautious. The world loves to use your past against you. Just look at ISH and how people love to dig stuff up. Once and if you find that genuine person to share those intimate feelings with you will know. You build that trust by being honest with yourself first
2) You are in a great position in life my friend. casual dating is much simpler in today's times. In fact the variety of ways to meet people are vast. If I was single all I would want to do is not share my feelings, have fun, and let me be me. If you get the feeling that the person wants more emotional investment that early, vamoose. Move on. the person is probably an emotional wreck or clinger. Unless you like that type then have at er

I am happy with my life and my wife. But I see relationships falling all around me. I can literally say that marriages live up to the statistics and over 50% of my friends end up in divorce. if you have any doubts about yourself and treating the opposite, I would go with your heart, remember you above everything. YAE

So to sum up, marriages failing is a reason for the "me above everything" attitude?
It's the other way round, actually.
People who put themselves above everything, will end up in divorce.

Regardless of the societies trend... If you want a good relationship, don't be an egoist (and don't marry an egoist).
It's certainly easier said than done, sure. But it's the truth.
Egoism fvcks up relationships. It's as simple as that.

[hateraid]

So to sum up, marriages failing is a reason for the "me above everything" attitude?

Marriages fail because people believe marriage changes things for the better. Problem is people nowadays don't look to their partner for emotional support. They find it in their friends, social media, family....

It's the other way round, actually.
People who put themselves above everything, will end up in divorce.

I don't think you read me quite clearly. I said MAE until you can find the person you can trust in. Otherwise nobody is obligated to be that emotionally invested

Regardless of the societies trend... If you want a good relationship, don't be an egoist (and don't marry an egoist).
It's certainly easier said than done, sure. But it's the truth.
Egoism fvcks up relationships. It's as simple as that.

Being an egoist and being selfish to preserve one's emotional investment are 2 different things. One is thinking he's better than every girl he's with. The other is being himself without having to commit intimate details.

[Jasi]

Marriages fail because people believe marriage changes things for the better. Problem is people nowadays don't look to their partner for emotional support. They find it in their friends, social media, family....

I don't think you read me quite clearly. I said MAE until you can find the person you can trust in. Otherwise nobody is obligated to be that emotionally invested

Ah ok then, agreed.

Being an egoist and being selfish to preserve one's emotional investment are 2 different things. One is thinking he's better than every girl he's with. The other is being himself without having to commit intimate details.

It's a delicate balance though and kind of a loop.
The success of your emotional investment may also depend on you not being selfish (as in, to put it short: start thinking at what makes you two happy, rather than yourself alone).

[~primetime~]

Marriages fail for many reasons but the last time I checked the two leading causes for divorce were infidelity and finances.

Staying loyal is obvious, and if you can't support your family it really doesn't matter what your ego or personality is like...at the end of the day people have to eat and no body likes a bum.