Welcome to this week's ECW recap. My name is Jay Shannon, and it's my pleasure to be your tour guide to the world of extreme. Before I start, just a quick thanks to Bob and Bill for this chance. Now on to the action.
Break out the Kool-aid (I'll take grape), it;s Paul E. He's watching Holly get sliced and diced from last week. Dang, that's just ugly. Holly demands RVD but Heyman back-peddles due to "liability issues". Holly goes nuts and slams Paul into the wall and says "you don't give me RVD, I'll give you a reason to sue". Test slams Holly with a chair right across the back..OWWW!!! Paul lets Holly know that while Bob has to take the night off, RVD will be busy, with TEST in an Extreme Rules Match.
AND THE CREDITS ROLL!
Joey and Tazz (the best play by play team going) welcome us to the action as the camera pans the crowd for our hero, THE SANDMAN! Ok, so the gimmick is getting a little stale, but he IS a legend. And who's his partner, He's homicidal, He's suicidal, He's genocidal, it's SABUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
And who are they facing? Wellllll, it's the Big Showwwww. I really like the change in the "angry Giant" The shaved head is a nice touch. Glad Vince and Paul decided to finally use Show to his potential. That "Deal Breaker" move is awesome And the "RagDoll" is something ONLY Show could pull off. And his tag team partner..SIgh...Matt Striker. Does anyone have Lanny Poffo's phone number? He needs to know how bad his gimmick is being ripped-off by this loser.
SANDMAN/SABU vs SHOW/STRIKER
Sandman is bloody already and no one's thrown a punch. I'm surprised that Sci-Fi doesn't complain about the blood. Show and Sabu to start. Show DOES seem to look a little like a 7 foot Curley of the Three Stooges, but I'd never be dumb enough to tell him that. Big Boot by Show to Sabu and the Bombay native is down. Show picks him up and lands the nastiest headbutt in the business on Sabu. Quick tag to Striker. Striker works over Sabu and has him on the ropes. Dropkick to the back of the head and Sabu's tasting the concrete.
Time for a commercial. Raw has a big 3 hour premiere, just in case you've been comatose for the last several weeks. It's next Monday, on USA. Ok, quick prediction. Kane's off Raw and heads to ECW where we have the Darkside battle between Thorn and Kane. I'll get to vampire boy later.
Back to the action, as Striker tags in Show. Show bashes Sabu with another wicked headbutt, followed by a severe suplex. Tag back to Striker (Show worried about breaking a sweat?) Another dropkick to the outside by Striker. Thrown back in and COULD BE, MIGHT BE, NOOOOO (tip of the hat to Marc Lowrance wherever you are).Sabu's hurting and even more so after a neck vise into a skull drop. Both of them are stunned...Sabu's crawling...TAG TO THE SANDMAN!!! He's a house on fire as he takes out Striker. He's got him on the ropes, could it be, YES it's the HEINKENRANA!! Just a two count. Show's back in the ring as Sandman sets up the White Russian Leg Sweep, but it's blocked and Sandman's down hard. Striker on top and it's over.
YOUR WINNERS: BIG SHOW AND MATT STRIKER.
Crowd so into Sandman and Sabu. ECW is rockin', and there was no advertising.
Joey and Tazz give us a quick flashback to the opening and then more commercials One hour show, 48 minutes of commercials. Ok, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much.
BIMBO ALERT! BIMBO ALERT! Kelly and Trinity are hyping the Strip Poker contest next week. There's going to be more plastic in there than a Barbie factory.
Next up, Kevin Thorn. Every time I see this guy, I imagine he is what the offspring of Razor Ramon and Anne Rice's Lestat would look like. I guess it's better than his Mordecai gimmick where he looked like the child of the Undertaker and the Pillsbury Doughboy. And who has he got tonight? THE HEART AND SOUL OF ECW....TOMMY FREAKIN' DREAMER. This man should be ECW champ. He's the glue that holds this jigsaw together.
This match is back and forth. Kneelift by Dreamer, skull buster by Thorn,Dreamer's in the corner and Thorn's running at him full speed. Tommy's down. Thorn has him up, hits the big boot, followed by the gutbuster. Thorn has him up, but Tommy reverses things into a falling neckbreaker. The tables (no pun intended) have turned. Fists flying by Dreamer, another neckbreaker, and Tommy plants Thorn like a row of begonias with his DDT (Jake "The Snake" Roberts would be proud). Thorn rolls out to the floor and in a flashback to Savage/Slaughter/Ultimate Warrior, Tommy takes a scepter shot to the skull. And it's over.
Your winner...THE COUNT..Good EEEEVening. errr Kevin Thorn. Dreamer got a huge ovation too.
And now we go to, no not another commercial,another John Cena movie plug. Ok, so he has a movie, so does The Rock, and Goldberg, and Hogan has that dumb TV show Who Cares about the Marine? Not me.
Up next is MARIA!!!!! That makes the old pacemaker thump a little harder She's talking about how much she knows about poker...yep she's getting nekkid. To quote Ric Flair WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
NOW we reach the high spot of the night. Your future World Champ, future Hall of Famer, and best darn wrestler since Chris Benoit and Ricky Steamboat, C.M. Punk.Tonight he's facing Danny Doring. This shouldn't take long. And it doesn't. Danny gets a small opening volley until C.M. gets fired up. A few well placed kicks by Punk and suddenly he slaps Danny into a Butterfly Suplex into a Backbreaker. That was just evil-looking. And Punk's in the Zone. Martial arts flurry that's too fast to call. The Uranage into the Anaconda. Two minutes and it's done. And now it's time for his reward, Kelly. She decides to do a sexy dance for Punk, until predictably Knox runs out and stops it. Can you say BUZZKILL? He yells at Punk to leave Kelly alone, and Punk punks Knox out. Punk challenges Knox, but Mikey chickens out. Again, people didn't even realize ECW was coming. Major heat. NY and Philly look out! Topeka loves EC DUB.
Off for another Strip Poker promo. Yawn. Perfectly good waste of wrestling time. Well, maybe if Maria loses.
And now Ladies and Gentleman, it's time for your main event of the evening. In this corner, from Battle Creek, Michigan, RVD. And in the opposite corner, from somewhere in Canada, Test.
The crowd is chanting RVD as the match gets going. The action is fast and furious so I'm going to just hit the highlights for you. Test kicks RVD outside and tries to crush his skull with the ring steps, but misses. RVD lays out Test on the steps and then nails Rolling Thunder on top of Test on top of the stairs. OUCH! Rvd goes for the toys. Table alert! RVD limping pretty bad. RVD and Test roll back in the ring. RVD tries to showboat and Test almost takes his head off with a clothesline that would make JBL shudder. RVD picks up a chair, but Test kicks it into his face. Test goes for a suplex but it's reversed and Test eats a chair. They tease a table drop for quite some time, before RVD sunset flips Test off the ring apron throught the table. And the next move...a commercial. It's like the clunk of an 8-track changing in the middle of a song. Sigh.
We're back. And so is Paul. He's brought friends, the Bashams aka his enforcers. They beat down on RVD for awhile, on the steps and using the nightsticks. RVD's gets away and takes it back to Test. Another table in play and Test gets laid out on the Table. It's 5=star time, but no, it's Big Show. He pushes him off the top rope. Test is back up and hits THE TEST FLIGHT.
Cover and it's allll done. Your winner...Test. The bad guys stroll out the door and we go off the air with Joey's promo of naked diva ringing in our ears. Tons of amazing false finishes. Best match on ECW tv so far this year. Huge crowd heat. Old school Extreme action that blew the crowd away. Just dynamite.
Well, til next week, this is your extreme tour guide Jay Shannon wishing you a good week and a better week=end.