Did you ever change in ways you didn't want to?

[joe]

I'm wondering if other people have gone through this. I'm currently 25. I went through some really traumatic events at age 14, and from there I went down a waterfall just trying to stay afloat. Depression, suicidal thoughts, acting really wild, having wild friends, etc.

It took a long time for me to get back to feeling normal. Years. But once I did, I looked back and realized I wasn't normal, I was a completely different person. And I didn't like a lot of the changes I'd made. I was a lot more serious. Took myself more serious. Couldn't joke as easily. Had way more trouble making friends. Took offense to things. Way more interest in "serious" topics like economics and psychology. To contrast, I used to consider myself the class clown, never took things seriously, impossible to offend, didn't judge others.

I tried for a while to "go back" to who I was, but it was gone. I've learned that's impossible, but now I wonder if there's somebody new I want to be. I want to change, but I don't know into what. I just know my personality feels.... not like me. I feel like so many of my mental processes are adapted from circumstances around me, things from my past, but aren't natural. I feel I had a totally different personality when I was a kid, before I became so influenced by things outside of myself and my own observations.

Does anyone relate to this? "Turn the music up, let me know that I'm sane!"

tl;dr - How much have you changed throughout your life? Are there parts of your own personality that you feel you don't like or don't belong?

[KobesFinger]

I've matured, not changed. I was always quiet and serious as a child. Went through the dumb teenager phase (not rebellious, just thinking I was boss) then realised how stupid I was and fixed up. Now I'm quite interested in serious topics such as economics, history and politics. People say I act older than I am

[joe]

I've matured, not changed. I was always quiet and serious as a child. Went through the dumb teenager phase (not rebellious, just thinking I was boss) then realised how stupid I was and fixed up. Now I'm quite interested in serious topics such as economics, history and politics. People say I act older than I am

"Adolescents navigate a web of conflicting values and selves in order to emerge as 'the person one has come to be' and 'the person society expects one to become"

From that aspect of maturity, I feel like I've gone too far maybe. One of my favorite traits about myself was always not caring what other people think, as far as just being comfortable in my own skin. Now I am always judging myself feeling like I can't do what I want. The way I talk to my friends isn't me. I worry about what they think, what I think about what they think, everything. Even with the most simple things, like the tone of my voice and the way I talk. I talk so monotone-ish now, there's no flavor or spirit in my voice anymore. Just...blah. Because I am hesitant to stand out in any way. I don't get it, even as I explain it.

[niko]

I grew up in a dangerous neighborhood and I got really used to watching for danger at all times. It is ingrained in me. It made me a bit introverted (I live in my head) and I used to worry a lot about things. My wife made me go to therapy when I was real young, she said it would make me happier. It really did, I still have those habits but much less so.

[Le Shaqtus]

I've become a hypochondriac, it sucks.

[joe]

I've become a hypochondriac, it sucks.

Why did you become that?

[joe]

I grew up in a dangerous neighborhood and I got really used to watching for danger at all times. It is ingrained in me. It made me a bit introverted (I live in my head) and I used to worry a lot about things. My wife made me go to therapy when I was real young, she said it would make me happier. It really did, I still have those habits but much less so.

That sucks, but glad the therapy helped. It's annoying that things like that just stick with you, even when logically you know it's no longer necessary.

That makes me realize, my personality traits I dislike are probably just things I adapted because I felt it was necessary at that time. Like being serious too often, I remember hating how bad I was doing in school and how all of my friends just partied constantly. So in response maybe I've become really serious.

[ROCSteady]

I think any grown adult that is really self aware would say 'yes' to something or another.