i'm an alcoholic

[highwhey]

been to rehab 5 times. first time in detox was in april of 2020. i was drinking pretty heavily the last couple years, but the covid shutdowns slowed down work to the point that i was drinking everyday upwards of 25 beers non stop for months. tried to stop, had to go to the ER cuz i wasn't feeling right...and it takes a lot for me to go to a doctor, i have to near damn die to muster up the will to go see a doctor. was shaking like crazy, chills...there were kids in the ER staring at me weird cuz my body was twitching like crazy. keep in mind my heart rate was racing while i was sitting. i got up to tell the nurse i think i am going to die, she took my bp and it was 220. she called a doctor immiedtialy and rushed me to the stroke unit. doctor asked me whats going on, i told him i had been drinking a lot and tried to stop cold turkey. injected me with some benzos and that bp went from 220 to 170 in a matter of minutes. crazy how medicine works huh? nurse came in to put the seizure pads on the side of my bed "just in case"...you ever feel like a worthless piece of shit? i did that night. the looks from the medical staff were like people looking at a dead man walking. i texted my brother that night all my passwords and logins so he can keep the business running in case anything happened to me.

i relapsed today. been completely sober for months but had a mishap this weekend. i know you guys don't care, just felt the need to say something. joey, keep your head up in rehab. this will not be easy. i see a therapist once a week. he's alright...but a lil racist tbh. keeps saying how all the mexicans he treats are young mothers and how they impregnate really easy, like ok dude why do i care? i've never been more "successful" than i am at the moment. i run a company that will make over a milly this year. and thats not enough. my niece telling me i am her best friend isn't enough. i can't stay sober my brothers...my family is loving but they don't understand the struggle. everyone always joked about me being like my uncle cuz he was a bit chubby and we looked similar. well the guy was a sicario, he's a schizo from all the coke he did. guy is 6'5 and even at his age he's strong like abull. he broke out of an ambulance on his way to a hospital and beat up the EMTs. my family has him living in a ranch where he is far away from society. guess the jokes were on target, i too am an addict that should be far away from any people.

the funny thing is i am the life of the party. i get a crowd around me at every party when i'm drinking. i am the funniest most joyful individual in the room. but i am also the lonliest and most detached. i've ****ed so many chicks this past year that i don't even remember names tbh. and i STILL feel lonely. i ****ed this cute white chick told her how i wanted her to move in and all this awkward shit. bitch called me the next day asking if i could help her move her stuff to my apartment i ate her ***** out like it was some filet mignon but she was just a lost college student who was looking for validation and i happened to give it to her that night, nothing more. i feel bad about that stuff though, i feel like every hookup is something i take away from these chicks. it makes me feel empty.

i don't even know why i am making this post. i have a crazy busy week and i am drunk off my ass at 10:57 AM. great job Alan, you piece of shit.

[TheMan]

Hang in there carnal. Alcoholism isn't a joke, my dad was one and a lot of my tios too. If you put your mind to it, you can begin to get free of alcohol. Sorry but that's all I got, not good with this shit...mantente fuerte amigo

[j3lademaster]

If it makes you feel that much better to post this to strangers on a msg board, all the power to you. It's just a little dangerous because it's the internet and you don't know who can be giving you bad advice and who can just be throwing negative shit at you for the sake of it, pouring fuel onto the fire. You should seek out a professional and tell them what you just told everyone here. Not being facetious. Seek help before it gets worse, and all the luck.

[Im so nba'd out]

Everyone slips sometime.Good luck.Blood pressure 220 idk how you didn’t have a stroke that’s amazing

[1987_Lakers]

Good luck, luckily for me my parents were not drinkers which is rare in the Mexican community, my oldest brother on the other hand was an addict for years, the worst stuff, from heroin to meth, he caused my family so much pain cause of his addiction, he's been clean for years now and got married a couple of years ago.

And having constant random hookups will not bring you long term happiness, learned this years ago, it's very nice to have a casual encounter here and there, but if you are looking for these sexual encounters to provide you long term happiness, look the other way.

[Shogon]

Well a couple of things...

1) People here are now going to use this shit against you until you stop posting here. That's just how it works, unfortunately. Sorry for that. Prepare for it. There are a selective group of unemployed children and or mentally unhealthy adults that just can't let shit go that post here and gravitate here because the admin doesn't give a ****. **** I still catch shit for some stupid haircut that I had 20 ****ing years ago, lmao.

2) If you feel like it has that strong of a stranglehold over you, there's more than a decent chance that you either have the gene for it, or you have some sort of unresolved emotional trauma from childhood... or both.

For what it's worth... my recommendation would be to join AA, and even before that, start seeing a better counselor. Make sure they're a good one. Bad counselors are like throwing your money on the ground. And be fully honest with them, otherwise there's no point in going. Because it's about you healing, not them thinking more or less of you. It sounds to me like the one you're seeing is an airhead dipshit.

3) Some people who live stressful lives can be more susceptible to alcohol addiction. I'm sure running a business takes a toll... maybe you should re-evaluate that if it's a source of constant stress triggering the addiction.





But overall, therapy is probably your best bet imo.

[highwhey]

Well a couple of things...

1) People here are now going to use this shit against you until you stop posting here. That's just how it works, unfortunately. Sorry for that. Prepare for it. There are a selective group of unemployed children and or mentally unhealthy adults that just can't let shit go that post here and gravitate here because the admin doesn't give a ****. **** I still catch shit for some stupid haircut that I had 20 ****ing years ago, lmao.

2) If you feel like it has that strong of a stranglehold over you, there's more than a decent chance that you either have the gene for it, or you have some sort of unresolved emotional trauma from childhood... or both.

For what it's worth... my recommendation would be to join AA, and even before that, start seeing a better counselor. Make sure they're a good one. Bad counselors are like throwing your money on the ground. And be fully honest with them, otherwise there's no point in going. Because it's about you healing, not them thinking more or less of you. It sounds to me like the one you're seeing is an airhead dipshit.

3) Some people who live stressful lives can be more susceptible to alcohol addiction. I'm sure running a business takes a toll... maybe you should re-evaluate that if it's a source of constant stress triggering the addiction.





But overall, therapy is probably your best bet imo.

understood. i posted this bc i plan to stop posting here. thsi forum is beyond toxic. for an addict like myself it should be avoided. this will be one of my last posts. thjank you shogun, i know people call you bowlcut and make fun of you, but i respect you for being YOU. you spit out truth without regard for people being upset at you. i think me aand you would be good friends in real life. stay happy my brother.

[Patrick Chewing]

Sometimes I envy you drinkers cause I can't hang for shit. I had two frozen margaritas the other day and I swear everyone at that bar was asking for an ass kicking.


In all seriousness OP, life is better with you, than without. Alcoholism is a disease and you alienate more people than you think, which only sends you deeper down the rabbit hole. You'll then become more depressed that people are alienated by you, that you'll drink more. All the while not realizing that it is because of your drinking that you are losing these people in the first place. Losing the people that matter at least.

What you also have to realize is that the outside world is ****ed up and there's nothing you can ever do to change that. No amount of drinking will make you happier, more likeable, or ease the pain. Usually alcoholism stems from some type of issue avoidance and the only cure is to face that issue head on and deal with it.

Being the "life of the party" when you drink only means that those people only accept you when you're drunk. You don't want those people in your life.



Then, there's the alternative. I fly out to Phoenix and put a ****ing gun to your head. Scare you straight mother****er.

[Shogon]

understood. i posted this bc i plan to stop posting here. thsi forum is beyond toxic. for an addict like myself it should be avoided. this will be one of my last posts. thjank you shogun, i know people call you bowlcut and make fun of you, but i respect you for being YOU. you spit out truth without regard for people being upset at you. i think me aand you would be good friends in real life. stay happy my brother.

Well good luck bro, with whatever.

[dreamshake]

been to rehab 5 times. first time in detox was in april of 2020. i was drinking pretty heavily the last couple years, but the covid shutdowns slowed down work to the point that i was drinking everyday upwards of 25 beers non stop for months. tried to stop, had to go to the ER cuz i wasn't feeling right...and it takes a lot for me to go to a doctor, i have to near damn die to muster up the will to go see a doctor. was shaking like crazy, chills...there were kids in the ER staring at me weird cuz my body was twitching like crazy. keep in mind my heart rate was racing while i was sitting. i got up to tell the nurse i think i am going to die, she took my bp and it was 220. she called a doctor immiedtialy and rushed me to the stroke unit. doctor asked me whats going on, i told him i had been drinking a lot and tried to stop cold turkey. injected me with some benzos and that bp went from 220 to 170 in a matter of minutes. crazy how medicine works huh? nurse came in to put the seizure pads on the side of my bed "just in case"...you ever feel like a worthless piece of shit? i did that night. the looks from the medical staff were like people looking at a dead man walking. i texted my brother that night all my passwords and logins so he can keep the business running in case anything happened to me.

i relapsed today. been completely sober for months but had a mishap this weekend. i know you guys don't care, just felt the need to say something. joey, keep your head up in rehab. this will not be easy. i see a therapist once a week. he's alright...but a lil racist tbh. keeps saying how all the mexicans he treats are young mothers and how they impregnate really easy, like ok dude why do i care? i've never been more "successful" than i am at the moment. i run a company that will make over a milly this year. and thats not enough. my niece telling me i am her best friend isn't enough. i can't stay sober my brothers...my family is loving but they don't understand the struggle. everyone always joked about me being like my uncle cuz he was a bit chubby and we looked similar. well the guy was a sicario, he's a schizo from all the coke he did. guy is 6'5 and even at his age he's strong like abull. he broke out of an ambulance on his way to a hospital and beat up the EMTs. my family has him living in a ranch where he is far away from society. guess the jokes were on target, i too am an addict that should be far away from any people.

the funny thing is i am the life of the party. i get a crowd around me at every party when i'm drinking. i am the funniest most joyful individual in the room. but i am also the lonliest and most detached. i've ****ed so many chicks this past year that i don't even remember names tbh. and i STILL feel lonely. i ****ed this cute white chick told her how i wanted her to move in and all this awkward shit. bitch called me the next day asking if i could help her move her stuff to my apartment i ate her ***** out like it was some filet mignon but she was just a lost college student who was looking for validation and i happened to give it to her that night, nothing more. i feel bad about that stuff though, i feel like every hookup is something i take away from these chicks. it makes me feel empty.

i don't even know why i am making this post. i have a crazy busy week and i am drunk off my ass at 10:57 AM. great job Alan, you piece of shit.

Cool story dawg. No one sleeping with your fat ass except maybe other fat chicks

[TheMan]

I see some people here saying this place is toxic, it's only toxic if you let it be toxic. I couldn't care less what my enemies think, they can go choke on a bag of *****. Yo Alan, if you think it's best for you to leave, then do what you think is good for you but this place will be a bit worse for it...

Hasta luego.

[Jasper]

op - join the marina's - they set you straight

[Axe]

[Joey Turnbuckle]

Just start over and take it one day at a time. If you need to drink a few beers throughout the day for the next couple of days to avoid withdrawal, do it. Withdrawal is f'ing miserable. You can do it, rehab is also pretty miserable unless it's a nice place that doesn't have ridiculous rules.

Today on the nature walk, dude always picks up a stick and whips bushes or trees when passing by and she flipped out on him saying he isn't allowed to pick up sticks or touch anything because somebody touched poison ivy once. Guy is a country boy, construction worker, hunter, fisher and is old enough to be here dad. She might be 25, maybe younger and he is in his 40's old enough to be here dad. This same chick has also barged into my room twice without knocking. Place is real messed up. We are down to 4 people and it was just this past friday that we had 11. Place is crumbling.

[TheCorporation]

Alan, hang in there bud shit will get better if you want it to. I second someone else's opinion on getting involved with AA and getting ahold of this before it's too late. I wish you the best my brother