For the married guys/those in real (good) relationships

[ZeN]

Marriages fail for many reasons but the last time I checked the two leading causes for divorce were infidelity and finances.

Staying loyal is obvious, and if you can't support your family it really doesn't matter what your ego or personality is like...at the end of the day people have to eat and no body likes a bum.

The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in one form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.

[sweggeh]

The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.

ZEN! Get in the Shady thread, we have questions for you.

[~primetime~]

The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in one form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.

I would imagine that incompatibility would be the source of infidelity and any supposed financial issues.

[ZeN]

I would imagine that incompatibility would be the source of infidelity and any supposed financial issues.

Exactly. If you cheat, it speaks a lot about how little you respect your spouse. Also, if there's authentic love then both will work to stabilize the financial situation or stick by the other one in difficult times. It's the benefit counters that start the corrosion of the relationship when things aren't the best.

Loyalty only means something if there are bad times. What good is loyalty only during the good?

[~primetime~]

Exactly. If you cheat, it speaks a lot about how little you respect your spouse. Also, if there's authentic love then both will work to stabilize the financial situation or stick by the other one in difficult times. It's the benefit counters that start the corrosion of the relationship when things aren't the best.

Loyalty only means something if there are bad times. What good is loyalty only during the good?

You speak the truth.

[AlphaWolf24]

I am pretty sure I have a really twisted view of relationships. I will spare you the whys and ask you the question I have.

Did you get the girl you have by being caring towards her, nurturing towards her emotions, being there for her, being honest, loving, caring, etc.

I feel I am decent enough with going after random hook ups. I am not a pro or anything. But when it comes to girls I actually like, I get confused. Should I just express the way I feel, the way I want the relationship to actually be? Should I be caring towards her how I want to be?

For some reason a voice in my head says I need to be somewhat distant. I need to play my cards close to my vest. I need to make her think I am not totally invested. I understand the degree of not wanting to seem desperate... but when it comes to just honestly expressing emotions. I am not sure how to do it, if I should do it.

And yeah, I am coming to this damn forum of all places to ask this question. Trust me, I am asking other people and pondering it myself. But since I know some of you are married, I want to know what you think of this.

(sighs).....( takes a deep breathe )

You are way over analyzing this....

#1. This about YOU....what YOU Want.....what YOU believe in.

example: I met this fine girl one night while I was at a gas station ( I asked her to meet me at a bar/club I was going to that night)

later that night we met up at the bar....we were talking ( she told me she and her husband had been separated for about 3 months...they were going to get a divorce soon) as we were on the dance floor a few obnoxious dudes ( who prolly drank too much) were trying to get up on her ( she had a very short dress on)

I had to tell one dude to chill for sec.....as he tried to grab her arm....then he did it again....and I had to make bodies hit the floor.

the whole bar/club was going crazy as I just napped two people....we quickly left before LE came.

On the way back to her apartment she told me that she never been in a situation like that...or had a man do that for her ( as her husband didn't really like to go out or dance) Then I told her....It aint about her...it's about me....acting like a fool and messing with people personal space aint right.

needless to say....panties were wet and we banged all night long.

point being...all the emotion and feelings her husband gave her didn't mean jack sh!t compared to 1 or 2 club punches.


( I had do dump her a few months later....she caught too many feelings)

#2. The institution of marriage is a old barbaric tool that should be done away with....seriously evolve people.

If you want to be with someone...then be with them....with actions ( because you want to).

No need for religion or whatever else to be involved to "make you be with them"...

#2b. Once you want to leave then leave...why be fake with yo self....

#3. Lay the pipe the way YOU want to....You are the man...YOU have to be the one manning the sails.....it will lead to better communication...leading to better pipe laying for you and her!!!

If not ...then read #2b again....








elementary my son.






next

[BigBoss]

Yeah ask a guys opinion about women on an internet forum with a bunch of beta guys on insidehoops.


Being comfortable in your own skin I think is the best advice i've ever gotten. Everything else will come naturally. Stop thinking so much and be yourself. If there's a flaw in your personality then work on it

[BigBoss]

(sighs).....( takes a deep breathe )

You are way over analyzing this....

#1. This about YOU....what YOU Want.....what YOU believe in.

example: I met this fine girl one night while I was at a gas station ( I asked her to meet me at a bar/club I was going to that night)

later that night we met up at the bar....we were talking ( she told me she and her husband had been separated for about 3 months...they were going to get a divorce soon) as we were on the dance floor a few obnoxious dudes ( who prolly drank too much) were trying to get up on her ( she had a very short dress on)

I had to tell one dude to chill for sec.....as he tried to grab her arm....then he did it again....and I had to make bodies hit the floor.

the whole bar/club was going crazy as I just napped two people....we quickly left before LE came.

On the way back to her apartment she told me that she never been in a situation like that...or had a man do that for her ( as her husband didn't really like to go out or dance) Then I told her....It aint about her...it's about me....acting like a fool and messing with people personal space aint right.

needless to say....panties were wet and we banged all night long.

point being...all the emotion and feelings her husband gave her didn't mean jack sh!t compared to 1 or 2 club punches.


( I had do dump her a few months later....she caught too many feelings)

#2. The institution of marriage is a old barbaric tool that should be done away with....seriously evolve people.

If you want to be with someone...then be with them....with actions ( because you want to).

No need for religion or whatever else to be involved to "make you be with them"...

#2b. Once you want to leave then leave...why be fake with yo self....

#3. Lay the pipe the way YOU want to....You are the man...YOU have to be the one manning the sails.....it will lead to better communication...leading to better pipe laying for you and her!!!

If not ...then read #2b again....








elementary my son.






next

Meanwhile this guy has had sex one time

[sweggeh]

(sighs).....( takes a deep breathe )

You are way over analyzing this....

#1. This about YOU....what YOU Want.....what YOU believe in.

example: I met this fine girl one night while I was at a gas station ( I asked her to meet me at a bar/club I was going to that night)

later that night we met up at the bar....we were talking ( she told me she and her husband had been separated for about 3 months...they were going to get a divorce soon) as we were on the dance floor a few obnoxious dudes ( who prolly drank too much) were trying to get up on her ( she had a very short dress on)

I had to tell one dude to chill for sec.....as he tried to grab her arm....then he did it again....and I had to make bodies hit the floor.

the whole bar/club was going crazy as I just napped two people....we quickly left before LE came.

On the way back to her apartment she told me that she never been in a situation like that...or had a man do that for her ( as her husband didn't really like to go out or dance) Then I told her....It aint about her...it's about me....acting like a fool and messing with people personal space aint right.

needless to say....panties were wet and we banged all night long.

point being...all the emotion and feelings her husband gave her didn't mean jack sh!t compared to 1 or 2 club punches.


( I had do dump her a few months later....she caught too many feelings)

#2. The institution of marriage is a old barbaric tool that should be done away with....seriously evolve people.

If you want to be with someone...then be with them....with actions ( because you want to).

No need for religion or whatever else to be involved to "make you be with them"...

#2b. Once you want to leave then leave...why be fake with yo self....

#3. Lay the pipe the way YOU want to....You are the man...YOU have to be the one manning the sails.....it will lead to better communication...leading to better pipe laying for you and her!!!

If not ...then read #2b again....








elementary my son.






next

[longtime lurker]

Haha threads like this really shows who have actually talked to a woman. Simply put you if you want a relationship you need to be yourself, but initially a version of yourself. You need to play the game to get her,but be yourself to keep her.

[Timmy D for MVP]

The real reason doesn't get spoken of often.. The reason why people get divorced is because they married the wrong person. Most of the time people settle or try to get with a person who just simply doesn't fit them as a life companion. Compatibility goes beyond sex, money and social appearances. If you find the right person for you, cheating to both will feel as if blasphemy and money ain't a thing. True compatibility is so difficult to find that settling in one form or another will occur. Yet, those issues that you take into the marriage will multiply exponentially and it will only be a matter of time before limits are reached. People aren't truly honest so in the end also, what you thought fit perfectly, was a facade, and your stuck with a disjointed relationship. Women play games the most and it pushes guys to be the same.

Yeah this is good stuff. I really fell like there is serious pressure in our society to settle down with someone quickly. There is also, from my experience, an idea perpetrated by media that relationships just work out. And if it goes bad it's a bad relationship and you should just bounce. Instead of working sh!t out. If it isn't magic and you have rough patches it's apparently a bad relationship.

People need to take their time. The measure for me is: okay after you fight what is your mind frame? Are you looking to get even? Or are you trying to figure out how to fix what's up? A real relationship is hard work. You'll know it's a good one if you find it worth it to do that work.

[~primetime~]

Yeah this is good stuff. [COLOR="Red"]I really fell like there is serious pressure in our society to settle down with someone quickly. [/COLOR]There is also, from my experience, an idea perpetrated by media that relationships just work out. And if it goes bad it's a bad relationship and you should just bounce. Instead of working sh!t out. If it isn't magic and you have rough patches it's apparently a bad relationship.

People need to take their time. The measure for me is: okay after you fight what is your mind frame? Are you looking to get even? Or are you trying to figure out how to fix what's up? A real relationship is hard work. You'll know it's a good one if you find it worth it to do that work.

There is less pressure today than yesterday though, the average age of those getting married gets a little older each year.

[niko]

You kind of need something to give your life meaning, to take care of outside of just "you" as you get older. When you're younger, you don't. When you're older, you do. I'm past 40, and my single friends as they get older, get stranger (the ones who have always been single). I'm not sure it's healthy to have yourself as the only thing to take care of for that long. Not everyone clearly, but generally. Especially the women.

[bk33]

First, the TLR. No need to pour your heart out right away. I know you like her, but are you going to like your relationship with her? that one you can only find out later on, so take it slow.

I'm also not suggesting you to be distant and cold, just the same way when I tell guys to stop being a push over and they think ok I need to be an asshole since girls like bad boys. Don't go to that extreme.

The calibration is gonna take time and work. Instead of paying attention to what you should do with a girl, you need to be more aware with himself. What is ok, what is not, what is acceptable and what is not.

The good thing is once you're more aware with yourself, it shows, and girls are much more attracted to that than the "yes man".

[boozehound]

Wait, which is it? Do you want married guys or guys in good relationships?



Thank you thank you, Ill be here all week. Try the salisbury steak, its delicious!