Is Empathy A Lost Art?

[hateraid]

I was going to share a personal experience, but I think I'll refrain from doing so as to not derail the thread. Apparently my personal experiences causes a rise out of certain posters

Have we as humans lost the ability to empathize? I find through traits like self preservation, lack of accountability, and acts of trolling (to act in a manner to get a rise out of an individuals for ones self entertainment) we fail to recognize what it's like to be in another man's shoes. When was the last time you've passed judgements on others but empathized once you've attemted to feel that person's hurts or pains. I know I'm guilty of doing this. As a species as a whole is this a lost art? Are we going to become more selfish as the generations pass?

[Graviton]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCsvJe3dGVk

[Nick Young]

I am extremely empathetic in real life. On ISH I am empathetic towards everyone but I mask my empathy with sarcasm and trolling. And sometimes the trolling is too hilarious so I have to go that way even if someones feelings get hurt. Too bad they don't make a band-aid for feelins.

[DonD13]

I am extremely empathetic in real life. On ISH I am empathetic towards everyone but I mask my empathy with sarcasm and trolling. And sometimes the trolling is too hilarious so I have to go that way even if someones feelings get hurt. Too bad they don't make a band-aid for feelins.

that would be great!

that way you wouldn't have to report posts and cry to Jeff all the time

[hateraid]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCsvJe3dGVk

Wow! That was really cool and interesting. It didn't quite relate to what I had intended in the OP. But it still somehow has a small correlation.

The laughter ackward threw me off. I'll watch this again and would love to disect it. Thanks for sharing

[gigantes]

i saw this comment the other day... thought it was pretty interesting. if it's too long, just read the 2nd paragraph.

i gather his reaction is the way a lot of ppl feel these days. feeling angry about it is difficult for me to understand since i'm kind of a bleeding heart myself.

Originally Posted by Too_Many_Packets

Before even looking through this thread, I already figured most of the things people list here would be something that, while seemingly specific and unique, would actually be relatable to most people. Most feel self-conscious, awkward, and unsuccessful. I think that's just how we are.

But, this is the first thing I've seen, and related to, that I didn't think anyone else experienced. I know about loss, anxiety, pain, and fear. But, when I see it in someone else, I get angry. How dare they make me care about their problems? This isn't how I had planned things going down today. Now I have to think about this person's loss, or that person's worries? I get angry at the person who's suffering. I don't want to, and it's not like I hate them. I feel bad for them. Even so, I'm still angry. I hope I don't show it most of the time, but sometimes, I'm sure I do.

I don't know why this is. I can't make any sense out of it. I care about my friends, family, even people I've barely met. I'd do anything for anyone, just because that's the kind of person I am. I'm not trying to boast or anything. I'm simply saying that it's not in my nature to do any less than go out of my way for anyone I see in need. But, damn them all for making me think about their problems. I can't fix everything. I can't feel all their shit every day.

I went to a memorial yesterday. I barely knew the family from when I was a teenager a long time ago. My memory lately isn't so good for some reason. I don't even remember anything about them except their names sounded familiar. But, their friends and family were so torn up. So many people hurt, so many plans and futures ruined, and hearts broken. I don't think I could fully know what such a tragedy could do to someone so close to that family, but that doesn't stop me from doing my best trying to imagine what it must be like. It doesn't keep me from spending all day at work thinking about it, or running thoughts through my head about how I should be the one to suffer, and not them, nor the people they lost.

Still, I try to remind myself that it's not about me. It's not about what I want to feel. As much as I hate it, I feel this way because I care about people, and I don't like to see them suffering. It might just be that I've been misinterpreting my own feelings. I don't know, though.

I just want to tell you that maybe it's not normal to feel the way you do about empathy, but maybe it's not a bad thing either. And, maybe withdrawing, ultimately, will not be the best way to go. Maybe others need people like you to get so emotional about their problems so that they know they can rely on you for support. Because, others will say, "Sorry for your pain and/or loss," give a pat on the back or say some shit about how everything will be okay someday, and then go back to their comfortable lives where the only time they have to give a shit is when they are the ones suffering.

One thing is sure though. If you withdraw, it doesn't mean you'll never have to deal with it. Empathy has ways of finding you, whether it be rumors or the news (seriously, **** the news for this). You will hear about someone's suffering, and whether you want to or not, you will care.

[hateraid]

i saw this comment the other day... thought it was pretty interesting. if it's too long, just read the 2nd paragraph.

i gather his reaction is the way a lot of ppl feel these days. feeling angry about it is difficult for me to understand since i'm kind of a bleeding heart myself.

Originally Posted by Too_Many_Packets

Before even looking through this thread, I already figured most of the things people list here would be something that, while seemingly specific and unique, would actually be relatable to most people. Most feel self-conscious, awkward, and unsuccessful. I think that's just how we are.

But, this is the first thing I've seen, and related to, that I didn't think anyone else experienced. I know about loss, anxiety, pain, and fear. But, when I see it in someone else, I get angry. How dare they make me care about their problems? This isn't how I had planned things going down today. Now I have to think about this person's loss, or that person's worries? I get angry at the person who's suffering. I don't want to, and it's not like I hate them. I feel bad for them. Even so, I'm still angry. I hope I don't show it most of the time, but sometimes, I'm sure I do.

I don't know why this is. I can't make any sense out of it. I care about my friends, family, even people I've barely met. I'd do anything for anyone, just because that's the kind of person I am. I'm not trying to boast or anything. I'm simply saying that it's not in my nature to do any less than go out of my way for anyone I see in need. But, damn them all for making me think about their problems. I can't fix everything. I can't feel all their shit every day.

I went to a memorial yesterday. I barely knew the family from when I was a teenager a long time ago. My memory lately isn't so good for some reason. I don't even remember anything about them except their names sounded familiar. But, their friends and family were so torn up. So many people hurt, so many plans and futures ruined, and hearts broken. I don't think I could fully know what such a tragedy could do to someone so close to that family, but that doesn't stop me from doing my best trying to imagine what it must be like. It doesn't keep me from spending all day at work thinking about it, or running thoughts through my head about how I should be the one to suffer, and not them, nor the people they lost.

Still, I try to remind myself that it's not about me. It's not about what I want to feel. As much as I hate it, I feel this way because I care about people, and I don't like to see them suffering. It might just be that I've been misinterpreting my own feelings. I don't know, though.

I just want to tell you that maybe it's not normal to feel the way you do about empathy, but maybe it's not a bad thing either. And, maybe withdrawing, ultimately, will not be the best way to go. Maybe others need people like you to get so emotional about their problems so that they know they can rely on you for support. Because, others will say, "Sorry for your pain and/or loss," give a pat on the back or say some shit about how everything will be okay someday, and then go back to their comfortable lives where the only time they have to give a shit is when they are the ones suffering.

One thing is sure though. If you withdraw, it doesn't mean you'll never have to deal with it. Empathy has ways of finding you, whether it be rumors or the news (seriously, **** the news for this). You will hear about someone's suffering, and whether you want to or not, you will care.

Now this is exactly what I was eluding to! I find most people are the angry guy shaming those who are trying to share their pain.
Great post

[Dresta]

Everyone has their own pain, and the truth is, that there's nothing easier to endure than the pain of others, and nothing easier to exaggerate than our own pain and discomfort - this has been true of human beings since like forever.

I'm reminded of this fable:

Our discussions here have brought to my recollection that beautiful apologue, or fable, of Addison's, where he represents the whole human race as summoned by Jupiter into one assembly. The God listens to their various complaints, and then gives permission to each to lay down his own grievance, and take up any that he chose to select among those deposited by his neighbours. A very handsome, well-made man lays down a disease under which he labours, and takes up the deformity which a hump-backed man had thrown off; a mother brings her undutiful son; a wife her bad husband. A husband comes with his shrew of a wife, and selects another partner, who, as he believes, will suit him better. All were anxious to make the change; for it is human nature, Sir, to view all the miseries of others as very easy to be endured; yes, Sir, nothing is so easy as to endure other people's evils unless it be to spend other people's money. The assembly broke up well-pleased, and each returned to his home to try his altered situation. But, Sir, what was the issue? In a little time, they all came back again. The once handsome man came to be set free from his hump; the diseased man to take it back again. The lady brought her new husband, and the man, who had before brought his shrew of a wife, came back to seek her again: declaring that long habit and intimacy had so cemented their union that the old woman was the best companion after all.’

I mean look at the guy quoted above: "arrggh my empathy makes me feel so bad, why don't people feel empathic like me, argghh" (a reductionism, i know) - the truth is that most do, they simply express it in a different way, some hide it with aggression, and so on; it is rare to find a person that isn't something of a fragile child on the inside, no matter how base their exterior. In a way, the guy is being self-indulgent regarding his own feelings, which is often counterproductive and unhelpful, and actually creates more needless suffering--sometimes you just need to develop a shell and hold it up high, sometimes it is about not appearing shaken for the sake of other people, to give them something more solid to lean on and draw strength from.

This is why i have a problem with many liberals: I personally, rarely doubt the sincerity of their arguments, I just think them mistaken; but with myself, and most others, in the eyes of these people, it is our motives that are black, and the only humane opinion to hold is one that coincides with their own. From whence comes the overweening arrogance of these fanatics who would sit in judgment of the human heart? - who made these people the searchers of hearts, and who gave them the right to blacken the motives of all who dare to disagree with them? Some are so busy being the censor morum for the rest of the world that they forget about the rightness and wrongness of their own conduct, and who they hurt or help in their own lives. I quite often find that an abstracted worship of justice coincides with a loss of just behaviour in personal lives; i'm sure everyone knows a left-winger, who despite his political pretences, is a complete arse in their actual lives; as have I met people who would be classified on here as 'right-wing nut' and found them to be both generous and to put the safety of others ahead of their own (dangerous situations tend to bring the true character out of people).

This idea that political opinion defines characters is completely depraved, and is part of why the country is so polarized - it is also a poisonous Marxist offshoot that ought to be stamped on before it's too late, and the American cultural divide becomes irreparable.

[masonanddixon]

Technology and liberalism have profoundly disrupted our ability to be humane.

[TommyGriffin]

Cuckolds keep it alive and well.

[9erempiree]

Technology and liberalism have profoundly disrupted our ability to be humane.

This is very true.

In today's liberal society, it is all about 'identity' politics. People are forced to pick and choose to identify themselves to a certain group. You are either LGBT, Minority, Feminist or White...etc...etc.

Rather than focusing on 'EQUALITY' today's society love to identify themselves as a group. By identifying yourself to a group, it means you are throwing 'equality' out the window. Identity is distinguishing and separating yourself from others.

Without digressing here....yes it is a lost art.

[Bosnian Sajo]

Hateraid, share your personal experience bro. Sure, deuce might not like it, but I find your stories/threads a good read.

[Bosnian Sajo]

that would be great!

that way you wouldn't have to report posts and cry to Jeff all the time

I mean I understand why he does, just the other day someone reported me and nick to Jeff for posting those truck pics in a Kobe bashing thread, and got banned for 3 days

[UK2K]

I was going to share a personal experience, but I think I'll refrain from doing so as to not derail the thread. Apparently my personal experiences causes a rise out of certain posters

Have we as humans lost the ability to empathize? I find through traits like self preservation, lack of accountability, and acts of trolling (to act in a manner to get a rise out of an individuals for ones self entertainment) we fail to recognize what it's like to be in another man's shoes. When was the last time you've passed judgements on others but empathized once you've attemted to feel that person's hurts or pains. I know I'm guilty of doing this. As a species as a whole is this a lost art? Are we going to become more selfish as the generations pass?

I am empathetic to everyone that has something to be empathetic about.

For everyone who doesn't give a shit about their lives, I don't care about them.

I've said before on here, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who gives as much time and money (proportionally, because I don't make shit) as I do for the less fortunate. I spent more money on Christmas presents for people I don't personally know (cleaning ladies in our office, the drive-thru guy at Wendy's, veterans programs, toys for tots, etc.) then I spent for my own family.

But those people are people I respect and think they need to be recognized for their dedication to a better life. So, I help them out with whatever I can.

Everyone else..... well, whatever.

[knickballer]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCZ1YteCv5M