Post Your Favorite Joke

[CakeorDeath]

A lot of Joke of the Day Threads get made; how about one where everyone posts their favorite joke(s)?

Here's one of mine:

A man was walking along a lonely beach. Suddenly he heard a deep voice commands:

"DIG!"

He looks around: but there’s nobody’s about. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again:

"I SAID DIG!!"

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice says:

"OPEN!."

The man finds a rock and smashes the lock,. When the chest is finally open, he sees a huge hoard of gold coins. The deep voice says:

"TO THE CASINO!"

The man jumps in his car and drives the few miles to the nearest casino, where he hears the voice again:

"ROULETTE!"

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. The deep voice commands:

"27!"

The man places the whole lot on number 27. The roulette table nearly erupts with excitement. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball.

The ball spins round and around and around then eventually stops on number 14.

"SH!T!!"

[Alan]

It sounds better in Estonian but I'll try to translate it.

Have you ever heard a story about a blonde coyote?

- After chewing through three of her leg bones, she found herself still stuck in the trap.


I don't know why but whenever I read or think about the picture of a legless coyote, it always brings a smile on my face.

[White Chocolate]

Q: Why did Bill Clinton name his dog Buddy?

A: Because he couldn't bear saying "Come Spot".

[lurch67]

Best joke in history:
"In the begining......"

[Sagat]

One day, a young man was jogging down the beach when he came across a women with no legs lying there in the sand.

He stopped and asked the woman "how are you doing today?"

The woman with no legs replies "I'm OK... but"

The young man says "but what?"

The woman says "I've never been hugged before!"

The young man picks the woman with no legs off the ground and hugs her.

____

The very next day the same young man is jogging down the same beach and to his surprise he sees the same woman with no legs lying in the same exact spot

He asks "you're still here, how are you doing today?"

The woman says "well... I'm fine and everything, but..."

The young man says "but what?"

The woman says "well... I've never been kissed before!"

At this point, the young man partly feels sympathy for the woman - so he picks her up and gives her a small kiss on the lips.

The woman smiles and says "thank you!"

------

That night the young man and his wife have a HUGE argument because his wife's best friend says she caught him kissing another woman on the beach. This other woman was obviously the woman with no legs. As a result, the wife said she fu*ked the next door neighbor in an act of retaliation. This made the young man furious at himself for ever even looking at this woman with no legs to begin with.

______

The next morning the young man goes jogging on the same beach hoping, just hoping that woman would be there... turns out she was.

He stops and asks the woman "still here, huh, what do you want know hun a wedding ring? You've practically ruined my marriage!"

The woman says "no... don't want a wedding ring... but"

The young man says "WHAT, WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!?"

The woman says "I want you to fu*k me!"

The young man picks up with woman with no legs throws her in the ocean and says "YOU'RE FU*KED NOW!"