Need some advice on a relationship

[UtahJazzFan88]

Okay so I need some dating advice since all already got my friends advice, but anyway here it goes...

So I've been kinda unsuccesful with girls, a bit socially awkward for a while, but I think I've changed that quite a bit over the past year... so my friend hooks me up with this girl who's a virgin (as am I) on a date... and we go to this haunted house and I feel like we do hit it off fairly well... we were holding hands, kissed once, then she was kinda grabbing my chest at the haunted house, and then we go eat, and then we drive them home, I ask for her number and she gives it, then I ask for a kiss goodbye which she does...

So we text for a couple weeks because she's really busy with school, I feel like we are hitting it off pretty well with our texts although I think out of the like 14-16 days we texted between dates, she texted first that day like 3-4 times which kind of is telling a bit to me... so I got the 2nd date (or real 1st one alone).

The date happens, I pick her up, we go go-karting which was sorta my idea, we hit it off decently and she did like to talk a lot, etc etc. Which was cool, we go do our activity of go-karting which was really fun, she acted and seemed interested, so we get back into the car and so I decided to kiss her on the cheek and she acted really uninterested and kinda cold about it, she asks "are you okay?" or something like that... which was weird.

We then go see Bad Grandpa, she did seem to still talk and seem interested, the movie was good, we held hands in that and I kinda tried touching her a little bit (not anywhere sexually, just kinda like a messaging lol), we had fun at the movie although she was in a bit of a hurry to run out I thought... we go back to the car and talk for a bit as I am about to drive her home... I then ask her on the way home if she was interested in a relationship at all and she basically said no, it was awkwardly silent for a bit, and then when I'm at her house dropping her off, she asks for a kiss goodbye, and then texts me like 45 minutes later saying she had a really great time, etc etc etc.

The next day, I kinda talk to her more via text, and then she says that night that she isn't ready for a relationship, and just wants to be friends, and she didn't want to hurt me that wasn't her intention.

So I said I was okay with it even though I really wasn't, and then basically from there it's been me texting her and yeah she has been texting back a bit, but I don't really feel like she is interested in me that much anymore. Although she did seem a little bit concerned when she asked me how I was doing after I texted her, and I said I was stressed out.

What do I do from here? Like I said we're both pretty inexperienced I think, we're both virgins so I really don't know. I'm really ready to move on to with another girl possibly this Saturday, I'd like to get some sort of answer from her soon.

[LEFT4DEAD]

Dont text her first ever again, and if she doesnt want to text you too, than just leave it. See how would she react if you stop chasing her. Thats always the answer.

[Balla_Status]

You were doing fine until you asked about being interested in a relationship on the second date. I wouldn't look for a relationship at all. If it happens, it happens. #1 priority is to have fun.

Also, call her instead of texting all the time in between dates (in the future). It's cool to leave a couple texts every now and then but let her know when you plan to call her so she has something to look forward to and plan around so she'll actually answer.

You'll get better dude. I was a lot like you a couple years back.

Get on the other girl this weekend.

[ace23]

She's trying to let you off easy. Stop texting her.

On to the next one.

[Myth]

She potentially saw you as too needy for asking a for a relationship on the second date (how old are you guys btw, this seems to change with different ages). Some girls really do want a relationship but they get scared off if they feel the guy is rushing a relationship. Others really don't want a relationship and want to just have fun, in which asking for a relationship will scare them off because they don't want to feel like they are misleading you. Either way, asking for a relationship too early is generally not a great idea. If the topic of relationships in general comes up early, you could say something like "Of course anybody I date is because I am trying to see if it will develop into a relationship." That way you aren't putting the label on too early, but your intentions to develop into a relationiship are clear.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Just as a background, I'm 19, and she's 18. I was way different in high school than I am now. I had low self-esteem, just didn't really try to go after girls in high school. Now I like to do fun things, party a bit, a lot more social than I was in high school. She's really busy with school.

She doesn't seem like she has a ton of experience with dudes either though so I dunno. She did say in her text that night when she "wasn't ready for a relationship and she just wanted to be friends", that she would love to hang out sometime. So I feel like there is still some feelings there, and that's why I don't think I should give up yet. Maybe just stop texting her for 3-4 days, see what happens, if she doesn't text, then maybe move on. I kind of do want to find out if she had/has feelings and that if she does we could at least start to hang out and talk more, but she probably is too nice to admit it. I just don't want to quite give up on it yet.

My friend who is dating one of her good friends keeps saying just to not give up on it yet and keep talking to her as a friend, but I just don't feel like I can do that.

[Jailblazers7]

First off, it is fine to be the one to send the first text but don't do it often. As a rule, I pretty much don't have text message conversations with girls anymore because it is counterproductive. Text message conversations can smother people with too much attention. All the shit you are talking about via text are either 1) a waste of time (hey, whats up, yeah im just bored watching tv, etc.) or 2) something that would be better as a phone call or face to face. You want to get to know each other through actual face to face conversation because that gives you a chance to connect with each other.

I think you should probably chill with the relationship talk (which kind of obviously freaked her out). I would wait a couple weeks without contacting her much and then schedule another date in like a month. That way you can kind of prove that you aren't too clingy right now. Either that or just walk away and chalk it up to experience. It sounds to me like she is into you but wants something more casual and fun. Maybe a relationship will develop organically if you guys hit it off but I wouldn't bring it up in conversation.

[Scholar]

Maybe just stop texting her for 3-4 days, see what happens, if she doesn't text, then maybe move on. I kind of do want to find out if she had/has feelings and that if she does we could at least start to hang out and talk more, but she probably is too nice to admit it.

My friend who is dating one of her good friends keeps saying just to not give up on it yet and keep talking to her as a friend, but I just don't feel like I can do that.

Not "maybe," it's "definitely."
If she doesn't text you in that 3-4 day span, you have to move on. I obviously can't speak on her behalf, but it should be obvious she has lost interest. It could be because she found you to be needy or it may be because she has other options she finds more intriguing. Girls can be like that, dude. They won't even let you know what they're up to. It could be as simple as she has been talking to another dude while talking to you, too, and she isn't sure which one of you two to date, but she wants to still hang out with you because she wants to keep you open as an option. Again, I can't guarantee that this is what's happening, but it seems plausible. It happens. And now it's time you do the same.
Start talking to other girls. There's no need for you to just speak to this one.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll give her time to text back, if she doesn't, move on. I do think she is into me still, but sounding needy, clingy, and desperate isn't going to do it so I agree with you guys I HAVE to stop contacting her until she comes back to me first.

My only problem here is I think I fell for her way too fast due to the fact I've barely had any experience at all with girls (ala my low self esteem issues in high school). So it's hard to just stop texting her because it makes me happy when I do text her, it's going to be tough but I guess I'll have to suck it up I guess.

And one more thing, I believe two days after that night when she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, I said I was really sorry (yes being needy and desperate, but I felt like I had to say it to clear things up) for being overdramatic and rushing her into some kind of relationship, and she did say it was ok and it was totally fine, but like I said I think she's just trying to be nice about it.

[ace23]

Delete her number so you're not tempted to text her.

[Nick Young]

you blew it with her. No worries though. delete her number and stop contacting her. On to the next one.

Don't waste hours of your life pining over a girl you havent even phucked.

[Le Shaqtus]

Just leave it, if she said she's not interested there's no point in sticking around. It'll just make you look desperate.

[UtahJazzFan88]

Just leave it, if she said she's not interested there's no point in sticking around. It'll just make you look desperate.

She didn't necessarily say she wasn't interested though, just said she wasn't ready (which could be the same thing but you never know), but I agree I need to stop looking desperate.

[glidedrxlr22]

As a few have already said, don't text her. Let her feel you're drifting away. She'll come to you.

Back in my younger days I was in a similar situation as yours. When she mentioned "friends" I calmly told her that that was not what I was looking for. She was taken aback, but I had to say it. Eventhough I didn't get the girl, I was proud of myself for not getting sucked into the friend zone and possibly risk staying there for the long haul.

[longtime lurker]

Just as a background, I'm 19, and she's 18. I was way different in high school than I am now. I had low self-esteem, just didn't really try to go after girls in high school. Now I like to do fun things, party a bit, a lot more social than I was in high school. She's really busy with school.

She doesn't seem like she has a ton of experience with dudes either though so I dunno. She did say in her text that night when she "wasn't ready for a relationship and she just wanted to be friends", that she would love to hang out sometime. So I feel like there is still some feelings there, and that's why I don't think I should give up yet. Maybe just stop texting her for 3-4 days, see what happens, if she doesn't text, then maybe move on. I kind of do want to find out if she had/has feelings and that if she does we could at least start to hang out and talk more, but she probably is too nice to admit it. I just don't want to quite give up on it yet.

My friend who is dating one of her good friends keeps saying just to not give up on it yet and keep talking to her as a friend, but I just don't feel like I can do that.

Friendzone is the kiss of death my friend. Stop paying her attention and she'll be the one contacting you. Move on to a next chick(multiple chicks) that's the best way to not get attached to one girl. You learned your lesson, never admit you like a woman first, she probably liked you but as soon as you mentioned a relationship you stopped being a "challenge". You said you had low self esteem, well work on improving yourself, hit the gym, pick up some new hobbies and slowly start building up your confidence.