Spiders/Arachnid Unappreciation Thread

[SourPatchKids]

[d.bball.guy]

I remember coming home from school and seeing a big spider near our door. I ran like hell and got the water hose and sprayed water like I was Blastoise.

[Scholar]

Amazing. Absolutely brilliant performance. This is gold-medal worthy man.

I've had a hell of a bathroom experience aswell. I told Al Thorton it in the old BTE thread.

So I was on the toilet, in deep thought mode. I'm not the guy who uses their phone or reads a book/paper on the toilet, I like to think. But as I was staring into oblivion, I noticed something move. A big ass brown spider just chillaxing on the wall and could just jump onto my bare dick at any given moment.

What I do? I could get up, but man I'm takin' a shit, don't wanna move till I'm done my shit. So I don't move. I reached for the toilet paper, wrap about half an inch of it around my hand, and smacked the crap out of it. Plastered him right on the wall, dumped it in the toilet, wiped my ass, flushed and did a Arabic Jihad chant throughout the process.

F[FONT="Verdana"]u[/FONT]ck Spiders.

I bet you measured that half an inch using your dick.


Spiders can be real faggots. I killed 3 the other day, all in a 30 sec span, at my work. Turns out this guard shack I chill in all day has spiders and other bugs crawling around underneath it, and from time to time, those motherfuckers like to pop up in here and see what's good.

[blacknapalm]

man, i'm just glad i don't get any real big shit around here. i have noticed more spiders lately but none of them like that. if my cat is around, she'll kill/eat it usually try to take it away from her though to avoid cleaning up any mess later.

thought about tenting before but that is such a bitch. so many things you have to take out/seal up....then you have to find a place to stay for a couple days.

death to spiders...i may be ignorant to them but that's where most of the irrational fear comes from. i can't differentiate between the good and bad. they all look like evil, plotting bastards to me.

i also was amused by the fact that i walked through a spiderweb the other day near the driveway and started flailing my arms like a maniac who lost his meds. i'm sure the neighbor thinks i'm even more weird. why you fvckers build huge spanning webs across doorways?

[Batz]

I remember coming home from school and seeing a big spider near our door. I ran like hell and got the water hose and sprayed water like I was Blastoise.

Haha trust me you're not the only one. I remember a couple of times doing the same to the shit-heads in my backyard. They're building a colony there.

I remember when I first moved into the house, and was about to take my first shower here actually. Walked in, flip the lights on, moved the shower curtains aside and there was daddy long freaking legs just being all cool. I turned on the water shouting kamehamehah as it went down the shower drain. From that day, I knew shit was gonna be series.

I held it for like 3 or 4 hours. But it wouldn't go away. When I went in there I turned on all the lights and tried to contort my body so I could shit and look up at the fan at the same time but it was coming out so slowly. It was like my days in middle school: trying to hurry up and take a shit in between classes before anyone else came into the bathroom.

What a perfect analogy. No Spiders today for me thankfully. But they're planning something... I know it.

man, i'm just glad i don't get any real big shit around here. i have noticed more spiders lately but none of them like that. if my cat is around, she'll kill/eat it usually try to take it away from her though to avoid cleaning up any mess later.

thought about tenting before but that is such a bitch. so many things you have to take out/seal up....then you have to find a place to stay for a couple days.

death to spiders...i may be ignorant to them but that's where most of the irrational fear comes from. i can't differentiate between the good and bad. they all look like evil, plotting bastards to me.

i also was amused by the fact that i walked through a spiderweb the other day near the driveway and started flailing my arms like a maniac who lost his meds. i'm sure the neighbor thinks i'm even more weird. why you fvckers build huge spanning webs across doorways?

I've walked through a couple myself. It feels like a near-death experience.

[plowking]

Try living in Australia... lol. Those mofos get huge here. They're not dangerous, poisonous for the most, but they're just huge and scary looking.

The worst thing about seeing a spider is, the moment when you look for something to destroy it with, look back to where the spider was, and its gone... I can't be in that room anymore unless I find that sucker and kill it.

I've also had several moments where I've cracked under pressure with these things. I got a perfect line up to smack the shit out of this monster, and I miss from 2 feet out with my shoe... Which leads to panic mode of little flurry hits just trying to get enough hits to stun this thing which can lead me to get the killer blow again, which I should have had the first time around if I had not shat myself.

[RedBlackAttack]

Try living in Australia... lol. Those mofos get huge here. They're not dangerous, poisonous for the most, but they're just huge and scary looking.

The worst thing about seeing a spider is, the moment when you look for something to destroy it with, look back to where the spider was, and its gone... I can't be in that room anymore unless I find that sucker and kill it.

I've also had several moments where I've cracked under pressure with these things. I got a perfect line up to smack the shit out of this monster, and I miss from 2 feet out with my shoe... Which leads to panic mode of little flurry hits just trying to get enough hits to stun this thing which can lead me to get the killer blow again, which I should have had the first time around if I had not shat myself.

Pretty sure everyone knows Australia is where nightmare insects come to life. From the f#cking eight-legged, hairy monsters crawling around the land to the great whites splashing around in the water, I have no desire to go to Australia... Unless I decided to die in a really epic way.

[zass]

I am still waiting retrospider man's comment in this thread

[blacknapalm]

Pretty sure everyone knows Australia is where nightmare insects come to life. From the f#cking eight-legged, hairy monsters crawling around the land to the great whites splashing around in the water, I have no desire to go to Australia... Unless I decided to die in a really epic way.

don't forget about the red kangaroo. those things can grow taller than the average man and weight 300+ pounds. that's not exactly like running into a deer...it's like hitting a brick wall. my cousins used to tell me stories of people they know who would hit one of those guys and it would just total their vehicle. then the guy would hop off and leave...badly hurt but still

[tomtucker]

I have allways been scared of spiders.......one of the dumbest thing i did as a kid was to watch "Arachnophobia".....that movie does not help .........and it is still scary

[Batz]

****

Holy shit this is what you were talking about? O_0


Killed a big one during Rosez' stream.

[goldcrow]

****

[SevereUpInHere]

Try living in Australia... lol. Those mofos get huge here. They're not dangerous, poisonous for the most, but they're just huge and scary looking.

The worst thing about seeing a spider is, the moment when you look for something to destroy it with, look back to where the spider was, and its gone... I can't be in that room anymore unless I find that sucker and kill it.

I've also had several moments where I've cracked under pressure with these things. I got a perfect line up to smack the shit out of this monster, and I miss from 2 feet out with my shoe... Which leads to panic mode of little flurry hits just trying to get enough hits to stun this thing which can lead me to get the killer blow again, which I should have had the first time around if I had not shat myself.

This is part of the reason we wear thongs

[poido123]

Pretty sure everyone knows Australia is where nightmare insects come to life. From the f#cking eight-legged, hairy monsters crawling around the land to the great whites splashing around in the water, I have no desire to go to Australia... Unless I decided to die in a really epic way.

:

It isn't that bad. In fact, Shark Attacks are pretty rare on the whole, so are spider and snake bites to boot.

This is a short list of animals to watch out for in Australia:

Taipan (can kill 250 humans with one drop of venom, also most venomous snake in the world) they are prominant in some areas, but are not commonly found around capital cities or coastal areas, so their contact with humans is minimal. I personally have encountered a Taipan when I was with the army in townsville, however townsville is one of its most prominant areas so I wasn't surprised.

Funnel Web Spider (can kill a grown person in less than 2 minutes) is the most venomous spider in the world, makes it's home in holes in the ground covering its hole with a cotton wool like roof. It's commonly known as the Sydney funnel web spider, so think next time before you think of heading to sydney again : They are ugly looking and even though Ive lived in Australia my whole life, the thought of seeing one gives me the serious creeps. People in Sydney do find them floating on the top of the pool water surface, sometimes see 6 or 8 of them.

Blue Ringed Octopus (Really shouldn't worry about too much, they are found in rock pools at the beach and they are rarely seen due to the fact that they hide, and rarely come into contact with humans)

Great White Shark ( Normally found in colder waters surrounding Australia, however do cross into warmer waters occasionally. Although great whites are incredibly scary, they rarely attack people, and the areas in which they have attacked, have been in colder waters where tourists/people don't often swim or surf. Only exception would be West Australia where the water is warmer and there have been attacks. Thankfully I've never encountered one on my years of surfing).

Urikanji or Boxed Jelly Fish commonly found in tropical waters off North Queensland, there are signs everywhere to warn people where they are, so again, not really any threat to humans.

Then finally the saltwater crocodile, commonly found in rivers and estuaries, rarely attack or come into contact with humans as they are not found in populated areas.

Hope this helps all the yanks here for next time you travel to Australia :) If that hasn't turned you off, with have great waves, surf, beaches and people here, it's definately worth at least 1 trip.

[Graviton]

I don't know why people fear them, they are actually useful for your house, they kill all the dirty insects like flies, roaches and other disgusting creatures that dare invade your house. My dad taught me to never kill a spider because they clean up the garbage without even bothering you. You rarely notice them, they hide like ninjas and keep your house clean.

Appreciate spiders, they are your friends. How can you hate this guy?